GoldStarBrother

Today I was pretty productive. Went to a meeting and made a draft of an app for a client. Forgot to do this until really late so I'm not going to write much. Grateful for - My network, I can get jobs to support myself - Beer brats - Popcorn - My old company giving me my work computer when I left

I've actually been keeping a paper journal for a while but that's pretty personal and I like the idea of doing another public one as well. Today I pretty much goofed off and procrastinated on things I have to do. After that I got fed up with myself and bought this book (been meaning to do so for a while), and started reading it. When I got to the first "Action Step" I mentally filled it out and kept going because I'm reading it digitally and I couldn't write on the PDF (maybe make it a fillable form, that'd be cool). I kept reading for a bit, but skipping past that section kept bothering me. It was the type of thing that I'd do all the time with self-help or learning resources - skip an interactive/writing section because there was friction involved in doing it. I tell myself just want the information and it's the same if I just think about what the answer would be. Deep down I know it's not going to work as well if I do it this way, and I know I need to start doing things differently. So I go get my notebook and do the Action Steps. It feels good. Then I read the next chapter, and get to a Action Step about joining this forum and starting a journal. I skip it, thinking "oh I'll do it later", but I don't get very far. I go to this forum, write an intro post and now I'm writing this. Next I'm going to try to delete games off my computers. I don't know if I'm ready to go full nuclear and delete all of the progress I've made on those games. I don't think I will, but I'm sure this is a mistake. I'm writing this paragraph so that if/when I eventually relapse and go back I might find the will to do what needs to be done. Hopefully I'll be strong enough to leave that progress as a monument to all the time I spent, never to be touched again. I like the idea of writing things you're grateful for every day, so here goes. I'm grateful for/that: - I've taught myself skills to get a job doing what I love (even though the will is lacking) - I have a loving family with a roof over my head and ready access to food - I live where I live; I truly love my state and the area where I live. I want to live here for the rest of my life. - I've found enough will to buy this book and join this forum. Doing this kind of thing is uncharacteristic for me - I'm still pretty young, hopefully I have lots of life left to make up for my youthful blunders

I don't really know what to say here other than I want to stop gaming - it's eaten my life. I'm a software dev trying to go freelance, but I need to get rid of this time sink to be successful. I like to think I'm pretty intelligent - I (mostly) self-taught the skills I needed to get hired for a full time entry level software dev job, but then I ruined it because of my lack of discipline. Gaming was an easy out when things got hard, and I used it too much. I left my job on amicable terms to start freelancing, but my productivity was sliding and I wouldn't have lasted much longer. All my life I've succeeded by helping myself, but as I grow older I've realized that I'm not strong enough to do everything on my own and I need to be willing to embrace social experiences and ask others for help. This is pretty new to me (this post is probably the most I've ever shared about myself on a persona/emotional level), and it's scary, but I can't keep doing things the way I'm doing them.