FireRanger

Day 5 and 6 Not a whole lot to mention, i didn’t bring my xbox with me on my business trip but it was tempting. What was great though was last night an old acquaintance with work was staying at the same hotel and he mentioned we should hit the lounge for a couple of beers. So I did and it was a great interaction. The funny part was when I first got the text to see if I wanted to hit the lounge was that if I had my xbox in the hotel room I would have 1. Probably ignore the text and invite or 2. Just tell him I was busy or not feeling well...just so I could play games longer. I did that so many times in the past. It’s almost pathetic...I’m back home now and looking forward to seeing my family. Ty

I really wanted to reflect on my relationship with gaming through out my life. Like many here it starts out so innocently. I remember my first console...I was 6 and had asked santa for a TNMT Pizza Thrower...my parents didn’t get me that because they seen a news story on kids getting eye injuries from the thrown pizzas lol...so instead I got an NES. I don’t remember playing it that much but I have memories of mario and duck hunt. When I was 12 I got a PS1, that’s when I have a lot of fond memories playing Resident evil 1/2, NHL, medal of honor the years I had that console. But again I was never glued to it. I grew up on a farm, played competitive hockey. That never changed much through my adolescence. I started my career when I was 20 and even though I would get every new console it was never the thing I would focus on a lot. I travelled the world, very active social life, played hockey constantly, boxing, weights, healthy social life, met my wife and got married. Even though I still gamed during that period of my life it was just for fun and could care less if didn’t game for days or weeks, I never craved it. The downward spiral started when I was about 28, my relationship was going through some stresses and I started to escape those stresses through video games. Fast forward and my wife and I are expecting our daughter while at the same time I took a transfer with work that my wife was not too thrilled about. Our daughter was born and it was total bliss, things were feeling good again and I wasn’t thinking of gaming that much. When my daughter was 2 months and she wasn’t thriving so we started to investigate why, soon after she came down with RSV went into respritory distress, air ambulanced to the children’s hospital where we stayed for 10 weeks and where she was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type 1 and given 1 year to live. It was very stressful to say the least. When we were finally discharged we went to live with my parents so that I could take the time off to be with her. For the first 2 years I couldn’t sleep as I kept thinking about my daughter dying and everything related to death. I started gaming when I couldn’t sleep to get my mind off of it. I ran on 3-5 hours sleep a day for almost 2 years. That is when my gaming was at its worse because I was self medicating with its use. Huge impacts on my health too, I gained 40lbs, mental fatigue, totally unhealthy. I was able to start to sleep again just before I as to go back to work thankfully. Even though I never had a lot of time to game after going back to work I as always craving it any free time I had which is taking away previous time in life. I have been in s pretty bad low for the last 6 months, all of my relationships are strained and i know it’s because I use my free time to escape instead of live and me here hoping I can find positive influence and support. It feels good to share this and the few days I have been on the forum I can tell it’s a great community and outlet. Thanks everyone.

Day 4, Today I woke up with energy I haven’t felt in a while. Gaming and thinking about gaming is so tiring in the mind. I really realized that today. I had one of the more productive days at work today that I haven’t had in months and pretty much because I was too consumed in gaming to really focus productively. Even my wife and I are communicating more and postively. Before this I would probably be thinking “okay let’s wrap this up so I can go slay on the xbox”

Day 3...late post So not much to post for day 3. I have been thinking oh my xbox though especially as I have to head out of town on tuesday morning for a couple of days and of course I would always take my xbox because I would have free evenings to game my heart out for hours on end at the hotel. it’s such a temptation but I keep telling myself I don’t need it. Sunday was pretty low key at the house. My wife really enjoys puzzles so I helped her finish one in the afternoon. We had another good talk about why I’m starting this process and all she could say was “Well it’s about time”. I guess it truly is.

I actually would never talk to my friends and coworkers about gaming or the extent of my gaming much as I was ashamed/embarrassed. I have one buddy from back in my hometown that I would play online with and it was great to talk to him about games as know one else really cared lol. But thanks i’m glad i’m here too.

Day 2, Things are going pretty good, i have for sure craved some gaming this weekend but was able to curb those thoughts with keeping myself busy. I think some of the fog is lifting. It’s crazy how much you think about gaming especially when you aren’t gaming. I remember some nights of after a heavy PUBG session just replaying different moments in my head and thinking about the next round i’m going to play...probably as soon as I was going to wake up in the morning before I went to work. Today I dug out a book I have been reading for over 2 years and plan on trying to finish it in the next 2 weeks. I also deleted a couple of mobile games I had on my iphone, which to be honest I hardly ever played anyways but I don’t want temptations to be handy. I’m sure my withdrawals are going to be more intense as time passes. Bonus is my wife thinks it’s a great excercise that i’m going through, she was surprised I actually packed up the xbox and put it in our basement storage. My next step is going to be getting back into a gym routine especially since I have a sweet set up that has been collecting dust in the basement for too long, i’m planning on starting to go play hockey again once a week too. Here is to hoping anyways! Ty

Day 1 Gathered up the courage to delete content on my xbox and pack it up for 90 days today. At this point i’m not sure if I will unpack when the 90 days is up, too early to tell...I want to think I have the will power to stay off it the whole 90 days...time will tell. It’s a hard cycle to break because my brain is so tuned to think of gaming to fill up my free time. My day is pretty much planned and filled for today the challenge will be this evening when I typically game for an hour, I will try to find something else to do. Ty

Thanks everyone, spent yesterday reading other posts on the forum, read the first few chapters of Respawn. Haven’t built up the strength to officially “power off” yet but i’m working towards it and just posting on here yesterday felt like a huge relief. Yesterday when I was with my daughter in the evening as my wife was. out I focused on trying to do other things, watched a show with her and later I started a movie I had kept putting off to watch as I cuddled with her. Felt more in the moment for sure and thanks for all the responses to my post.

Hey Everyone, So I heard Cam talking about game addiction on "Alberta at Noon" over a year ago. At the time I was interested in the conversation but didn't think I had a problem. Since that broadcast I have been slowly warming up to the idea that I do have a problem...and today was the first time that I told myself that I do. I really dont have a lot of time to game but when I do have any free time I'm always reaching for the controller, when I go away for work I always make sure I pack my xbox or PS so I can game my free time away...take a dent out of my massive library of accumulated games. I really realized that I use gaming to help me deal with the problems in my life...and I have lots. I have a daughter who was born with a physical disability and was only given 1 year to live and now I look back at all the time I cuddled up with her while she watched disney and I gamed out...I feel pretty guilty. There is strain in my relationship with my wife and family, a lot to do with the mental/emotional difficulty of having a child that is dying and I use gaming as a way to escape from those hardships instead of dealing with them head on. Its not that im not dealing with them i feel like maybe i'm only hitting the "flanks" instead of the front...which leads to things never really getting sorted out properly in my mind. Then there is the professional impact, I work in emergency management and before my daughter was born I would go all across Canada to help on incidents, but after she was born I was fortunate enough to get 18 months off work to have time with her. I have been back at work since late 2015 but my ability to go out and do what I love most at work is limited as I tend to stay close to home in case something were to happen to my daughter. I feel that is another thing that I use gaming to numb or soothe. This is the first time I have really broadcasted something like this for others to read...i had too much of a tough guy attitude before but i'm really looking for change and thought this to be a good first step. I dont want to use gaming as a comfort blanket anymore. For so long its been easy to escape and be the pro hockey player, commando, adventurer, pro driver, post apocalyptic renegade... I want to live in the moment, be happy and fulfilled in all aspects of my life that I feel gaming has distracted me from...so here it goes....thanks.