Newbie17

You seem to be doing well with your detox man, good work. With regards to your words above I’d be majorly careful trying to play WoW in ANY shape or form. You nailed it already when you said WoW isn’t exactly a game that gets along with moderation. In fact, I’d be happy to put you up for the understatement of the year award for that one ?. WoW has two key elements of gaming addiction - progress & socialising. Those two elements alone will suck you back into the game before you even realise it.

Yes, I practice both kinds. When I do breathing meditation I often do it not so much to empty the mind as to allow whatever thoughts want to come up to do so. One of my markers that I’m starting to get into the zone are thoughts coming up that just don’t make sense lol. If that happens with you you’ll know what I mean. Alternatively thoughts can also arise that provide revealing insights into yourself and life. Other times I meditate exactly as you described, on a particular topic or a particular thought. Sometimes this can be thoughts that arose during breathing meditation. And yet again I’ll also practice breathing meditation to just stop thinking and give my mind a rest (I find this really good if you’re stressed at work and can find a quiet place for 5 minutes of this - I like to think of this as a “minitate” ?). It’s interesting how meditation means different things to different people, religions, etc. For example, my understanding is that in Hinduism meditation is used as a tool by the practitioner to get closer to Brahmin, whereas in Buddhism meditation is used as a tool to train the mind to overcome craving and thereby break the circle of rebirth and achieve Nibbana (at least in Theravada Buddhism). All this also shows the problem with even defining meditation - with so many different forms and objectives, it doesn’t seem to define one set practice, but rather encompasses a whole range of different approaches and methodologies.

Good point about the dishes and the laundry. Nope, I doubt procrastinating on those is due to fear of failure lol. I’d say there’s normally a cause for our behaviours. I couldn’t think of an example where there’s not. The challenge is that science is revealing more and more how much our subconscious mind drives our behaviours, and that can make it difficult to understand why we do things. I’d say yes, laziness does have to have a root cause. Even if it’s as simple as the body wanting to conserve energy, or you see chores as unrewarding, it’s still a reason. Heck, I don’t want to do the dishes, but if I was told I’d get a million dollars if I did them for a year straight, I’d be pretty motivated to do it! Point is, your reasons are your reasons. Others can only point out possibilities for your behaviours. Ultimately, you’re the best placed person to understand yourself. I think posting on these forums is a way to think things over, explore possibilities and consider new ideas, but in the end you need to make the decisions.

Two thoughts: - You seem to think people only respect those who know it all. Not true. Many times people love to show off their knowledge and help out the new guy who needs help with stuff that they’re experienced in. Maybe you need to see that this idea you have is just that, an idea, not real. Not saying that there aren’t some people like that, but are you going to doom yourself to a lifetime living in a basement because 1/100 people in the world is an arrogant know-it-all? Here’s an extreme example for you (this doesn’t reflect my political leanings either, so don’t take it this way) - how many people said Donald Trump didn’t have the experience to be President? Some VERY vocal people (no doubt many of who wanted someone else to win) but they clearly weren’t the majority, otherwise he wouldn’t be president. As a matter of fact, a lot of people appear to have voted for Trump to stick it to the “experts”. - Your posts PROVE you do things you’re not expert in. You’re not the head of the UN, but you travelled to America to learn more about how the UN works. So did others. Did others there look down on you because you’re not the expert? Did you look down on them? You know the answer. - Your posts seem to indicate that you have a fear of failure. You say you’re scared that new people will reject you. You say you procrastinate rather than do the things you need to do. It seems you’re avoiding things/not preparing fully because that way if you fail, you can say, it wasn’t the real you that failed or was rejected, it was the unprepared version. If I had’ve tried harder or been more prepared they would’ve accepted me. So if you don’t try, you can never really fail, it’s only the unprepared version of me that failed. So by not trying/procrastinating you have an inbuilt psychological protection mechanism if things go wrong. Yes, you’ll still feel bad because you failed/got rejected, but you’ll save yourself from worse emotional pain by consoling youself (probably subconsciously) that it was the lesser version of yourself that failed, not the real you. The problem here is your protection mechanism will stop you from giving things your best effort. I may or may not be on the mark here, but I suggest you do some reading on the subconscious mind. It’s amazing how it operates and also seeks to protect us and how those mechanisms can impact on the things we want to consciously be/achieve.

Thanks Giblets and Marco. I appreciate the support.

Yeah Giblet, I agree, intent is key. I guess that’s what a lot of this is about, figuring out my intentions re gaming and addressing the deeper problems. I do listen to a lot of podcasts so I’ll check the Minimalists out. That’s an interesting viewpoint Marco. I don’t feel like meditating is avoiding issues - I think it is sitting with them and looking to better understand and accept your emotions. This is the opposite of why I often game, which is to take my mind off things and not think about them (as per the threads above about intent). We’re getting into some interesting topics here. What I feel like I’m seeing is that gaming addiction is more a symptom of deeper problems, and not the root cause itself. This certainly wouldn’t hold true for everyone, as there are definitely people who can play for half a hour, get bored and turn off. Then again, I can put a couple of small bets on the races and be done, whereas a problem gambler would keep going and going. This is all about understanding my personal reasons for gaming addiction, taking actions to address those reasons and bettering my life.

Thanks Info and Marco for the suggestions. It helps to know others are working through the same challenges and have found activities that work for them. So I had a very challenging weekend and didn’t meet my goal. I was doing well until Friday, when I was admitted into hospital for a planned procedure. Thursday was a real challenge as I had to take medication for the next day and could do nothing but sit around. I did manage to get through it. After the procedure the following day I couldn’t do much again so when the urge to game hit me I justified playing by telling myself it was just for that day and I’d be back into my detox the following day. As you can imagine, it didnt work out, and while I reduced my gaming on the weekend through walking and reading (including going to our new local library) I did still game. So now the work week has started and I’m back onto the detox. While I didn’t succeed I’m consoling myself with the knowledge that there were unusual challenges that made this extra hard. Having said that, I have learned a couple of key points: 1. There will always be a challenge. I think you can fool yourself into using those challenges to justify gaming. I imagine this is the case for addicts of many different kinds. 2. My challenge at the moment is having alternative activities for gaming. This includes things to do if you can’t get out and about. I certainly got caught out on this front. 3. Gaming covers up uncomfortable feelings, and that is definitely one reason I do it. While lying on the operating trolley outside the theatre I felt my anxiety and thought if I had my phone and games I wouldn’t have to worry about the anxiety. Instead what I did was meditate and realised that anxiety was part of the experience, and that gaming was just avoiding that experience, and therefore, really, life itself. This is a reason why gaming is so addictive for me, it takes the mind away from those challenging thoughts. So now I’m rebooting knowing that while this weekend wasn’t successful, I can get through (I did the 4 full days beforehand) but I need to identify my go-to activities and know that the subconscious mind will attempt to justify any reason for me to game. I guess that is the power of addiction and habit. Overcoming that will be a challenge but more of an achievement than anything earned in game.

Working through modules 4 & 5 of respawn. It’s proving challenging to find alternative activities. The thing with games is you get a constant rush that’s hard to replicate - they’re also free and you can play anywhere, anytime. At this stage I don’t know what activities can make up for this. I think this might be a key challenge for me.

Thanks Rob and Cam, appreciate the support. My exercise regime is weights 3 times a week and walking nearly every other day, all done at 5am before going to work. Cam, I’m thinking I’ll throw in another 15-30min walk at nights. It’s not the most exciting activity, but it can be pretty relaxing after a day of madness (or tedium!) at the workplace. Should also provide some time to chill and just surf the urge to game, as I referenced above. I started tonight (got back an hour ago) so I’ll see the impact it has this week.

Thanks for the feedback and the encouraging words guys. I started up a journal on the forums, which is something very new for me. Hopefully it’ll help with the whole process. Let’s see how it goes!

Ok, so, starting off this journal thing. Something different for me, that’s for sure. Hoping it’ll help me self-motivate and keep a clear mind while working through the respawn guide. First day after a weekend inviolvong gaming - biggest urge to game is certainly just after getting home from work. My focus is “surfing the urge”, a mindfulness based technique from Alan Marlatt. Just accepting that an urge is there and watching it until it passes. First goal is a full week with no gaming, then the weekend. Let’s see how this goes.

Hi I’m Brian. i just purchased respawn and have started working my way through the modules. I’m not normally one for posting about myself but I’m following the guide and having faith it will help me successfully address my gaming addiction, so here I am. My first challenge is a full week without gaming. The past fortnight I’ve gotten through every weekday but have been less successful with the weekends. My gaming issues are largely around stress relief and a sense of accomplishment. I’m looking to get over my gaming addiction in order to make better use of my time, focus on real life accomplishments and generally be a better person. Wish me luck, I’ll let you know how I go this week and following respawn. Thanks!