bbt27

Hi Cam, thanks for the lengthy and informative post. I will be certain to read the book. As for the mindset shift you suggested, I feel like that may work to a certain extent, but I tried doing it with my activities and it doesn't really sustain very long. For example if I try to do ghosting exercises for drawing for 2 hrs I don't really want to do it, and trying to feel like I will enjoy it doesn't make me want to sustain that activity like it's natural. I feel good overall that I am actually doing the things that I need to be doing in order to better my life, but the process is really straining and that makes it less enjoyable. Today I had two mental breakdowns. I had tunnel vision, I saw things out of the corners of my eyes, I started getting pain all over my body, I couldn't think straight and I felt like I was in a fugue. They were so bad that I ended up trying the whole day to ease the anxiety. It feels like I'm doing the right thing at the expense of my energy. Maybe it's because I'm trying for too much in a short period of time? The small decisions I have to make to 'correct' my behavior actually are more than 30-40 -- that number probably covers only 2-3 hrs. Plus, it feels like when I set a goal for myself I try to pass that goal and push myself even further than I'm supposed to -- right now I'm trying to abstain from anything that may give me some sort of dopamine high, or at least limit the enjoyment of that activity. This includes music, food, hot showers, etc. etc.

Hello! Thanks for the warm welcomes. I hope we will all get through this.

Hi Primmulla, Now that you mention it, I had perfectionism issues from a very young age. I think now that because I have cut out gaming and fapping -- 'drugs', if you will, that distracted me from my perfectionism, now my perfectionism is back with a vengeance. You are right, I may be too hard on myself. But I don't know how to be any less demanding -- I feel like if I am I will end up failing to do what I set out to do. I cut out music because I read it triggers a dopamine response in the same way that games and masturbation does (but to a lesser extent, i think). It was one of my main activities for the last 4 years -- finding new music, listening to new music, etc. I realized that, in fact, my primary, most consistent sources of relaxation and entertainment for the past year have been gaming, music, and fapping (once or twice a day, 20 min). I just wanted to maximize my recovery by cutting it out.

Hi, i'm Bryan. I'm a college student on medical leave. Ever since high school i suffered from video game addiction without even knowing it. Even when multiple psychiatrists suggested that I had a behavioral addiction I did not want to believe it -- or if I did, I simply didn't care. I thought I had a passion for games without even realizing that it was destroying the reward center in my brain and causing all other aspects of life to feel lackluster. I don't know if gaming contributed to the further mental illness(es) that I developed but it may have well done so, due to lack of healthy social interaction and a semi-abusive relationship with my parents while I was still at home. Currently I have Depression, Anxiety, and (possibly) ADHD (diagnosed once, but without formal testing). I was also misdiagnosed with a bunch of things, including Schizoaffective Disorder and Somatoform Disorder. I have had an 'all-or-none' attitude towards things for a good portion of my life. I've put all my effort into activities for a short period of time, then dropped them subsequently after getting frustrated with a roadblock (sometimes even minor). I believe this can be attributed to lower frustration tolerance and the need for instant gratification (hence my possible ADHD diagnosis). Recently after discovering Game Quitters and NoFap I have come across the possibility that these tendencies may have been due to addiction. So after quitting both and getting through the initial cravings, I set up activities for me to do on a daily basis. And, as you may expect, I actually have the energy levels to do them now (sort-of, we'll get to that in a bit). I'm on Day 7. Overall I know that my quality of life is improving more and more, day by day. My issue lies here. The attached file is a calendar/schedule of activities that I must complete each day. I have been forcing myself to complete the scheduled time blocks to the T, with maximum efficiency and minimal breaks. I avoid excuses/reasons to NOT stick to the schedule, as much as possible, even when they are legitimate. When I accidentally ingested soy (which I'm allergic/insensitive to), my gut burned and I felt like I was going to pass out. Yet I still tried to do Differential Equations study for 30 minutes. When I do force myself I feel like I have done something good and productive. In the past, I made many excuses not to do things and so I'm trying to do the opposite. I also have some level of enjoyment from these activities. It doesn't stop there though -- I also force myself to adjust my habits and urges to do other things - like check my phone while I'm in the middle of a scheduled task, or interrupt my scheduled task for ANYTHING that is not more of a priority, or checking the mirror. I force myself to do the thing that needs to be done in that moment, every single time, even when I want to do something else. I also try to do everything in a way that would delay gratification (or not include instant-gratification) -- I don't eat until I have fully cleaned my cooking materials and dishes, even when I haven't eaten for 14 hrs! I don't check my email until a scheduled time, I don't watch TV, I don't listen to music, etc. etc. Whenever I make these little micro-resistances I get a sharp bout of anxiety. I do these little adjustments probably 30-40 times a day. And I feel like a better, more productive person - consciously at least. However my body says otherwise - over the last three or four days I've seen things out of the corner of my eye, I've gotten tunnel vision, weird hot sensations in my body, and mental confusion. All symptoms of stress and anxiety. My question is, what should I do? These manifestations of anxiety are out of control. When I micromanage everything I feel like I am consciously adjusting my behavior, which is good. But why is it too much for me? Is there any other problem I might have? Even now, I don't even know how to relax. All I feel like I must do is my scheduled tasks, and anything else is contributing to my prior unproductive behavior. On another note - Cam your guide is really really helpful and your site is amazing. Thanks!!! Sorry if this is in the wrong section -- it was kind of meant as both an introduction and a discussion