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Frigga Stiglitz

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  1. ūdecember.31.2017 last day of the year. i'm going to be with my friends. my brother wants to be at home, playing online games. i did not insist. last year was a mess. he drank too much, got into a fight at a party and didn't wanted to take a cab to go back home. obviously he was assaulted on the streets. i had to calm him down through bad phone call and drunk audios he sent me. he talked about revenge, about how angry he was. everything against him. what got me surprised was that he talked about the same thing the same way even after he was sober. until today he thinks taking a cab for safety is unnecesary. that's how i started my 2017. it's sad to imagine him at home when it comes the midnight, but with the circumstances it's the less of an evil. online friends are also friends. i feel terrible to advise him to stop playing videogames, when i know it's the only social circle he has at the moment. him + social meetings are not a good match, even if he doesnt drink. he is paranoid. someone is trying to catch him. the memories of the past blind him to enjoy life (but everyone is a little guilty of doing that). he feels weak to embrace the world. but he is strong to embrace a fictional universe. he can be a leader. other players obey him. it's hard to compete with that. that's it for now. wish the best for everyone in this forum. thanks a ton, if you are reading this. i will be offline for a while. but i will be back soon in january. keep sharing, detoxing and hopeful.
  2. ūohh what happened? ok, first i don't mind the gender confusion, we are all behind avatars and nicknames here, it happens (actually i'm triggered *screecheeess*) the "kid" thing was a bit off, honestly. it's not clear you've said with light intentions. it's not my type to be hurt by words on the internet or anything, personally. however they can make the dialogue difficult, even more when you mix some stuff in between with sarcasm. and well, it's a first time experience for me sharing so much deep and personal things on the internet. so it can be touchy to risk saying some things. but hey, i defend the idea we have to challenge ourselves and maybe stare at the dark a little bit to reinforce the good ideas we might already hold. a premise i try to have and apply is: people don't care about what they talk as much as you wished they cared. and that's ok, move on, filter it, loot the good gems and end of story. with that said i don't have to convince any one that i am a mature adult. and i dont need to have things ease out for me either. i'm taking all the slaps of life with steroids. i understand the anecdotes from both sides. they represent archetypes of experience. for instance i've had a friend who was the nice-guy-listener of a same-mistakes-different-douche girl. it's a cliche, but helps to demonstrate some instable relationships between people. about the relationship of destroyah with blood bonds, well, i disagree, and it's hard to do so. blood bonds can be something beautiful but sometimes it's enslavement to biology and in group preferences. i've felt physical pain from daring to have critical thinking about my family structure. i think what people mean about respect, generally speaking, is just courtesy from day to day life. i'm trying to have a more jb peterson approach when it comes to respect (but the opposite of that is not necessarily disrespecting or looking down on someone). i hope i covered all the points. i really appreciate this conversation and really miss a bit of this in my daily life. thanks for sharing your thoughts. i'm not bothered by what this topic has become but, if you insist, i delete the posts even though i like them registered.
  3. i will be in touch with your recomendations, but paulo coelho is a joke here in my country. he's known to be tacky. don't judge a book by its author? i thought you were sugesting that. to try to take his word with value, even if it's a low value, even if i disagree strongly. if you realy want to discuss, i would first have to understard your definition of nourishing. personally i think things would be different if i was an actual parent. but i'm "just" a younger sibling who happens to do more things than the parents themselves. don't see anything infantile about that, since you're calling me a kid frequently. you seem to be someone who measures the price and benefit of things, and do analyze your amounted riches/vices.
  4. it's curious how nothing matters, the earth just rotates, everyone is going to die anyway, so what's the point? but i am the one who has to take something seriously and care. the "something matter" action has to go both ways. life was hell for me because i cared without receiving anything in return. i apreciate your point anyways, it chalenges what i've been thinking somehow. to love someone way more than they love them is to fill a gap you are not even allowed to fill in the first place. it makes a difference if i say i learned how to quote someones previous post because you did that to mine first? i thought i was playing by the rules and not being rude and stuff. and i didn't asked for you to change. just pointed out what is helpful (not really, it was a joke hahahaha lmao). love & peace
  5. hi, nice to see responses here yet. i've started a new thread with journaling you can read here https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/5708-the-days-of-a-viewer/ . But it's nice to have this space for more general conversation. i see he has a similar view than you. "its just another day whatever". but i don't really buy it. i don't think birthdays have to be about joy and generalized happines, but i do think it can be a stop-and-reflect about what you have done. even though you don't have to wait for 365 days to do so. the same goes for new years eve or similar, but the pretext is still there. not everyday is your birthday, make something nice of it, remember, share. it doesn't have to be self-worship and shallow pampering. but i don't see the point of try-hard-edgyness. then it becomes the day of proving to everyone how much you don't care about the day and promoting this self-pity and shallow whining. don't take it personal, it's the vision i have of his actions. i think it's a mix of the two. depends of what we're talking about. i know there are some writings about this on E.J Goldy works (didn't read but-). you can make a possible case for each one of them. so you are playing sarcastic mind games with a stranger on the internet? this is hard. i can't see your facial expressions or your tone. maybe it would be helpful to understand your point if you used some emojis.
  6. december.30.2017 i'm not sleeping well. it's holydays and i'm sleeping 5h per night. when my semester comes back i will regret that i didn't worked harder on my project, or i will regret that i didn't rest as much as i should. i'm always analyzing the potential of situations and judging how i'm not giving my full dedication. things were better when i had classes. i was being really compromised with my routine and boosting productivity. i think junk food helps this boredom + lazyness. i eat well generally, but this last couple of weeks were a buffet of sugar, fat and carbs. i've come to know a new term: FoMo (Fear of Missing out). Basically is the anxiety driven actions, as the name says, with the fear of missing out something greatest that you just are not seeing the big picture yet. at least it's my interpretation. The term refers to social media addiction, that i don't see i have really. I'm not jealous when i see people having fun on instagram or facebook. i have the notion that this is just what they let us see, but no one really is having so much fun all the time. it's an illusion. however i do identify i have this strong anxiety when i'm shopping something simple. should i search more the price? is the seller tricking on me? is there a better option and i will regret this later? will i have time to think about it? maybe if i think too much there won't be any products left. there was this great talker that went to my university. i was so anxious with experiencing that to the fullest, that i was divided in two: the listener and the judger of me listening. i asked too many questions for him. it was embarassing. i was like "fuck it, i won't regret this, i'm taking advantage of one time only experience". but now and then i'm terrified with the thought i just made a fool of my self in front of the other students. or i was too "fangirling" the guy. i don't like pushy people but maybe i was one in that situation. it's good that i put myself in the vulnerable position and don't stop to act with the fear of judgement. i'm proud that i don't comply to my personal shame to do what i want. however i still am stalked by the mental demons repercussions of it. "i should have done this or that. how silly i am. whyyyy i acted x y z??". if my brain carries an addiction, it's anxiety. no talking about my brother today. however i did wake up curious if someone had responded theses posts. i checked youtube and there was a new molyneux video on video game addiction (check it out here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egYfNtx9f1g). last year/begining of this year i wrote an e-mail asking to do a call-in participation. i was strongly driven by the situation around me, sharing a home with a depressing older sibling. they responded, but after that i got no answers. they didn't add me on skype. i ask myself if i'm part of an archive of similar requests, and seeing this tendency they searched on the matter and called Cam Adair to attend this whole demand of the channel. things were shiiiiittt when i wrote for them. i still would be more than happy to appear and have their opinion.
  7. december.29.2017 yesterday we hang out. watched some movies, talked a bit. negative coments is a must. i get pretty scared when i realize that it has become so natural to see the bad side of everything all the time. heavy subjects is something romanticized. "hurr durr i'm so edgy and different, i have a rough vision about the world, and everyone else is so shallow. i'm above all that". it reminds me a narcissistic disorder. it's the pride of being miserable and not caring about things. however the person cares to show how much indifferent they are. "oh? someone is crowdfunding their cancer treatment? but everyone will die someday, so what's the point?" i have to hear this type of thing on a daily basis. i did not stand up to disagree with him, i think it would just give attention to sillyness and drama. civilized arguments is something to be earned, and my brother doesn't earn this attention. am i being cruel or wise? am i letting his crispies of negativity take form when i refuse to inhibit? you are not the wokest because of your stupid pseudo nihilistic view of the world. quite the oposite: you are blind. you just think about yourself and how your suffering should define the world around you. it wasn't 100% bad. it was cool to walk and to watch movies together, besides him pointing flaws at everything. uuuugh i feel so bad writing this. i have this side of me that just wants to defend my brother at all costs. "but he went through some shit, that's why he is miserable and frustrated". i have this side of me that sees the dominos that constitutes the vicious person he has become. i have this side of me that refuse to criticize. protect him. nurture. understand. sacrifice. talk. bend over to his needs. it's the family that i got. how can i be so mean of thinking all of this? am i really that different from him? am i not also focusing on the bad sides only? he is making some effort, i can't deny that. maybe he is trying his best to live in this chaotic world and i'm just too anxious right now to see the value of such efforts. compared to what? compared to the person he used to be (hopeful, hard working, joyful, funny, helpful), he is reaally bad. but compared to how much he was depressed some weeks/months ago, he is doing ok, maybe even great.
  8. Thanks a ton. Your message is powerful. Will read a couple of more times to respond with care. It's a dilema. When he was worst i couldn't be so assertive because it would tear him apart. But now that things are """ok"""" I think it's injust to not recognize that he is doing some things well. I put quotes on 'ok' because there are many problems acumulating from his bad habits. i will keep up this post with more relefections and updates. I believe this journal section will be promising.
  9. december.28.2017 not always i want to think about this. weeks are awful if i think about hard topics all the time. but i'm not comfortable with ~not thinking~ as much either. i have the feeling that i may be drifting with no direction or purpose. when i see my brother addicted to videogames and making poor life decisions, what i really see is the reflection of a fragile family structure. i don't see him getting married, having a social life or getting a job with his degree (if he is going to be capable of completing his degree). and if he gets married it probably will be with a toxic woman. if he gets a job he will probably be miserably every single day of it. i can't see him achieving a healthy life style. it breaks my heart to admit this. i feel stupid to share this on a forum. things should be more simple. i don't know if i'm being realistic or just as negative as he is about himself. he is going to be 33. he flunked a lot of disciplines and i will graduate before him, at the age of 20. i don't know what will happen when i graduate. it will be a bittersweet moment. he will do that thing of making the moment about him being "such a loser" and miserable. i don't know where i'm going to live. i'm so confused and i don't have much time to make a final decision. 2018 is going to be a hell of a year. yet i can still feel some proud about how i'm dealing with things. i don't gaslight the situation, i don't protect my brother from the truth (but i still keep these hard truths to myself). i think i'm better into rationalizing the situation and don't feel so responsible about his well being as before. it's a shock to see that my family is even more negative than i thought. a bunch of frustrated people. i don't wanna be part of this. i don't want to contribute to the toxic cycle. enough. it's so strange to see that an online videogame can represent such things. the addiction is much more that the addiction itself, it's part of this great big picture of tragedy and life.
  10. I have been going to therapy and it helps me a lot. Like I said our family structure is fragile and I don't have who to talk to really. Things aren't as bad as they were. Getting myself more distant was important. About the gaming and other problems he faces I'm not sure how much time I have with "not being as bad as they were." I'm conscious that this """"peace""""" will not last much longer. But I have to protect myself first when the bomb explodes. His birthday is close and he will turn 33 soon. It's always a weird and depressing day for him and myself. Time is passing by fast and besides everything he is aware about his poor decisions. I will try the journal section, be more active in this forum. Thanks a lot. I'm glad that I have internet to conect with other people. It's a privilege, really.
  11. Thanks for the answers. I had another conversation about cleaning because at least the apartment don't become a crazy mess with me inside. It's better than before, I managed to be more assertive about it. About having some distance, I kinda tried that (funny that I tried without reading this responses yet). Some days after that he had become angry with me, said we didn't seem to be brothers anymore, compared myself to some really fake assholes, implying that I wasn't being honest with him. It was ugly and an estressed day. Not pretty. But I was able to see how much being too much arround wasn't good. Fuck... This is hard. I don't have any references, I feel so much overwhelmed and alone. I try to search about different perspectives and points of view but it just makes me confused. I guess it's part of growing up and maturity. It would be a way more lighther experience if I didn't had to deal with crazy. Life goes on.
  12. Omg thank you so much for the answers. I've sit and talked about cleaning for a while and didn't seem to see much of a result. Let's see if this time I can be more patient for things to change. I easily quit because i think "meh whatever, I'm the younger one anyways, I'm not gonna bother being a maid of an adult" and just care about my room and try as much as i can to preserve mysfel as you said (podcasts help). Our family structure is really fragile so really we just have each other. What pisses me off is that I always had to mature waaay more than my age over time, always. And now again I have to set things straight when y'know, growing up by itself is not an easy task. I'm tired and feels it's not fair for me. I feel that something is taken away from me. It sucks because there is a lot involved and I just wanted that things worked so we could share the benefits as soon as we could. It's hard being patient when I'm seeing this happening for almost 7 years now. But anyway, everyone have problems, I just get overwhelmed from time to time. Your messages really helped and I apreciate that. Will keep up this post (or another one) updated with the progress.
  13. Hi, it's been a while since I enter in the forum. However my issue is not gone, in fact it may be even worse than before. I live alone with my older brother and he is really hooked to online videogames. It has come to a point of him not doing his basic chores, sleep all day and game all night. Sharing the same space with so much negativity is reaally hard, since I have my own personal demons as well. fe. I don't know what to do. The case is it seems that I care more about him than he really does. I can't ocupy this position if he is not interested. At the same time he is already 30+ years old and this habit can really wreck his perspectives for life. I'm afraid it's too late or it becomes too late day by day. I sugested journals, sports, positive contents as podcasts and movies (by the way, love the appearance of the project on stefan molyneux channel, I follow him for a long time). Anyway, nothing seems to light a fire under his ass. What should I do? I try to live my days being as much productive as I can, organize my room (shut out to jordan peterson here) , etc, be the example of life that I desire him to follow. But it comes to a time of really affecting the enviroment to a point where I'm unmotivated for life too, y'know? Video game addiction is a real issue. Sadly it doesn't have as much research about it yet, but it can destroy someones life and time. Sugestions?
  14. Thanks a lot for the directions, Hitaru! I will study which alternative is more apropriate in this forum to conect my story with as many people as possible. Thanks for the positive words.
  15. I don't know why my answer is hidden... Thanks a lot for the answer! I like the idea of focusing on my life and become my best to inspire my brother and others. However I have a hard time because I live with him. Every night I hear him playing and talking to the computer. Every time he hits hard in the keyboard is a hammer in my head telling me "he is drowning and you are not helping him". I struggle not being anxious and depressed as well. There was a time that he would talk to me about the issue. I would stop everything that I was doing to listen, to talk, to reflect. But it came to a point where I just could not stop to talk to him. I had to work, I had to deliver my product, I had to study for my finals. I was overwhelmed and asked him to stop talking to me, to endure a little bit because it was too much for me. So he closed himself. The silence is just as bad as talking about it. He doesn't talk to his terapist (he goes there for over a year and never brought up this issue). I bought a notebook for him to start a writing journal and got zero proaction. I think the best time was when both of us engaged in martial arts, but it didn't lasted much longer either. The feeling I get it's just everything is so volatile. Positive podcasts, optimistical movies or exercises aren't enough in the long term. He always come back to the gaming. And don't seem interested in english content either (even that we don't have much great content in portuguese).I understad the reasons and triggers behind the addiction. The problem is not the game itself. It's a lifestory challenge that he has to overcome to succed. I will try to interact with him more time outside of the house. Will write the updates in here when possible. It's easy to feel without options. But I don't want to quit so soon. Hope this thread help me out and others as well. Every sugetion will be highly appreciated.