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30_yrs_of_gaming

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Posts posted by 30_yrs_of_gaming

  1. Day 32 - No gaming.

    Spent some time with my children. Lots of small wins. The big negatives seem looming though. Ugh. The day is just starting and it feel I’m in such a battle. Turning up the heat on my prayer life today. Whether this divorce goes through or not, I want to be a better person in the end. I’ve also decided to wait for my wife and learn how to be patient enough to win her back even if that happens AFTER the divorce goes through. A whole month without gaming. I’ve been here before. Need to keep up the good work. 

    • Like 3
  2. Day 23 - No gaming. 

    Wife said I can sign divorce papers with her or she will file solo and send them to my parents house. 

    I don't believe there are good reasons for it. We vowed to love each other the rest of our lives. Life comes with hardships. We vowed to face it together.

    But it doesn't matter. She doesn't love me anymore. 

    That's enough for today.

    • Like 4
  3. Day 16 - Game Free.

    Listening to audio books. Working out. Reading hard copy books. Tried to mildly socialize Wed & Thurs. Still in stalemate with Mrs. Talked to a special friend from 20 years ago for 7 hours straight the other night. Holy Cow! We have a lunch outing scheduled when I travel abroad in a few weeks. Eating moderately healthy. Sleep erratic.

    • Like 2
  4. Day 13 - What's up my game quitting trench warrior soldiers against the darkness!? 

    Some days, I kill it at the gym.

    Reading like a scholar, and sometimes nibbling.

    Eating okay. Sleep is freaking trashed to hell. 

    The Mrs. is not communicating. She wants none. 

    Have a call in a bit to situate an appropriate legal posture. Not going to law against her. Wanting to put up a good defense as a man with his shit together. 

    Been watching Netflix late into the night. Cutting that out after watching one last final episode of the show tonight.

    I have so much to live for. Sure my relationship is practically dissolved, but it's a big world out there. Lots to see and do. I choose life over laying down to wallow in misery and die. 

    I sort of hate my life, but it is my job to go forward. No one will do this for me.

    Take care. Be strong. Staying on the move. Can't hang out here too long.

    • Like 6
  5. Checking in. 

    So my family situation has gotten exponentially worse unfortunately. 

    There are layers of crazy that I won't even describe.

    Threats, lies, exaggerations, etc etc

    As a leader, I take responsibility, but I can't accept accusations that are untrue or grossly disproportioned.

    Anyways, I fell off the wagon and began gaming again to cope with the isolation, depression, and lonliness. 

    It's better than being tempted with porn or alcohol or worse...

    While I'm being told I'm a total loser and a deadbeat, I'm still paying ALL the bills and talking to my children at least once a week.

    I got promoted at my job. My laptop was mailed out last week because it was shorting out and powering down for no apparent reason. 

    I've been sent to a place for work with disgustingly slow internet. 

    So, I'm back on board. Still reading lots. Working out at least 3 nights a week. 

    GAME FREE FOR 8 DAYS!

    When I get back home, I have a week before heading to the city to see my children. Then I'm off to see my parents. I will have no real temptation to game until towards the end of August which will be a real test.

    In the meantime, here I am. I feel like things got harder, but better in some ways. It may get worse before my trial is over. 

    • Like 5
  6. Day 18 - Rollercoaster relationship with the Mrs. Missed hitting the weights twice, but killing it on the treadmill. Cravings seem higher when I am happy at the end of the day. I'm NOT going to journal while out visiting my family in the city. Leaving the laptop here so there should be no temptation to do any gaming. 

    No gaming. Satisfied this evening. 

    • Like 3
  7. 1 hour ago, Person said:

    Quitting video games definitely did help me.  I remember whenever I was doing something else, my mind was always ready to get back into another gaming session.  I was always an emotional wreck when I played games.  I was angry for no reason.  Sad for reason.  A lot of emotions spurred up, and I could never contain it.  Science may refer to this as a symptom of the reduction of the hippocampus probably?  I mean I played a lot of MMORPG games, and it's possible to say that the grind caused a lot of shrinkage in the frontal cortex region of my brain.  It kind of scares me, because I feel like I lost myself in the process.  Will I improve?  Science says so.  I think so too, but I can't help feeling like a damaged product.  

    That's just wild. I had not heard this before. I knew about the dopamine addiction issues, but shrinkage of the frontal cortex? Wow. Do you have any sources for this type of thing? Thanks and keep up the great work.

  8. Commit and don't settle. Once you finish 90 days then you can evaluate and change directions. Make it a hard line goal. Force yourself to fill time with ANYTHING else as a substitute. Be strong. You CAN do this. 

    • Like 1