Brad_Hurst

I had my first accountability call last night. I definitely think this is going to be a good thing. Being in a skype call with 3 strangers certainly felt uncomfortable but I did my best to push past it and speak up and take charge when required. I was the youngest in the call by far. Two of them were 27 and the other was 30. And I'm 20! We got to know each other a little bit, the Brazilian women has a pretty deep and sad story but then also a strong drive to make this all work because of it. It's nice to know that we face some of the same struggles - One being over-researching things before starting. Infact this was huge! I shared that i'll often read an article and then open 4 tabs from just that article and then have to read all of those too, preventing me from doing the actual work. And they all deeply related aha. We all said ONE thing we'd have done by the next call and after the call I created a shared google document which has everyones ONE task. My task: Sign up to 3 freelancer sites Apply for 10 gigs on each (Yes that's two tasks... But perfectly reasonable :P) So yeah, looking forward to seeing where this leads. - Brad

Time for an update, time to stop fucking around. I'll be pretty honest - I've not been getting much done at home. I distract myself way too easily. Either through watching youtube videos, or reading articles that I 'think' are useful but really are just distracting me. Or just simply deciding I wanna jerk off lol - Put plainly. But I do have a few updates: Bar Work: I'm starting to get into my stride at the bar now, my confidence is building. I've already had quite a few women who have flirted with me. I'm getting on really well with my Co-Workers too and have already been out for drinks with them twice. The bar is massive so it's been quite difficult to get used to everything, but i'm getting there - I just keep asking questions. Despite the long hours and really late nights (Sometimes getting home at 5AM) - I'm actually really enjoying the experience so far. I already feel myself getting more confident speaking with people. I seem to have an innate ability to attract people to like me. I think it's my easy-going chill vibe along with almost always having a smile on my face. Holy moly the World Cup has been a crazy experience though! I recorded the final penalty vs Columbia and the bar went wild! It's such a great atmosphere to work in, I love it haha. - Rip didn't realise I'd get done for copyright by FiFA lol. Social Life: As I mentioned I've been out twice with my work colleagues (And enjoyed it 10x more than I ever did when going out with my Triumph Co-Workers). The first time we just went for a drink at a bar, but last night we went to a nightclub after our shift. Turns out there's a bit of Love Island going on at my work... Seems like there are a few relationships or sleeping togethers happening. And I've entered as the dark horse. I may have accidentally 'stood on someones toes' last night and was passively told to back the fuck up I'll explain. Basically, as I always do - I dance when I'm in a club without a fuck in the world. I started to dance with one of the girls from my work, just casually ya know - Busting ma moves as I do... I only physically escalated in a dancy way, not sexually because that'd get awkward real quick if things didn't go well. Especially with other Co-Workers watching. Anyways, when we leave the club one of the guy co-workers starts talking to me when we're alone and starts off the conversation by asking if I did martial arts based off of my facebook profile and then said how he's a boxer and has already won a match by knockout. I thought to myself "Cool story bro", secretly knowing i'd knock his ass out if it came to it. Anyways he then told me that him and that girl were a 'thing' and again I thought 'cool story bro'. And yeah he was basically just telling me to back off, even though all I did was dance with the girl! So... I later find out from another co-worker that they are not a thing, and he just thinks that... And in actual fact, the girl fancies me instead I have to laugh at the whole thing, it's quite humorous. I'm only there to develop my social skills, have fun and be chill - I ain't gonna be causing no drama. If I end up hooking up with her, so be it. Relationships: So after that night-out I was reflecting and realised that I do actually really like Millie (The girl who I've been seeing), and I'm just enjoying the process of getting to know her more and do different things with her. It's quite exciting for me. Before I went to work that day, I spent a few hours with her. It was a cute day - We first took her dog for a walk and then we went and grabbed lunch at a cool little restaurant. Afterwards we just walked around the town centre and went in various shops, we mainly went into gimmicky shops and I was just goofing around lol. After we just went to a small park for a bit, where she challenged me to try handstand into a bridge (She's a gymnast). I was a bit nervous thinking I might break me neck or something, but I went for it and was successful! :D The really nice thing for me though, was when we were walking she'd hold onto my arm as we were walking. And man, it's just that physical touch that makes me feel awesome! She goes on holiday this week and when she comes back she should be coming to my Sister's birthday barbecue. And alcohol will be involved, and damn I know what she's like when she's been drinking so things may get saucy for me :) It'll be the first time we'll be interacting under the influence of alcohol since I first met her in the nightclub, and we know what happened there... For me, we're still in the dating stage and there is no tag on anything. I'm still pretty open to experience with other women (I feel like I still need that). At the same time I'm happy to see where our relationship develops to, it certainly could be a girlfriend/boyfriend thing - It's just a bit difficult with her going off to uni in a few months and me with the plans to travel. Digital Nomad Journey: Okay here's where I've gotta get my shit sorted out. I woke up the other day and felt super unmotivated. Whilst I was taking a shower I had the brilliant idea that I should get myself into an accountability group! And so I wrote to the Location Rebel forum that I'm part of, looking to create a writers accountability group and to recruit some members. Here's what I wrote below: Almost immediately - I had interest! 3 to be exact I've now created a WhatsApp group for us to communicate and we've organised our first call for tonight! At 10PM. It's mid-day for them because they're American, and one is Brazilian. After I finish this post, i'm going to create a word document outlining some questions we can answer to get to know each other better. The cool thing is, they should all be seeking the digital nomad lifestyle too. I'm excited to see how it goes! I feel like I definitely need to create some notes for myself before the call else I'm probably gonna forget some things I'd like to mention, and I'm seen as the leader of the group so I wanna seem like I know somewhat what I'm doing. But at the end of the day, I've already been completely honest and said I'm new to this too and so if anyone has any suggestions or ideas, feel free to air them as all ears are open. I much prefer this leadership style - Allowing people to make suggestions and then collectively finding the best solution, with myself having the final confirmation. In terms of actually finding writing work - I've been very lazy with it. And so this is something that I need to get my ass in gear with. I'm hoping the accountability group will help with this too. To summarise how I'm currently feeling Money is the biggest issue right now (As it is for alot of people) and my ability to take action on the things that are going to really get me the results I'm after. I've covered my bills nicely this month, but next month is uncertain whether I will or not. Hence why I need to get my arse in gear and start making some money online. Relationships/Social Life is improving - I've been able to push boundaries recently and do many nerve-racking things... Like meeting Millie's parents, going for the kiss, simply just hanging out with a girl all day... Speak and attempt to joke with people at the bar. Even simply shouting out when England scored a goal felt a little nerve racking to me (even though everyone else was shouting). Basically I feel like my financial situation is a bit stagnant at the moment but my social skills are slowly developing. And I know that it's only a matter of time now until I have my first sexual encounter... Something is going to spontaneously happen, I know it will. Generally, I feel happy with my situation but frustrated with myself on how much I can procrastinate. I think it's time I start switching up my environment again and get to some coffee shops and libraries. On a side note: I finally got the exhaust fixed on my car! So it is no longer a noisy racket and is nice and peaceful. I also gave it a good old clean the other day as I hadn't cleaned it in like 5 months! Ah yeah, and i'm keeping my car now because basically - If I cancel my insurance I have to pay off the rest of my premium upfront because I crashed it this year! Bummer... But in hindsight, I think the car does give me plenty of benefits - Like being able to see Millie for example, and just the freedom to go wherever the fuck I want, when I want, on my own schedule. - Brad

I don't understand... I'm just going in big ol' fucking loops! I know where I want to go. I want to get there badly. I'm sick of my current life situation. YET... I still find it difficult to be laser focused on things I need to do to get there! What the fuck is wrong with me. I feel so fucking confused. Yet at the same time I feel like I know what I need to do. Am I scared? Or am I just being too lazy, expecting everything to happen for me. So I asked this question the other week in the location rebel forum, "What route should I be taking to get going on my location independant lifestyle?" I explained my situation and they all confirmed to me that if I want to start making money right away, I should be focusing on the writing - And the web development stuff can wait. And yeah, I agreed and actually felt like that "Yeah I should be doing that actually, you're right.". My problem is... I can't seem to bring myself to finding work! It's like... I can't be bothered. It's so fucking frustrating because I know it's what I need to do if I want to improve my life, actually start making some money and then be able to start living the digital nomad dream. It's almost like... I'm that fucking close to achieving my dream, i'm preventing myself from achieving it. It's like i'm scared of achieving my dream because i've dreamed about it for so long. What am I going to dream about anymore? Because once I'm out there, I won't need to dream about having that lifestyle anymore. I feel like my whole life purpose will have been reached and then i'll have to find a new goal to work towards. It sounds bloody ridiculous! I've always been a big dreamer, I love to dream and fantasise. I dream about being a player and being really confident with women, having amazing sex and what not. I dream about living by the beach, travelling to cool places, going for a surf when I feel like it. I dream about having an awesome group of friends, who I go on great adventures with. And I've been like that from a very young age. I used to daydream about the girls I fancied, I could imagine us having an amazing life together. I dreamed about being that action guy who does a bunch of cool shit. The sad reality through-out my life however, is none of those dreams ever come true. They just always stay as fucking dreams... Dreams that I tell people i'm going to achieve - yet I never do. And so... I feel like i'm preventing myself. I feel like I don't deserve it. I feel like a fucking loser, that's what I feel like. Gahh... I just feel really bad because I've threw away this job to chase my dream, yet I feel like i'm barely doing anything to chase it! I feel like I've made things 10x worse for myself financially. But the reality is, it's just me being lazy that's making it 10x worse. I just can't seem to commit a day to finding writing work... I'll happily go labour for my Dad for 5 days and work really hard. Which I did last week Monday-Friday. I then committed to finishing off the remaining articles for that women, even after a hard day of labouring. And then I was working in the bar on Saturday and Sunday. So... I did kinda work my ass off last week. When I know what I need to do - I can work. And I can work hard... Yet when I feel clueless, I struggle. I've learnt that I learn best when I can watch how someone else is doing something. That's why I love doing these over the shoulder courses. You can't really do that with writing, obviously you can read peoples writing and stuff but writing really is freestyle and it's completely up to you to create. Right... It's clearly obvious what I need to do. I just need to sit down and do it. The web development stuff I have decided is going on hold. I will find myself more writing clients, and I will get paid to do it. I will make £500 next month through writing online. Just stop being a dickhead and being afraid of the uncertainty... Man you've written about fucking chimney sweeping, preventing rat invasions, liquid screed... You can write about fucking anything! Lol -------------------------- Okay let's write about something on the very bright side :) So... After working from Monday - Sunday last week. I decided I'd take a day off, and it couldn't have been a better day to do so, the weather was absolutely beautiful. Who did I spend the day with? Millie. We decided to go for a walk and picnic. I genuinely had such a lovely day. We walked alongside a canal, through a foresty path and then through a field and came up to a little farm village where we bought ice cream. We did a lap around and then decided to lay a blanket on a field nearish to the farm village. We just bathed under the sun, ate our Sainsbury's meal deal (haha) and ate raspberries. We was pretty much always chatting and touching. Alright - Here's where i'm going to mention... I'm taking on NoFap again, but a different style. Basically the basis is - No porn and can only masturbate on one selected day a week. So... MAYN I dunno if it was the sun or just her outfit or the fact I ain't been fapping as much. But I was laying on that blanket and I was just looking at her like, dayummm she is banging And so obviously I wanted to physically escalate things, so you know we're just kinda being playful and stuff and chilling out, she's got her legs rested on mine. I playfight her a little and we end up in a position where her arse is pressed against me and I tell you now... INSTANT BONER Pretty sure I actually told her this position is getting me excited. And then I don't know what happened, I wasn't really thinking... I just went in for a kiss. We had a good old smooch for I dunno, like 10 seconds or what not? After that we kinda just resumed as normal and chilled out lol. At some point I actually told her I was a virgin. And then she admitted she was too. Well boom, I don't know how that one plays out now - But I guess it's all up to me to make all the moves. We must have been laying on that blanket for like 4 hours or more. Proper lazy day but it was really nice. But there's more to the story! Dun dun dun.... I was to meet the parents. I genuinely think I wasn't that nervous... Obviously I had a little bit of a nervous feeling but yeah I felt kinda chill. Walked in, smelt the dogs feet because apparently they smell like popcorn (They kinda did tbf) and then spoke to her Mom. She was really nice and actually, she's somehow more crazy than my own mother! Surprisingly I was able to find some funny things to say. I met the Dad as well, he was quite quiet. Then we just ended up chilling and watching TV for a few hours, sometimes alone but then the Mom would come in at times and then near the end of the night she came and sat with us, she made me dinner too! When her Mom did ask me about my work situation and stuff, I just told her what my life ambitions were and I could see in the corner of my eye Millie looking up to me with wide eyes as if she was impressed with how I was handling her Mom haha. Ngl I surprised myself how well I handled the parents, first time i've ever been in that situation! Her Mom suggested at some point that if we wanted to watch tv alone (Millie and I, not the Mother and I) we could just watch it in her bedroom. That just suggested to me that she's obviously pretty comfortable with me being with her daughter. I'm kinda hoping now that maybe she will be alot more comfortable with me, and open to progress things further. It's obviously very new to us both, so it'd be cool if we could learn together aha. So yeah I had a great day! A lovely day! ---------------- You know what though, I want to get this off my chest because I don't know if this is a sign of depression or what... But I can have a really nice day like that - But then on the drive home i'll be like. I've missed out so much already. Like why the fuck couldn't I have days like that when I was younger. Why am I only realising now how beautiful girls really are, and actually interacting with them, touching them... Because it really is just a whole other level of life for me, something that is amazing and it makes me feel like shit that I've missed out on a significant amount of years where that kind of stuff could have been happening already. Fuckin ay - I genuinely have grown to really hate video games - They have fucked me up so much, and I just don't know if I'm going to fully recover from the damage i've caused.

Jeez I feel so alone. No one wants to listen to me. It's quite a depressing feeling. Ha, I always resort to my journal when I feel like this. At least when I write in my journal, I write it like someone is listening and then I can be my own reassuring voice... Maybe i'm being over-dramatic, because people do listen to me - Like my sister and mum. I feel like I need someone in my real life who is rooting for me, who is trying to achieve the same thing. I need a tribe. I look at my instagram - And you see people who have their tribe. They have the same friends who they go and do stuff with - Whom also have their back through the tough times. I don't have that shit. I wish I could say I am a lone-wolf and i'm happy that way. But truthfully, I want to find some close friends. People who are not my family who ACTUALLY listen to me. I want to get over this feeling. I want to just forget about the people who have given up on me. It's bloody not easy. Especially when you have put so much effort into them. Fuck it - Stop being a little bitch mate - Jesus i'm acting like a big ol' victim. Friends will come in time brother, you're doing the right thing. You're just in the wrong place right now, surrounded by the wrong people. Your real friends are out there, they're waiting for you on the road. Go find them bro. All you need to do is get your finances good to go, and we can go. Just keep taking action - Stop getting distracted - Stop buying chocolate ---------------------------------------- Moving on. Yesterday I had my first shift at the bar - Walkabouts. Damn there is so much to take in! I felt like I was picking it up though. I made sure to ask plenty of questions. The manager seemed to be pretty impressed with how I was getting on. I can pour a decent pint, I created first my first cocktail - Sex On Bondi Beach (They're an Aussi bar) and create good shots. Now I need to learn how to speak with "Pub Lads". I feel like I just have to remove my filter - Even though half the time nothing does actually come to me head - I just laugh at their shit jokes. I have my first finish shift Saturday night, from 10PM - 5AM. Jeez, it's going to be mental! It's going to be so fast paced, the music is going to be blaring and there will be so many people. I'm sure it's going to feel very overwhelming, but I will be fine. This bar experience is good for me. I feel like I should be learning a bit about game and social dynamics again. You know what, I need to stop giving a fuck. It's time I start getting good with girls. I've already made myself very uncomfortable by quitting my job and then working at a bar, by taking on a bit of freelance writing without having a clue about the articles, by going on dates with a girl I met on a nightout, by going for a kiss when sober, by having a girl around my house, by going for a kiss whilst said girl was around my house! And you know what, no matter how uncomfortable I felt in that moment - I always felt alot better by persisting through it, by acting despite my uncomfort. I need to get used to rejection. And it's time I stop being so scared about it, because it's preventing me from reaching my goals. And that goes for my business stuff too, being scared of rejection prevents you from taking actions. So lets fucking do it. ------------ Next week i'm going to be working with my Dad all week, and I should be getting £60 a day so should have £300 by the end of the week. That'll definitely get me through this month so I don't need to be stressing about finances now. Web development is something I know I want to learn about, I think it's just the time that it will take me to learn it to a point where I can get paid for my services is putting me off. Because I guess i'm being impatient and I just want to travel as soon as possible! If I really want to travel now, I should just find more writing clients and get paid for that! I just feel like I don't have the ability to do it for bigger clients. Of course i'm going to feel like that, i'm new to it - You just have to learn and practise bitch. I'm going to write 2 more articles today, maybe 3. I should see if I can find more writing clients, it's just the freelancer sites are so overwhelming and it seems like there are so many other professionals who are alot better than you. And my cold emails never worked, but I should just keep emailing out because it doesn't happen immediately. ----- Okay plan of action for today. - Write 2 articles for client - Ring up gym to cancel membership - Take food assessment test for Walkabouts - Continue with web development training

Okey, I need to descramble my head a little... Problem. I'm a little lost in the direction to take. I feel like I want to learn web design and coding (I've just learnt a bit of HTML and CSS) - However, I promised my Dad i'd help him with the whole online presence for his business. And this obviously requires alot of different things in terms of Digital Marketing. Which... Great is a good skill to learn and apply. But it will be time spent away from what I think will allow me to go digital nomad. But as I have made the promise, I will help him and get the phone ringing for his business. Now here is where my head gets a little more fucked... So... Obviously i'm doing this for my Dad - A small one-man band business owner. Your typical 40-50 year old who doesn't know much about how the internet works but is desperate to get his business online. There are going to be hundreds more business owners just like my Dad. All I probably need to do is go onto yell.com and see who doesn't have a website and then either email/ring them and offer the same service that i've done for my Dad. But here's the thing - I told my Dad about this idea and he said that he already gets alot of people emailing him about building a website and offering these marketing services... And he was saying to me that they won't just want a simple website building, they want YOU to get their phone ringing. So... I can probably charge these businesses £100 to get a simple website up. But I just don't know if they're gonna just want a website. Obviously I need to try this - So I need to craft an email an send a bunch of emails out. Like my Dad, they're gonna want a facebook page, instagram, youtube, getting ranked high on google, a google my business account and the big one - THE PHONE TO RING. Obviously I could provide these services - But I guess where i'm stopping myself is... Why would they pick me over a professional agency? What makes me different? Either way I feel like this business opportunity has some good potential... If I figure out a good system and can actually execute and get results. Here is the problem. With me wanting to escape the country so badly and start my digital nomad journey - I kind of want a reliable path of making that happen. And I know that if I learn a to code websites etc, there are thousands of opportunities for me to get remote work. With the digital marketing side of things... My head is quite unclear. I can't quite see how i'll make that happen. I know it's possible, I'm just a tad clueless at the moment on how to go about it. So I guess what i'm struggling to decide is... Do I learn web development and join a company with the opportunity to go remote or do I do the digital marketing thing. Now here is my where it gets more complicated for me. My heart is telling me to go web development and also partially my head too... BUTTTTT. I know that if I want to go down the entrepreneur route at a later stage. The digital marketing side of things is going to help me MASSIVELY. So I feel like I should go that route to make things easier down the line... And also learning marketing and sales is where the real money is at and is what's going to enable me to really achieve financial freedom. Gah... Too many things going on in my head at the moment. Let me list em Need to sell car Need to get motorbike on the road Want to learn web development Need to help Dad get his phone ringing by helping with his website and overall online presence Got 8 articles to write - From the same women who i've been writing for - She seems to really like me! Trying to help Martial Arts Owners with their online presence too Want to contact other small business owners to offer to build their websites for £97 See if I can somehow maintain this longish-distance relationship with this girl I've been seeing. Complete the online training for my bar work Start working at the bar - And learn how it all works Somehow pay all the bills this month Continue going to my Martial arts classes I definitely feel like i've taken too much on! Fuck my life ahah - Oh well, it's all part of the process - I asked for it, I made the jump and it's sink or swim - And I will make it through and emerge stronger than ever. Funny thing is, despite me kind of stressing about paying the bills this month and having so much to do - I also feel strangely kinda happy. Like, shit is happening in my life and this is all part of the process for me to achieve my dreams. I'm heading in the right direction I feel. So I just want to go over a few of my points that I just mentioned. First up - Writing So I've been writing for this same women, and have written like 5 or 6 articles for her now. She likes my attitude and my will to learn so she offered me like 10 articles to write for the same client. All £8 per article for 300 words. And then one 500 word article for £14. I have already written 2 taking me roughly 50 minutes for each one. Now I'm happy doing this writing firstly because it's money right... And it's online from my laptop! I'm getting experience working with a client, invoicing etc... I don't know if I see myself having a future in writing random ass articles and shit. But here's the thing, i've already built up a decent portfolio now... So I could probably go and apply for a bunch of other writing jobs too and make more money online. But the real question for me is - Should I be learning copywriting...? Going back to trying to figure out what I should do. I feel like I should just figure out the fastest/most probable way to work remotely and once I have moved to Canggu, Bali (That's where i'm heading) - Then I learn all about digital marketing, copywriting and building my own business... Pah me heads fucked for what to do. My vehicle situation Car insurance is £105 a month - Simply cannot afford to keep paying that whilst working a part-time bar job. So I'm gonna sell it to my uncle for £100 (Yes i'm paying what the car is worth every fucking month...). My bike just needs a few more fixes and then it needs to get MOT'ed, insured and taxed and then it's ready to go. Will be alot cheaper to keep on the road. Girl Situation I'm still speaking to that girl (Millie). We met up for like the 4th time on Friday. We played crazy golf and then we watched a film around my house and then watched love island together too. So after failing to go in for a kiss the last time she came around my house. I made it my mission to make sure I did it this time. And ladies and gentlemen - Mission was completed. I just went for a more playful approach, started to tickle her feet and basically had a bit of a play fight, she ended up on my lap. And I just went for it. Ayyy Nothing escalated from there tbh, we watched the film and was still touchy and stuff - I think because my Mom and Sister were in the house it probably made her a bit uncomfortable going any further than kissing - Which I mean is fair enough, I kinda felt the same. At the end of the night her parents wanted her to come home, they're kinda controlling... And I wanted to try and kiss her again, so I went for it again aha. Cool - Took her home, got out the car and kissed her goodbye. Progress has been made. Last note: After her exams she is going out nightclubbing and has invited me along. It's near her town and obviously I would like to go, the distance is the only issue for me - So I said if I could stay around your house that would be great. She asked her parents and apparently I can stay around the night :OOOOOOO - But... I gotta sleep on the sofa. Hmm, we'll see about that xD Work Got my introduction at the bar tomorrow. Then I gotta complete some online training and then I should start to be eased into working some shifts. I'm looking forward to it, I feel like it's going to help alot with my social skills and confidence. And I hear alot of girls chat up the barmen... So I mean woo. So, finally... As I did kinda jump the gun with leaving work. This month is going to be very tight on money, and I honestly don't know if i'll manage to cover all the bills. But we'll see. I feel like after this month i'll be set. I can improve my social skills, chat up women and earn cash to pay the bills working at the bar. And in my free-time, learn the skills to go digital nomad - Once I decide what the fuck I should be doing... Oh, and the place I want to go - One hundred percent the first place i'm going on my Digital Nomad journey is... Canggu in Bali. It seems like the perfect place for me. Great co-working spaces, it's based near the beach where you can go surfing, it's a younger environment and there's good nightlife. And obviously it's cheap. I think that concludes my submission today. I was hoping to gain some clarity, but quite frankly I still feel a bit miffed. I feel like web development is what I should learn to go digital nomad. But I first need to fulfil my promise to help my dad with his business and learning the digital marketing side of things to help with that. The entrepreneur side of things can wait until i'm a digital nomad. Oh and i'm currently reading The Millionaire Fastlane. It is an amazing book! I'm learning so god damn much. But I feel like it has also kinda fucked my thoughts on the path I originally wanted to take. Because it's "slowlane". But I know that it's only temporary "slowlane" until I am a digital nomad. Then I can focus on going "fastlane". That's all. Brad.

Oh and I forgot to talk about today. I woke up early to go and watch my sister at her rowing races. (Meaning I only got 3 hours sleep) Mum nearly killed us both on the drive there My sister won her first 2 races, which were her first ever wins! We chilled out and sat by the lake all day, watching the races. It was a long old day! I got there at 8AM and we left at 6pm! God damn why did she have to win and get through to the finals which were at the end of the day! :P Anyways it was a beautiful day and I spent quite a bit of time reading my book. Being in that outdoors environment, with everyone so passionate about rowing made me really want to take up an outdoors sport like that. Something competitive, something that I can really get involved in and passionate about. I did think Triathlon. I've always been a good swimmer, i'm a decent runner and pretty good on a bike too. The problem is - That don't fit into my life plan! D: Maybe I should just take up swimming by itself - It's pretty low-cost. And I will get a sexy looking body too. And it'll get me well prepared for surfin'. Wow what a shout, I never even thought about that until right now. ---- Finally, the women I wrote the articles for was really pleased with my work. On Friday she emailed me telling me that one of her travel writers had let her down and the deadline for some pieces was on Sunday evening. She asked if i'd be confident in taking it on. I WAS NOT COMFORTABLE AT ALL But I thought to myself, fuck it - Let's give it a go. She was willing to pay £13 for each article. Initially I thought great! That is until it took me about 6 fucking hours to write it! JUST 500 words BRAD, 6 hours... MAN IT WAS SO HARD. But I wanted to make sure I got it right! Personally I still think it's not great but I can't waste any more time on it so I sent it her and i'm awaiting her response. I've already developed a pretty good working relationship with her in a very short space of time which is pretty exciting for me. And uh, that's it. Time for bed, hopefully I can sleep tonight!

Okeeey, update time. So... Last night I couldn't sleep. 4 whole motherfucking hours I tried to get to sleep. You know what's annoying? I'd start to drift off and dream - Then i'd become conscious that I was dreaming and BOOM straight back to being wide awake! I even entered a semi-lucid state at one point... Where I had been teleported into the bathroom and into the shower, I began to fall asleep in the shower - I realised I was falling asleep in the shower and then tried to make my way to the bedroom yet my body was moving at a snails pace. I was thinking what the fuck is going on here? I reached the bathroom door and fell forward smashing my head into the wall and I felt the pain. It was at this point I realised, wait when the fuck did I even go to the bathroom? And then I awoke in my bed :o Lucid Dreaming is some weirdddd shit - But oh man I wanna experience it more! Anyways... Enough of that weird little dream. I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about things - My life, what direction i'm heading in and what exactly is my plan? Why my brain decides it wanted to figure out my lifes plan as i'm trying to fall asleep, I don't know... I tried meditating in bed, I tried having some water, having a banana, taking a piss, having a wank... Nothing was working for me So... I decided instead to get out my voice recorder on my phone and basically talk through the life plan I was creating whilst in bed. I did actually fall asleep after doing this! Anyways I want to summarise it in text too. Brad's Current Life Plan - Work part-time in a bar to pay the bills and also give the opportunity to build up my social skills/meet new people. - Focus on learning web development through some of the highest rated udemy.com courses which are focused on the most in demand programming languages in 2018. Which will also have a wordpress development focus to them. To further my knowledge I can also use other learning resources. I will be building up my portfolio through projects I create through these courses. The aim is to get a good basic knowledge of these programming languages. The course i'm currently taking is: The Complete Wordpress Website Business Course The course I will take after that is: The Complete Web Developer in 2018 The above stage may take up to 3 months After this point I'm hoping to have the skills to apply to a junior level web developer role at a local company - BUT I will ensure that the company will allow me to work remotely either immediately or in the near future. I'm willing to spend 3 months in an office to learn the way the company works and to get some possible mentorship. Once I have achieved remote work with a web development role I will move to a digital nomad hub in Bali. Preferably a place like Co Work Surf where I can start to live a more fulfilling life. Why Bali? Well - A few reasons: 1. A developing country where the money I make in a first world currency can stretch ALOT further whilst providing a great standard of living. 2. I will be surrounded by like-minded people - Digital Nomads, Open-minded, adventurous, a love for adventure and travel. 3. Surf I have come to realise that the people whom are currently closest to me are... Broke. 1. Mom is broke - Works a minimum wage job, struggling to pay the bills 2. Dad is broke - Failing business - I do want to help him make it work again. 3. Sister is broke - She's a student though and has a very bright future ahead of her. 4. Best friend is broke - Works a real crappy job, smokes weed all the time I love these people in my life - But like you always hear, you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. So if I really do want to prosper, I need to get out to where my people are at! So whilst in Bali, I will be living minimally and saving up my money whilst still allowing myself to have great experiences. I will save up to £15,000 in savings and then look to make a down payment on my first house which I will house-hack or even straight up just rent out whilst continuing to travel. And then my cash pot will continue to rise, I can take out equity on the first house and purchase a second. And then a third, a fourth. This is a long term thing that will create everlasting wealth for the future of the Hurst family. This is something I still need to learn alot more about, but the first focus will be getting to that £15,000 in savings. Things are going to chop and change so this is a basic outline that i'm setting out for my life right now. Build up skills --> Get remote work --> Move to Bali --> Save cash and live life to the fullest. I have an interview at an Australian themed bar tomorrow at 3PM. I feel confident I will get the job - Interviews don't seem to phase me. I will obviously post if I get the job or not when I get the result. As for my love life - Well this one is a little bit more unclear. We'll see what happens through my bar work and maybe the occasional night out. But the focus for me is to get myself financially straight first. I am still speaking to that girl (Millie) - She still seems interested - I may ask her to come to my house again soon - This time I will be more forward and see what happens. Millie and I may end up getting into a bf/gf relationship - Who knows. But i'm going to be completely transparent here - This is practise for me. I don't ever see myself getting serious with her. Thing is, I don't want to mess her around because i'm not like that. I have already laid my cards on the table and she's still around. She knows that I want to go off travelling and also she's going off to Uni. Sooo - Fuck it, let's just have fun until then. But I'm not going to stop talking to other girls if those opportunities arise. I'm too young and inexperienced to settle on the first girl that likes me lol. I mean yo - I'm still a virgin so I don't know what i'm even talking about. All i'm saying is, I'm not settling right now. When opportunities come, I will try and go as far as I can within my ability. So right now, my opportunity is with Millie - And I wanna see if I can lose my V. Fuck there's part of me that feels like a cruel bastard, but why is it cruel - She needs the experience too! So yeah - That's my life plan right now. - Brad.

If anyone reading my journal wants to know exactly what my dreams are. Just watch this video, this is the lifestyle I want. Digital Nomad - Bali Co-Living Spaces And my favourite one being Co Work Surf I feel so emotional watching these videos, I want to live like that so bad. And I get so annoyed at myself when I have moments where I feel uncapable of making it happen, when i'm too lazy and unsure of what I need to do to get there. I'm still a bit unsure but I think i'm kind of figuring it out. But I know that's where I want to be heading and I will keep persisting until I get there. What have been doing lately? So I wrote those 4 articles for the women I found off of one of my forums. And I should be getting paid £32 for it. Ya it's a little low but at least it's something. And actually, stupidly I accidentally sent her an invoice for £24! Luckily she was nice and told me that I was actually suppose to be paid £32 haha. But for me, I don't think writing is where it's at. Website development has always been at the back of my mind so I think this is what I should pursue. I've been going through a complete wordpress business course, it's quite a long one but i'm definitely learning some pretty cool stuff. And after I want to start learning about programming languages, and creating themes etc. Frustratingly, I am a bit clueless about how to find clients. I know there are freelance websites but I think I get scared away by the vast amount of already established professionals, and then clients posting for work and me not having a clue if i'll be able to do it. It's a scary world. And I've got to just figure it out. Last night, I had my first shift at work. I've got a job as a waiter back at the place where I used to pot wash and did a couple of bar shifts. However the pay is really quite low so I think I need to keep looking for a better place to work. Anyways, for now i'll be doing waiting shifts and hopefully get back on the bar too. Work was good, I enjoyed being in a new environment. Getting to interact with people, being surrounded by music. But my god, it was hard work! I HAD IT SO EASY! Working at Triumph Motorcycles, sitting at a desk all day - No one really monitoring what you're doing... Fuck me, it was so easy! I got so complacent there, I got lazy. And this is what i'm loving! I'm being forced to actually start doing shit. I didn't get any training really, so I was thrown right into it! It's a venue type place that hosts weddings, balls, birthdays etc... And it was a uni ball yesterday of biology students or something like that. So luckily they weren't too judging of my terrible waiting service ahah. But oh boy, not gonna lie... Pretty sure I was being checked out by some of the girls... And at one point, I was clearing a table and i'm not even kidding I heard one girl say to her friend "He can clear me right up". Brah I was stoked GET ME ON THE BAR It's weird, but i've adopted this dream like state in my head. As I was walking around, I just felt happy. Everything is new and exciting. It's part of my "Story" as I mentioned in a previous post. This mindset of thinking of my life as a story really helps me stay sane and happy. I'm enjoying reading my own book, because all exciting stories start from nothing and there comes a point in every book where everything the protagonist dreams of, starts coming true. You don't get the enjoyment in books from reading about the person winning, you actually get hooked in by their struggles. And so that's how I look at my life, i'm hooked - I'm excited to see what happens, nothing is set in place. I finished at 1:15 AM. And my legs were dead as fuck. I'm back in again today at 6 until finish, so probably 1AM again. It's tough, the pay is shit, but I enjoy the challenge and it's ripped me out of that complacent mother fucker working a 9-5. it also motivates me even more to make my freelance stuff work. Update on the girl situation too. That girl i've been chatting too asked me the other day randomly "Do you even like me?" and it basically all stemmed from the fact THAT... I didn't kiss her when she came around my house. MOTHA FUCKER I should have just gone for it! She would have responded well even though the timing never felt right. Anyways, I was straight up - Told her I do like her and how I thought it'd be forced if I just went and kissed you, things still seem to be pretty good between us. Difficult thing is, she doesn't exactly live close. And I want to sell my car pretty soon! So uh... Dunno how that's gonna work... Also dunno how i'm gonna see my Dad without a car. But it costs too much man, I wanna try live off as little as I can right now so I can focus more time at home building up my skills rather than spending my time working for money. Still got my motorbike which is nearly fixed up now, the insurance on that is cheap and fuel is cheap - But the thing doesn't go over 60mph so I can't exactly drive to my Dad's on it. But I think that'll be a good mode of transport for now. Minimize, minimize, minimize... That's all i'm about at the moment. I'm considering cancelling my gym membership, because i'm paying for that + my martial arts membership (WHICH HAS ITS OWN GYM, it's just alot further away than the gym) But I guess I gotta make the sacrifices, paying for a gym just because it's close is just a convenience. Ah boi, I just wanna start making some good money asap so I can go live in that co-working space - So I don't have to work as many hours. Instant gratification though, it's something i've been a culprit of massively. This is a long game bitch, why can't I get that through to my head!

I thought it'd be a good idea to go and socialise last night. And whilst I was out I had an epiphany... Now this has crossed my mind quite a lot in the past, but it really hit me today. I am hanging around the wrong people. These "friends" that i'm hanging out with. They're not my friends... They're just my best friends, friends. Whom I just tag along with. I don't even hang-out with my best friend anymore, so although we hold alot of old memories together we've got completely different views on life. And if we're not aligned anymore, that means all of his friends are completely out of line with me too. I hate the term best friend actually. I only use it to comfort myself... Or do I just hate it because I feel like i'm no ones best friend. Probably. Mhm it comes down to being wanted again. Which honestly, is something that I crave. I want to know that i'm valuable to people, that I mean a lot to them, that I influence their lives in a positive way. So anyways, yesterday... I went to the pub and played pool with these guys. Of course I got into my competitive mindset again, constantly analysing where I went wrong with each shot. I have good games and bad games. Anyways i'm not going to rant on about my pool games, because quite franky - No one gives a fuck - But in short, I won some and I lost some... After that, I drove us to the shop to get some food and beer. I really wanted to handbrake turn into the parking spot cause it was nice and wet, so I went for it I fucking nailed it! Everyone was like "YOOOOOO, that was sick!". We then went and chilled at my friends house, but I soon realised that I was really bored... I wasn't talking, I was just sitting there. I wasn't even interested in what they were saying because it was just random shit. So I just ended up leaving after a little while, I didn't see the point in drinking alcohol just for the sake of getting pissed - Does not interest me one bit. So I left his house feeling pretty deflated, like the whole time spent at the house was pointless - I enjoyed the pool games though. I genuinely do think I just need new friends to hang around with lol. --------------- Today was pretty darn awesome though! I started the day off by going to my Saturday fitness class and then we all planned to go to a cafe afterwards to get food and drinks. So after class I got a ride with Mais, my best training partner whom I also get along with really well. I went to his little flat and met his wife whilst he got changed. He's only 23 and he's married! But they seem like a really awesome couple. And damn they are both really good looking. Mais and I then walked to the cafe to meet the rest of our fitness group. We sat and talked for at least an hour and it was really nice. I spoke to them about maybe trying to find a part-time job at a bar or something and then one of the guys told me about how his daughter just got a job and they're still hiring. I got his number and then he messaged me earlier to tell me about it. So that's something that I can apply for. Also the cafe we went to is apparently hiring, and it's a really cool cafe so I might apply for a job there too! It got me thinking about riding my motorbike since if i'm going to be commuting into town then it's gonna be a really quick and easy way to get there. So, since it was nice and sunny... I FINALLY STARTED WORKING ON MY MOTORCYCLE. And damn, I really enjoyed working on it. Top off, music blasting, working in the sun - Man it was beautiful. I haven't fixed it all yet, but it's been fun taking it all apart and trying to figure out how to put it all back together. It makes me really want to get a cool ass workshop where I can work on all sorts of projects. I'm now debating whether I want to sell the motorbike or just keep riding it through-out the summer haha. My issue is, I WANT SOMETHING FASTER! -------------------- So today I took a day off from working on my business and it's been nice. Gonna watch a film with my family now. HOWEVER, one awesome thing. The women whom I wrote an article for really liked my work and has offered me 3 more articles to write in a very similar manner. All I need to do is re-word the same articles. So i'll get those done tomorrow! That's all, Brad.

Haha, I think i'm going a bit nuts! I seriously am either going crazy or I just fucking love spending time with myself Either way i'm loving it. I've spent the majority of the last week going through a complete wordpress course. I figured, I enjoy building websites, I'm pretty decent at figuring that kinda stuff out too. So... Why not learn more about it and do it freelance style yo. As you can imagine, I spent most of that time by myself either sitting in the garden or in the living room. So yea my social life has been on the low lately, but quite franky I don't give a fuck right now. I'm getting prepared for my future. I've not been completely alone though! I've been snap chatting that girl i've seen three times now. Pretty much all day. I've never really used snapchat before, so it's quite hilarious to just constantly comment on whatever is in their picture. So in a way, I still feel connected. The course is going well, i'm learning alot about wordpress. It's an over the shoulder type course too which is perfect for my learning style. The plan is to build my Dad a really good looking website for his business and then start ranking it highly in his local area so that he can start getting some work! Once he starts getting the work in, i'm going to work with him for a bit and learn some woodworking whilst also building up my cash pot and continuing to work online. I've just completed an SEO course so I feel alot more confident in regards to that too, I should have probably taken it after the website course but my thinking at that time was to apply it to his current website. But it looks shit so getting traffic to his website will be useless in my opinion till his website looks good. So i'm going to redesign that for him. It has been really nice being able to see my Mum and Sister at random points through-out the day. So i've enjoyed that. At the same time however, I have to be conscious of not getting too distracted by them whilst I try to work. I start doing some weird shit though when I get bored. When home alone, I start talking to myself, constantly being a commentator to my life as I go through it. We've got an exercise ball lying around so i'm constantly jumping on it and rolling around with it lol. And then I just lie on the ground for a little while thinking about how ridiculous i'm being right now and then just start laughing to myself. Been doing alot of keepy uppies in the garden lately; with the football I stole from me cousin. Man, i'm getting gooood if I don't say so myself. I remember when I first start doing them and I just couldn't control the ball, and now I feel in complete control. Martial arts is going well. The academy posted a video of me fighting of of the guys and I was kicking his ass, so that made me look good on social media If you wanna watch it, go to this link: The Giants of Total Combat Academy - Brad vs Mais Oh, and if you fancy watching me get destroyed by that big guy who I've spoke about before. Watch this: Brad vs BIG BOI PAC MAYNN, as I watch it again I can feel those motherfucking punches! I got my first writing client! Last night I checked one of the forums i'm part of and I noticed a writing job posting. I immediately sent her an email and was then given a job to do today! I completed it like 4 hours later and sent her it. She was amazed by how quick I did it for her. So i'm just waiting for her feedback. I had to write about Liquid Screed in Oxford lol. It only required 300 words and is going to be used as a geo page. Which basically helps you rank higher in local SEO. I'll only be getting paid £8 for it, but yolo - It's something and it's great experience to be working with clients. Definitely took me too long as well, probably just over an hour. But I mean it's my first time doing it and I wanted to make sure it was good so I could potentially get more work. I'll get better with time. Things that i've had to improve on: Since i've not been having to go into work. I spent the first 2 weeks being quite lazy. I woke up really late and wouldn't start doing anything till mid-day. And I honestly didn't have much of a clue for what I was to be doing. At the same time, when I did start working - I'd get distracted easily and start dicking around. The past few days i've purposely been getting up alot earlier and setting myself a morning routine like I used to. Wake up on the alarm, shower, meditate, breakfast and read, work. I've been reading "The War of Art" - It's really awesome and has helped massively in inspiring me to take action rather than procrastinate. After reading this I need to go back to reading "Getting things done". I really love my kindle! It saves me so much time, money and hassle! I do find that because i'm going through a course, it's alot easier to stay on track. Because I know exactly what I should be doing, i'm just watching the course and taking action as I go through it. When it's up to me to find work and do my own work, it's 10x harder to stay on track. So this is something that i've got to work on massively. Anyways... I had a little celebratory disco to myself just before writing this forum post. I turned off all of the lights, set up a disco light video on my laptop, cranked the stereo up high whilst blasting dance music and then cracked open a beer. And just danced. Was I being a loner? yup. Do I care? Nope. When I do start getting cash coming into my pocket again, I am going to start going out to clubs and bars alot more often. But at the same time, I wanna be saving up for my travels. I've got a backpack, tent and other travel utilities to be buying. I can improve my social skills whilst travelling. I definitely act differently when i'm by myself compared to when i'm with my friends. I feel alot more free when i'm by myself, like there is no judgement. So if I go to a party by myself, I am myself more... It's probably weird to some, but I feel like when you go places with people who've known you your whole life, you feel shackeled to a certain extent. I'm trying to grow as a person, yet they try to pull you back down because that's where they think you belong. Shy Brad. I do think travelling is going to allow me to (excuse the cliché) "Find myself". For example, when around my Mum and Sister I fall into lazy habits because that's how i've always been around them, they do everything for me. When around my friends, i'm quiet because that's how i've always been around them. And to be honest, I don't think they are on the same wavelengh as me anymore. So I feel like a clean slate is exactly what I need. To be independant. Then I will have no more negative influences. I can model myself around the books I read and the mentors I follow. RIght now, I have my parents micro-managing every decision I make. And it fucking sucks yo, I want to make the decisions and that's it, if I want to do it, i'm doing it and it won't have any affect on anyone else. Right now, I can't just pack up and go backpacking, because I need to help my Mom sort her life out first. I need to help my Dad fix his business. It would be plain wrong and a real dick move to just leave, in-fact my family would probably hate me... And I don't want that lol. Especially, I need to be careful with my Mum - She complains alot about her life, and she has said a couple of times now how she'd be better off dead - FUCK that man, my sister leaves for Uni this year and I want to go travelling. If we both leave and she's got that state of mind, I don't want to think about what she could do... We're all she has, we're what keep her sane, her happy. Need to get her a boyfriend or something who can also pay the bills - That would be the perfect solution Or... I just need to make a shit ton of money, pay off her debts, move her out to Bali or something - She can work within my business or work at a beach cafe or something. She always talks about how she'd love to live a simple life abroad. And she so could do that! If only she has the balls to go through with it. What a weird mixture of a post lol. In summary. Broke as fuck, but loving life. No real social life going on, but talking to a girl. Working on building skills for freelancing. Happy. To an outsider, I reckon I look like i've lost it. To me, I feel in control. I'm on my path. I'm working towards my goals. This is just showing to me that money and possessions is not happiness. I have nothing right now, not many friends, not much money. But because i'm now fully aligned with working towards my goal. I genuinely just feel good and happy most of the time. Mental, it's weird but I look at my life like a story book sometimes. The start of the book, boy who loves sports and has friends. Discovers video games and life starts going downhill. Wakes up one day with no friends, a job he hates, no sex life and depressed as fuck. Gets a mentor, discovers that he holds the power to change everything if only he puts the effort in. Makes many attempts to break free from the 9-5 but keeps failing, eventually leading to him saying fuck it and just leaving anyways. And now i'm at the stage where it's all or nothing. OOoooohhh, this is the exciting part of the book! And it's broken into different segments. Currently: 1. Health - Pretty good, but wants to get ripped as fuck. 2. Wealth - Broke, but can make way for the next month maybe. 3. Love - Nothing - Although discovered a girl who likes him 4. Happiness - Pretty good despite the circumstances lol. And the book will continue to progress. You will get to see Brad become a greek statue like figure, flexible and supple as fuck. You will see Brad going through the failures, but constantly growing. You'll see him grow his wealth, saving his family and providing them a good life. You will see him travelling and making worldwide friends whilst having the most epic adventures. You will see Brad grow into a charismatic alpha male, the ultimate prize for women. All whilst spreading the love, the happiness and inspiring those around him. Eventually meeting an amazing women whom he battles through life with. Raising healthy children and teaching them the way to live a GOOD life. Restricting video game usage to ensure they don't make the same mistakes their father made. And then growing to be a cool ass grandpa with epic life stories to tell. And finally at his funeral... A room full to the brim of people he has inspired, loved and cherished many memories with. The End.

@JustTom - Just watched that video. Awesome! The group idea sounds good! Ya - You know, I just want to explore right now. To find out what I resonate with - Because I haven't really a clue right now. And online businesses seem to be a great key to being able to do that. The hard truth is - I couldn't give a fuck about having an online business right now. I think I just see it as a means to an end. Owning an online business isn't the goal - Travel and exploration is. I simply see the online business world as a key to being able to make that happen. Sure. In the future I would love to actually have an online business that is serving people REAL value. I'd love in the future to be able to share my story, to help other guys figure themselves out, to improve themselves. But first, I need to figure out what the fuck I really resonate with myself ahah. I don't want to be teaching people shit until i've walked the walk myself.

Escalation, escalation, escalation... Mannnnnnnn - I've got some work to do. The girl came over tonight. It went okay, I did have fun. Unfortunately nothing sexual happened. I'll just have a quick run through. She knocked on my door, I let her in and gave her a hug. I gave her a quick tour of the house and then we went for a 10 minute walk to the shop to get some popcorn and beer and then a 10 minute walk back. We spent a large majority of that time just speaking about her gymnastic stuff, my local area and a bit of school life. I can get her to laugh, but i'm god awful at building sexual tension lol. Once we got back, we were gonna watch the film straight away but instead I said we should sit outside for a bit whilst the sun was still out. So we did that and chatted for like another 10 minutes. We then went to watch the film and she sat in MY spot on the sofa. It's a 2 person love-seat type chair, which is PERFECT for couples to seat on :) So... I was like hell nawh you sitting in my spot! So I playfully lifted her up and placed her on the other side and I sat in my spot. She leant up against me a bit partially due to my bodyweight causing her to fall into me aha. So yea at this point I was like great, got that physical touch in there already. But this is kinda where it remained. The film we watched was "White Chicks". LMAO I know it's a chick flick but I fucking love that movie and she had never watched it before. So I was like we are watching that. Okay so this is kinda where I struggle a bit with films. I like to get fully immersed in films as i'm sure alot of guys do. Girls it seems... Just like to talk - THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME! Now usually when it's my Mum or Sister I just ignore them half the time or answer their stupid questions that they'd KNOW the ANSWER to if they just WATCHED THE DAMN MOVIE! So obviously she starts talking and making comments, so i'm trying my best to respond in a good way. And then occasionally making comments myself so i'm playing the same kinda game. Oh and lets not forget mimicking the lines of the funny parts ahaha. So yea we're watching the film and all that - And i'm thinking, hm we should try and escalate a bit further. But for the love of me I didn't know how to go about it. She's a very reserved girl, quite unsure of herself sometimes. Soooooo ye I wasn't really getting anything to play off. All I had was her lent up beside me and I had my arm behind ontop of the sofa with her head rested onto it. It was tough situation to navigate in my opinion. The frustrating thing is - I know at this point she is into me. But just going in for a kiss or something would seem very forced and unnatural. I felt like there was never a point where I could just go for it. You know that "You will know" moment. Nah, nothing bro. Gah, I sense that if I did just go and force it at some point - She'd probably reciprocate anyways... But man, i'd much rather do it more smoothly and naturally. If I knew what I was doing then I probably could have created a situation where it was more likely to happen. So here's what I did try in attempt to create a better situation: 1After the film finish, we decided we'd watch a horror movie. Mhm perfect eh, leap into each others arms... Turns out, I couldn't find a decent horror film to save my life. I hate horrors to be honest, especially that paranormal shit. But anyways I thought the jump scares would be funny and a good opportunity. I just randomly picked one. 15 minutes in, we found it pretty boring... There was no jump scares, it was just shitty suspense. So we stopped watching that... So instead we played a video game... :o There's this game on the app store that is really popular at the moment. Called "Granny". She played it a day or so ago and weirdly I randomly decided to look through the app store yesterday and I saw it too, and nearly downloaded it. But anyways she said I should play it. Aight then. Btw Granny is a horror game on your phone. It's one of those, escape the house kinda games whilst a granny lerks around and when she finds you, jumps in your face like slender man. The graphics of her face are terrible, but funny/scary nonetheless. Oh no... I've played a video game! ALL IN THE NAME OF PHYSICAL INTIMACY. So yea, I was playing it. Got scared outta my fucking mind and somehow end up with her legs across my lap as we both stare intensely at this screen. Each time we got jump-scared i'd try and touch her leg or some shit aha. We played that for a little while and I mean, there was alot more physical interaction with each other which was nice. Can't remember what happened next but basically nothing else progressed from that. So then I showed her how shit I am at the splits and then got her to do it too. So ye we're both on the floor, talking a bit - showing pictures on each others phones. Just kinda chilling on the floor. At one point I remember, she was lying on her front and I just look and see her ass and i'm thinking to myself - Oh maynnnnnn We have an arm wrestle in a last ditch attempt for me to try get something to happen. And then it gets too late. It's like 12PM and that's the time her parents wanted her back. So I drove her home, which fuck is 30 minutes each way... THIS TIME I GOT OUT THE CAR AND HUGGED HER @Cam Adair Now, I just want to make it clear - For anyone who is reading my journal. First, thank you for reading it :) - But yeah, when i'm interacting with this girl - I'm not constantly thinking about how I can get her into bed... I am genuinely enjoying the interaction and her company. Obviously i'd like to try and move it towards sex, but ya know at the end of the day... I just have to enjoy it for what it is. I can't purely blame myself for not taking it all the way, but then again - if I did have the skills and maybe courage, it could have happened tonight. But I won't let that stop me from enjoying the beautiful moment with this girl tonight. It's only really once she's gone that I start reflecting on where I could have improved and potentially progressed further. But I should not let that take anything away from what tonight was. Because it was nice, and it was fun. In fact I am simply happy that someone came to my house to spend time with... ME. Do you understand how rare that is for me? From the ages of 14-20 I can probably count on my fingers the amount of times i've had a friend around my house... And i'm not even kidding. Even my best friend who I grew up with rarely ever came to my house. I seriously just never had people hang around with me at my house. And then the same the other way around, I never went to friends houses either. 6 whole fucking years i've lived in isolation and actually, probably more than that... It may not seem like much time to the older folk. But this was during my teens man. The time where you're suppose to be hanging around your friends houses all day, just chatting shit - Developing your social skills. Anyways so yea - When people come around my house I never know what i'm supposed to do lol. I used to be like, oh I just play on my computer all day - wanna watch me play? You can have a go if you want... (Whilst secretly hoping they don't fuck my stats up too much). To finish this off. By the time I got home, it was 1AM. I should have gone to bed but I saw the stars were shining brightly. So I grabbed a jumper and went into the garden. I pulled up a chair and star-gazed for a good 20 minutes. Looking at stars always makes me think about how insignificant everything really is... Nothing really matters at the end of the day. Everything dies, the universe will carry on without a fuck in the world. So why live in your sorrows? Go live a fulfilling life. And you know, something magical happened. As I was thinking this - A shooting star flew past right in front of my eyes. I don't think i've ever seen a shooting star before in my life - And it happened so fast, but it was beautiful. And had I gone to bed taking the "Normal" path of life instead of taking this weird venture into my garden, I would have missed this beautiful moment. And that is what I fear with living a mediocre, same thing every day life. You are missing all of these beautiful experiences. This is why I simply must take the unconventional path. - Brad

I'm in such a weird space right now. The only thing I could think to do is to hop onto the forums and just write. I don't understand - One day I feel on top of the world and then a couple of days later i'm completely contemplating my life. Stuck, unable to take action. All day i've been in a state of I can't be bothered to do anything. But I feel this constant pressure that I should be doing something. And I know what I should be doing. I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. All I need to do is launch my first facebook ad for my necklace product. I'm questioning myself. This whole business shit, do I really want it? Everything is so fucking complicated, so hard. I feel like I just need someone to take me by the hand and show me the way. I know that's not going to happen though, and it's all up to me to make shit happen. I do think I just need to comfort myself by having some sort of income coming in. Which I don't have right now, and I guess that uncertainty is starting to get to me. I say that I want to do writing, but I do really want to do that? I say I want to do web design, but do I really want to do that? I was thinking earlier, I just want to be a scuba diving instructor or a ski instructor, or surf or skydiving instructor. Something exciting. I'm a laid back dude, I just want life to be easy. Yet I don't want to settle for some easy job and be a bum. My mind is pretty fucked right now. I feel clueless as to what I want. I think oh it'll be cool to do that, but then I gotta do this, this spend years doing this before I can do that... I wanna make money online, but I don't know how I want to go about it anymore. What the fuck is wrong with me... I'm overwhelmed as fuck. I'm getting this constant barrage of LOOK HOW MUCH MONEY I'M MAKING ONLINE through my emails, through Facebook, Instagram. I just want to be away from it all. Yet I kinda have to go on these platforms to do certain tasks for my business. I really do just want escape - Go off into the wilderness and be away from it all, everything. Only issue - I don't have the money to buy the equipment right now :/ I just want someone by my side. I'm a lonely ass dying warrior right now. I need someone to show me the way. Else I feel like i'm just going to stay stagnant, and become a worthless piece of shit. That's how I feel right now, a worthless piece of shit. A guy who talks about what he's going to do, but never fuck does it piece of shit. I was very close to just loading up some video games earlier and playing a few games. I've got no escape. What can I do? I can read, but all my books are about business/life-style/self-help. I can go gym maybe, but I still think about shit when i'm at the gym. I've got no friend to just hang with to take my mind off of things. Jesus, this is bad. I feel hopeless. I'm adopting the victim mindset right now and I just can't seem to help it. I feel like I've really fucked my head up by reading all of this entrepreneur shit. I feel like nothing is ever good enough. I feel inferior to these entrepeneurs. Why can't I just do the work like these people can. It feels almost innate inside of me to be a lazy piece of shit, to let other people do the thinking for me, to do everything for me. Did I adopt this laziness from playing video games so much? I don't fucking understand. I'm not lazy when it comes to sports. I work hard then. So the obvious answer to me is, become a professional sportsman or some shit - That would be perfect for me. But that shit don't happen overnight, plus it's alot harder to get started now that i'm 20 instead of 15/16. What sport? I don't fucking know. Join the army. But I don't know if I let myself be bossed around constantly by the higher command. I want fucking freedom. Urghh - What the fuck. I'm gonna buy some acid and go on a psychedelic trip. See if that reveals some answers for me. My mind is just a fog right now. This is why I want to travel so badly, to explore and try new things, to meet new people and discover more about the world and at the same time discover more about myself. I've legit just been living under a rock for the past 10 years. I know fuck all. I feel like this is the only reason I want to have an online business. So I can travel. I think that's the only reason. The work doesn't excite me - It's just a means to an end. Maybe that's why I have days where I struggle to take action, because if that end isn't in sight - I'm thinking what's the fucking point? I've had no successes for a long time and it certainly gets at you. You feel worthless, you doubt everything. That is exactly what I'm going through right now. It's a deadly cycle though... You see no results, so you get demotivated, so you take less action, which means you see even less results and therefore get even more demotivated... And it just goes ON AND ON. NO Results. It's when I see results that I get excited and motivated. That's why I was so pumped the other day, because I bagged a movie date with the girl i've been speaking to. That is a result. Business side of things. No Results. Zero. Nil, nadda. Fuck all. So let's rearrange that cycle huh. Take consistent ACTION despite what my fucking head is telling me. Eventually, I will start to get SMALL wins, Results... Stick at it you beautiful piece of shit. You know what you need to do. Launch that ad. See the statistics, optimize. Hopefully get results. Once launched, start actually looking for freelance work. Writing - Urghh I'm still a bit unsure of this and I think that's why i'm procrastinating... But apparently it's a good way to break into freelancing. Run through the local business SEO course that I found and help my Dad get his business running better. He's pilling alot of pressure onto me to help him out. His business is failing and I feel I have this obligation to try and help him. If I do help him get some more work, I can go work with him for a bit. MAKE MONEY, BUY BACKPACKING SHIT AND FUCK OFF AROUND THE WORLD. BOOM BABY, Is that the key? Once abroad. Learn to scuba-dive and get certified. Travel the world as a scuba dive instructor. I just need to make and save money right now. That is what I need to do. And that is why i'm feeling down, because I have no money coming in. Get money, buy essential equipment to go travelling, go travel and fucking live life how it's suppose to be lived. And whilst I do that - Actually see what all this love and sex shit is about. Cause oh man, i'm clueless on that. Some say money is the root of all evil. All I see is money being the gateway to the life I want. Now I just gotta make that $$$ baby. AND THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE THAT $$$ IS TO TAKE ACTION DESPITE YOUR PUNEY FEELINGS. FEELINGS AIN'T SHIT SON. BE PRO-ACTIVE, SET A SCHEDULE - THAT'S WHY YOU FEEL LOST. YOU DIDN'T ORGANISE YOUR DAY BITCH. Suck my dick Brad - You went down that rabbit hole because you shoved your own head into it. Pull it out and take a shit in it. Phew, I feel a little better now. Time to go do that ad.

Not posted in a while! Will kick it off by saying, I've bagged myself a movie date AT MY HOUSE with the girl i've been speaking to! She's coming round my house next weekend and we're gonna watch a film together! And i'm kinda losing my shit a little, like holy shit... WHAT. I NEVER have people come and hang with me around my house, and now i've got a girl who's fucking interested in me coming to chill with me! Oh fuck I'm excited, i'm nervous and what the fuck... This is some next level shit for me maynn. I don't wanna think about no end goal, I just wanna enjoy the process. BUT MAN COULD BE GETTING SOME PUSSAAY Ahahaha Gahhh, I don't wanna hype it up but it's a motherfucking possibility! That V card could be getting thrown outta the window. I'm pumped yo! I'm actually in love with my journey right now. I'm going after my goals, i'm working towards them. Not settling for shiiiit. Not having to go to work has been so beautiful for me. I've been able to recharge, catch up on lost sleep. Spend more time with my family. I've been able to put more time into my projects, go do random shit in the middle of the day. A big realisation for me, I am really unproductive at home. Like seriously unproductive. I've spent a few days working from a coffee shop and man I get so much more shit done! I do plan on reading a book on productivity, because I do think i'm still pretty awful at being productive. Not having someone telling me what to do and having complete control over my time sure hits you hard, and i'll admit - I'm still getting used to it and have wasted alot of time. But gee, I love the freedom. I've been getting alot of "Do you even know what you're doing" talk from my family. And "Why the fuck did you do that". But fuck it I remain strong, I tell them my plan and my goals. And don't stand down. Yesterday, my friend taught me to longboard. I picked it up super quick and I fucking loved it! The feeling of gliding down a hill feels so damn gooood, and just carving it up ahah. Literally it took me 5 minutes to get used to it and then I just gradually keep going higher and higher up the hill and onto steeper and steeper hills ahah. SooOooo good. I've been focusing alot of my time setting up a sales funnel and I wanna try and do some more dropshipping. It's pretty much ready to go now. I'm gonna to be trying to sell custom jewelry. I've got some pretty big ideas for this store, check it out here: https://rowingnecklace.engravedme.com/gold-rowing-oars-necklace. It was created using clickfunnels and is linked to a shopify store. After the checkout pages comes a few upsells/downsells. I took inspiration for the rowing because my sister is a rower and said she loved the design. SO we'll see how I do. HOWEVER, now that i've nearly got it set up. I do seriously need to start trying to find freelance work. Because at the end of the day, the whole E-Commerce stuff will take alot of time. Unless I get lucky, but I cannot bank on that. By tommorow I should have got it all ready to go, so then I will then start to focus my attention on trying to find some actual work. Because right now, i'm getting paid to stay at home - But come June 1st I won't be getting any income, so i've gotta make sure i've got something where I can make money. Else i'm gonna have to get a part-time job. Which I will try and do bartending if I have to. Final thing - I went and had a coffee with the owner of my martial arts class last week. I'm going to be helping them out with their social media stuff. For now I won't be getting paid, but it'll be a good learning experience for sure. And if I do start getting results I could potentially turn them into a paying client. I did tell them that I want to make sure i've got my own shit sorted first before I can help them, they said no problem so we're all good. But yeah - Despite what my family think, I feel like i've got things under control. I'm loving life right now, even though to most it's nothing special haha. I actually just love the process and the fact that I can do different things each day, wake up when I want, do what I want, be where I want. OH - I read a fucking amazing book and it inspired the hell out of me. I read "How to travel the world on $10 a day". It's essentially a backpacking guide book. Oh man, this is what I really wanna do. This is why i'm doing all of this. He mentions in the book about digital nomads and how that is how you pro-long your travels. But fuck, he talks about his stories and all the crazy shit you can do whilst travelling. A huge thing that is really getting me stoked, is camping actually. Hiking in a random place and just setting up a tent and sleeping in the wild man. And meeting like-minded people on my travels. fauuuk - Literally reading that book has just took my inspiration to the next level, and I just have to make it happen. I have got to travel, I have got to go back-packing. And I will, I will make it happen. I ain't giving up ever, I ain't about backing down m8. Off to go train, peace. Brad

I'M FREE! I was called into a meeting today. I was told I have been put on gardening leave. SOOO, I don't have to go into work for the next 4 weeks and i'm still getting paid! Mayn, I was bailing outta work like (me diving off a pier in Australia) Holy shit i'm so excited! A new chapter in my life begins! ------------------------------------- Time to get serious. Now that I have been put on leave. I have all of this time to really focus on getting myself sorted out. First things first, Scheduling my day is now UBER important. I just need to figure out the best way to do this. I have got google calendars which I can use across all devices. I'd also like to have something physical that I can pin on my wall so that I can cross items off as I complete them. I also have got to study up on the best way to make to-do lists and becoming more productive. Second. It's time to really start looking for clients. Over the past 4 days i've been writing 3 emails a day. I waited until this morning to send them due to it being the weekend and then a bank holiday Monday. So this morning I sent 13 emails to different local SEO agencies. I'm going to be signing up to a whole bunch of freelance websites too. ------------------------------------- I'm really not worried. I feel like my mindset is in the right place. I know that I can make this work, and I know I will find a way. As soon as I'm making enough of an income, i'm going to start looking to move out. Move country. What do I define as a enough? I'd say I want to be making £1000 a month. I need around £500 for basic living costs at the moment. The number 1 priority however, is my Mum. I won't leave until I know she will be able to survive without me paying her each month. She depends on me paying my board money each month, which is only £225. Hopefully she'll be getting a new job soon, and then she may have to rent out my room. Sure it makes the situation for me more difficult, but fuck it - That's how it is and i've got to just figure out a way to deal with it. I certainly feel like i'm ready to start living independently now. Or at least I want to start living independently. I don't want to depend on anyone anymore. Currently my Mum does the shopping, my Sister or Mum cooks the majority of my meals, my Mum does the washing and ironing meanwhile I do fuck all at the moment. Obviously it makes it easier for me to concentrate on the business side of things so i'm not complaining. But I realise I soon should start helping out and learning to do it all by myself. Else imma be fucked if I move country and try to live by myself aha. -------------------------------------- So this is really happening. My dreams are getting closer and closer. I've made some HUGE changes in the past 8 months. First deciding to quit video games, which just opened up all the doors - Some that you'd rather keep hidden. Travelling to Australia for 1 month - Completely set my mind on making this happen. Going on my first date, which went well - Which helps me feel confident that I can attract women. Quitting my job - Well it's do or die baby. Learning to fight - No motherfucker intimidates me now, I walk with confidence. Surrounding myself online with like-minded people - Joining this forum, being part of facebook groups, having @Cam Adair as my mentor, joining a digital nomad community. ALL of this has helped me MASSIVELY in the sense of knowing that i'm not fucking crazy, and the lifestyle I want IS possible. It has helped me overcome all of the negative chatter telling me that I should stay safe, you've got a good job, that's only a dream - come back to reality. -------------------------------------- So, I owe it to myself to stay accountable. I never want to go back to working in an office EVER again. Fuck that. It's only up to me to make sure this doesn't happen. I will always write in my journal with complete transparency. If ya'll reading my journal see that i'm slacking, pull me up on it. I welcome all criticism, in fact I WANT criticism. I know i've still got alot bad habits that need ironing out. One huge one that needs to change is the fact that I talk too much about what i'm going to do rather than doing it. I'm from now on only going to say shit, that I know I will do. Infact, I should already be doing it before I say anything. ---------------------------------------- Woooo - I really don't know what's waiting for me in the future, but that is what's so god damn exciting. I certainly cannot predict it, but I can steer it. Gonna go eat, then i'm gonna go gym in the middle of the day. Because I can now. :) - Brad

Hey man, I definetely relate to you on this one. Basically what @thehondasc00py said. Try and go into conversations with the mindset that you will find out what makes that person tick. They will always give you hints, you just have to actually listen. You will find they will eventually say something you resonate with and then this is your chance to start speaking more. To be able to have more things to resonate with other people about. You do just have to start doing new things. I started saying yes to any invitations I recieved. (There wernt many but still). If something sounds boring, which when I started doing this everything seemed boring at first... Go anyways, you don't know what will happen. Use meetup.com. Try and find an improv class to go to. Look you will feel awkward as fuck at first, but you WILL get better :) I did this for a while and I'm considering on finding another. I tried salsa dancing, martial arts, started cooking a bit more, went travelling, started building an online business, went to nightclubs by myself. And I plan to do alot more! When people start speaking to you and they find out you do all these different things, if they're a good conversationalist they will get intrigued and ask you about it. Start getting curious about shit. If you walk down the same street everyday, take a random turn and see where it leads. For the productivity stuff, what I have started doing is writing the ONE thing that I want doing that day. And get it done first. The day is then won and you then don't have to feel guilty about not getting all this other shit done. Another note on this, schedule your day. Allocate time to get the important shit done and then have a time slot where you allow yourself to goof around and do what you want. I hope this helps dude. And trust me, I know exactly how you feel. Brad

@Dannigan - Dude I totally relate to this. The only difference is I was only making £18k a year... And it was sucking up all of my time. fUUUk that.

Holy shit. I handed my resignation in at work today. I bet ya didn't see that one coming... Me neither to be fair. Something just flipped inside of me. My gut has been telling me to do it for a long time - And I finally just listened to it. I was watching a video on youtube yesterday of this guy who's living in Bali and I just thought, FUCK IT - I'm handing in my resignation tomorrow. The other thing that spurred me to do it, is that I was warned at work that my internet usage has been noticed and I was going to be getting a letter from HR. I haven't received this letter yet but it's either gonna say that i'm fired anyways or give me a final warning. Hearing this I thought to myself, why am I doing this to myself? The only reason i was ever on the internet was because I was researching ways to get outta there lol. When I went to bed last night and when I woke up this morning I was so pumped, excited and confident that I was finally going to be doing this. And then as I got closer and closer to work the voices in my head started kicking in. "You're not ready bro, do you even know what you're gonna do? It's not that bad here..." I sat down at my desk, took a deep breath and then just thought to myself. FUCK IT - And started writing my resignation. Printed that fucker out, signed it, stuck it in an envelope and put it into my boss's in-tray. He wasn't there at the time. So I walked back to my desk and wrote an email telling him to read the letter I put in his in-tray. Before I hit send, I had this last minute resistance. FUCK, SHOULD I SEND IT? It's not too late, I can quickly go back and grab the letter. I took a deep breath and hit send. No going back now. And then I waited... It was another 30 minutes until he returned to his desk. He then walked off again shortly after, had he read it? I walked past his desk to check if it was still there, and it WAS. Gah, so at that point I just forgot about it and got on with my work with this excited nervous feeling brewing in my stomach. AND THEN after an hour, he APPEARED. Standing in-front of my desk. "Come with me". Oh... Shit. We went into a meeting room and then he told me he read my letter. He told me he wasn't sure what was going to happen because of my internet usage so that implies to me that I was on the brink of getting fired anyways... I told him about my dreams and ambitions and that i'd been working on a business on the side. I told him that I know i've been under-performing and that this felt like the right thing to do. I did say how I thought the company was great and all of the employees are awesome etc, which I was being genuine. It is a sick company to work for, it just does not align with how I want to live my life. He told me that people will be sad that i'm leaving. Which by the way is bullshit - No one gives a shit. Which is saddening but enlightening at the same time. Maybe for like 2 seconds they'll be sad that i'm going if that and then they'll continue with their lives. It was like that when I crashed my motorbike, "Oh no, you okay?... when can you come in?". Someone nearly died in a motorcycle crash commuting to work, he's still in hospital now 6 months later. People do go and see him to check how he's getting on. But guess what, he's been replaced. Forgotten pretty much, life goes on. So anyways. I don't know when my last day is. He's going to speak to HR so I assume i'll find out next week at some point. As for my future. There is nothing set in place, which probably made my decision to resign extremely stupid. But I do believe I'm going to work it out. There is always a way and I know i'm going to figure something out. The current ideas/possibilites that i've got are: 1. Continue to look for writing work by emailing marketing agencies etc. 2. Build a sales funnel (taking part in a May 30 day challenge where the guy who taught me about shopify, facebook ads, google analytics etc is running through how to make sales with clickfunnels) I feel confident that if I follow through with his advice, which I trust deeply and with the knowledge I already have around facebook ads, dropshipping etc, I feel pretty confident I can make this work. In addition to that i'm reading an amazing marketing book by Russel Branson (Founder of Clickfunnels) called DotCom Secrets. And holy shit this book is gold and i've not even got a quarter of the way through it yet. He has another one called Expert Secrets that I want to read after. I feel that the knowledge i'm going to gain from this book is going to help me really succeed with sales. The week 2 content is being released on Monday which will be getting into the nitty gritty of how to do it all. So i'm super excited for that. Let's see what happens, it may be a complete bust or it may have some success. Time will only tell :) 3. Work for my Dad - Help him on-site and also with his website and facebook advertising. I would have to move to my Dad's though, which is 3 hours from my Mum. This is one problem that I need to careful of. My Mum is really struggling with money and she does really need my board each month. So I don't know how this one plays out if I move to my Dad's... I really don't want to have to keep paying my Mum even though I don't live there :/ Ya unfortunately I don't have the privilege that many kids have where they can stay at home with mum and dad for free. Cause oh man, if that was the case I woulda left my work a year ago and got shit figured out aha. 4. Get a bar job or retail assistant. - Part time work to pay my board whilst also allowing me to work on my social skills and meet new people. 5. FINALLY fix my motherfucking motorbike sell it and sell my gaming PC. It's actually pissing me off now how much i've been putting off fixing my motorbike. I keep saying i'm going to do it, but I never do. The money from that should keep me a float for at least a month or two. 6. Sell cryptocurrencies and live off of that money for a bit So yeah, off the top of my head i've got a few options. I'd say i've probably got a month to try make money online before I really need to find a part-time job to be able to pay the bills. What i'm thinking is best for me to do right now. Is to work for my Dad which will allow me to learn some woodwork skills which I'm kinda interested in. Whilst also learning how small businesses work on a greater level as i'll be helping him more closely with his website, social media and will be around him when he's talking to clients probably. And when i'm not working with my Dad, I can focus on my writing jobs and also see if I can get some sales through a sales funnel. Ultimately, the goal right now before I can move to Bali is this. I want to be consistently earning $100 (£75) a day via online income. Apparently that should be enough to be able to survive and have a good living out there. I feel that, that is more than achievable. SO... Have I just fucked up my life? Nah... I don't think so - My Mum thinks so. AHA. I haven't told my Dad yet. I live in uncertain times, but i'm young. No matter what happens I will be able to bounce back. I'm not going to die, well I will actually and that's why I gotta live my life how I want to live it. I've got a great family so I would like to think they'll never let me starve or go homeless. I know there are millions of opportunities out there. I know that I don't have to settle for anything. I can keep trying, I can keep failing... But I know I will figure this shit out. To my uncertain but exciting future! - Brad

I feel fantastic today! Feeling so good I just want to write a little haha. I stuck to my word and finished my payments with Cam. It was tough and I've had very little money for quite a few months. But it feels very good to stick to your word. And I'm grateful for the many insights and transformations I've gone through during this period. It truly will serve me for the rest of my life. Me and the girl I've been going on dates with are just going to be friends. And I'm totally cool with that. We're definitely still gonna hang out which is awesome! It was kind of a combination of she's heading off to uni so doesn't want to commit to a relationship and I want to travel too. Also confidence played a part. But I really can see us becoming good friends if we continue to see each other. I'm just happy I'm making friends :D I achieved an orange belt in my martial art (NUDDA). Which isn't that easy to get, there are not many people who wear that belt and I've only been doing it for like 7 months! So that feels super awesome. I was at a seminar this weekend where the master of NUDDA came down and taught us some things. On the Sunday we did ground work, like wrestling and all that and I really loved it. There is just something about wrestling with other guys that is extremely fun and challenging. I'm not gay. It's weird but I like getting my ass kicked, it means I've got a lot to learn. I was a bit fed up yesterday and when I got home from work I decided to start reading 4 hour work week by Tim Ferris. I got a super strong urge to just give in my resignation immediately. I'm giving myself a deadline of 31st of may, that's when I'll definitely give in my resignation, if not sooner. Whilst reading the book, I read something that really sparked up some passion inside of me. He mentioned that he did some tango dancing in Argentina and I was thinking, holy shit... I would fucking love to dance in Brazil or some shit. And I had a quick think about my past and my love for dancing is there. I used to be that kid on holiday who would dance on the stage with not a fuck in the world, I'm that guy on the dance floor in nightclubs who goes crazy. Any time music is being played in the house, I start fucking dancing. Literally I cannot help it, my foot just starts moving and then I break out into a full on dance routine ahah. And then I had this crazy vision of what my perfect life would look like. I'd been in a place like brazil where they have a very outgoing fun culture. I'd have a sexy Brazilian dance partner and we'd have a really close connection to each other and absolutely kill the dance floor. I'd be immersed in the culture and have developed strong relationships with the coffee shop employees whilst working on ma business. I'd be speaking Spanish to them and we'd joke around and have a fun vibe. I can go off and have surf breaks. I'd own a cool ass looking motorbike and would train martial arts. So in essence, and I really can see myself becoming this guy. I'd be this tall, handsome fella whom has real confidence and charisma about him. He'd be pretty badass as he rides a cool looking motorbike and can fight and then by the night turns into this elegant, smooth mover. And I just know that as an added bonus to that, girls would fall head over heels for me. I will live my life like the film Point Break - Just going off and doing awesome shit all the time, living on the edge. Skydiving, skiing, scuba diving, surfing, bungee jumping. Dayum it's all to play for, and it's only up to me to build that life for myself.

@JustTom - Ahah that was... different. ??

Holy moly, i'm buzzing! I just did like the smoothest thing - Felt like I did something you'd see in a movie Before I say what I did, I went on a second date! It was with the same girl. I had been messaging her a bit after the first date and she hinted in one of the messages about ice skating and how she hadn't been in forever. So I was like, PERFECT. We're going ice skating. The ice rink was a 40 minute drive away + I had to drive 30 minutes to pick her up. So alot of driving on my part, but fuck it in the name of experience haha. Today I told myself that the aim of the date was to get more physical, and potentially go for a kiss. When I picked her up, I made sure to go in for the hug this time! On route to the ice rink we just chatted a little bit and played music - (I'll talk a little bit about this at the end) Once we arrived and got our boots on, it was ready to ice skate! She kept insisting how bad she was going to be and I could tell she was kinda nervous about it. So I grabbed her hand and led her to the ice, I stepped on first to make sure I could still do it and then helped her on. At first she was very shakey but I just held her strongly and we started to move forwards. Despite kinda losing her balance every so often she started to get the hang of it which was awesome. It meant I didn't have to stick to the walls all evening haha. We was having alot of fun, especially when she kept nearly falling over and i'd hold her up. A couple of times she'd pretty much fall over and somehow I'd manage to grab her and we'd fall into each others arms whilst staying on our feet haha. Was some pretty funny shit, although I got lipstick on my new white t-shirt! We'd head to the side, have a little rest and a little chat and then continue. At one point however, I said I was gonna do one lap by myself. So I sped off, I got way too cocky and tried to take a corner too quick and fell over! Of course she was watching ahaha. Oh well... She was laughing. And then after that we both fell over together twice, luckily neither of us got hurt, although my elbow feels a bit bruised and also my watch snapped off! I think it's only a link break, so no biggie. Falling over was pretty funny actually haha. Cheesy disco music started playing and in the centre of the ice rink a bunch of 12-16 year olds started congregating to dance to the music. So I was like, yo we're gonna go dance. She was tryna resist but I kept insisting whilst guiding her to the middle. Had a bit of a boogie on ice, that was pretty funny. Okay so now I felt the vibe was going great. We were having alot of fun together. We were chilling at the side of the ice rink and she said "I find it really hard to read you". I was like what do you mean by that? And she replied "I never know what you're thinking". So then I was like "Let me show you what i'm thinking", extended my arm out to the back of her head, pulled her in slightly and I went for the kiss! BOOM, she kissed me back for like a good 5 seconds. yooooooOOOoooooo like I just pulled that one off! For the rest of the night I was skating around like yeaaa boiii. Thankfully things never went awkward after the kiss, we kinda just continued on as if it never even happened to be honest. I didn't kiss her again for the rest of the night though, but ah well. To be honest, she is quite shy in the sense of not wanting to express herself. Like she's not shy talking, but will never initiate anything or even give anything to go off in that sense. If ya get what I mean... So basically I have to initiate everything else nothing will happen. Which... I'm super fucking inexperienced myself so I have no clue what i'm doing. Lol So yeah, we had alot of fun whilst ice skating. We then drove home where we probably talked a little less and just played music. She did initiate the hug in the car when I dropped her off though. So overall the date went pretty fucking good! I achieved both of my goals for the date and had a good time with her :) Now for some things that I seriously do need to work on, because I feel i'm getting super lucky with this girl and would be fucked if it was anyone else. First off. I've gotta develop my music taste, my Spotify playlist is just a bunch of random crap. I don't really know what my favourite genre of music is. I don't really have any favourite songs, and I don't know the lyrics to pretty much any song. I do know a few words in some songs. And i'm terrible with song names and artists. I want to have the ability to sing along with a girl or friends etc... As I feel this can create an awesome bond between the two of you. Like, I did actually try singing out a few words in one of the songs aha - She just laughed at me haha. I definitely want to be more talkative - Like cool, I don't mind being quiet. But I want to be able to initiate more conversations, have the ability to bring up more topics and all that. Because genuinely, I didn't really have a filter tonight - There is just never anything in my head that I want to talk about. And when you look at how my life has been, you can see why. I spent many years just playing computer games and not learning about other things. And now I just sit in an office all day for 40+ hours a week, doing the same thing and not experiencing anything to talk about. I don't want to rely on the other person in the conversation always coming up with things to talk about. It's certainly not a nervous thing, because it happens with my Mum and Sister. Whom I certainly do not feel anxious or anything around. I'm very quiet around them too, I do want to have more things to talk about. I honestly think it's down to my experiences in life. I've gotta get better at communicating too. Just in general the way I structure my words when I speak. I should definitely slow down when I speak, that'll probably help. And I've got to start being more certain of myself. Like the girl i've been on the dates with isn't very sure of herself either half the time, so I get away with being uncertain about things. But if i'm to have any chance at all with real secure women, then i'm fucked as I am right now basically. This is basically what i'm realising with going on the dates with this girl. I'm getting seriously lucky with her because she's young and I guess kinda insecure herself (I don't know, but that's what i'm kind of sensing). But I really am fucked as I am right now if I ever go for higher status women (I don't really like wording it/saying it like that) but I hope you get what I mean. I know I know what I mean ahaha. Butttt yeah, I do like this girl. I think she's really cool and is into all of the kinda stuff i'm into. And definitely has a good sense of humour too. We'll see what happens. I just worry that because i'm not very talkative that's putting her off.

The date went really well! We were talking and laughing away for more than 2 hours and that time went SUPER quick. We only had one drink each and it lasted the whole 2 hours because we were talking so much haha. So yeah I had a ton of fun and I believed she enjoyed herself too. I have learnt alot through just that one date too. Now although I wasn't being critical or analysing anything whilst in the interaction, i'm still aware of what I really need to improve on and have learnt some huge lessons too. I believe I do now understand the foundations of how to be an attractive male, which has helped me tremendously but it still means jackshit, experience is key. Action is KEY. For me personally, any theory i've read goes out of my head when i'm sitting there infront of the girl. I just have to rely on my natural instincts combined with any concepts I remember. The thing that made the evening great, because this could have made things super awkward had I gone about it differently. I was willing to be vunerable, I accepted and laughed about my downfalls - And holy shit I discovered many whilst on the date haha. First of all, i'm actually pretty darn stupid. I really do not know much. I'm a very basic dude who keeps things simple. We both realised this pretty much straight away haha, for example when we first arrived we ordered drinks. She had some weird cocktail thing and I thought she said it was called margarita or some shit (I was constantly mishearing what she was saying, which was making her laugh - I just wish I was doing it intentionally instead of accidently haha). I went for a gin and tonic - The bartender asked me how I wanted it. And I had no clue! After randomly picking a gin and then choosing tap over bottle, she said "ooooh bad choice" and then told me what I SHOULD have had. She then proceeded to ask about what drinks I like where I could literally only answer like - Errr well I like vodka and coke, i've heard of sex on the beach - No clue what's in it, woo woo - same thing. Same thing happened when we had a conversation about food. I was like err well I like chicken and rice. I took it in my stride, I admitted yea I don't know much i'm very simple and we just laughed about it. I surprised myself by how naturally funny I can be, I have a very sarcastic animated sense of humour. And I love re-referencing stupid shit she said earlier on in the conversation. (apparently dogs feet smell like popcorn... xD) I was very truthful about my gaming past and even admitted that I did feel nervous about this date and thought it would be very awkward. We bonded over this and she said she felt the same and anytime we felt it got a bit awkward, we just laughed about it. I have a very laid back view on life, so I don't take anything that serious and hence why I can so easily laugh about myself or admit faults. No point getting sad about it, own it baby. I 100 percent need to work on my story telling, I felt like everytime I tried explaining something - I was losing her. I could see it in her body language. It's almost like I find it difficult to structure my words properly, nervousness probably wasn't helping. And that's why I just need to keep trying and gradually building my social confidence. I was also lucky in the fact that she would always have something to reignite the conversation. Whenever the conversation died out, half the time my mind would go blank so I just sat there confidently with a smile on my face and just looked her directly in the eyes. EVERYTIME I did this, she'd say "What!?" and then laughed. Finally, I didn't build any physical interactions. It was kinda difficult to do as we were sat at a longish table directly facing each other. If I wasn't in the car when I dropped her off, then i'd probably have gone in for a hug. And probably when walking to the car I should have gone for the hand. OH WELL. I'm happy and content with how the night went. I'm super stoked that I even went on a date and survived! My only goal going into the date was to simply chill out, have fun and completely be myself, and that is exactly what I did. So I couldn't be happier. Infact i've not stopped smiling all day, I write this message with a huge grin on my face. And you know what's amazing! "Go on a date" was a goal of mine that I set last month. And I gave myself 2 months to achieve it and i've done it! :D As for what happens with this girl, I like her and we were cracking up the whole time so I'm assuming she likes me too. I'll try to see if I can take her on a second date, hopefully doing something more activity based this time. btw this chick is apparently a bit of an adrenaline junkie, rides on the back of her dad's motorbike all the time, loves watching the motogp and loves watersports and skiing. BRUH, I'd be stupid to not try progress anything with her. She literally ticks many of the boxes I'd look for in a girl. Fuck I don't want to fall head over heels for her, but it's pretty difficult not to when you have hardly any social life and she just has many qualities I'd look for in a girl. I know I don't really know what other girls are like, but I literally feel like I've hit a right gem of a girl on the first try lol. @JustTom - I think I just learn things super quick, I certainly was never a natural with women. I come from being as beta as a guy can be lol. But then again for years on end I hardly interacted with people at all. But yeah I do believe I have natural care free fun side to me and I'm just seriously inexperienced. And I know that once I start experiencing more of these things, I'm going to start becoming really confident and be naturally attractive to many women. But yeah letting loose and being comfortable around people is something I strive to improve at. And for sure on the RSD pickup thing. Yes it'd be cool to go around banging a load of chicks. But for me personally, I want connection. Just from having this one girl enter my social life, actually having someone who I can text during the day. I have just felt so content with my life. I'm just happy. I just want to get to a point where I am confident around all women, I know that I can attract them and just build connections with people who share the same values as me. Sex is obviously something I'd like to experience, but I realise now that it is only because of the connection it can bring. I'm not so bothered about just getting my dick wet for the sake of it. It's simple for me - When I feel connected to people, I feel on top of the world - Floating on clouds. When I know I'm making an impact on someones life, I feel awesome. Life is fucking good.

The date is happening :) Going out for drinks at a lounge type bar in her town. I'm pretty nervous haha - But excited too. I know just before picking her up, my anxiety level will be high as fuck but i'm just going to embrace it. Let go of it and just try my best to be chill, let loose. Fuckk, i'm actually quite scared haha Not gotta let any doubts rule me anymore, screw that - I've been doubting my ability for too long. I'm letting go. Whatever happens, happens. I've proved to myself that I can build attraction in nightclubs, I can kiss girls in nightclubs. I've proved to myself that I can keep a text conversation going. I've now proved to myself that a girl wants to go on a date with me. Now let's go prove to myself that I can actually go on a date. May this be the start to my dating life. - Brad

Okay ladies and gentlemen. I may be going on a date! I was texting that girl quite a lot yesterday, and she seemed quite interested to get to know me more as she was asking me many questions. I thought fuck it, lets see if we can get her on a date. So I asked what her favourite things were to do in Hinkley which is where she lives - Also where I go to work. Apparently, there isn't much going on other than the Italian food was great, I kinda already knew this too because everyone at work says nothing is going on there. Anyways, I said i'm not much of a foodie but let's do something on Wednesday evening. And said that we can find something I'll kick your ass at. She was down and after a bit of arranging, we agreed that Wednesday would work. I always hear that dinner dates aren't a great first date. I want to do something different, and she certainly seemed like the kinda of person who is down for anything. SOO..... I've been looking for things to do there and I'm not having much luck, but then one thing jumped out at me and I was like holy crap - That could be awesome! Swimming. I think we should go swimming :D I briefly mentioned that I wanted to travel and surf and she said she tried surfing but wasn't so successful and also admitted she wasn't that good of a swimmer. So this could either go down really well or not haha. One thing to note too, I don't have that much money to spend right now - So it's also a very cheap date haha. But I think it could be a great thing to do, and it definitely provides MANY opportunities to get close. And just as a bonus, there is a bar just down the road which we could potentially go to afterwards. So i'm going to message her later saying something like "Okay, i've found something perfect! You're either gonna hate it or love it :D". I'll leave it at that and create some suspense. Once she replies i'll wait a little bit and then tell her. We'll see what the reaction is. Obviously she is going to need to be comfortable about her body which, she's really into fitness so I don't see why she wouldn't be... And then obviously you cannot really wear makeup in the swimming pool either xD If she doesn't like the idea then i'll probably just take her for some food. Either way, i'm pretty fucking excited. And I know this is bad, but I can't stop thinking about it either... I'll keep ya posted! - Brad

I had such an awesome day yesterday! It involves a beautiful bike ride that could have ended in misery, meeting the wrong Chris, pulling a cute chick in a club and then nearly getting kicked out of the club! And then masterfully finding a place to sleep at night. It's a long post, so buckle in for the ride :) I decided to take the day off and do absolutely nothing work related. I went to my fitness class in the morning and then because the weather was beautiful, I took myself on a 3 hour bike ride. Literally just packed some food, grabbed my bike and just rode where ever my nose fancied. England really is a beautiful place in the country side. I was riding along side flower covered fields, down some nice bendy roads. I had the warm breeze rushing into my face and a clear blue sky above me. It was just me and nature and it felt great. You only really enjoy it when the weather is nice, which is not very often! On my way home I got curious about this road that I've never been down before. So I went down it, I then saw an entrance to a canal path. And decided to ride along side the canal. Unfortunately I picked up a puncture! I think it may have happened when I jumped off of this wall thing. And I still had 30 minutes of riding left! It also started raining. You'd think this would kill the mood, but I stayed in good spirits. Laughed at how typical it was this happened and just carried on. When I got home I was just happy. In bliss. I was just talking to myself and chatting some random ass shit which was making me laugh. I don't even know where it was coming from but I just kept rolling. If someone walked in on me they'd probably think I'd gone mental haha. In the evening, I went out. The end of the night was sooooooOo good. I started off by going to watch some live rock bands, I was invited by this guy named Chris whom I met at this other live show i went to. He was on first. It's funny, I actually mistakened this Chris guy for some other guy called Chris i know. So for like the first 10 minutes after arriving I was walking around trying to look for this other Chris. I looked at the act on stage and thought to myself. Hey I've seen that guy before, what are the chances of him being here... And then it hit me. Ohhh shit, he's fucking Chris ? My friend Milan turned up about 10 minutes after I arrived too. Which saved me, I felt so out of place. I'm not a rock kid like all these people surrounding me. I only went to watch the show because i thought I was watching this OTHER Chris! Most of the time there was quite boring to me. There were some cool acts though, although we spent alot of the night outside not watching the acts. Milan had 2 friends come down and then spent so much time talking about the technical side to music, so I had pretty much zero input. Milan is the guy who's event I went to last weekend. At one point I got so bored of listening to them. I saw this girl who was sitting by herself, she was the ticket person who mans the front door. She was cute though, I just thought fuck it - and walked up to her. This by the way was my first attempt at walking up to a random chick at a bar. Chatted for a little while, didn't really get anywhere attraction wise but I did find out she's a graphic designer and got her on instagram so I could hit her up if i need some designs doing. This is probably why I never built attraction ? We left that place and then went to another bar. Where again they spent alot of time talking about music. We finally left the bar, and I managed to convince Milan to go to the club. I was going to go regardless if he came or not. We got in the club and he wasn't really enjoying it, he wanted to keep going to different floors and to the smoking area. I was like fuck this, I just wanna dance man. He said he was gonna go home and that was cool with me, I felt like I was being held back whilst he was there. So he left and I started doing my thing! AND THIS IS WHERE IT GETS EPIC So I was dancing for a while and at this point I hadn't approached anyone. I looked at the time and saw that I only had an hour left. I thought to myself, man I don't want to have any regrets about this night. A girl was dancing with her friend near me, and I think she did take a couple of glances in my direction. I thought, DO IT BRO! Just try dance with them. I felt this huge resistance but I decided to push right through it. I grabbed her hand and her friends hand and well... The rest is history! She was immediately receptive so I had it cut out pretty easy. So I danced with them both for a bit, using my good ol' twizzle dance move whilst progressively getting closer to the girl. I had to be concious that she was with her friend though, I didn't want to pull her away from her. As she'd only come back and cockblock me. I told her that I felt bad for leaving her friend out. Fortunately the friend went off to look for her other friends. Boom I immediately progressed and smoothly went in for the kiss. After dancing and kissing for a little bit her friends took notice and came over to try 'rescue' her. We moved to the bar area and this is really where it was game ON. I had to win the friends over else this was going no further. And mayn, I WAS ON FIREEEEEEE. I honestly felt like such a player, I was suprising myself by how naturally and cooly I was taking control of the situation. I spent some time playfully teasing the friends, teasing Millie (the girl). Not being pushy, just being a fun guy. Bringing value to the group. Two of her friends were both named Caitlyn and I used that as my way of gaining their trust. I created a competition to see who was the best Caitlyn and then used this to talk to everyone else in the group. It also helped me to remember their names! Something I've always strugged with, and suprisingly I somehow managed to remember Millie's name all night too. At one point we returned to the dance floor and she admitted she forgot my name! Oh man I used this to create some MAD tension. I looked at her playfully serious and then said something like "What! You forgot my name, nah I'm done" and then started to walk off. She was like noooo. And this is where I was smoooth as fuck, I stopped in time with the music. Turned my head back to her with the beat, spun around, grabbed her hand, pulled her in close and kissed her ? I eventually told her and she thought I said bread and this became an on going joke for the rest of the night. Oh. You know the part where people say 'just buy her a drink'. Well fuck that, she bought me a drink and then her friend bought me a drink too. And this is where I just had zero fucks, I was confidently doing things that other guys just wouldn't usually do. I was creating this unique adventure for the girl, ripping her out of the norm. Maybe this is like the one advantage of not going out that often, I don't know the social norms so whatever i do is gonna be a unique, different experience haha. I spilt my drink over her hands and mine. You know what I did? It's pretty fucking disgusting where i think about it but it was funny. I just started licking it off the top of her hand. I then rubbed my hand over her face and started licking her face. She found it hilarous ? We kept dancing and finding moments to kiss. Then I nearly got kicked out! I kept picking her up and dancing with her. The bouncer didn't seem to like that for some reason. He told me off at least 4 times but I kept doing it. But then the final straw was, we were at the side and I was just propped up against the railing and she was dancing with me. I didn't think there was nothing wrong but obviously things must have looked pretty sexual. He came over and gestured for me to leave. I was walking with him and he told me, "This is not a sex show bro" ? Bruh, it honestly wasn't even that bad. I think it's just because she was so close and like sitting on my leg as I lent backwards. Anyways I insisted I was sorry and I'd calm it down. Thankfully he was cool and let me return. I got back to Millie and told her that apparently we were a sex show. You were being too sexy! It's mad, I just felt so in control all night. She even said at one point, you're so smooth. Ngl, my ego took a boost then. Okay so it was time to leave. First me and her friends went to grab some food from McDonalds. On the walk there I got to know her better. Revealing a different side to me. Turns out she has skied every year since she was 5. When I heard that I was like holy crap, marry me? - In my head. She claimed she could backflip on skies too. Now I dunno if I believed that, but she was a gymnast too so maybe she could be telling the truth. I told her I can backflip on a trampoline, she didn't believe me so i showed her the video of me doing a backflip whilst shooting a basketball into a bin that I posted on instagram. When we were standing still, she would stand really close and hug me. Mayn, this is the real shit. I fucking love being embraced by a women, I'm sure everyone does. But since it never happens in my life, it just feels fucking awesome and I feel ontop of the world. Anyways, time to go home. I had already found out the logistics earlier on. And knew that it was going to be fucking hard to get anything to happen after the club. If I really was a player when I found out the logistics I would have looked for another girl. But ya fuck it, I was having a good time with this chick. So here's what I was dealing with: She lived 30+ minutes away, she lived in the area where I go to work. She also had work at 9 in the morning. The taxi to her place was like £40, they were sharing the cost between all 8 of them. And getting her to come back with me wouldn't have happened due to her having work. So yea, fucking expensive and I dunno how the hell I'm going to get home. It will rinse my bank account. So i didn't go back with her. :( Maybe being tha motherfucking virgin i am, I should have just gone and dealt with getting home after. I also don't know if there was even room for me in the taxi. So ya, I still hold the V card for another day. I got her number though. Been messaging a little bit this morning. I now declare myself the MASTER of finding places to crash. I really didn't want to pay £20 to get home. So I worked my magic haha. Near the end of the night I started to get to know this other guy who was pulling one of Millie's friends. I was actually having some fun conversations with, wtf. When we both found out how much the taxi was, we were both like fuUuuck that. So we both just stood there watching our women walk away lol. Anyways, I managed to convince him to let me crash on his sofa. It was only a 3 minute walk. I only got like 3-4 hours sleep. When I woke up I just picked up my stuff and left. Dropped him a thank you text message. Unfortunately the bus wasn't running for another hour so I started walking home. After about 30 minutes. I thought fuck this, sat at the bus stop and started writing in my journal. And 2 hours later, I'm finally finished writing it haha. So yup. That was my day. And I loved it. And you know what is crazy. Had I not, in that moment grabbed her hand. Had I listened to the resistance. NONE of this would have happened. And this is the amazing thing I'm realising with socialising, you seriously don't know where it's going to lead to. But nothing is EVER going to happen if you don't take action. Peace, Brad