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About magicalmerlinmark

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  1. Hello folks, I sat down and worked out my most recent GF days. Funny this is 152 days today, one more than my last record. I've not started gaming today, though I have felt the urge recently, hence why I'm back here. I'm a different person from the last time I posted on here. So much has changed, for the better, in my life since 18 months ago. I'm a lot more in touch with my emotions, closer to my friends, better job. Each day is difficult. Life is hard. There are few occasions when the whole cosmos converges and life feels great for a while. It's for these moments that life is worth living. To all of you out there, keep on trying. If I can turn my life around, you all can. Much love, Mark. p.s. DnD has been my saviour. It really allows me to dream, relax and enjoy the fantasy without the gaming element.
  2. I am finding myself more and more accepting of my ups and downs when it comes to my moods. I find the trick is not to hold on too tightly to desired emotions or thoughts. And not to push away those that make me stressed or anxious. It's been nearly 40 days since my last post. I played games for 1 day since then. I'm happy with this outcome. It was easier to move away from it again. I hope to continue in this way for the future! GF days: 53
  3. I am still trying to find a balance between work and lifestyle. At this moment I am working too often, and for too little money. Trying to run your own business is tough! I am treating this year as a discovery year, figuring out how I want to live the rest of my life. I am enjoying what I do, although looking at my books I can see it is not that sustainable. I am, however, the healthiest and happiest I have ever been. Once I figure out the small details I know I will be looking forward to a much happier lifestyle. I nearly turned to play games for 10 minutes, instead I came on here and started writing it down. It's good to have nourishing support structures in place ? GF Days: 20
  4. So I was able to reach day 151 before starting to play video games again. I am not sure what it was exactly that brought me back, though it grew like a hunger. I played solid for a good 5 days. This time it was different however. I knew that the gaming I was partaking in was only a short time affair. A temporary release. I stopped last Wednesday. So it has been over 48 hours since playing and it still feels like normal, like before I had my 5 day vacation from no-gaming. I consider this last week a win. Sure I started gaming again, though the last time I started gaming it lasted for months. This time it lasted for 5 days. That's a win in my book. I have to sit down and figure out what made me start again, and how to plan for that better in the future. For now I am happy. GF Days: 2
  5. Today I am struggling. My body and mind feels slow, I lack motivation in normal tasks that bring me a lot of joy. I am strong enough to stay away from gaming though the temptation is still there! I will take the day to be compassionate towards myself and not worry too much. We all need days off from the day to day of life. GF Days: 141
  6. As pressure or stress builds in my life, I find myself more and more entertaining the day dream of starting to play again. I understand this is a natural response to wanting to avoid the situation I am living in. I recall that this was how it started last year as well, after my first detox. I am instead exploring other ways of momentary escape (reading, DnD etc.) and these work very well too. I will take one day at a time and use this journal as well as a means of expressing my worries about the future (and the possibilities of starting gaming again.) Good luck to you all with your own personal journeys. GF Days: 122
  7. I still have brief urges of playing video games, especially when things in my life seem to be getting pretty fast paced. I find myself calming my anxieties down now a lot faster than I ever have before. I'm reading a lot of Charles Eisenstein at the moment, he has a lot of good wisdom when it comes to talking about addictions. I will reflect what I have learnt on here some day soon. GF Days: 108
  8. I spend my days working outside with plants. It is hard work but I never feel tired of it. Video games were a part of my old life - a life that was isolated, indoors and alone. Today I am far more connected with myself, my friends and all the plants I work with. I know I can continue these good vibes throughout the year. GF Days: 89
  9. I'd like to share something I've been reflecting on this week. Ever since I started farming, working outdoors more, I've noticed that my working patterns change with the seasons. Winter I always have more time to myself and I'm more introspective. Spring is the busiest time of year, Summer is about harvesting & storing what you have, Autumn is a time of slowing down and preparing for Winter (which in Montreal really is 6 months long.) I've begun to notice the good habits I started with more time in Winter begin to become sacrificed as my schedule fills ups. This is certainly what happened last year. I remember as soon as I stopped using Habitica, this forum and other tools that had helped me in the Winter time; I started playing games again. I am now making a commitment to spend my Spring, Summer and Autumn gaming free. Winter will be the hardest time for me though I believe I can do it too! I just have to take one day at a time. I still feel urges to play, and my partner is playing overwatch everyday. I will remain strong and steadfast in my commitments however ^_^ GF Days: 77
  10. I'm still managing with no gaming. I have urges to check on old games I used to play, see if they have updates released etc. I know that this is the beginning of my will power slipping, so I haven't done that yet. Playing games crosses my mind more so when I am stressed or uncertain about something. I am learning to just observe these feelings rather than react to them by trying to lose myself in games. It is tough but then so is life :-) So far, so good! GF Days: 64
  11. Nothing new to report. Life is coming along well. My business is getting new customers. I am enjoying my game free life more and more. My partner is playing games on a daily basis now, it makes it a little harder but now I'm out of that world I can see how over-stimulating it is. I'll keep going one day at a time ^_^ GF Days: 54
  12. It's been an interesting few days. I did magic mushrooms nearly two weeks ago as part of a monthly regime I'm exploring. I got floored by the mushrooms, it wasn't a bad trip but I certainly felt very raw, ashamed of my behaviour and vulnerable like I haven't been in a long time. It shook me up and made me realise how gosh darn privileged and lucky I am to be alive and to be where I'm at. I've slowly been able to integrate that wisdom and I'm gaining a sense of peace the more I do so. I've made great improvements to my life recently and I hope to continue to do so. GF Days: 43
  13. It's getting that way - It's still filled with a lot of worries and insecurities for the future though this is a life I have set deliberate intentions for and now they're coming true. Slowly and surely I'm designing a life that I want to live, rather than a life that is just forced upon me. It's been 2 weeks since I'm back home in Montreal. It's been a bit of a re-adjustment learning to live with my partner and house mates again. All in all though I am painting, drawing and soon to start DMing for Dungeons & Dragons...my creative side of life is learning to flourish outside the paradigm of video games. My partner is still playing overwatch on a regular basis. Now when I watch him play I feel that the games are so overly stimulating, it's a continual barrage of flashing lights and loud noises. Only after unplugging truly have I become aware of this assault on our senses and our brain patterns. I've never really viewed video games in this way before...which is a good step! GF Days: 32
  14. I'm back in Montreal and having a great time. I've linked my own use of smoking pot to some serious anxiety. So I'm stepping back and taking a break today and getting my life on track just a little bit more. Other than that everything is going well and the sun is shining. GFDays: 22
  15. Trello is working well. I'm slowly adapting my expectations on how to treat myself. My first attempt at a daily schedule was wwwwwwwwwwway too hard on myself. I'm learning to treat myself more kindly (and this includes free time and less work time) and that's working a lot better. I'm back in Montreal now (where I live) after a 6 week stay in England (where my family lives). Being back is always difficult for me, the place is never tidy, I have all of these grand expectations about when I arrive. They nearly always fall flat. I mentally lowered my expectations this time, it's working out a lot better. The place is a mess and yes it's a little overwhelming but I expected it this time! Staying motivated now I'm back in my home setting is going to be the next challenge for me and my game free life. I welcome the challenge and rise to the occasion. Game Free Days: 18