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sjoti

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About sjoti

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  1. sjoti added a post in a topic New to the community/ my story   

    Welcome! It's good to have you here.
     
     
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  2. sjoti added a post in a topic relapsing   

    Pease do not throw the relationship away. He doesn't know what is going on, you do. You can tell him you're trying to better you life by removing toxic parts like video games, and if you explain to him how valuable a positive change is then I'm sure he will understand and respect your decision. He wants to spend time with you, maybe that isn't possible without games, maybe there's a different way. Throwing it away because he asks you to game while you haven't made it clear is jumping the gun. 
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  3. sjoti added a topic in Main Room   

    I found a reminder of my former self. You can change yourself too.
    I stumbled across a letter my father wrote me four years ago. It reminded me of a few things, of which one of the biggest is the amount of progress I've made. The letter was advice from my father when I was at the worst of my worst. I'll start with the context.
     
    The context
    Here I talked about my story without going too much into specifics. I'm going into a specific situation now, which sketches an image in which I was doing badly when I was 18 years old. Between September 2013 until around June 2014 I lived in this city in which my university was located, in a house with a bunch of other students. The year before I wasn't doing too well and I thought that a change of environment was what I needed. It was the opposite. I started smoking much more than I did before, I'd game all day, skip school, lie to keep on gaming, drink at an association similar to a fraternity. I'd keep telling myself that if I skipped school then I'd be able to work hard at home and fix things. I was lying to myself by having totally unrealistic expectations. I couldn't take care of responsibilities, I'd blame everything other than myself. This fucked up relationships, my health, my finances. 
    This went on for over half a year, then I realised that I wasn't able to fix it anymore. I was an absolute mess because I knew I didn't have a grip on life and I had no idea how to get. This turned me into someone who was angry at everything. I'd get pissed at people who tried to give me advice, I had no idea how to handle things. Right before some exams, it all hit me, and I was at my parent's place on a Sunday. They wanted to help me out, I ended up getting very angry, shouting at them, which made me decide that I was going to get on the train and get to my own place. This fallout was followed by an email later at night.
    The letter
    The email said "Letter from dad, good luck tomorrow". Attached to it was a pdf, which was a scan of a letter that was a little over two pages long. 
    In this letter, my father explained that he was trying to give advice out of care. He noticed I wasn't doing too well, in a way that was recognisable to him. He explained to me that when he was my age that he and his friends also had their problems, which they fixed in different ways, and they all turned out just fine. With that, he explained to me how he was supportive of my decisions, that I never have to be ashamed to ask for advice. What he also pointed out was the worth of games. Games have no value compared to any learned skill, whether it's knowledge related to the education or a more creative skill. The letter ended with my father explaining he would be there for me whenever.
     
    This letter hit me. I was not expecting it, and I can't really remember reading it. It was a reminder of my old behaviour, and that was a reminder of how much I've grown. Over the last 8 months  (almost 250 days?!) I've been growing day by day. It's like hair growth. You don't really notice it until you get a haircut and see how much has to be removed to get back to the old situation. This letter was my haircut, without the removal of progress :). 
    There are a few things that this experience pointed out to me. First of all, please, no matter in what situation you are, listen to the advice of people who care about you. Second, don't be afraid to ask for help. Last but definitely not least, you can do it too. I was in a really bad situation back then, it's never too late and even if it takes four long years, it is so so so worth it. 
     
    Note: I found this when searching for an earlier purchase of some audio cables. 
     
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  4. sjoti added a topic in Celebrate   

    Day 222. My story, from faking a report card to being a responsible person
    This post, my story, is long overdue. I wanted to post something at 90 days but I glossed over it. I wanted to post something about 6 months but then I was so busy with other things in life that I didn't get the chance, until now.  Sorry not sorry for the length
    I'd like to take a step back first. When I was younger school was easy for me. Well above average grades with not that much effort. Gaming was an integral part of my life, I'd play on my Gameboy all day and later I moved to playing purely on PC. I'd combine playing with paying attention in school and that worked till I was about 16 years old. After that, I had to choose my major and continue in that, but in higher education, I noticed that I had to put in the effort. What the schools would give me was not enough to succeed, so my methods didn't work at all.
    I didn't notice how bad my behaviour was. I'd game all day, sometimes go to school, notice that I wasn't going to make the cut so to run away I'd game and game and game. Instead of changing things up I just continued because the world of games was all I knew and everything else was boring, not as exciting and just couldn't hold my attention. With competitive games coming up it got even worse. I'd play to be the best, I'd try to join a more competitive scene which sucked up even more time and attention. In the meantime, I slowly started to notice a pattern where I ran away from anything as soon as I had to act like a responsible human being and take action. No matter how small the thing I needed to do was, whenever I had to take action I just felt like there was this sort of barrier that I couldn't get through. This caused me to not action in just about anything. Slowly this started to penetrate my social life as well. I turned to lying after some time to avoid dealing with people. If I was asked if I took care of something I'd say I sent an email but there might have been some issue with my mail client or something similar. 
    It felt like the lies allowed me to continue with the bad behaviour. Play games all day, lie about shit I needed to take care of, repeat. It took me too long to realise it pushes people away. People don't want to deal with someone who points fingers all day. Someone who acts irresponsible and never takes responsibility for their actions. Someone you can't rely on. All traits of a despicable person when I look back. It gets comfortable, never having to deal with anything. And man, practice makes perfect, so constructing lies got easier and easier. This got to the point where I'd photoshop a report card so I could avoid disappointing others and fake success. Gaming allowed all of this, It allowed me to keep this up and avoid thinking about it. Gaming just lets me avoid feeling bad and often a motivation for lying would be having more game time. It was a vicious cycle that just built upon negative things and caused even more negative things. 6-14 hours a day of game time. 
    I took a wrong approach. I was trying to look for the reason behind the barrier and I couldn't find it, so the barrier stuck around. I realised I needed to stop lying and that helped me a tonne. My social life slowly got better, however, I still kept fucking up my education. This should've been the first realisation that I needed to take action instead of just thinking about it.
    Five years later, a year back from when in writing this, I started talking to others more. I started to listen more. People said to me that my gaming habits were unhealthy, that maybe quitting might be the right thing to do. I tried moderation, failed horribly and I got so so sick of myself and my own behaviour that I decided that a change was long overdue. 
     
    20th of June 2016, I'm 21 on this point. I Quit smoking and gaming on that day. I've changed so so much for the better. I'm getting compliments from people around me, setbacks now motivate me. I've learned that life can hit me in the face and I can still continue. I'm no longer a zombie, I am now honest towards others. I must admit, over the last 7 months there have been some difficult times. I've had days where I fell back into the old behaviour of avoiding everything. I've learned that if I can remove two huge addictions in my life on the same day and keep at it for 7 months (and counting) then I can basically eliminate any other bad behaviour and keep the good stuff around. This is one of the major reasons this has been such a huge success for me. Eliminating the bad forces me to deal with myself, which in turn allows me to think and deal with bad sides. Confronting myself and being honest with myself allows me to be a better person. 
    This all turned the second half of 2016 in a year where I deal with being responsible. Being responsible towards both myself and others is now something I take pride in. I no longer point fingers and blame others for my own mistakes. I confront myself with that head-on and I learn from that experience. I've been growing since day 0 and I'm still growing on day 222 and I do not plan on stopping.
    Part of my growth can be attributed to this community. Thank you, Cam and everyone else, especially everyone in the Discord chat!
     
     
    • 2 replies
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  5. sjoti added a post in a topic Sjoti's Journal - 90 days are done. Going for something bigger now   

    i appreciate you saying that, and I'm really glad I can help.
     
    Right now I'm taking a break. I'm on a week long skiing vacation which is absolutely amazing and it allows me to just take a step back and evaluate anything. My behaviour/habits, chances, opportunities and possible things that I need to look out for. I'll be back at the beginning of 2017! 
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  6. sjoti added a post in a topic Sjoti's Journal - 90 days are done. Going for something bigger now   

    I'm there for everyone. I've been helping people on the discord channel day in, day out and I plan on sticking around right there. I would love to inspire, and that's why I'm going to make a longer post in a few weeks. 
     
    Hopefully it will inspire!
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  7. sjoti added a post in a topic Sjoti's Journal - 90 days are done. Going for something bigger now   

    I reached 6 months. At times it went quickly, some other times it was a little more slowly. 
    I'm finally acting like a responsible person, taking care of the stuff I need to do.
    I'm way more proactive.
    I moved out. 
    I'm performing at the top of my class at uni.
    I started creating a drone with a group.
    I have a much healthier lifestyle.
    Socially I'm doing better than ever.
    Need I say more? Maybe. I'll get to that soon . The first week of 2017 is when I'll give this thread a nice update, maybe share a story or two.
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  8. sjoti added a post in a topic Daily Sketch Challenge!   

    I've been sketching with product design in mind, after 3 weeks of sketching every single day Im noticing that I'm able to draw straighter lines! The perspective is getting better and shadows aren't as off as they used to be.
    Right now I'm focussed on quick sketches, this is something I quickly put together yesterday.
    I have a lot to learn but it's getting better everyday, and I love progress
     
     
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  9. sjoti added a post in a topic Sjoti's Journal - 90 days are done. Going for something bigger now   

    90 days are done. I've realized that I've got a long way to go and that that's totally fine; I also know that on that long road ahead I've got more control on where I end up.
     
    Here's what I posted in the other thread. Short, but it conveys the biggest thing I've learned. 
    Day 90:
    I ended the detox at a festival. Amazing atmosphere, great people and lots and lots of fun. It wasn't planned or anything, but it seems to fit well with how I feel. Now I'm having a bit of a hangover, which is totally fine. 
    Anyways, to get back to the 90 days.
    There's a lot I've done, I took chances I've never taken before. I've been living a structured life, tried out new things, found out about new passions, started learning new skills. I can list some of these things, however, I'm just going to keep it short because it all comes down to a simple realization which made me improve by a whole lot. 
    I learned that I can control my habits and behavior by taking action. This sounds so incredibly simple, so incredibly logical and rational and yet this is the first time I've ever been conscious of it. I can take care of any addiction. I can improve good habits and destroy bad habits. 
    There's no chance I'm going back to gaming anytime soon. I'm enjoying my current state of being way too much 
     
    Thank you all for letting me share the stories with you guys, and thank you all for sharing stories with me. I'll be most active on discord as always, and I'll be keeping self-improvement up for longer than these 90 days. 90 Days are enough to make a change, but it's only the basis for something bigger. That's what I'm aiming for. 
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  10. sjoti added a topic in Celebrate   

    90 days done!
    Day 90:
    I ended the detox at a festival. Amazing atmosphere, great people and lots and lots of fun. It wasn't planned or anything, but it seems to fit well with how I feel. Now I'm having a bit of a hangover, which is totally fine. 
    Anyways, to get back to the 90 days.
    There's a lot I've done, I took chances I've never taken before. I've been living a structured life, tried out new things, found out about new passions, started learning new skills. I can list some of these things, however, I'm just going to keep it short because it all comes down to a simple realization which made me improve by a whole lot. 
    I learned that I can control my habits and behavior by taking action. This sounds so incredibly simple, so incredibly logical and rational and yet this is the first time I've ever been conscious of it. I can take care of any addiction. I can improve good habits and destroy bad habits. 
    There's no chance I'm going back to gaming anytime soon. I'm enjoying my current state of being way too much
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  11. sjoti added a post in a topic Sjoti's Journal - 90 days are done. Going for something bigger now   

    Day 87:
    I visited a museum in Germany today. Had a lot of fun and I took the opportunity to get to know some more people in class. Took care of making my planning 2 weeks long so I have some more oversight and I can work ahead in a structured way. 
    I'm still trying to find ways to be more consistent and get the most out of my time. Productivity and enjoyment are things id like to optimize. I never took the chance to check and see how long i can study effectively and how many breaks I need to take. I never took the chance to figure out how I can remember most of the information I need to study. I never took the chance to see how much I could improve in any skill. I never took the chance to see how fast I can ride a 30km trail. I never took the chance to see if I can learn how to draw. 
    I never took the chance to see if there's mutual interest with a girl.
    I've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. I'm going to take that chance.
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  12. sjoti added a post in a topic Sjoti's Journal - 90 days are done. Going for something bigger now   

    Day 85:
    The lesson of the day: People around you are crucial to your success. Both positive and negative.
    People can be of great use when it comes to helping each other. Every single person in this world knows something you do not know. Use that. There's nobody in this world who knows exactly what you know, so there's always something you can share. Use that. Help each other out, combine your strengths and eliminate your weaknesses.
    To give a more concrete example: At any school or uni, there are enough chances to work together. If not, you can create those moments. I'm way ahead in certain classes whilst others are far ahead in other classes. I use that. I plan moments where we get together. this creates an environment where people can teach and learn. Teaching someone solidifies your knowledge while being of great help to someone else, so it's a true win-win. Letting someone teach you something gives insight and if they are students as well they probably understand the struggles you are dealing with when it comes to understanding certain topics.

    People can also drag each other down. In these 85 days, I got out of touch with quite a few people. All the people I lost contact with are people I only spend time playing LoL with. They were one of the big reasons I still enjoyed league at times, but they also prevented me from moving to a better place. They were detrimental to my success. These people never meant any harm to me. All they wanted was to have a good time. However, they took away chances of having a great time. 
    To be 100% clear, the only people that I lost contact with in these 85 days are the people that only had one thing in common with me, which was gaming. Since gaming is gone we have nothing in common. That means there is nothing we share, nothing that holds us together. We are now useless to each other, so there is no reason to keep in touch.
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  13. sjoti added a post in a topic Sjoti's Journal - 90 days are done. Going for something bigger now   

    Day 81:
    The day has only just started (7 AM?!). I'm on the train to uni and I currently don't have much else to do since I've already finished all the homework/assignments and I'm still waiting).  on some more (which I should receive today). It's all going well. Waking up early, planning my stuff, keeping track of everything. 
    I'm meeting new people at uni, classes are fun and in some classes I'm already way ahead  which means that my previous years of education weren't for nothing.
    Slowly but surely, I'm learning how to sketch. I 'm learning the basics of SolidWorks and I'm getting into maths and physics again. There are some projects which I want to pick up but to be able to do that I'll have to drop some browsing and get my planning to be really well done so I can make time for those.  
    All is well, only 9 days to go till 90. 90% done, who would've thought? Anyways, one thing I know for sure is that I'm going to keep up not gaming for longer than 90 days.
    Fuck gaming, Hooray to life. 
     
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  14. sjoti added a post in a topic Sjoti's Journal - 90 days are done. Going for something bigger now   

    Day 77:
    I really appreciate the input and support from you guys. Keeps me motivated, gives me another pair of glasses to judge my situation with. Thank you!
    Having said that, there's a thing that I need to adress. I've missed multiple journals. I've been incredibly busy with university starting today and a lot of time and energy goes into finding what works for me, and how I make this change work. It's going absolutely great, better than I had hoped, however, there's always room for improvement. One of the things I need to improve is how to take care of some things while still making sure I have my free time I can enjoy. 
    It's a bit of experience I need to be able to do that, and time will tell me how I can do it.
    Still, not a craving, with the occasional thought of gaming or smoking but nothing difficult to deal with at all. Breaking the addictions is going smooth, breaking habits and creating new ones is a bit more like a bumpy road. I'm getting there though, I'm feeling confident about it. 
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  15. sjoti added a post in a topic Can you have both a superiority and inferiority complex?   

    Good luck and great to see that you are working actively to improve!
    I'd like to give you a small tip, something you can try out yourself. Make your bed in the morning. It's an odd thing  that somehow gives a kick-start to a productive day!
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