LuminousBean 8 Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 (edited) Thanks for reading. Call me Bean. This first post will be more of a history, with subsequent ones adopting the more structured format of tracking.I am a future-oriented thinker. It explains my love of Science Fiction, why I can turn down the endless cupcakes, bagels, and doughnuts that coworkers reach for without a second thought. It is why I graduated Magna Cum Laude while my friends scraped by with C's.But video games bypass that long term logic as easy as breathing. Where peer pressure, alcohol, and pot failed to make me act stupidly or against my greater desires, video games succeeded. I had a year of /played in World of Warcraft before I graduated high school. My parents knew somehow that video games were a bad influence either in general or on me specifically. I was never allowed to own anything like a gameboy growing up, so naturally I spent a lot of time looking over the shoulders of friends'. I spent one summer sitting beside my friend while he played through The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind. It might have been more action than watching the grass grow, but not by much. All my friends in high school gamed, and went so far as to pitch in to buy me an Xbox for my birthday, thinking my parents couldn't say no if they knew it was a gift. It worked. I bought a 25 ft ethernet cord and ran it down the stairs and along the hallway so that I could play on our old TV. And a lot of it was fun, and I juggled girlfriends and school and jobs and gaming. It was what caused me to race through my housework and skip down the hall. The maximization of game time.Now, five years out of college, I game in the sparse free time that my job and other demands allow. Every game of league is 20 or 40 minutes that I am not spending with my dog or girlfriend, when I will ignore them at best or snap at them when I am forced to remove my headphones and step out of 'the zone'. The zone is a brainless state not to be confused with flow. It leads to eyes that are sore the next day, but which can't fight the urge to play one more game. My gaming is not at its worst, but I am at a place in my life where I see its negative effects most clearly. Because I have also been meditating consistently for the last half year, I also notice how my attitude and thoughts change on days and weeks I game versus those when I do not. I have read Duhigg, listened to & read Ferriss (and Harris), and spent time learning about willpower and habit formation. I have, in the past, built up a barrier to gaming so thorough that I thought it could not be beaten. But gaming bypasses that logic. I 'outfoxed' myself. Used blocksite to prevent game installation? Disable blocksite. Used OpenDNS to prevent altering blocksite? Reset the passwords, recover the accounts (or make a new one, in terms of League). I had a letter that I wrote to myself in July after a particularly loathsome waste of time in League of Legends that my blocksite would reroute to. It reminded me of all the reasons not to game, that the boredom would pass, that I wanted to live my life. I clicked past it, found a way around it.This time around I have dedicated myself financially to this site as well as in uninstall protection on blocksite. I have requested deletion on League (which is an alarmingly long process), wiped my computer clean, and am tracking through this journal. I have set myself to challenges before. I quit drinking for months alongside friends who wanted to try it. I signed up & trained for an obstacle race. I have participated in national novel writing month twice. I meditated using the 'X effect' for 50 days in a row. I ate no carbs and worked out 3 days a week for multiple months. I have a novel draft that is over 100K words that needs my attention, but after a long day at work, my willpower is gone and if the barriers aren't there, I will install or play games until the hour becomes late enough that I have to start getting ready for the next day's errands. Gaming affects my sleep, then my decision-making: gym or no gym, groceries or fast food, work or play. It is the monkey wrench in an otherwise well calibrated decision machine. I simply don't have the time in my life to waste gaming. So I am going to make this time different. Edited March 20, 2017 by LuminousBean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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