Curtis's Journey to Freedom

[cjdecker2002]

Hey everyone!

This is my first journal entry, you can find my introduction here: 

For today's entry, it is going to be sharing the emotions I'm feeling as I embark on this new journey to freedom.  This battle for freedom is not just freedom from gaming but also freedom from sex addiction.

The primary emotion I feel is motivation and desire to succeed.  I am incredibly excited right now, thinking about what my life could be like if I successfully free myself from these addictions. But it's also scary, because I've tried to quit both these things before and failed, so this time needs to be different, and if I fail to find freedom from either of these addictions, it will ruin my life eventually.  So there's a lot at stake here.  This is quite literally a life or death endeavor.  Call me dramatic if you want, but I've seen what these addictions have done to my life and the people around me, and if I don't free myself, it will not end well.

I am also somewhat scared because I know I won't always be as motivated as I am now.  Right now, I can feel the fire burning inside me, so passionate about this endeavor to quit, and I feel like nothing can stop me.  But I know that won't last forever, and who knows, maybe it will be gone tomorrow, and this will feel like so much more of a hardship and a struggle.  

I am also a Christian, and this is a two way street in the following way: Freeing myself from these addictions will strengthen my relationship with Jesus, and strengthening my relationship with Jesus will help me find freedom from these addictions.  Pursuing a deeper relationship with Jesus is to me, even more important than whether I play a videogame tomorrow.  But I truly believe that a stronger relationship with Jesus will help me have a clearer picture of the life he has in store for me and how it's so much better than just playing video games or watching porn.