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NEW VIDEO: Psychologist's WARNING About VIDEO GAMES

Nancy S.

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Posts posted by Nancy S.

  1. I would even go as far as to say, if you don't find a sense of responsibility in life, sooner or later you will go back to gaming, in that alternate reality. People on this forum achieved all sorts of amazing things after quitting the game: some go into public speaking, some are working towards starting a YouTube channel(not gaming related)/company, some are attending university, some find a job, some become parents and learn to tend to their children... I hope to see you join this list soon, you can do it!

  2. Welcome Ben!

    If I could only give one piece of advice, it would be to get busy(and I don't mean busy playing the games or watching streams). It's very easy to get sucked back into gaming/procrastination when you don't have a goal to start with. When you have responsibilities, you can't afford to get bored or game late into the night. A job, school, or even volunteering. Hobbies on the other hand won't solve the problem because at the end of the day they are hobbies, and on the same priority level of gaming, and they obviously won't be as tempting as gaming, which is why a lot of people get sucked back into it when all they do is pick up a hobby. You need to do more than that.

  3. Dude, why are you watching porn? I mean, is it ok for you and your other half or you want to quit it?

    It is ok for me and my other half, but I still want to quit it. It isn't even a moral thing for me. But it is a real bad habit which leads to wasting time and other things like watching streams, what just annoys me to no end. It makes me feel powerless again and that's basically why I don't use it often and want to quit it all together.

    Yep, there are definitely better ways to spend your time than watching that stuff

  4. Lessons from Daring Greatly:

    Hey guys, I decided to start something new on my journal. Since I finished Daring Greatly, before I moved on to another book, I wanted to really work through the ideas in the book. I didn't just want to read it and throw it away. I wanted to take a bite at the ideas, chew them, and apply them to my life so I can reflect back on them later on. I'll embed a little summary of the ideas that I'm working through, and I'll end the post with a summary of me processing the ideas in my life. Since I'm anonymous on here, I'll just be as honest as I can be.

    This may be a little too personal for some people. It's not for me. But, by all means you have been warned.

    DSC_0006.thumb.JPG.0f3d5cbf5a9863b618960

    I made a little summary here regarding shame. I understand shame as this negative emotion that we all have, and that it's primal. I recognize shame in some areas in my life. Meaning that it may be present in other areas, but I may not be aware of it. But otherwise here are some examples of when shame arises:
    - When my best friend snuggled with his girl friend, and I get the feeling that I am lacking in some way because I don't have a lover;
    - When my friend's girlfriend started laughing and teasing me because my fortune cookie said something like, "you overcompensate for what you are lacking" (specifically targeting my short stature)
    - When my I'm chilling with my cool friend in my block, and I get the feeling that he expects me to make a crazy night happen where we get a whole bunch of girls and have cool guys come over my house. I catch myself trying to text a whole bunch of people seeing who can chill. I'm essentially trying to live up to this expectation in an attempt to not let him down. 

    The message in these instances is "I am not enough". The expectations are coming from various different places. For example, the general expectation of our generation is that if you do not have a hundred thousand friends, 20 girlfriends drooling over you, and a superb social life - there's something wrong with you. And it comes up as a sense of urgency to live up to that ideal, and to try to become that image. This falls under the "move toward" category I suppose, as appeasing. And me writing this out is me recognizing the shame (under shame resilience). 

    Me sharing this information is me reaching out I suppose. And me processing this information is me practicing critical awareness in that I am differentiating what I believe is my ACTUAL values and the values that I THINK others expect of me (i.e. be cool and have lots of girlfriends). In this instance, I stopped trying to call the other people, and just dropped my phone, and decided to stop trying so hard to get a "party" when I just really wanted to chill and have a peaceful night. 

    I'll leave it at that for now. I just wanted to process some of this. Thanks,

     

    T

    You are most definitely not alone. I felt the same way as you did, and I can say even a lot of non-gamers feel exactly the same. As empty and blank as this will sound, having a girlfriend or 10000 friends do not say anything about if you're enough; 10 or 20 years down the line nobody is going to care about how many girls you slept with(probably other than your wife) or how many people you texted to chill. It's never about the number and always about the quality. I know people with 1500+ friends on Facebook, they seem really popular, but in the end they come breaking down in front of me because they are all acquaintances and they never really connected with anyone. That is really sad, not gonna lie.

    It's great that you are reflecting on this alone, but what I want to say here is even if other people tell you that you should be "social" and try to date a girl/get a lot of friends, do not do it just to impress them. Figure out what you want. Because in the end what others think will not matter. Remember what Dr. Seuss said, those who mind do not matter, and those who matter do not mind (because they will accept you no matter who you are).

  5. For starters, it's always good to go to a place with a study environment. A library(your school's or a public one), cafes are okay depending on if your neighbours are noisy. - Stick to the library, bring some water or snacks(if allowed) so you won't go home because of hunger(and never go back because procrastination during your meal).

    - Make a clear goal of what you are going to finish in the next chunk of time(I can stay in the library 8 hours in a row, but I'd say 2-4 is a good start). Are you going to read a few chapters or finish your problem set/lab report? With time you will get better at knowing your limits.

    - If you finish your (reasonable) goal early, still stay until the time limit, do some extra work. You will feel really great because you've achieved extra. Do not go home early because then your subconscious will tell you to have smaller goals or to do sloppy work in order to go home early.

    - If whatever you study isn't online, disconnect from the wifi so you will not be distracted by videos or social media.

    - If you're in school, get a study buddy (that is productive). Then you will have to go and study instead of flopping on your friend.

    How are you able to stay in library for 8 hours?

    Give me your tips, because I'll probably starve to death during that time.

    Juice or coffee can be your friend, but I wouldn't necessarily skip meals lol. At my school libraries there are caf areas where we can eat or order food. If you're studying at a public library and need to go somewhere for food doing 4 hours in one sitting is the same thing.

  6. For starters, it's always good to go to a place with a study environment. A library(your school's or a public one), cafes are okay depending on if your neighbours are noisy. - Stick to the library, bring some water or snacks(if allowed) so you won't go home because of hunger(and never go back because procrastination during your meal).

    - Make a clear goal of what you are going to finish in the next chunk of time(I can stay in the library 8 hours in a row, but I'd say 2-4 is a good start). Are you going to read a few chapters or finish your problem set/lab report? With time you will get better at knowing your limits.

    - If you finish your (reasonable) goal early, still stay until the time limit, do some extra work. You will feel really great because you've achieved extra. Do not go home early because then your subconscious will tell you to have smaller goals or to do sloppy work in order to go home early.

    - If whatever you study isn't online, disconnect from the wifi so you will not be distracted by videos or social media.

    - If you're in school, get a study buddy (that is productive). Then you will have to go and study instead of flopping on your friend.

     

    These are all excellent points! I just want to add one!

    Take your time for breaks and if possible use the breaks to move your body or even better get outside for some fresh air. There are certain limitations to our brain and it can only focus for so long. Taking a break (no cellphone ;) ) will help regenerate that learning energy.

     

    For me I try to do a short break every 25 - 40 minutes and a longer break every 2 hours or so.  

    Yes for sure. When I say "go to the library for 8 hours" I do not mean you should literally stare at the books for 8 hours. Breaks are important, some do 25 + 5(study+rest) but I tend to prefer 60+10. Usually I just listen to about 2-3 songs and let my eyes rest a little.

  7. Welcome, Raelana! I am an ex-league player and I am currently doing my undergrad, so we have a bit in common. It's awesome that you're cutting the game for good and finding a new hobby to enrich your life, I hope you're killing it at school also! Best wishes.

  8. Same with the comments above, I would say "bitch" is the equivalent for "cunt" here in North America - one is taken very seriously, the other not as much. I really like your list - it's reasonable and practical, I chuckled a lil at the "talk to girls more". Best of luck Matthew! Good for you for quitting games and trying to take a positive spin on your life.

  9. I clicked on it, it shouldn't be classified as spam haha! Too bad Twitter recently took down Vine, I felt that was something you would've liked to look into. 

    I totally feel you on this, for the same reason I don't like watching movies with too much sci-fi or action elements because a lot of scenes in there are scientifically impossible or contradictory to the fundamentals. Yes I'm real fun at parties :^)

  10. I would strongly suggest against the idea of social gaming(video gaming, not board games). Many people in my program still play league of legends and they know I am an ex-high elo player and often invite me to their gaming nights. I knew better than to go, because I'd get sucked back in again.

    There are other things to do other than gaming. Going out for a walk, watching a movie together, having a meal... etc.

  11. For starters, it's always good to go to a place with a study environment. A library(your school's or a public one), cafes are okay depending on if your neighbours are noisy. - Stick to the library, bring some water or snacks(if allowed) so you won't go home because of hunger(and never go back because procrastination during your meal).

    - Make a clear goal of what you are going to finish in the next chunk of time(I can stay in the library 8 hours in a row, but I'd say 2-4 is a good start). Are you going to read a few chapters or finish your problem set/lab report? With time you will get better at knowing your limits.

    - If you finish your (reasonable) goal early, still stay until the time limit, do some extra work. You will feel really great because you've achieved extra. Do not go home early because then your subconscious will tell you to have smaller goals or to do sloppy work in order to go home early.

    - If whatever you study isn't online, disconnect from the wifi so you will not be distracted by videos or social media.

    - If you're in school, get a study buddy (that is productive). Then you will have to go and study instead of flopping on your friend.

  12. I wouldn't necessarily say one is not driven or passionate just because he/she procrastinates... That is more often than not a matter of discipline. With discipline you can even do something you hate for the rest of your life. Without discipline, one can have really grand visions but never get out of the bed to start the first step. So yeah.

  13. he was talking about a bunch of parties, and the people we were chilling with were such cool people that my insecurities shined through

    That's totally okay Tatu. You don't have to go to parties until you feel comfortable to do so. I've been to like 2 parties my whole life, and they were both small gatherings of close groups of friends eating cake and celebrating someone's b-day. There is no need to go out of your comfort zone to yearn for that "cool" status. You can have friends without being a party animal, and be happy.

    Well bottom line is, you didn't game! So good job :)

  14. Hey there friend! Good for you for starting this journal. What chemistry course were you talking about? Physical chem, inorganic chem, org chem, analytical chem? My field of study requires me to take a lot of chem courses as well(and I love them!). No matter what course, study hard and I hope you ace it!! :)

    Booking a group room is an awesome idea, as studying with others will help keep you in check. That's one of the habits I developed after quitting the game. I always go to the library so that when everyone around me is studying, I will feel guilty for not doing the same. Occasionally some people use the wifi to play or watch League, but those are rare exceptions and they are generally frowned upon.

  15. Delete your account or give it away to a friend. And as for the achievement part, there is a proverb in Chinese that says "if you keep comparing yourself to others, you will literally frustrate yourself to death." How about setting goals for yourself, and "compete" with yourself, ie. improving day by day? Learn a new instrument or language(great tutorials online if you search a bit, and for free)? Do something special for your parents/husband? Or even spending time enriching yourself, reading a book, getting a new look, joining a gym(after the baby ofc)?

    I think you will be a great mother because you expressed your worries about not being able to take care of them - irresponsible mothers wouldn't even bother!

    It's okay to have relapses(I'm not suggesting that you should), and it's nothing to hate yourself over about, you have already improved tremendously by not playing the game for a long(or even a while) and joining this forum. We were or are in similar situations and we are here for u <3 

     

  16. It really depends on your situation. I am in school right now and having Facebook really helps me with my schoolwork and maintaining friendships and connections online. But yes, spending excessive time on facebook is not only counterproductive, it's also linked to increased loneliness and depression as studies suggest. I would probably stay the way you are if you are not in school.

  17. Hi all, my name is Nancy and I'm an undergraduate student in Canada studying biochemistry. I have a very long story ahead that I want to share, but I bolded the important parts in case some of you guys prefer a TL DR.

    When I was 14, I came to Canada from China on my own, and the language barrier + my horrible social skills quickly sealed my fate as one of the loners in high school. I didn't have friends, got harassed and stalked by a fellow male classmate(and the school just gave him a slap on the back of his hand, of course), not to mention the derogatory terms called behind my back(e.g. chink) - the school was predominantly white, as ESL students were placed to other schools. My parents and I had a very tense relationship and just told me to study more whenever I told them my troubles, I called them less than twice per month.

    I started playing the game League of Legends in Season 3(grade 10-11 ish?) and became a diamond player within one year playing Vayne and Orianna. I was surprised by how good I got at the game and gained a lot of popularity online. People respected me, and I made many friends - exactly what I lacked in real life. I still talk to a few of my League freinds today; they fully support my decision and are having fun with my account, and I don't plan on cutting them out of my life.

    Despite me staying up all night playing video games and skipping class for two years, I was still able to make it out of high school with a 90+ average and into the top university of Canada. However, it was first year where everything fell apart. Being the insecure e-girl with low self-esteem, I dated a fellow League player online and I would skip class to duo queue with him, stay up all night just to Skype with him, and so on. University is a lot different from high school, and if you skip class and put all your eggs in the basket called cramming the night before the midterm, you will fail. And that's exactly what I did. I not only failed first semester but also the second. I was extremely lucky to withdraw from the courses before the deadline, so although my transcript looks a bit weird my GPA isn't affected at all. 

    Eventually the guy got bored and told me that he was also talking to other girls and I was left alone again. I dated another League dude later on, who moved to my city from the other side of the country(very sweet gesture on his part), but we didn't work out either. It wasn't until April of last year when I realized my life could be ruined, because video games weren't going to get me anywhere in life(I wasn't good enough to go pro, and I'm sure my parents would rather kill themselves than let their child go play games for a living), and I will get kicked out of university if this keeps going. My parents finally realized something was up and took me home in China, where they made me quit the game for one summer, devised a study plan, before my mom accompanied me back to Canada in September again. I restarted from first year.

    Recovery was very difficult, as I have been addicted to it for years. In my first year, I would install the game, play for a few weeks before deleting it in guilt, then back again. It was a vicious cycle; every time I played the game, I felt worse about myself and I fought with my mother so many times because she got suspicious about my online activity; I cried myself to sleep, hating myself for not having the mental capacity to say no to the game once and for all. However, things were starting to come together again, as I finished first year with a 3.97 GPA and got into one of the most competitive programs at my school. I also made many friends in real life and got involved with campus activity. 

    I haven't touched the game for about 5 months now, but I still find my self binge watching streams and YouTube videos(not to mention the LoL world championships last night, SKT wins again what a surprise...). I also get quite jealous of my fellow classmates who still play the game while maintaining an impressive average. I fear that I will go back to the game again, and forget school, forget my friends, and forget the life I was leading, and make everything fall apart again. It's a nightmare that keeps coming back and haunting me.

    And that's why I signed up and posted here, because I know I can and will do better. I have put on so much weight over the years and I could have been using this time to work out, or to catch up with sleep, or to be helping my mother with chores since her health is declining. And that is my goal now, to completely quit watching streams/YouTube montages of the game. After I hit submit on this post, I will go and unsubscribe from all the YouTube channels that are gaming related. I will also use a website blocking software to block twitch.tv so I cannot watch streams. I want to make the most out of my university years and see if I can do something brilliant(I would love to go to med school or an Ivy League for grad school, but I will need a little more improvement with my grades)!

    Whether you've read the whole thing or not, I appreciate you for coming here and listening to me. Very few of my friends know about this past, and it feels damn great to finally get it out there(even if it's an online forum).

    I wish all of you the best of luck in your respective journeys of recovery! Years later, we will all look back at our choices and thank ourselves. 

    Lots of love,

    NS