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cauliflower

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Posts posted by cauliflower

  1. I confess that I relapsed again last week... But I'm going to continue the detox. It's better than doing nothing about it.

    I spent a great time with my family today. 

    Now I'm going to read and sleep afterwards.

     

    • Like 1
  2. 2nd detox

    Day 10: July 28th, 2022

    These days were really chill

    -----------------

    Goals:

    Read 4 books by 31/8 (0/4)

    Write one paragraph (handwriting) by 31/8 (4/40)

    Read writings by 31/8 (4/40)

    Write by 31/8 (1/35)

    Prac combo(2/40)

    Do past qs  (5/40)

    Practice one speaking prompt every day (2/40)

  3. 2nd detox

    Day 7: July 25th, 2022

    Forcing myself to stay consistent. Still staying up late, will try to sleep earlier tomorrow. No cravings for games, yet I spent hours on yt

    Planning for tomorrow's lunch.

    -----------------

    Goals:

    Read 4 books by 31/8 (0/4)

    Write one paragraph every day(handwriting) by 31/8 (3/40)

    Read writings every day by 31/8 (3/40)

    Write by 31/8 (1/35)

    Prac combo every day (2/40)

    Do past qs every day (3/40)

    Practice one speaking prompt every day (2/40)

     

    643

  4. 2nd detox

    Day 6: July 24th, 2022

    I hate being late.

    ------------------

    Goals:

    Read 4 books by 31/8 (0/4)

    Write one paragraph every day(handwriting) by 31/8 (2/40)

    Read writings every day by 31/8 (2/40)

    Write by 31/8 (1/35)

    Prac combo every day (2/40)

    Do past qs every day (2/40)

    Practice one speaking prompt every day (2/40)

  5. 2nd detox

    Day 5: July 23rd, 2022

    Nothing special to note. Will be writing entries every day.

    Late night again...

    ------------------

    Goals:

    Read 4 books by 31/8 (0/4)

    Write one paragraph every day(handwriting) by 31/8 (1/40)

    Read writing books every day by 31/8 (1/40)

    Write by 31/8 (0/35)

    Prac combo every day (1/40)

    Do past qs every day (1/40)

    Practice one speaking prompt every day (1/40)

  6. Goals:

    Read 4 books by 31/8 (0/4)

    Write one paragraph every day(handwriting) by 31/8 (0/40)

    Read writing books every day by 31/8 (0/40)

    Write by 31/8 (0/35)

    Reading pracs every day (0/40)

    Do past paper every day (0/40)

    Practice one speaking prompt every day (0/40)

     

    What do I want to improve:

    Writing

    Speaking

     

    Who I want to become after the holiday:

    A person with consistency, perseverance

    A person with more confidence

    A person who works hard 

    A better person than I am now

     

    What I want to achieve ultimately:

    MBBS 

     

    After 40 days, I’m gonna see if it works. I don’t expect big changes, but at least I want to see some difference.

    -------------------

    646 days left

    • Like 1
  7. 2nd detox

    Day 4: July 22nd, 2022

    Nice day, no cravings at all. I will be going to a summer camp soon.

    Just remembered I still have work due tomorrow. But I'll read then finish it later. I'm going to sleep early tonight.

    ------------------

  8. 2nd detox

    Day 3: July 21st, 2022

    Said farewell to my teacher(they're leaving soon), I personally admire them.

    Will be doing sports in the late afternoon, and reading some writing series. Will also be organizing my clothes later on, then do homework in the evening.

    The detox went well, I'm gonna read for most of the time. It's maybe the most interesting and simplest way to improve my writing.

    Successfully deleted my Roblox account, I can't find myself from the website now. All of my progress is deleted - that includes everything I've paid for. All my connections with online friends are gone. This really is a clean goodbye.

    I anticipate having withdrawal symptoms in every ~20 days (that's when I got symptoms during the last detox), I will be paying special attention during those days, and I hope deleting the account can help.

    Found a piece of news report interesting.

    ------------

  9. 2nd detox

    Day 2: July 20th, 2022

    Today went quite well. Still replying to Roblox’s emails, and soon my account is going to be erased permanently. It feels relieving.

    I have to think more positively.

    Going to play some piano and continue on python.

    Will also be revising new materials learnt today, which signals a new start (lol time flies).

     

    • Like 1
  10. 2 hours ago, Paul A. said:

    Have you contacted Roblox to delete your account? That’s what I did; I wanted to make sure there was no going back. Make it as difficult as possible for yourself to go back to gaming. Even if I were to go back to playing, I’ve lost all my progress on my favorite games, so it kind of defeats the purpose. Create the same arrangement for yourself.

    I've just contacted them and I should have done it earlier. Thanks for your advice!

     

    • Like 1
  11. 2nd detox

    Day 1: July 19th, 2022

    I'm writing this to avoid diving back into games. I am disappointed about my results, and I decide to use the holiday for improvement. I will need to be preparing for college entrance exams soon, and this always makes me nervous when I realize I haven't done anything last year.

    I have been draining too much dopamine into my brain last week, and I seriously need a cut for that. Now I'm going to continue on reading a novel series which I aim to finish reading by this summer. Then, I'm going to play some music soon after that and work on some chem. In the evening, I will be reading the series again and refresh my memory on python. Will be sleeping at 11:00pm tonight.

    --------------------

    "It always seems impossible until it is done." Nelson Mandela

    I will always keep this in mind.

    • Like 1
    • Like 1
  12. On 7/12/2022 at 7:42 AM, Paul A. said:

    Hello there, just skimmed through some of your entries, and you’ve made a lot of awesome progress! Roblox was my game of choice for years as well, so we have a bit in common. Don’t beat yourself up for relapsing, it happens! Just look at how far you’ve come! Don’t look at it as a failure, see it as a learning opportunity. Now you know to fill your time with more engaging activities as to counteract the boredom you were dealing with. I’m only 2 days in, but I’ve really dived into drawing as my activity of choice (I’m a total novice, but even learning is exciting). I’ll be keeping up with your progress in the coming days. Keep going strong!

    Ok so I've relapsed entirely during last week when exams ended. Although I have been hanging out with friends and resuming my sports, I returned to roblox again. And after one week, I feel like I'm going back again and I haven't made much progress. I am comparing myself with the person I was last year. I didn't really see any changes, no matter it is in academic studies or other attributes. I am even doing worse than last year.

    So I will start another 90-day detox today. Will be journaling here every day(apparently I need it) to stop myself from going back.

     

  13. 15 hours ago, LostRiver said:

    It will take time but I believe you can find something to be your go-to activity to unwind.

    Thank you for your advice! Currently, the go-to activity that I can think of is music. I will be going to play some music later on after writing this entry. (Yes I felt the craving again so I came back here, which is super useful) Now I'm totally thinking about which piece should I play or listen to.

    ------------------

    Will be resuming back to my normal schedule with sports next week! Vacation's gonna start (and exams are gonna end) and there's a ton of things I want to accomplish during summer. Again, my major aim is to forget about games as well, will be starting another counter as soon as it starts.

  14. July 10th, 2022

    So the worst case scenario I had been really afraid of really happened - relapsing during the period in which I have to concentrate the most.

     

    I had my first relapse yesterday since March. I went back to roblox again. The thing is, there wasn’t any visual trigger that brought me back, it’s purely my own boredom. I think it’s like those withdrawal symptoms I had before. I still remember the intense struggle before I downloaded the software again, I was telling myself, I will only be playing for 15 minutes. But one hour passed by until my mum had a sudden check on me. It was at that time I realized how uncontrollable it is, so I immediately deleted it, and for the rest of the day, I kept thinking how bad and damaging it is to stop myself from going back.

     

    Today, it also took me quite some effort to stop myself from leaning into it. I’ve done everything I could to make it arduous to be reached: setting website blockers and literally shutting down my pc. This is a really effective way, and so I haven’t been touching it today. Will be doing the same until exam ends.

     

    I won’t be playing even after exams, I will be watching some series I like instead. I hate the guilt after playing, it’s so overwhelming that no matter how satisfying was the gaming process, it still covers them.

     

    I wrote this entry when I felt the craving for roblox. Writing journals and current thoughts here has helped me a lot with the cravings and it has honestly alleviated the symptoms. Thank god I am spending time here rather than playing some useless games.

     

  15. Day 91- 98: June 29th - July 6th, 2022

    One week left to go 

    Uh

    It's so noisy here these days, can't really concentrate.. Lots of constructions

    -----------

    One good thing was that I didn't cram this time. Will be sleeping early tonight too.

     

  16. Day 86 - 90: June 24th - 28th, 2022

    So it's been 90 days without gaming in Roblox, and I have successfully finished the entire detox! Great thanks to myself for not giving up especially when I had withdrawal symptoms, and also thanks to everyone who have supported me along the way.🙂

    Well, my exams are around the corner and I guess I will continue on this detox. Will be keeping my entries here short.

    -----------------------

    Yes I've done it, and it is my first step to self discipline. I believe I can still move on and improve in the future. Maybe I will be starting another counter on creating another habit (haven't decided yet).

    • Like 1
  17. Day 81 - 85: June 19th - 23th, 2022

    Lol still can't believe i'm near the end. It doesn't feel real yet it's real. Have been sleeping early these days, at around 11-1130 pm. Have been really surprised by the effect. My mind was a lot clearer than before and I would certainly love my brain to function properly every day instead of being so drowsy. Aiming to get on bed at 1030-11pm tonight, since I don't have much to do today.

    Was in a pretty good mood today. :)) (comparing with disasters in previous days..)

    Will be continue counting my days without games after the detox as well. 

    -----------------

    5 days to go!

    • Like 1
  18. Day 75 - 80: June 13th - 18th, 2022

    My finals are coming soon, my other schoolmates are already preparing while I don't feel like studying at the moment.. Tests and schoolwork are piling up, and I have quite a number of projects due on Monday.

    Will be adjusting my sleep schedule starting from tonight, hopefully creating a good habit of sleeping early during my exams. (I still remember cramming before the nights last year - i slept at 1 and woke up at 5 for almost the whole week..) It will not happen again.

    -----------------

    10 days till I finish the entire detox 

     

    • Like 2
  19. Day 71 - 74: June 9th - 12th, 2022

    A typical weekend with a moderate number of tasks to do. I found it difficult to concentrate during weekends - I ended up procrastinating again. So I pushed all the work to Sunday, and I still managed to finish them.

     

    I’m only about two weeks till I finish the entire program. I won’t be going back to roblox ever again. First it’s because my computer doesn’t have much space left. Second, it's crashing more frequently than before. Third, I feel degraded when I know the fact that I’m actually playing with a bunch of 8-year-old kids. 

    Lastly and most importantly, I’ve read an article today that says the CEOs of gaming companies never allow their own children to dive into games. Of course they won’t lol. They know the harmful consequences the best, cause they are the ones who invented these addictive games. They are great psychologists who know exactly what we’re craving for - challenges and success.

    How selfish are they? They’re using daily awards, challenges, and the fake sense of achievement to pull us into the abyss of addiction, to make us ignore our progress in reality, while they earn huge profits and their children are being more and more successful lol.  I feel so dumb and angry jumping into this trap and sacrificing all my precious time in it. 

     

    Last day till my milestone ! (75 days)

    • Like 2
  20. Day 68, 69, 70: June 6th, 7th, 8th 2022

    What I’m happy/grateful for:

    - Have revised for 4 hours today (comparing with doing nothing)

    - Staying healthy, eating healthy food

    - Spent an average of 1 hour per day on writings

    - Reading every day

    - Found the Atomic habits cheatsheet, which gave me some motivation to work hard and create new habits - gained new insights on how to work effectively too

     

    Next milestone: 75 days

    It's 5 days till my next milestone!

  21. Day 67: June 5th, 2022

    Things I’ve done today:

    - Applied for a medical programme. Hope I’ll get accepted! 

    - Rewrote an essay to improve

    - Did revision for a test tomorrow

    - Read 10 pages of a book today

    - Made some plans for the coming weeks

     

    What I’m happy/grateful for:

    - I’m alive and healthy

    - Peaceful at home

    - Did exercise in the evening

    - Wore new clothes

    - No cravings for video games

    Next milestone: 75 days

    It's 8 days till my next milestone!

  22. Day 66: June 4th, 2022

    Chatted with an online friend today who I haven’t been in contact with for so long. Updated my computer and the entire interface changed, looks like I have to get used to it soon. Slept very well and stood up late in the morning. The afternoon was mainly spent on a meeting, then I used the rest of my time on schoolwork.

    What I'm grateful/happy for:

    - I'm alive and healthy

    - Listened to my favorite soothing music

    - Ate my favorite fruit

    - Slept well

    - finally came.

    Next milestone: 75 days

    It's 9 days till my next milestone!

  23. Day 62, 63, 64: May 31st, June 1st, 2nd 2022

    Normal school days but my computer was malfunctioning. It crashed a lot recently, so I did some research and got a fix on that. Hope it’ll go well.

     

    Day 65: June 3rd, 2022

    It has been a long time since I had a casual talk with my dad. Went for a walk in a nearby park after dinner for around an hour, and we shared a lot of our thoughts together. I really treasure these moments since we rarely had free time or the right occasions to have a casual chat. I’ve learned a lot from him, about life, career, and relationships. Tomorrow I’ll be going to finish all my schoolwork, and I will not procrastinate. I need to get them done before Sunday.

    My detox is going very well, and I am definitely not going to give up. NEVER. It feels like a miracle to reach 65 days, and I am not going to destroy it.

     

    Next milestone: 75 days

    It's 10 days till my next milestone!