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Day 1 - More like introduction

 

I want to be honest with this. I'll write anything that happened, exactly how it happened. And that's why I go by "dot". I don't want anyone to know my true identity/username because the stuff I'll be saying here might be personal or embarrassing. 

 

My problem with gaming isn't not spending enough time on school or with friends. Fuck that. I barely have any friends, let alone real ones that I can talk to about my problems. Actually, I don't have anyone to talk to about my problems. I'm too scared to tell it to my parents, but I thought I'd man up today and write every single thing here. There's a chance I might not reply to some replies. I constantly fight with myself to be the best version of myself. My goal is to become a better person, it always has been. And if quitting my only way to escape the shit show that I'm living is what it takes, might as well give it a try.

 

I'm 14. Turning 15 in April. I've gotten my first electronic device in 2nd grade, a white tablet. Not an iPad though, I'm not even sure if those were around back then. At 9 years old I got my first laptop and I started playing browser games ( .io games ) as my hobby. My passion was later discovered to be coding or what I'd call it back in the day, programming. 

 

Anyway in present day, I have a slight case of depression, and sometimes when I get out of stressful social situations the event keeps playing back in my head, again and again. I don't deal well with social conversations and I get anxious, irritable and defensive at times. I also get confused when stressed or in difficult situations.

 

When I can't play video games to escape, the way I deal with big amounts of stress is crying. Even though crying can be more painful, it provides a distraction and by the time I'm over and done with it I feel somewhat better.

 

Anyway, I will be noting personal improvements and growth here, please give constructive advice and be mindful of my situation.