[I just want to finish a piano piece]

@apatton090 Thank you for your reply, I appreciate you taking the time to respond. It feels good to see someone else relate like this.

I hope too !

Take care,

 

M.A.

[Ikar's Diary]

Hi, 

I'm new here, I was reading your last posts and noticed you're into Forex.

What's your goal with this ? and how is it during the covid ? I noticed that markets were very unstable and it was very hard to get profits.

Take care and keep it up !

[I hope this works]

Day 4 without games and today I started the respawn program, it's nice, I hope this will work.

Maybe I will come here everyday and post the day count, maybe I will just post what I did instead of gaming in a list in this post, I'm not sure yet.

 

We'll see, I will look at the other posts in the forum and get some inspiration, I think that this addiction can be dealt with with the help of others, even if they virtual.

Be well everyone

[I just want to finish a piano piece]

Hello everyone,

 

I'm Mathieu from Montreal in Canada, I'm addicted to gaming and want to start to experience life a little bit.

From since I was a little kid, I have been avoiding the outside world, confrontations with others and the risks you have to take in life to progress in anything. I have done that by playing video games, where I could just, be "good at something" where you could just ignore confrontations by hitting the "mute" button, where I could develop skills and be praised for it.

The older I grew, the more I realized that the time "invested" in getting good at game, is just wasted in real life. You can get 100cs in LoL at 10 minutes, great ! Now apply that in real life, useless.That's the rational part, but even though I knew this, I kept playing, raging, hating, getting mad at me for not being good enough. When I tried to stop gaming, I just felt like I had "nothing to do", it was like "playing games is the only thing that make sense", so I would relapse, convince myself it's allright if I just play casual, then casual wouldn't be enough, I had to get competitive to feel "truly good", so I would play LoL, Rainbow6 Siege or Apex or whatever, drain myself from any energy.

I would return to my routine:

• Playing games instead of going out with my girlfriend because I'm "too exhausted"
• Convincing myself there is no point to study before the exam
• Missing the family gatherings to get that level up so I can equip "my" legendary shit
• Rationalize the idea that it's ok to game during work from home
• Considering to live on the social assistance to be able to play full time (even tough I love my job and make 75k/year)

The thing is, I realized that, you have to trade time to get the skill you get in games and the time you invest in games is not invested in social skills, in getting good at piano,  in learning how to use that tool so you can get that promotion... You can't have a family if you're too immature and have no time, no energy because you play game, at least that's what I think.

So past Sunday, I decided I had to quit and I did it. The classic: uninstall everything, swear you will never do it, there's no way you would play again, right ? But this time, I was thinking, why did I fail the other times and noticed, I always get back because I feel lonely and because I want to feel recognized. So I started thinking, how can you replace this, monster amount of time habit and remembered something: "If you are trying to solve a problem, it's likely that someone solved it already and wrote a book about it". So I came here, bough the respawn thing and here I am now, writing this, wondering what's gonna happen, if this will work, if I will stay motivated. I hope it will.

I want to finish to learn at least one full piano piece instead of relapsing this time, I want to feel good at playing piano like I used to, I want to finish that Forex Tutorial, I want to read that damn "interesting book that I should read", I want to travel, I want to get that driver licence so I can drive wherever I want.

I want to live, IRL this time.

Thanks, 

M.A.