[Gaming -> 1 On 1 Time With God]

36 minutes ago, Splitstep said:

Day 68 (42|26) (07/03/19) Thursday

As I got up, prayed, made my bed, ate and stretched and brushed my teeth, I felt really uncomfortable cause I knew I should be putting God first and read my bible but I was doing all these things, cause I didn't want to be late to class. So I realised for me that reading God's word is a low priority.. and then I remembered my dream last night! It was so realistic, I thought that I actually did it for a moment! I dreamed that I relapsed from gaming, I was playing Hearthstone (I played it 2 years ago) and I could FEEL my urge to resist temptation, I even paused, hovering on the join game button, but I still clicked and felt guilty after playing it. It was very similar to this morning with not wanting to put God first, I tried to resist the temptations but I couldn't stop myself, just like in the dream and I felt guilty in both scenarios. Funny how God gave me that dream, I'm still trying to process what he's trying to tell me. Maybe it's also a foreshadowing? Probably God wants me in those moments to stop and pray for help.

Today was good, met up with someone and talked about how I was doing with my study and walk with God. Yeah it was really good, letting it out. It helped clear my thoughts. I was on fire, going ham, piling everything onto my plate in the first 2 weeks, then day 60 (last Wednesday) I burnt out, so I reactively and without consciously realising it, have been trying to get everything off my plate. Cause on Tuesday I was lowkey wanting to not go to my church bible study anymore and I kept telling myself that it's because I'm so busy.. but it was actually a reaction to the burnout! Realising that, I'll keep going and re-evaluate. Study is fine but the only thing I'm worried about is the Solid Mechanics course, cause I understand the theory but CAN'T answer the questions, understanding the question then figuring out what to do is hard because it's not intuitive for me ? my walk with God was been the best it's ever been! Still definitely improvement but always thinking about God, praying wherever I go and wholeheartedly pursuing quality time with Him has been amazing. But like this morning, I still struggle with temptations and putting Him first in my life, which is sad and humbling. Prayer time has gone up MASSIVELY but I still struggle with reading scripture. My friend spends the first 15 minutes of his day as quiet time! I'll try doing that morning and evening starting tonight and committing to it!

Great bro, I fotgot about making my bed, so. Thanks. I pray to got every time I wake up. About the dreams, they send you messages, if you pay attention you can find answers.

[Rip Dormant Leo]

Hello Guys. My name is Leo. I'm From Venezuela. I'm 24 years old. I was addicted (they still affect me when I play) to videogames since I was 12 years old.

My English sucks, so, be tolerant. If you have any suggestion I'll be glad.

Well, I started playing GTA Vice City and San andreas. Those games destroyed my school life.

I notice that I was addicted when it was impossible to do my homework and I didn't know why. (dopamine problem)

After a few years of addiction, many things happened. Lost college, lost friends I lost everything.

I also was addicted to pornography, even before I was addicted to videogames, so there was two problems in one.

I stop playing videogames and replace it with youtube and porn because they had less power over me than videogames, with videogames it was almost impossible to get out of my room and do the daily stuff.

A friend of mine introduce me a videogame called Tibia, an MMORPG. But it didn't called my attention, even though I learnt how to play it, I stop playing it when he left the city.

In march 2018, I found the site NoFap and started a run of almost 4 months, stop playing videogames and masturbate and see porn cold turkey. And because Tibia was boring to me, I also didn't play it anymore. But I started to hang out and drink a lot of alcohol, never didn't enjoy it.

After 4 months trying to be social and failed, low self-steam, no personal values, no goals, I just wanted to have real sex (big mistake). I never had sex with any girl during that time and  I a got bored of that, so I remembered the good videogame I stopped playing, someone told me that it was possible to take money from it so I gave it a chance, bigger mistake, the first three days I played for 20 hours, there was a good event in the game. I dont know what happened to my brain during that time, but after that I couldn't stop playing, even forget about taking money out, instead I was putting real money in the game, so there was something wrong there.

I relapsed into pornography and masturbation again and after 3 month of game addiction, the consecuences were very terrible, no will power to do anything, anything, just play.My body had no energy, I was like a zombie.  And Mom got very very mad, after an event I notice how bad I was, I broke all the rules. So in that moment I  Uninstall the game and took the computer out of the house. And to replace the source of dopamine I kept watching youtube and masturbating for 3 months more.

Well I amost die, I had suicidal thoughts everyday, I tried to commit suicide two times. Have no reason to live and knew I needed help, emailed a good friend to guide me, I also contacted a psycologist, and after a few sessions I could get out of my house and start working a again (to pay the sessions:). Nevertheless, in January, I couldn't see her again, some aconomics problems and well (you know whats happening here). I managed to keep clean active for a couple of month more, but in the end I started to feel anxiety, a lot of it. I felt I was about to explode, I didn't wanted to relapse into porn again, so I started to play again, I felt very weird, weird, like I lost all the progess I made, just because I played again. I didn't got adicted, just played weekends to relive the anxiety. Move to live alone, and kept with the habit, relapsing, but I made a friend in whatsapp and started chatting with her everyday and in some way I didn't need to play again, I was entertained taking to her. But a few days ago I started to feel anxiety again and played again, bought some tiems to my character, but not play, just chat with the friends I had there. I felt weird buying virtual items, the plan was not to play again, but felt weird because of that there was no reason to buy those items, play again next day, but I had an anxiety attack.

Deleting my account.

I notice that I had an emotional attachment to the game, the friends that I had there, and the time I dedicate to level up my chart. But finally decided to get rid of it. woke up at 4:30 am, started to play and ended up burning the recovery keys at 12:00 pm. I throw away most of my items to needed people in the game, sold some of them to help mom and pay some debts, gave a few valuable items to my friends in the game, they didn't accept my decision to detete my account but it was late, I told them that I knew what I was doing.

After that I felt some regret for the choice and wrote a hole letter of reasons why I made it. And another one of the feeling and good moments I had in the last day of my account, with my friends the the people recolecting the items I was giving away. 0 items, lvl 109. Rip "Dormant Leo"

Some people may say that I'm crazy but I'm sure about my choice, the day I deleted my account It was very difficult to get out home, I didn't even eat anything. Also cam mails helped me, to understand the damage videogame causes to the brain, and I was addicted to it. It's a hard choice, but I plan not to play videogames anymore. Thats why I'm writing this letter, cuz I want to make new habits, find a new passion, travel, make friends, meet people, find a good job and have a  family.

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

 

[Xiryts Journal]

Dont give up bro. Go straigh ahead!!!!!!!