Damiano

Day 33. Started going to the gym. My men are calling me from beyound the veil, i need to mobilize the troops, fuck. Some times games were more interesting than the shit going on IRL, meaning that i cared more about those imaginary people than the real ones, and that is messed up. How the hell did this happen. Why playing a game (pretending to conquer shit and managing a nation) seems more fun than going out with gf.

Sure, but trying not to, its alot harder than games, because i dont need a good PC.

Day 32. No time for gaming thoughts.

I do work out. but i dont know what a social circle is supposed to do, never had more than one friend, who eventually moved on. I know something is wrong thats why im in therapy and meds. Im just scared of evething, every interaction, every time i need to get don the bus i am stressed out and i have used the bus to get to work for 9 years. I am scared to be judged as not good enough. I know its bullshit, and i know nobody gives a shit, but still after all this time, i get anxious all the time.

Day 31 Today i had a mild breakdown (it happens some times), not related to gaming, didnt play anything, but sat there and watched the whole season 2 of the expanse. I had planned of doing some stuff today, but didnt do anything. Just sat there, almost drooling, zombie like.

Yes. You see, even when i was out there, on the coast of france, observing 2 storms approaching from the ocean. Witnessing this aweseme moment was not as enjoyable as pretending to care for the well beeing of my imaginary troopers in HOI. Honesthly what the fuck is wrong with me. Im not going to play for these 90 days, but im actually loosing interest in a life without those imaginary people.

Day 30. I was traveling and didt had time to write or to game. I got flashbacks often of times when i wanted to play something and i did. The anticipation before plating was actually more enjoyable than playing itself.

I was always thinking about games, and as a programmer, my mind always wonderend to the "what if". So as a hobby of sorts i designed games on paper. Learned some Unity to make prototypes, but gaming was too time demanding to make anything. Most the designs didnt pass the test of time, meaning, that when i read them again after a few months they were stupid lol. There were a few that were nice. The one i found is a story driven visual novel, with minigames and a strategy/tactical "phase". The design is very very "keyword" driven, but there is enough of it to keep going. A long long time ago, in collage, with some friends, we had this "need" to make games, and we coded like crazy, designed worlds and gameplay. created game mechanics in raw c++ and directX (yes we were insane). But our lives were too different to actually finish anything. Oh well. That was a nice walk through memory lane lol.

Day 26 Good day. Today i found one of my game designs i did some years back. Godd stuff, might actually focus on finishing it now that i have the time. The occasional wish to game bothers me from time to time, but its nothing serious.

Day 25. Not much happening, except i saw an advert of a game i was anticipating for a long time. Also remembered that i was supposed to play with a friend once the game came out.

Hi, yes you should, just forget about gaming, no real esence exists in the gaming world. I have 16 years of gaming on my back, and the more time i spend without games, the more i regret the time i spent gaming. Life without games is so much more exciting, everything is so enjoyable. To fight boredom start skill mastering. Make a list of stuff that you think would be nice to know how to do, then go out there and try them, and if you like them, practice them. Any skill you want, like klimbing, metal forging, fish keeping, anything you can think of. Games will never ever give you the same level of satisfaction that real life can. In games you just pretend to do stuff. Stop pretending, and leave the games in the past. Good luck in whatever path you choose.

Day 24 Yesterday, one of my younger cousins came by and showed me what he was playing, and showed me some gaming videos, and some new releases. Some of which i was looking forward to a few months ago. I managed to hold with no mayor problem. The fact that im focusing so much on doing new things, completly removed games from my mind. Im going to keep this up.

My PC was my hub. My work tool, my entertainment center and my lover. I love it and hate it. I want to destroy it, and i want to keep it. lol.. Im gona focus on my life without it, and leave it there until I make the decision. Which internally i aready have, but im not ready to make it a reality.

Day ...+/- 23 i dont remember A thought began to bother me today. What if this is easy for me, only because i put my pc away, and in order to play i would have to spend atleast 30-40 min before i plug everything back. Maybe i dont feel the urge so strong, because it is beeing muted by that lazy part in me. Im afraid that if the games are just one click away I would relapse. But i dont want to sell everything. I.... darn it, maybe i should... Im gona meditate on this during the next week. I dont see a reason to want to play, i just feel that if i sell all of it i would be left defensless against a breakdown or something like that. Maybe its just my addiction swlowly crafting its master plan to make me drown again, maybe... yeah...

Weekends are dangerous, the key is to keep busy. I played in my workshop, making a stand for my target, i started archery again. I extended the job in time by making an experimental design to acomodate to uneven terrain, the design worked, but the materials were too weak, going to rebuild using stronger stuff in the future, right now its good enough

I also loved FFX and then FFX-2 School was also bad in my early days, at 17 i started working out as well, but i screwd up the dating part.

Today was a great day, no cravings at all of any kind. Its really strange, but finally i can feel space in mind mind. Such a nice feeling.

My ego was hurt by this . Maybe because i wanted it to be more than that, but deep inside i know that it was all pretending...

This is great, my brain has started the overdrive phase. Im also doing the nofap detox, and damn its great to do everything at the same time. One recovery gives me strength to fight the other lol. Today games mattered very little.

The only thing in my mind today was "Create a life in which games have no place". Today was a good day, i feel strong, and keeping myself busy.

Today is the first day i don have the urge to play a game. Even if I think about it, there is no need or want to play, which is awesome! I think its because im reading all of your stories and recomendations, its really empowering to fight together.

I dont trust people and Im tired of playing the manipulation game. Vision is never a problem, I just stopped caring about it all. Maybe some day I will care again. Plase explain, I dont see a relation here

Today went by so fast, i didnt even nottice. Nothing of interest happened.

By similar i mean, they dont take life seriusly, to enjoy everything for what it is. To love peace and quiet, honesty and respect above money. But this kind of warm people are very very very sarece around this parts. Here, the gods are money, sex and status. Because of my strange point of view, people dont like me, my life seems boring to them, and thats ok. I like myself, and i try to better myself, little by little.

I know what you mean. Its the same here in Poland, you HAVE to drink, if not, then everyone considers you a pussy. I quit drinkink a few years ago, and dont go to parties. Cant find people that are similar to me. Im becoming that wierd man living near the forest lol