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Jess's Journal


albrechtjess

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I'm pulling for you to get the job, jess!

Thanks Mettermrck, no word back yet.

Day 21

Today was interesting, I get in strange moods when I'm waiting for a response to a job interview. Like my whole world depends on it and it certainly does but it's like I put everything on pause. I just slept the day away waiting for a response. Work was strange, got through it all but got roped into helping with paint which kept me there til an hour or so ago. My boss really appreciates me and what I've done and sees that I can do more and he communicated that well. Definitely some opportunities I can take advantage of and get some things moving at work. Something kind of cool is that if I get this new job I can even still help my old place of work a little bit so that'll be cool. Just in a strange mood and need to figure my way through it but I"m sure things will get easier when I figure out what's going on with my current interview process. On to tomorrow

- Jess 

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Day 22

Made it 3 weeks, been enjoying the GQ podcast. Today it kind of hit me that the last two days I had fallen back into food and time habits and I think it stems from my lack of planning and commitment to waking up on time. I want to change that tomorrow by waking up at 8am and preparing for a different interview. I also want to shower. There's some more work I need to do like what I want to do for my diet. I've been noticing this drive to be competitive again and I'm curious about competitive activities I can work at. I suppose I can compete with myself to be better and better and do better and better.

So a pretty wild thing happened today. I got selected to be in the omegathon for PAX which is basically being 1 of 20 of the thousands who go to PAX. Now I had planned on going to pax and I still plan on going but dam is it going to be weird being in a video game competition when I'm trying to game less. As long as I'm not gaming on home too much in my spare time I am good. So far I have not gamed at home for 22 days and I will continue that until I get a job or the last week in August before the competition where I can practice a little bit and prepare for the competition. It should be fun but I don't want to use it as justification to game at home. When I do practice that last week of August it will be tightly managed and be very focused practice as it needs to be productive and not mindless. I don't want to slip into bad habits. I thinks tightening my schedule and following through on those commitments are what I need to work on for the next month. 

Off to bed, goodnight all

- Jess 

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That's what I've been working on, my diet. I thought ahead to the kinds of foods I want to eat regularly over a lifetime...more fruit, less junk, etc. Then every week or two I try to make a small change...an apple at work instead of a chocolate bar etc. And that helps me slowly change my ways.

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Day 23

Today I was reminded of why I'm looking for a job. So much stuff at work just gets under my skin. I'm tired of it and I'm ready to move on. I honestly want to put in my 2 weeks and just figure it out as I go but I know I can handle the job hunt at the same time it's just hard. Listening to the GQ podcast on commitment was very helpful as well because I feel like the last 3 days I have not been very committed. It's been a tough week. I've got a therapy appointment tomorrow so we'll see how it goes. Just want tomorrow and Saturday to be over so I can go enjoy a nice weekend at the ocean. Ta ta for now.

- Jess

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Day 24

Fell asleep before I could write. It was an interesting day with a good start but things got a little heated for me at work. I'm getting super frustrated and I need to focus more at home and get back on the ball. This waiting for an answer on the job interview is not going to help me get ahead if it doesn't go through so I need to keep working. On the podcast yesterday they mentioned talking about 3 things that worked for you or benefited your day so I'm gonna list some of that. 

1. Getting right out of bed, no snooze or nothing. Just right up. 

2. Focusing on the work helped calm me down from the fire I was feeling. 

3. Leaving early helped with my stress.

I don't know, pretty bare bones but I can keep building a list. I wanna read about the miracle morning because that sounds like something I need for myself lately as I've struggled to get up and moving since the interview. 

Moving forward.

- Jess

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1. Getting right out of bed, no snooze or nothing. Just right up. 

Yeah that's a great habit that I'm trying to build these days. I set a nice music for the alarm, and it helped me to get up early.

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Day 25

Thank you everyone for the support <3 

1. Getting right out of bed, no snooze or nothing. Just right up. 

Yeah that's a great habit that I'm trying to build these days. I set a nice music for the alarm, and it helped me to get up early.

I like the idea of using a song. I'll give that a try. And I'll try the 3 things working exercise out for a week or two Cam :) 

3 things that are working:
1. Focusing on doing good work  

2. Not worrying about the time commitment 

3. Brushing my teeth without my phone

Felt like sharing what's not working too

3 things that are not working:

1. Eating a hamburger after work, I felt like rewarding myself but it ended up not being as satisfying as I had hoped but no worries. 

2. My bed keeps sucking me back into it and I need to stop laying in it haha I think making it will help. 

3. I think I need a better lunch to appetize me a bit more. Think I'm just bored or something I'm not sure. Perhaps I can construct something different for next week. 

Today I was a lot more calm and collected at work. I just got in and got to work and focused on doing good work and keeping on top of things and it seemed to work pretty well. I'm super excited for tomorrow and going to the ocean to camp. It should be a good break from things and a good time at the beach and hanging out with my friend. Also had a good brainstorm with my friend for a business idea. Got sucked into twitch a bit to support my cousin and got a little side tracked but no worries is over now and I don't need to go back. I don't need to know the results because their will be more games after that. 

I found myself browsing Facebook and seeing people I know succeed in the video game industry and it's interesting. For once I wasn't necessarily jealous or envious. In fact I don't really know how I felt. Thinking about it now and it still feels like it's not something I necessarily want. I'd still like to help out but I'm just not sure my place. 

The podcast today was really good about producing vs consuming. I really like the idea of being an active consumer and applying it to something. Like imagine if each time you played video games you made a video talking about what you learned from that experience. All of a sudden that'd shift into a productive medium in a way and could actually be a good show idea. I'm sure you'd hit some dry spots but it was an interesting idea of shifting your percentage from 90% consumer to 50-60% producer no matter what you're producing. 

Not sure if I'll get a journal out tomorrow but possibly or the next day for sure. 

Until next time

- Jess 

 

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Day 27

Oh I know...hamburgers are temptation itself. I wonder if there's a healthier type of hamburger you could find or a lower calorie version? I know it's not the same thing.

I definitely need to find some more variety for my diet so I'm less tempted. I feel like I've just gotten bored with the lunches I've been packing. 

Things that are working:
1. Go home to eat instead of eating out. 

2. Eating what I have instead of buying more

Had a wonderful weekend at the ocean. It was magical seeing the stars again after not for a very long time. Had a lot of memories pop up of boy scout camping and reflecting on where our lives have progressed. Had a little bit of fun building some Yu-Gi-Oh card decks with my partner and also helping with some cooking. It was interesting all the video game places I ran into on my journey haha but I didn't really have any desire to invest any time towards them especially with how limited my time was. Work came and went pretty smoothly. Hoping I get a response on the job this week.I definitely want to keep working on my job applications and interviews. Kind of excited for moving forward this week and trying to get to where I want to be. 

- Jess 

 

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Day 28

Things that are working:

Alarms and getting up out of bed immediately. 

Committing to doing my laundry. 

Putting my phone down can help with starting tasks

Playing less games gives me more time.

Today was interesting. I got a really good start and there were lots of challenges today but I overcame them all. I met up with a friend and scheduled some activities for future dates and everything should hopefully fall into place. I drove a long distance for a pokemon tcg event and had a blast. It's interesting how tcg's are like video games but they aren't. I feel like they can have negative effects too but I think I can do a good job of regulating them and my spending especially when I can't play them everyday. Tomorrow should be interesting. I'm super tired after today so I'm ready for bed. Goodnight all. 

- Jess 

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I feel you about stess-eating, it's a real downer. I work with that by preparing food for the whole day in advance and not having any unhealthy food around me at all. I haven't made random trips to a grocery store for more than two months now. Works like a charm.) Congrats on your progress and godspeed.

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Day 30

Today was hard. Wanted to relapse on porn super hard but made it to the bathroom for teeth cleaning and such. I just keep wanting to sleep and escape. I think I need to go back through respawn and keep trying some of that stuff because it worked for the first 3 weeks and I seemed to have fallen out of it. Here we go, will try tomorrow.

- Jess 

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Day 30

Today was hard. Wanted to relapse on porn super hard but made it to the bathroom for teeth cleaning and such. I just keep wanting to sleep and escape. I think I need to go back through respawn and keep trying some of that stuff because it worked for the first 3 weeks and I seemed to have fallen out of it. Here we go, will try tomorrow.

- Jess 

Keep investing in what works. If Respawn was helping, double down. This video talks about that.

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Day 30

Today was hard. Wanted to relapse on porn super hard but made it to the bathroom for teeth cleaning and such. I just keep wanting to sleep and escape. I think I need to go back through respawn and keep trying some of that stuff because it worked for the first 3 weeks and I seemed to have fallen out of it. Here we go, will try tomorrow.

- Jess 

Keep investing in what works. If Respawn was helping, double down. This video talks about that.

Yeah that's what I was thinking, I'll keep at it <3 

I need dating as a distraction I think haha. Sometimes I get cocky about how I'm doing and I let go of the steps I had taken to get there. I let my guard down, so to speak. So you just need to go back and reorganize. You're getting there!

Reorganizing sounds perfect <3 

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