Newcomer, introducing myself to the forum

[middleman]

Hi everyone!

Joined this forum and respawn today. 
i've been playing too much. Or at least, enough to make me feel guilty about it. I just finished the hardest year at the university in my program. With a girlfriend, active membership in Formula student (which will be going until July). I failed the first course in my life (even though, the passrate was 20 %). I will start working next week. 

I've have been stressed all year and feel exhausted, and gaming is right now my escape. I play maybe 1-2 hours per day in the week. If I'm home alone one day for studying, I can be playing for 8-9 hours straight, procrastinating. The last two days were two days I had off, so I could work on with formula student without stressing. However, those two days have now passed because of gaming, and I am stressed. 

I want to quit gaming because I've noticed I don't feel rested after a lunch break with gaming. I think about gaming when I'm not gaming. If I am staying home, I lie to my girlfriend about what I've done. I clean the home clean so she will still be happy to come home, so she think a lot of work has been done. 

The last few years I have been trying to get my gaming in control. In some sense, I have succeeded, since I play a lot less games now than before. A few years a go, it was at least 5 hours a day, every day. 

My progress right now:
When I failed my first course, I've bought Cold Turkey to help me with the studies, and it have helped me a lot the last month in times when I was under more stress. Still, it's easy to spend to much time gaming. When I block games for a week or two, I immediately fall back to game alot when the block goes off until I get enough mental power to block it again. 
I've told my friends at school that I easily get really addicted, and I told them I wanted help from them. Then tell me it's fine and that I analyze it to much. They have been helping me a bit, by getting me to stop when we have played for more than 1.5-2 hours which is really good. In the moments, I feel anger, but after a few minutes, I'm happy they helped me.

After these two days of gaming (which is repeated every month when I get to stressed), I think I need to stop gaming for good. I cannot keep it under control, which I thought I could. 
Games does not make me feel good. I feel tired after playing games, and I get stressed because I procrastinate  I want to exchange gaming with stuff that makes me feel relaxed and happy. 

What do you do on your lunchbreaks to relax? I easily get restless and I feel my craving for gaming. Since I've been under a lot of pressure the last year, it's easy to fall back when you are tired mentally or didn't get enough sleep one day. That's my pattern. As soon as I sleep less than 8 hours a day, I fall back in old patterns. 

It's nice to see a active community here. Reading a few posts makes you stronger when you are in doubt. 

Best regards
Middleman
 

Edited June 2, 2017 by middleman
spelling

[Cam Adair]

Welcome! Thanks for grabbing Respawn, follow the steps it will help a lot. If we can support you at all, just let us know. We are here.

[EndOfAnEra]

The 90 day detox sounds like a good idea. As you saw from your 2 week breaks, you slide back into old habits pretty easily. That is you just being human, gaming has just been wired into your brain in that way just like any other hobby/habit would have. Nothing to get down on yourself about.

It does sound like gaming has become a habit and not as enjoyable anymore. So maybe it is time to move on from gaming all together. Or maybe doing the detox (or longer) and taking some self improvement steps will get you to a point where you could game in very controlled moderation and enjoy it again. As long as it could remain in very controlled moderation, otherwise quitting all together may be in order. If something isn't enjoyable or is harmful to your life goals and/or relationships, then why do it?

 

As far as lunch breaks, why do you have to do anything? You could just eat your lunch and stare off. There is meditation. Or bring a book with you. Or you could set up some reward systems, where you only do something like check your social media or watch something on your phone on your lunch break, especially if you had a productive morning. There is also Respawn and you could do some training with that on your break.

 

I am most of the way done with The Slight Edge, which is a book that I have seen recommended here. It isn't rocket science or anything that you haven't heard before, but it reinforces the point of taking the first step and repeatedly taking the next step, no matter how mundane, until you reach your goals. It hammers the point into you. It also reinforces that failing isn't a bad thing as long as you learn from it and course correct to get back on the path. So if you do fail and play a game on your detox, while it is not good and shouldn't merely be shrugged off, it shouldn't be dwelled upon and you get back on path and move forward to your goal. So I would recommend reading that if you are looking for a book to read on your break.

 

Welcome and good luck!