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Schwing's Return to Gaming

7 posts in this topic

Posted

As I speak I am reinstalling steam!

You're all probably wondering why. I've been through a lot of shit this past week and I've learnt a lot. This journey of personal development has been a tough one indeed! And it still will for the years to come. Don't think I'm returning to gaming on a bad note. Here's my reasoning:

Lately I had a bit of an existential crisis. I descended into nihilism. I realised certain things about my personality that made me weak. You can check out my journal for an account of it. I found out I don't have purpose in this life. I can't fathom it. I haven't found it. I'm not there yet. Right now I'm in my formative years. I'm just a kid! I'm glad just being myself and doing what I enjoy. I'm not going to try to be anything. I am me that's it. I can only be the strongest version of me. I didn't truly understand the meaning of this until now.

I haven't found purpose yet. But in this life there is purpose. There is pleasure amidst the pain. I feel it when I read comics. I feel it when I listen to metal. I feel it when I go for runs and work out. I feel it when I draw. I feel it when I see beautiful girls pass me by. This life holds many unearthed treasures more bountiful than I can behold. I've only seen the tip of the ice berg.
I'll keep fighting porn for the sake of it. I don't need porn. I'm moving forward just because sitting around is boring and depressing as shit. The universe commands! But, as for videogames I shall return. The problem wasn't gaming addiction specifically. I wasn't addicted. I never rubber banded back into that shit. The thing is I started reading a fuck ton of comics the moment I quit. It's these refuges I need. My personality demands it. I eat, shit and breathe fantasy. Books, comics, games, drawing, metal: it's all the same to me. It's my escape from my bland and virtually non existent social life. My personality is the problem. Removing gaming allowed me to see more into life though. I was able to discover so much by booting myself up the arse and quitting. This booting led me to discover myself. It allowed me to become more of a responsible adult. I'm truly glad I quit even if it was for only about 6 months. Most significant 6 months of my life I'd say. I'm going to go to bed on time. I'm going to wake up up time. I'm going to exercise. I'm going to do my studying. I'm going to go on holidays. I'm going to expand myself. This is what I'm going to do and gaming has nothing to do with it. Gaming is just another one of my little pleasures. Gaming provides me with an environment where I can be competitive and indulge in fantasy. In fact gaming seems like a good way I can use to rectify my bad personality trait of shying away from competition. I was using gaming as a crutch. A crutch for everything in life. But I don't need a crutch anymore. I can run on my own two feet and pick up my crutch with both hands as a club! Bludgeoning, smashing, crushing! Laying waste to the enemy!


Into the fray! Onward we march! The Warrior's Infinite Opus calls!

Thank you guys so much for sticking around and thank you cam for making this site! This isn't just about quitting games but it's even more than that! It's about finding yourself. Through quitting games I was able to find myself (not completely though!). Now I can move on and do what I need to do! I know now how to approach my life.

To all 1000 dayers:

I obviously can't continue with my pledge now! But I actually wouldn't want to be a part of the program anymore anyway. No offence but it isn't working. Too big of a commitment for too few people who are always changing. We don't do anything anymore! But, I encourage you guys to continue this yourselves if you so choose!

To my accountability partner:

We haven't talked in a while! If you want I can still skype with you! I haven't quit expanding myself. I might be a bad influence though. hehe.

Thanks again and good luck to you all!

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Posted

Ah shit I probably shouldn't have made a meal out of this. I might go back to being game free. I don't know. But right now - I'm going to play and stay smart!

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Posted

Hey man! 

Enjoy yourself. If you need to come back like I did there is no shame in it. Just remember that. Games are truly fine in moderation, but only when you have completely abandoned your compulsions. I hope you did :) Have fun, and keep going! 

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Posted

Hey man! 

Enjoy yourself. If you need to come back like I did there is no shame in it. Just remember that. Games are truly fine in moderation, but only when you have completely abandoned your compulsions. I hope you did :) Have fun, and keep going! 

We shall find out! I only plan on playing one game. When I get bored I'll fuck off and do something else. I'm not spending any more money on games. I have plenty of them and plenty of other shit to do.

Recalled this video from some bulky, gimpy as fuck nord man i used to watch!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mzwi8rxI-88

Gaming is a great way I can connect with other people. Right now it's hard because of where i live and my situation at school. I might drop games when I hit uni and make friends and do stuff with them. And tbh I'm not carting this huge pc to my room with me! Fuck that!

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Posted

I wish you control video games, not the opposite way!

Good luck.

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Posted

Half of me feels sad that you're leaving us. But the other half sees your strength. Just remember to not let gaming be compulsive. 

Hope you will find yourself completely one day. Hugs bro.

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Posted

Awww, it all looks like there are only 2 "1000-dayers" left - Me and @Piotr.

It's your decision and I accept it however. Best of luck and I hope you'll not finish with visiting this forum!

You can also share your story in details once you'll gain enough experience of becoming a player again. I encourage you to do so!

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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