What are three things you're grateful for today? Share in your journal. :)

Hi! I'm Moe, and I'm humbly starting over.

7 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Hey everyone, 

Today is day 1 for me without video games. It's not my first attempt at quitting, but I believe it will be the one that sticks permanently. It is also day 1 of the 90 day detox for me.

I met Cam at a talk he gave about two years ago in Utah. At the time I wasn't ready to really give up my gaming addiction, nor was I ready to accept help. I've always kind of had a bit of a Superman complex, where I think I can do everything and anything. So I thought, egotistically, I could figure out how to conquer my addiction on my own. I've been holding onto that notion for about the last 12-14 years.

Yesterday, I splurged on gaming and didn't fulfill any of the obligations that I had set up for the day. About an before my wife and daughter got home for the day, I knew I needed to get started on dinner and that I had done nothing for the entire day. I got pissed off at myself for about the 1000th time for having a day like this, and I uninstalled all my games. I even scoured every file in my computer that was even remotely related to gaming, and deleted it. Since I had done most of the before, I knew it wasn't enough and that it wouldn't stick. Therefore, removing games from a PC when they could just be reinstalled was essentially meaningless. 

At this point, I remembered that I met Cam and heard a bit of his story and what he does. I remembered he had formed an organization called Game Quitters and I thought it might be time to suck it up and get some help from a person who specializes in this exact subject. Thus, I'm here today. 

Throughout my life, gaming has taken away job opportunities, robbed me of my money, prevented me from working diligently on my passions, kept me from finishing my book that I'm writing, caused breakups with past relationships, caused serious fights with my wife, encouraged me to neglect my precious wonderful daughter when she wants to play with her daddy, caused me stress and depression, made me absolutely loathe who I was, screwed with my vision, blocked my motivation throughout my life, lulled me into a non-athletic body when I truly enjoy sports, and most frustratingly of all made my bachelors degree take 11 years long when I'm smart enough to pass all my classes with an A. 

I'm so ready to be done. 

After half my life, I am FINALLY willing to admit that I'm not Superman. That I don't have the tools I need to conquer this ailment of mine. So I'm attempting to be humble and admit my faults here. I am a video game addict, I have been since my family first got a gaming system in our house, and my brother tortured me with the rights to play it or not. I'm ready to be done with this plague on my life, and more than anything I want to be the real me. I feel like my soul is covered it sticky tar and I want to scrape it off to reveal the real me. 

 

If you've made it through that massive wall of text, I both applaud you and thank you. Today I'm admitting that I'm weak. Tomorrow I hope I'll be a little stronger. And eventually I hope to be the true version of myself that I haven't been since I was an uncorrupted kid. I'm hoping everyone in this community can help me. So thank you in advance. 

Best to all of you, 

Moe

Edited by Moe Smith
Forgot signature
4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Hey Moe, thanks for sharing. I know it took an immense amount of courage for you to be open about this, not only with yourself but with us. Enjoyed meeting you in Utah, hope to meet again soon.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Hey Moe, even Superman had his kryptonite! 

Glad to see you onboard. I know that feeling of being angry at yourself for not achieving anything - especially when your wife leaves for the day and you take a day off work to do something like study or clean or something, and you begin the day with "oh I'll just play for 5 minutes before I get started" which generally ends with your wife's keys in the door and you haven't moved.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Thanks @Cam Adair! I'd imagine that we'll meet at some other time in the future. If not, then I'm sure we'll have more conversations on here. 

@giblets that is very true about Superman. Honestly that's such an obvious part of his character, but I hadn't ever considered that weakness and allow for that option. And yes, your description is eerily similar. I didn't mean to deceive my wife about what I was doing for the day, I just did it a little, got sucked in, and suddenly my day is gone and nothing happened. Glad to hear I'm not the only one who's had that experience! 

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

You're in good company, Moe. Welcome!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Hey Moe, and welcome.

Much like you I've spent about a decade realizing I needed to quit and thought I could just do it but never succeeded.

Throughout my life, gaming has taken away job opportunities, robbed me of my money, prevented me from working diligently on my passions, kept me from finishing my book that I'm writing, caused breakups with past relationships, caused serious fights with my wife, encouraged me to neglect my precious wonderful daughter when she wants to play with her daddy, caused me stress and depression, made me absolutely loathe who I was, screwed with my vision, blocked my motivation throughout my life, lulled me into a non-athletic body when I truly enjoy sports, and most frustratingly of all made my bachelors degree take 11 years long when I'm smart enough to pass all my classes with an A. 

Isn't it amazing the power of control of video games can have over you? And the how they can completely alter your life course? Don't feel bad about any of this. What is important is that you've recognized the issue and are taking action.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Welcome Moe! Remember to congratulate your self on victories. It took a lot of guts to post that!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now