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I'm so close to relapse

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Posted

I'm sick today. Woke up very early morning, got a high temperature and spent all my day watching brainless youtube videos and 1 fell-length movie. I've order some junk food and basically I've been lying in bed for past 10hours. I'm so tired of passive enterinment, I really want to reinstall my steam and play Factorio or other base building game. I'm on my 30th day of detox

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Posted

I'm sick today too. I'm not going to game. Watch all the movies you need to. Hang in there. You'll be better in a few days and able to be productive again. Gaming isn't going to solve anything. 

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Posted

I'm sick today too. I'm not going to game. Watch all the movies you need to. Hang in there. You'll be better in a few days and able to be productive again. Gaming isn't going to solve anything. 

Cam, but what if without games I act even dumber? Games at least make me think, I plan things, I execute something.. I know it's meaningless but at least I DO something. What's worse? Happiness in ilusion or sadness in reality?

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Posted

Haha, to an extent that's true. If you'd now watch TV forever. But, you ain't, cause it's probably gonna bore the crap outta you!! Defeating an addiction is probably one of the most brain-changing activities you can do, cause your learning new behavior and adapting.

 

Once you've seen past the illusion, you're fucked seeking happiness in it anyways.

 

I choose death of my old self.

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Posted

You ain't, cause it's probably gonna bore the crap outta you!!I choose death of my old self.

Wait, aren't people wasting all their life being addicted to TV?

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Posted (edited)

I was hoping you weren't one of those... besides, everything is addicting in a way.

 

Quitting is about finding your own solutions and answers - you can learn quitting and get more resistant. But if you doubt yourself, that's a shot in the foot.

Edited by destoroyah

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Posted

Just gotta love yourself man. 

What does that mean to you? How can you love yourself more in the situation that you're in? Lying in bed, sick in bed for the past 10 hours...what can you do to love yourself more? 

How can you be kind to yourself in your current state? How can you show yourself compassion in your current state? 

You've taken some Self-Destructive / Self-Hating behaviors already. Eating junk food / binging on passive entertainment. Is there anything that you could do that would lead to real self-love, in your current situation? 

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Posted

I'm sick today too. I'm not going to game. Watch all the movies you need to. Hang in there. You'll be better in a few days and able to be productive again. Gaming isn't going to solve anything. 

Cam, but what if without games I act even dumber? Games at least make me think, I plan things, I execute something.. I know it's meaningless but at least I DO something. What's worse? Happiness in ilusion or sadness in reality?

That's just fuckin' justification! Stop it right now!

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Posted

I'm sick today too. I'm not going to game. Watch all the movies you need to. Hang in there. You'll be better in a few days and able to be productive again. Gaming isn't going to solve anything. 

Cam, but what if without games I act even dumber? Games at least make me think, I plan things, I execute something.. I know it's meaningless but at least I DO something. What's worse? Happiness in ilusion or sadness in reality?

Maybe it's time to reflect on why you're not doing anything engaging without games. You're creating that situation. Nothing else is.

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Posted

I just can't, I'm too weak. Maybe I was born just to be an average. I'll not achieve anything in my life, I won't be ambitious... Maybe I should just eat, shit and consume pop culture... let the time fly,

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Posted (edited)

I just can't, I'm too weak. Maybe I was born just to be an average. I'll not achieve anything in my life, I won't be ambitious... Maybe I should just eat, shit and consume pop culture... let the time fly,

Uh dude. Try to remember why you wanted to quit in the first place, list the reasons. You need some resolve!!

 

And everyone is born weak and average, your decisions are what changes that.

 

Your painting too much black. You're telling yourself that you are weak and believing that, that's what's breaking your neck.

Tell yourself that you can do this and find the reasons why gaming is impairing your life. How gaming is hindering who you want to be.

Stop questioning yourself and stop questioning us - in the end we can't provide you the solution, but we can act like "shamans" that try to keep you engaged in your own path to find a solution.

In an addiction, you are your worst enemy. You can't even trust yourself or your emotions. You need to conjure a great fighting spirit to succeed. The first time is the hardest.

Don't relapse, come back here before you do.

Edited by destoroyah

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Posted (edited)

Hey @fil. There's a lot going on here and I'll add my bit. 

99.9% of people are average. The reason you do this is to be happy. You wanted to quit because you felt like shit. Because you felt sick. Kind of like now. Look, I don't know how old you are, but if you are anything above 16 I recommend you give Dostoevsky's "The Gambler" a read. It's a brilliant piece on addiction, making choices, and knowing how your behavior influences your surroundings. I recommend you get it in an audiobook. Rather than TV or youtube this will take more attention. It would benefit you greatly. It would benefit anyone here greatly. 

Also I know you are in a low spot but don't sell yourself short. We are all average here now, but we are all striving for excellence. That puts you above 95% of people already. Don't lose control of your life. Stay with us. But first and foremost stay loyal to your would be self 60 days from now. A whole new person you will like more. A whole new person you enjoy the company of. And so do others. 

 

Stay Strong! 

-Cs

Edited by Csaba_Bekesi

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Posted

I just can't, I'm too weak. Maybe I was born just to be an average. I'll not achieve anything in my life, I won't be ambitious... Maybe I should just eat, shit and consume pop culture... let the time fly,

I see that's your last post, how are you doing during this 2 days

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Posted

@ hycniejsy, @ csaba_bekesi , @destoroyah, @ Nethic, @ Cam Adair, thank you so much for the support.

I was fighting the urge of playing games for the whole previous week. I somehow haven't relapsed nevertheless I've watched tons of gaming related videos (trivia/let's plays/streams). It's funny at the same time watching these videos make me crave video games but it also prevented me from relapsing as it fullfiled my cravings. Does it count as cheating?

I believe things could turn much worse if you haven't been here with me. I feel calm now and have courage and strength to get back on the right track.

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Posted

Good that you hung in there! Stay vigilant.

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