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So this happened...

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Posted (edited)

I don't even know if doing this is right, I'm so embarrassed!. But I believe I really owe @Cam, @spinips, @wookieshark88, and some others I don't remember well an explanation of why I suddenly disappeared 2 years ago since all of you were super nice to me.

Today I had the opportunity to watch this video recently posted by cam, which inspired me to come back and offer an explanation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktvIpo-ySDI

First thing I did today as I came back here was check my last Daily Journal entry, which was probably somewhere in Sep-Oct/2015. Turns out all my posts in that section appear to be deleted, which I understand given the lack of activity, But anyways, In there I talked about my struggles with multiple health issues I was battling back in the day,  and how gaming provided a escape for all the physical and emotional pain I was dealing with.

During that time when I was updating my journal, I managed to achieve the amazing milestone of 4 months without games, the longest streak I've achieved (still to date) in my life. It was magical, little by little, my health both physically and emotionally started to improve and I couldn't believe it was happening. But that didn't last long.....

2 days after my last Daily Journal entry, the demons came back..... with a vengeance, my health abruptly began to deteriorate again, and kept getting worse over the following days/weeks. It got really bad. So seeing myself in that miserable and deplorable state sunk me back into depression which also led to... you guessed, getting back to the only pain relief that had "effectively" worked over the years. And the day I relapsed It suddenly hit me, * I WASN'T REALLY READY TO QUIT FOR GOOD *, the elements I needed to really and fully transition to something else just weren't there, they never were. I had no IRL support system (my family doesn't like to address my health issues), I had no real tight friends, no caretakers, money was scarce, too much physical and emotional pain on a daily basis, etc. there was just no way I was going to make it on my own, and even though the love and support you guys showed me back in the day was amazing, it was just not enough. I heard here and there that in order to completely give up an addiction you have to replace it with another healthier one, I tried, I really did, but I just couldn't find anything engaging enough that could replace it for me.

It's February 2017, and ever since it's been a slow and painful recovery. To this day, my health problems still persist, not as bad as back then but still make my days challenging at times. the good news is, for a while now I've come up with a practical method that has finally started to show some positive results and improvements are happening. Yes I still play games, but my plan to quit them is still there, I'm gathering those elements I need, and I'm very hopeful I'll get em' sooner than later, honestly, I'm actually excited. I want to make sure that the next time I try, is going to be the good one, I'm working on it, so rest assured (assuming your care haha) that this is not the last of me, I'll be back!

P.D. Suggestions are welcome.

Other than that, I just want to apologize once again for not reporting back earlier, I was in a really bad place, I hope you can understand.

Love, Andy.

Edited by Gorxen
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Posted

Hey brother, good to see you back here. You are a valued member of the community. Sorry about your journal - we had an unfortunate event happen where a number of old journals were deleted. 

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Posted

It's February 2017, and ever since it's been a slow and painful recovery. To this day, my health problems still persist, not as bad as back then but still make my days challenging at times. the good news is, for a while now I've come up with a practical method that has finally started to show some positive results and improvements are happening. Yes I still play games, but my plan to quit them is still there, I'm gathering those elements I need, and I'm very hopeful I'll get em' sooner than later, honestly, I'm actually excited. I want to make sure that the next time I try, is going to be the good one, I'm working on it, so rest assured (assuming your care haha) that this is not the last of me, I'll be back!

P.D. Suggestions are welcome.

Other than that, I just want to apologize once again for not reporting back earlier, I was in a really bad place, I hope you can understand.

Love, Andy.

Awesome! As you said it's a progress that will take it's time, but when it gets rolling, boy does it feel good! You probably know what's best for you.

For me the biggest helpers have been reflection in a personal or an online journal, taking up a hobby be it playing the piano, lifting weights, chess or my favourite: martial arts, taking up a hobby has been by far the biggest aid for me. Setting values, writing your goals down and taking care of habits that move you towards them day by day. Pretty straight forward and very powerful. Reading.

Be sure to let us know whats going on in your life, I'd love to hear how you are moving forward as well!

 

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