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Jacob's Journal

38 posts in this topic

Posted

2/8/2017

Day's without gaming: 10

Alright so this is my first post. Day 10 of my millionth attempt to quit gaming. I do feel more confident this time around as I've finally made the choice to give up gaming for good rather than a temporary fix to my problems. I've realized that for me personally I can't control myself with gaming so I need to cut it out of my life. This is my second attempt at the 90 day detox. My first attempt lasted 73 days. I broke the fast due to my best friend's dad dying which was an emotional experience. I played games with him all day at his house. I felt as though I was justified in taking that action however when I returned home I couldn't stop playing. I was really upset with myself for many months after. I felt as though I was hopeless and that I could never get back up to 73 days. I finally forgiven myself and I want a better life for myself. Self love is very difficult for me and it is the biggest barriers to my quitting. Hopefully with support I can go a full 90 days for the first time in my life.

 

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Posted

Hello Jacob!

Cutting out games from your life is a nice choice! I really appreciate your decision!

You'll build 90 days or even 1000 days if you want to, because you have my support now!

Btw. what have you learned from your previous relapse? Can you prepare yourself better for coincidences like someone's death? I know it is hard, but it's not a good idea to feel justified to come back to video games because of that.

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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Posted

Welcome Jacob! 

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Posted

@hycniejsy I definitely learned that I need to be stricter with myself. I think that was a pretty extreme event and it made me realize how seriously I need to commit to no gaming. I was very guilty for a long time. But i'm learning to be kinder to myself and forgive myself for past mistakes! I'm glad I found game quitters and have people who can support me now! I'm very thankful to Cam and everyone else who helped create this community. It took me a long time to find something like this. Thank you everyone that has given me encouragement during the start of this journey. It has been hard for me to find support from people in my life as they don't consider video game addiction to be a serious or real thing. 

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Posted

2/9/2017

Day's without gaming: 11

Another day. Work was good today. I love going to work because it is very engaging and makes me forget about the cravings. The hardest part of my day is when I come home after work and sit in my room. I finished Module #4 today.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

My activities and backups are:

Engaging: Coding practice(I want to start a career as a programmer) / Photoshop and Lightroom editing

Tired: Listening to Music / Watching TV

Social: Volunteering(Still need to find things in my area) / Meetups

Bored: Photography / Hiking

Stressed: Gym / Bike

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm still looking for an accountability partner. Everyone seems to be so busy.

Feeling hopeful. That's all for today.

 

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Posted

2/10/2017

Day's without gaming: 12

I overslept today. I slept through both my alarms and woke up at 10:05 am. My shift started at 10. This sucked because I have a new manager at my store. So not the best first impression. The cravings were not as bad today. I decided to try to be at home as little as possible as this seems to trigger the cravings. I am currently at a coffee shop working on programming stuff. My current goal is to complete the freecodecamp front-end certification within the next 6 months. After the coffee shop I will run a mile at the gym. Good day so far.

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Posted

Great job starting your journal!

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Posted

2/11/2017

Day's without gaming: 13

Today was good at work. I'm sore from starting to working out. I spent an hour coding tonight. This is a good start. I will spend the evening at my cousins house watching movies. Trying to spend as little time at home as possible.

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Posted

Trying to spend as little time at home as possible.

Definitely helps!

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Posted

2/13/2017

Day's without gaming: 15

Today was hard. Since I didn't work I had cravings all day. Got to the section about scheduling and I'm struggling with it. I have been having a terrible time focusing. I can't seem to focus on one thing for more than a few moments. Multiple times today I forget why I had walked into a room. I'm hoping this is just due to me quitting and isn't permanent.

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Posted

I'm right there with ya.  Keep yourself busy, do anything.  Read a book, get involved in something, work on FCC.  Anything to keep you focused elsewhere.  Put yourself in to immersive avoidance.  Slowly but surely other activities will become more enjoyable and you'll miss that electric box less and less.

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Posted

2/16/2017

Day's without gaming: 18

I've been putting off journaling but my accountability partner reminded me this is an important part of the recovery process. Having an accountability partner is really helping me feel more accepted. Since I know there is someone else feeling similar emotions it is easier to resist the temptation of gaming.

My addiction has definitely trapped me within a certain lifestyle. I work part time and live with my parents. While my situation is good I would like the freedom that comes with living on my own and not be reliant or a burden. My dream is to get a job as a software engineer. While I have some skills in the field I am not currently ready for employment. I found a free community javascript meeting through meetup.com. I was worried about going and that I would understand anything. I decided instead of focus on things that could happen I should focus on what I can do right now. So I did the next right step. This really worked in my favor because I made a new friend at the meeting who is similar in skill and has the same aspirations as me. We plan to meet Sunday to look at each others work and offer advice.

I've noticed since I have quit my focus has been very poor. Today I felt slightly more focused than yesterday. I think that is a good sign. Having an accountability partner is really helping me feel more accepted. The past few days have been good. I find the busier I am the less I feel cravings.

I've decided to follow other journal formats and list 3 things I am grateful for and 3 good things that happened to me at the end of each journal entry.

Today I am grateful for:

1. My Car

2. My Parents

3. My job

Good things that happened to me today:

1. I wore a bowtie for the first time and received 3 compliments on it.

2. I made a new friend/associate.

3. I had a really delicious subway sandwich for lunch(Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki with all of the vegetables).

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Posted

Great job.  I was especially moved by the sandwich comment, made me laugh out loud.

Stick with it, you got this.

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Posted

2/18/2017

Day's without gaming: 20

Forgot to journal yesterday. I need to work on doing it everyday. 

Yesterday a friend convinced me to go workout with him. I currently have a gym membership but never go alone which means I only go a few times a month. We had a really good workout session. I was wondering why I hate going to the gym alone and I took some time to contemplate it. I realized it is because I'm intimated by the exercises. I'm always afraid im doing them wrong and it causes me a lot of anxiety. I want to overcome this so today I scheduled some time with a personal trainer. I think if I can get a few sessions with him I'll have more confidence going on my own in the future. 

I have been struggling with boredom. Whenever I don't have anything engaging to do physically or mentally I get very anxious. I'm in the process of finding more activities to do. I decided a good goal would be to learn to write in cursive. I got a cheap fountain pen and a practice book and started learning today. I would like to try my hand and some kind of volunteering but I'm not sure how to start. 

Today I am grateful for:

1. My coworkers

2. Coffee shops

3. Internet access

Good things that happened to me today:

1. Made some more progress on my portfolio website.

2. Ran a mile and broke my personal record for time.

3.  My grandfather bought me a box of girlscout cookies and I ate the entire box today.

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Posted (edited)

What better way to celebrate a day at the gym than a box full of girl-guide cookies?  Life is full of checks and balances and you just got a free box of cookies my friend.  Staying engaged in activity is tantamount.  I'm proud of you for seeking the help of a personal trainer; a brave thing to do.  You'll learn more in one session from a good personal trainer than you will in a month of anything else.  Great job on breaking your record mile, they'll begin passing beneath your feet faster every day.

N

Edited by d1rtydeedz
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