New Video: Unleash Your Potential with These Productivity Secrets

Übermensch

115 posts in this topic

Posted

I've been craving games again, and I realised it is because I don't tackle my work well. If I did I would not want to escape, after all. 

I push myself like never before. And I'm not talking about literally right now. I am talking over all. 

I visited my friend in Manchester this weekend and I learnt a lot about myself. I think he learnt a lot about himself too, I just hope I got to help him as well.

We trained martial arts together. He showed me the flaws with my boxing stance and let me know I always let my guard down, I also misjudge distance. He also showed me my low pain tolerance. Then it came to me. My physical body represents my mind really well. I've been struggling with scoliosis in the past, at one point I went at is and almost cured it, now I'm struggling with mild scoliosis. I have yet to complete fixing it. I am improving signifiantly. Exercise I've been doing helps a lot.  I'm a bit spineless in a way when I really should not be. I also have no solid stance on what I should be doing with my future. I let my guard down when things seem to go well then I get kicked in the face. And that kick hurts a lot more than it should. I also don't see far into my future. 

So all that said I need to learn how to fight. I will pick up kick boxing for the physical, and I will attempt Mel Robins' 5 second rule for the mental. 

I need to find my peace through action. The above two in combination with the things I already do and eliminating procrastination and hesitation should turn me into the mental emotional polymath juggernaut I desire to be. 

 

There's a lot more, but I'm tired. I shall tell you more later. Day 64. Alive and kicking. 

 

Silver Slivers of Sentient Silhouettes dance like Mercurial Memories, Marvelous and Mesmerizing, in this Whole Hollow Hallucination of Vivid Worlds Oriented Orderlessly, Ommiting Omnipotence like of the Old Gods, Unto Us: Living, Lucid, Luciferous Endless Existors.  

 

There's my alliteration today. No idea where I wanted to take that. 

Thanks for reading. 

 

-Csaba

 

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I can relate you your problem. But sometimes I think that perhaps this is the nature of life? You don't know where you are really going (provided you are following your heart) and you will inevitably get fucked over by the world from time to time. Perhaps that is not what you are describing though. Anyway, keep it up and become one of the Ubermenschen!

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Keep clear of that maelstrom that you call thinking. One word follows the next for eternity, and there is no meaning. In the end, you may still be sitting where you are. As a skeleton, a shadow.
 
There is no meaning in finding out that your body represents your mind, or whatever conclusion you may derive. Even if you are smart in your ability to recognize the patterns in this mosaic that people call "Life" in their madness to give everything a name. There is no reason, and there is no smart thing that will make you move.
 
You are unhappy because you are not moving. I know I wrote something similar in Pierces journal, but I have realized only when I'm going from A to B am I happy. There is nothing good in A or B and the reason I start going don't matter either.
 
Okay. I might be crazy. I probably am. This is it. I'm done.
3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Let's talk about procrastination, determination and initial drive. 

 

I was gone for a bit. My room is a huge mess. I did not notice it happening once again. But it did. This time however I ended with a high note before my downfall so I was trapped in the illusion of positive progress. 

 

I have a presentation today and I have not yet prepared for it. 

 

I am exactly where I started when I was quitting games 73 days ago. Maybe worse. I wish to know what happened once again. 

 

I found that before my downfall I got on the high of having convinced myself that I intend to stay on this career path and that I am actually interested in Computer Science. Inevitably true things. Well, I hope so, I am too unstable to come to conclusions about myself at 20 years of age. Too too unstable. 

 

This sudden joy seemed to have got me to a state of "completion". Congratulations, you made it! You achieved your goal. You want to stay on your course. You convinced yourself, well done. You won life, you are interested in a career path that will grant you safety. Then following this I swiftly gave up on achieving anything. The illusion of an "end" or "conclusion" just beat the spirit out of me. I vaguely looked at material relating to what I do but nothing related to actualy projects I have going on. I have so much to do. But I don't create the time or the joy for myself to do it. I am currently listening to the audiobook the 5 second rule, which can be boiled down to, "once you have an idea, start counting back from 5 and by the time you reach 1 act on it." This way you get your brain into action and you can kill procrastination. However when I find myself starting to count I quickly drop the idea and carry on procrastinating. I do it on purpose. And THAT is unfortunately without a doubt. 

 

I need a flow state. Where I am excited about work, as I am excited about improving my life. I know it exists because I experienced it in the past, especially the early weeks of my detox. 

I think the internet addiction I allowed to seep back into my life is destroying me. Absolutely overtaking my life. Because of this, I will follow my gaming detox of 90 days with an internet detox of 90 days. I will only view youtube in the company of friends (skype included), no random links opened, no facebook, no empty watching of material. I will be able to choose a show or to target material I want to watch, but I have to target, define the time, essentially imitate watching a show. 

Why do I only do this after my video game detox? Because when I decided that I am staying on my course I also decided that I will not fully kill off games. Games were to me the primary form of appreciating Computer Science as a potential future for myself, and in a way I feel it is essential to maintaining my drive about the subject. But even this I am not sure if it is because I do mean this or because I am just falling apart and I seek escape again. It feels different. It really does. But I am not giving in. I am doing 90 days first. It is the deal I made to myself and to all of you. Nothing I state is set in stone, but 90 days is 90 days. 

 

You might be thinking that I am falling apart now. I am. But I think this will help me grow. But only if I actually learn something from this. Control of time and schedule is what I need to do. And no permission to browse aimlessly. That shit kills me. Okay, but if I know this now why do I wait until the end of my detox with this? Quite simple actually. I need to have 'introverted' fun somehow. I am having difficulties reading light novels and picking up watching movies does not feel proactive enough to me. I need some kind of more controlled escape. I chose youtube and facebook over games lately. My real question is, can I quit aimless consumption of material? Can I re-create my mind such that it is a tool for me not the other way around? That is my goal. That is what I seek. I succeeded by quitting games for a long while, can I do this with other forms of media? 

 

Sorry for the rambling and kinda relapse scares, not really, or what? Jesus fuck I'm tired. Alright scrap the all nighter, I'll get in six hours it will leave me more efficient after all. 

 

Here is a TL;DR for all you busy people: After my 90 day detox of games I will remain on GQ on my 90 day aimless internet purge. No facebook, only limited time messenger, preferably eradicate that too; No youtube unless directly targeted or in company of friends. All free time will be be used well, and all dedicated fun free time will be used for fun. I plan such that that will include games to see how allowing them back into my life influences my behavior. I will keep everyone up to date, if anything gets out of hand I will come back and fully purge everything to the best of my abilities. I will wipe my mind fresh and clean. But I don't think that is quite necessary. 

 

Thanks for caring. 

Kindest regards, 

-Csaba

 

P.s. Reading back I'm getting more unsure of what I believe and what I feel and what I know and honestly what is happening. O.o Do I sound like a quitter? I feel like a quitter already. Or did I just come to a decision? Whatever, sleep and 90 days. I'll see you guys later. 

 

 

 

 

 

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Yo Csaba, I only read the TLDR, flew by the rest – I'm one of the busy people ATM, and my advice might not hit the spot. But I strike anyways – because I gotta.

You sound unfocused. Keep doing sports, maintain good diet and sleep. I know that's stupid advice, but I know by experience that that is 80% of being good at what ever. Most people underestimate though.

Internet addiction is because you keep clicking thru, be more aware of what you read. Develop a mechanism that asks itself "what does that help me?" every 30mins. If you are relaxin – cool. If you are researchin – cool. If you're just browsing, following a line – NOT COOL.

I only got 45 "free" minutes a day, this was 15 – and you are always worth it (even when I call you an idiot!), remember! I hope you can make something of it. I see it as my duty to see you not welk under pressure.

 

All the best!

PS I just killed a fly with my bare hands, brutal!!

Edited by destoroyah
2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Just handed in a project. I'm aiming for 70 percent I will probably get around 50-60. I dare say I enjoyed writing it. I was told by a friend that I am doing quite well for someone who "doesn't like to code" which was a reference to a conversation where I told him I don't like it. I think I was just struggling to cope. 

I'm taking the extra time on the other one. I will lose 10% but will be able to hand in respectable work. 

I'm 75 days into this detox. I feel that this is one of the best transformative things I've done for myself. Whatever happens after my 90 days regarding gaming I feel I will stay here. I will come here to fight my struggle with controlling my internet habits. I will be here whenever I need help. And I will return the favor to the best of my ability, at least for quite a while. 

 

I will get some chores out of the way now. Thanks guys. 15 days to the original goal. Quite exciting. I guess this is a milestone in a way by itself is it not? I think it is. I think every day was and is a milestone. Not just on GQ but in your life. After all, you managed to get out of bed and not die. That is pretty damn good if you ask me. 

 

@destoroyah Thanks for the advice man! I'm trying my best to stay on top. I will have a great shot to "reset" when I go back home for 2 weeks. I will be guaranteed good food and good sleep, I will incorporate exercise and coding! I have a coding project in mind, I find myself missing seeing how many hours I commited to something like that little marker on steam. I want to see that I've only done X hours of coding so I am fine with how good I am! I think it is a feedback system that helps a lot. 

 

Alright that's all for now. Cheers you all. 

-Cs

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Yaaa we makin 90 days no matter what!! I stopped counting, but I should be somewhere near – not giving a fuck. Haha.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Day 80. Fantastic developments going on. Field of study is interesting. I'm excited for life. I have plans for summer. I'm going home in a week and a half. Everything is going really well. I'll write more soon. 

 

-Csaba 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Dude, ten days out! That's really exciting. Sounds like you were going through a rough patch last week; I can relate. I'm glad yesterday was going much better. The journey to mastery is a series of plateaus and peaks. Thing is, if we're going to have any fun along the way, we might as well enjoy the process/journey. Maybe take some time to assess what internal thoughts are making you happy right now, and how you can maintain some of those elements when you go through a hard time. That really saved me from downward spiraling today. Here's an image to help my point:

bad-thing.jpg

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Thing is, if we're going to have any fun along the way, we might as well enjoy the process/journey.

bad-thing.jpg

The most agreeable statement I have heard in regards to self development. And a lovely image I will refer to myself and to friends In the future.

Hope all is well with everyone. I'm currently on day 81, quite excited about what is coming. I need to get this assignment done today so I can write my first draft for a paper tomorrow. Getting back on exercise once my foot heals from this little wound I got on it last training. Hopefully that will be soon. I am going to a concert this Sunday and hopefully next Wednesday.

Life is pretty agreeable lately. I need to stay focused to maintain it so.

 

Clarity through Commitment. Change without Conclusion.

-Csaba

 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

1 more week and my 90 days are done. I will make sure to reflect on everything on the day. Today is day 84. 

For now let me just talk about routine. I suck at routine. I'm so bad at it. And it is because I overindulge in internet usage. Internet usage is not quantifiable because you just follow a string. I am excited to return for my 90 days of internet regulatory detox after I'm done with my NoGaming detox. What a fun journey this has been haha. 

 

I honestly don't know what to say. I need to stay on top of my things to do. I'm closer to catching up than ever before. I better get as much value out of this as possible. 

Soon is Easter break. I can go home, see family and friends again. I can't wait. 

 

That's it for now. Thanks everyone. 

-Cs

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

I literally had a dream that I broke my no gaming streak on day 84. Today is day 84. O.o 

Don't worry. I won't. 

Edited by Csaba_Bekesi
I did not :D
1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Just saw Ghost live. Great gig. Need to get back on work, aaaand I'm starting right now. It's about time I stop hesitating and looking for a perfect time. "Good enough" leads to excellence. 

 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Day 87. Doing alright. Homesickness has set in but what are you going to do. I'm going home soon. :) 

I need to clean my room. 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Day 89 Over. Day 90 beginning now. 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now