Hello

[phpsmith]

Hello,

I'm a 30 year old married man that has always enjoyed gaming, but believe it has reached unhealthy addictive levels.

I have always loved gaming and first got really into it in my younger years playing RPGs on playstation like Final Fantasy. I got into MMORPGs as a result where my addiction went next level with the games like Everquest and WoW, Final Fantasy and other RPGs would take 40 hours to complete and then I'd be done but these MMORPGs would suck up a LOT more time (infinite, really). Most recently I have gotten more into competitive style games like LoL, CS, Overwatch, Heroes of the Storm that have taken me even beyond now, spending at least 8 hours a day throughout the work week and sometimes 10 or more if I play in the evenings too. I didn't always play as much as I do now, working full time just didn't allow for that many hours of gaming, but over the past year there were some changes that allowed me more hours.

To give a little back story, this year is the year that I determined after a career in IT and Software Development I would start my own business. This came after I butted heads with the CEO of a SaaS (Software as a Service) company, I was the VP of IT/Development. I decided if this guy can run a SaaS company, I could, and so far - I have been successful, albeit I do a lot of consulting rather than selling my own software. But as I found I was more and more in control of my own time, not at an office and social setting, and no one holding me responsible but myself - I started to spiral into some heavy gaming sessions, which has been a huge detriment to my business. Over the past month I have only put in 20 hours of billable time to some of my clients, and hardly made any progress on my own ventures. I believe my career has suffered because I no longer find programming as passionate as I did, and that's partially because I feel more of an urge to game. Each day, as my wife would leave for the work day, I would head to my computer and start playing games until she got home. When she got home, some nights, we would spend it in the office and I would game more, acting like I worked all day so the gaming was a way for me to "unwind from work".

My wife helps me with the accounting side of my business, and she was noticing that I wasn't putting in many billable hours to my clients, but she didn't say anything at first. At one point though, I believe a week or week and a half ago, she asked about it. I got very defensive and argumentative. She asked me how many hours I would game in a week, I lied and said maybe 2 hours a day during work hours, and she was surprised by that amount. I felt terrible lying, because my wife and I have a very tight and close relationship, but I stuck to it and eventually after more arguing I literally broke out in tears because she was "making a big deal about just a few hours of gaming". After the argument she apologized profusely and felt terrible since I busted out the water works which she has only seen me do at funerals. I went back to my usual gaming routine, but slowly began to realize that this is not healthy behavior. I was not just playing a couple of hours a day, I was playing 8 or more.

As I said my wife and I are very tight, so immediately I felt why on earth would I lie to win the argument, and also, why would I shed tears about it when I knew I was lying? Also, I was purchasing games without informing her (keeping secrets). These are all things I would normally not do, and she mentioned "addiction" during our argument and I have had the fleeting thought that I was addicted to games a few times before (after very heavy gaming sessions). I typed signs of an addiction in google just last week, and as I went through the list I could say "Yes, I do that" to everything in the list. The realization set in, and I came out truthfully to my wife about my lie, what I found out about my addiction, and what I plan to do with it. She is obviously extremely supportive, and I believe this is the first time in a very, very long time that I am on the right track with attempting to end a bad habit.

I'm looking forward to working through the steps, doing the 90 day detox (Day 2!), and ending my gaming addiction cold turkey so I can focus on the more important things in life.

Thank you, @Cam Adair for creating this website, forum, and your TedTalk which is how I found out about it all. It has helped me realize that I'm not alone, and that gaming at my level is an addiction.

And thank you everyone for reading/listening to my story, it feels good to speak it truthfully.

[Cam Adair]

Welcome! Absolutely love your post, thank you for sharing. There are many others here that share a similar story. One in particular I will point you to is Joe, also known as @wookieshark88. His story is here, and you can find his journal here. Happy you're here with us.

[phpsmith]

Thanks @Cam Adair, glad to share. It's obviously a little weird but liberating at the same time. Joe has a great story and I can draw a lot of similarities in that story. Thank you for pointing it out to me.

[dandielionous]

Welcome

 

[Guest]

If I were in your position after the 90 days detox I would get rid of all the video games and quit playing for the rest of my life.Get new hobbies.

Just think about this...video games shaken (although just a little bit) two of the most important pillars in your life,the relationship with your wife and your career. I think this is a wake up call for you my friend.