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Not exactly a relapse, but it sure feels like one

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Posted (edited)

I don't post much here, but given how I've been feeling this week, I wanted to share my thoughts and feelings right now. 

I've been game free since July 4th this year; 162 days. I also resolved to quit Facebook, Reddit, and YouTube (to a practical extent) about a month ago because they were my go-to places for procrastination.

Over the past week, things have gotten more difficult. I have a lot of unknowns with things like my car, my health insurance, and my health. Recovery from my back injury (herniated disc) and arm injury (tendonitis) has been very slow. My overall stress, anxiety, and depression levels have increased a lot. To this, I've found myself going on Facebook, Reddit, Youtube, and otherwise procrastinating a lot more. I haven't been following my diet. It's been harder to get out of bed in the morning.

It all came to a head this morning while I was meditating. My mind constantly wandered over and over again to unpleasant thoughts and feelings, and I could barely hold my focus on my breath. I realized something was very wrong today.

I managed to pull myself together a bit. I recognized what was going on in my head as thoughts and feelings just like any other, not so much resisting them but acknowledging them. I remembered what Cam said about being able to say "oh well" about these kinds of feelings. I did a short reflective vlog as a therapeutic activity to unpack what was going on in my mind. I continued with my day. I went down my to-do list and knocked out a bunch of items. I took a shower, shaved, brushed my teeth, and ate breakfast. I listened to my favorite music. I pet my cats. Some old friends in a group text sent some silly messages for the first time in forever, and we had a laugh. Life continues onwards.

Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is that as life got more hectic, although I didn't fall back into playing video games, I fell into some old toxic habits that only made things worse. I realized this and did what I could to pick myself up and get back on my feet, and back on track with my goals. I feel like relapsing for me is more than just playing video games; it's falling into the old habits that you're trying to move on from. 

Has anyone had a similar experience?

Edited by giantbuster
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Posted

You saw yourself getting into dangerous territory and you did what it takes to get back on track.  That in my book is a success. :)

 

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