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Cam Adair, 1 Dec 2016
Posted 1 Dec 2016
That's really helpful and give me direction on how to social with people
Posted 1 Dec 2016
I might be a dick, but I automatically assumed that people who discuss stuff on reddit ona daily basis have no clue about social interactions. Reading through some of the top replies made me kinda sad-mad. I mean, look at the title of the reddit conversation:
"What are some MISTAKES you see socially AWKWARD people making?"
Mistakes? I mean, can you actually make mistakes in social interactivity? And who would be to judge, whether you made a mistake or not? Who believes he is "fluent" when it comes to social interactivity? Does labeling some people "awkward" not show that the person who labels does not have the skills to interact with these people and rather labels them the "failure" instead of working on his own skills? It is so easy to say that somebody makes "mistakes" and is "awkward" while interaction takes TWO people.The reply with the most points is:
"Not being able to pick up when someone else is completely disinterested in what you are talking about".
This way of thinking is extremely one-sided and shows - in my opinion - that the person who states this sentence, does not have great social skills. If a person is not able to pick up your disinterest, tell him or her that you would rather not talk or talk about a different topic. That is so easy and the only way you actually use social skills to change a situation. See what I meant above? The person that does not pick up the vibe gets labeled "awkward" and made a "mistake". The person that fails to express his or her disinterest gets labeled the "correct" person, because everybody should know when you don't give a fuck about other people's stories. This is a typical and in my eyes, useless way of thinking. A conversation takes at least 2 people. And if one person does not like the topic, he or she should be able to communicate this disinterest and not just assume that everybody can read his or her "signs".
I did not read through all the replies in the reddit, because that would only make me angry. But what I read was the typical "internet-people" bullshit that does not help anybody. The best way to socially interact with people is to stop thinking that there is a best way. We are all kind of different and interacting with somebody requires constant learning and being open to learn about you and the world around you.
I heard a quote once that helps me whenever I talk to strangers: "Confidence is when you walk into a room and assume everyone already likes you."
That is sad. Kind of ... really sad. Because that is also the core of why many people are lacking confidence, self-esteem and so on. They want other people to like them. Is that confidence? When you care whether other people like or do not like you, you are their slave. YOU have to like YOU. And when YOU like YOU, YOU will be confident in what YOU do because YOU can trust YOUR skills, YOUR actions and YOUR mind. Confidence lies in trusting one-self. Once you trust yourself, you will speak to people in a different way. You will stop to satisfy their expectations and be yourself. And you will learn that some people like that person that is YOU and some don't.
Also, social interaction should not be about warm cozy feelings while you talk to somebody. Sometimes, the best you get is somebody crushing your entire way of seeing things. Sometimes, it is brutal honesty. Sometimes you realize, you were wrong. There are many possible outcomes for a social interaction. And sometimes you meet people that do not like you at all and the more you try to change that, the more they dislike you. Keep those you like close and show them that you like them.
Stop working on your persona. Let your personality work.
Edit: How about "Confidence is when you walk into a room where nobody likes you and manage to walk out without thinking of yourself as a failure". Something like this.
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