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"Social gaming"?

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Posted

So, my girlfriend's vacation will begin on Sunday. That means 2 weeks without going to work. And she always enjoyed the times, when we sat down and played through a co-op game. The last game we started to play was Divinity: Original Sin. That was like half a year ago. I am not sure what to do, to be entirely honest. And now I wondered, how is it with the rest of you guys? After quitting video games, do you sometimes play "socially"? With your partner, on a party or anything else?

Since I just started quitting, I did not really have the time to think about that. But I would be grateful for any shared experience, idea, thought or opinion on that topic.

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Posted

Well I have the luck that my wife isn't a gamer at all. But we did play a little Wii( Mario Cart and such things) whilst my detox and I don't felt bad of it because it was so far from my usual addiction pattern( mooba/strategy games). In my opinion it didn't hindered my detox. But I would be careful if this gaming triggers you and let you think about you playing solo again.

In this case you'll have to find other activities to be social with your gf/friends. This can be limiting but can also give you a opportunity to discover new activities together. Card/Boardgames, walking together outdoors, doing sports would be some things which come to mind. Also of course "other activities" can be intensified  with the extra free time and you can become more intimate with your partner.

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Posted

Also of course "other activities" can be intensified  with the extra free time and you can become more intimate with your partner.

Like going to have dinner with her parents? 9_9

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Posted (edited)

Don't get me wrong, we have plenty of activities. We reserved a table in a sushi restaurant, we walk the dog together, we go to a concert together. And that is where I asked myself how to handle the gaming. Because, when we played together, it was different. We would sit on the couch together since we use the controllers, one PC and the beamer, and well, we talk while playing, we laugh, we eat and make cocktails and such. It is a very different kind of gaming, compared to me sitting all by myself, having headphones on my ears, only being available to the guys in Teamspeak. It is so very different, that is why I thought, I might ask you guys, how you would handle it. Abstain completely, or implement a few times, that are way more social and do not end in staying up all night, ignoring the entire world around one-self.

Edited by Robert Arctor
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Posted

I think every case is special and all in all you are the person who knows yourself the best. If the gaming experience is more of a social thing and the fun stems from that angle I personaly would say give it a try. However I am not you ;).  Luckily my wife is only playing Candy crush and even that hardly. (God I hate that game so much :D).

 

Did you ask her about this matter too?

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Posted

I would try it and monitor it sharply. If oyu feel like it triggers you or hinders the rest of your detox I would stop immediately. But I guess I would try.

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Posted

I can see your point. Playing can be seen like sharing a bottle of wine while having an stimulating conversation with someone.

Yet, I would wait until the end of my detox to try that. I wouldn't want to spoil it.

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Posted

Thanks for everybody's opinion here. I really needed some points of view in order to think about this idea of social gaming and how it would be when I try it during the detox. I really appreciate it.

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Posted (edited)

I would strongly suggest against the idea of social gaming(video gaming, not board games). Many people in my program still play league of legends and they know I am an ex-high elo player and often invite me to their gaming nights. I knew better than to go, because I'd get sucked back in again.

There are other things to do other than gaming. Going out for a walk, watching a movie together, having a meal... etc.

Edited by Nancy S.
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Posted

So, I tried it during the last days. For exactly two times. The first time was alright, I enjoyed my time playing with my girlfriend, making fun of each other because of our fails in combat and progressed a little in the story. It was "alright". I have to stress this word: "Alright". It wasn't awesome, it wasn't furchtbar, it was alright.

The second time was yesterday. We tried to play Helldivers and after that a few matches of Rocket League. Those are more like Mario Party, different from Divinity which has a full co-op campaign with an actual story and such. I wanted to see if there is any difference. There is not. It was "alright" again. What I realized both times though, was that video games now bore me. I feel like I do not want to play them, because they do not give me those great feelings I had during the last 19 days, when I worked on my daily goals, routines, went out to the city, took drinks in a bar. All that gave me pretty darn good feelings. Everything was exciting and fun. Yesterday, while playing socially, I had problems concentrating because in my head, I was thinking about tidying up the basement. I was really into it, but not into the games. After that, I told my girlfriend to browse through the steam shop a little. (I do not touch the mouse to browse through games) I felt no interest. Nothing. I was bored by all the games that look the same.

So after turning the PC off, I went to bed. And I wondered, why I do not want to play games. I found 3 reasons:

1. I never played excessively when I was alone. I never played single-player games excessively. But, I played online-multiplayer games with my online friends excessively. Like, always. In that case I think it is really the opposite, like: I never played not-excessively with my online friends. We would constantly switch games, that are mostly competitive like mobas or deathmatch-esque and play until 4 am or later. In the past months, I was usually the one that wanted to switch the game, because I felt that this one or that one was just a waste of time and so on. So, without the influence of my online friends, there is little desire to play at all. (Don't get me wrong, its not like I am innocent and they are the temptation, but it's different to be part of a group or alone. And once you make some online friends that share the same interest in the same games like you, you will most likely become a group).

2. The instant-gratification does not really work anymore, once you understand it. Once you understand that you are level 12 because you pressed a few buttons at the right moment, the gratification does not really kick off. At least, that's the case for me. On the other hand, during the 20 days of detox, I learned to feel the long-term-gratification again and that was really awesome. For example, when I mentioned the basement, that is an example for long-term-gratification. After tidying it up, it was still a mess, but a way better mess that showed tons of potential to make it an awesome workshop for my bike. 2 days ago, the trash men took away the bulky trash, so that I can begin tidying up once again and it looks way better already! Now, every time I go down to get my bike or a screwdriver, I feel that this place would still be a horrible mess if I did not choose to clean up. And I feel good about it. I feel gratification for an action I performed 2 weeks ago whenever I see the result. And that is what I want to fill my life with. I want to walk through my life, being high all the time because of all the great things I have done to improve my mind, body, living place. (The being high all the time is just an exaggeration, but you get what I mean. Being happy because of the shit one has done.)

There is another example for that gratification: I began to work out again. 20 days ago, I began to work out again any my girlfriend constantly tells me that I look like I have grown, at least my upper body. That is, of course, not true. The physical results take a while before they show, but what shows instantly is the different pose one sits, stands, walks with. When you train your body, you feel stronger afterwards. You feel capable. And that shows instantly. And it is great if you can notice that your whole attitude, your whole way of seeing things and your whole physical pose goes from "sitting hunchback that stares blankly at a display at 4 am" to "upright standing person that feels capable of solving his or her own issues". In short: You feel motivated to do more, face other challenges and improve even more. And motivation is the best way to get long-term-gratification, because you will always do and learn something and afterwards, there is so much to look back at.

3. That is a real simple reason: I feel like I am too old to play video games. I really do. Ever since I turned 30, my inner feelings changed. I am no kid, no young adult anymore, I am an adult. I still have the joy and the interest of a child in my soul, I am still young in mind, but I feel I am too old to be mildly and mindlessly entertained the whole time. I feel like I am capable of creating something now, and that is what I want to do. Create stuff, not consume stuff. I'd rather create a game, than play one. Like that.

 

So, yeah. In sum: Social Gaming does not work for me. It bores me and I don't feel good while doing it. My mind is somewhere else, already working on all the project. That's a great picture to imagine by the way: Imagine a slightly transparent version of you, dressed with that cool belt tool, stands in the garage, hammering some piece of wood. While another version of you, also transparent, sits on the couch or in front of the computer. And then, the last version gets up, moves into the garage and the first version says: "Finally, you came around". And all of the sudden, the two versions become one fully fleshed out, saturated you.
Sounds crazy, I know. But that is how I feel lately. Connected to myself. More complete. And I have a feeling that I can focus on one life now that I got rid of my virtual life.

 

P.S.: Sorry for the wall of text. ;)
 

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Posted

I agree that this Project are awesome and you should totally pursue them but I must warn you not to loose the ability to enjoy your social time. Just imagine your gf wants to do unproductive things all the time . O fcourse you can give impulses in a direction you like more or even start a Project, but you should be able to enjoy the times wasted together too.

Just smth to Keep in  mind

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