New Video: Why You Fail to Accomplish Your Goals

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Posted

I read this article from reddit ( https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/40ekt6/til_most_lonely_people_dont_lack_social_skills/ )recently where it stated,

"...data suggests that the vast majority of lonely people don't lack any social skills at all. It's just they found themselves in lonely situations."

I think this is so so so important to get across to people who feel like they'll never be able to have girlfriend, maintain friendships or hold a job. A lot of forum posters on here even stated that they've lurked for a long time but never had the courage to socialize here.   Belief in themselves is totally gone, they're hopeless.  I think a video addressing this problem would be beneficial :<

You have two video's, How To Develop Charisma With Myke Macapinlac  and  How To Grow And Expand Your Social Circle  (Sorry I can't seem to add URL's atm so it's https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDKd3khEXz0    and     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrP3fBjrW3w )

Maybe having one re-hashing things you stated in both of these along with an emphasis on it's possible and continuing the it's a learned skill and you can learn it.  And tons of people feel awkward, the person you're talking to could feel just as scared about what they say as you might.

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Posted

Great idea! "Is it possible to improve your social skills?" "Is it possible to make new friends?" "Is it possible to overcome loneliness?"

What do you think? :)

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Posted

Depends on what you feel more inspired to talk about in depth! Friends is very specific-which is good for reaching the ones who need it, but bad in that it won't apply to as many people overall. I think they'd all be good.

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Posted

Depends on what you feel more inspired to talk about in depth! Friends is very specific-which is good for reaching the ones who need it, but bad in that it won't apply to as many people overall. I think they'd all be good.

I shall do them all! 

skeletorgif.gif

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Posted

"...data suggests that the vast majority of lonely people don't lack any social skills at all. It's just they found themselves in lonely situations."

I think this is so so so important to get across to people who feel like they'll never be able to have girlfriend, maintain friendships or hold a job. A lot of forum posters on here even stated that they've lurked for a long time but never had the courage to socialize here. Belief in themselves is totally gone, they're hopeless. I think a video addressing this problem would be beneficial :<

I've struggled with this shit for years man, it's rough. You have great days, and you've got horrible days too. For a lot of us on here, the internet was our main outlet for communication, but it's a strange world where you never have to say anything to anyone's face, half of the people are reaction-seeking trolls, and you have an automatic common interest / connection and insanely overstimulating activity with everyone you meet from day 1. In the real world, going up to people you don't know (especially girls) is daunting, when it's something that you're out of the loop on, or even completely new at. And the older you get without taking action, the harder it is to believe that it's possible. 

But it is absolutely a skill that you can learn. And it's all about momentum. If you wake up depressed and get on the school bus depressed, you're going to have a shit day. It's all about the preparation and internal frame that you're coming from. If you first treat your body and mind with respect, things will start to change. Which is why I can't stress to people enough the importance of things like making attempts to eat healthier, drop soft drinks and drugs, take vitamins, meditate, work out, dress better, get an active routine going, and all of that. It's crazy how people don't realize that how they treat their body greatly affects how they actually feel and come off to other people.

Part of it is the lack of self love. Confidence, or whatever you want to call it, is ultimately a choice, but it's an illusion that never lasts unless you feel like you've earned it, and what we see all too often, unfortunately, is that too many people place the bar way too high, focusing on immediate goals that are unattainable instead of establishing healthy habits that will forge them into fucking bosses in the long run. Funny enough, treating your body right and creating healthy habits helps your mind sort through the neural networks of negativity by giving you that sense of accomplishment and fulfillment, and that in turn gives you more motivation to treat your body even better, and the cycle continues until you feel better and better and better, and all of a sudden, people want to be around you.

That's just my two cents. The bottom line is that once you get your shit together, you realize that it's not as hard to make friends as you think, but you've just been too scared to do it. I wish more people would see this in themselves. And I still see parts of myself that are still messed up. I don't mean to pick on myself, but when you walk up to a girl that you're attracted to, and your mind is telling you, "you want to talk to this person, you've done this a million times before, you prepared for this, you've got nothing to lose, it'll be exciting, you'll love yourself for it, and you won't have to feel that same regret that you know that you've felt billions of times before when you pussied out on this same fucking thing," and your body just hits this "twitch", where your mind shuts off, your mouth won't open, and all of a sudden the self-loathing comes back, and the minute you realize it's too late, you just have to ask yourself "why the hell did I do that? GO BACK!" but it's too late - something in your mind is literally broken, and it's up to you to fix it. 

From what I've heard, it all has to do with the strength of your prefrontal cortex, or something, which can be strengthened in the ways that I've mentioned above: through willpower building activities and health. But don't take my word for it. Also, a video must happen.

skeletorgif.gif

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Posted (edited)

 

From what I've heard, it all has to do with the strength of your prefrontal cortex

Well goddammit. No wonder I'm so bad at that ;) I rarely have the energy to force myself into confronting a person after I've over thought it. My frontal lobe is bad.

Edited by Laney
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Posted

For a while I have been feeling lonely. It would be nice to have a time that I don't hate

1: my birthday

2: valentines day

3: New years eve/new years day

4: Halloween

It would be great to look forward to all these occasions, except halloween, that's a stupid holiday.

I've stopped gaming for 2 months now but I'm consuming more youtube videos on gaming. Netflixing bit too much. I'm using as a crutch just like my gaming before I quit, so it's like gaming lite.

I'm doing this because I feel lonely at times, loneliness leads me to be unmotivated. Lack of motivation plus a low mood sets me infront of youtube for hours. I have set myself better things to do but don't have the drive to get out of that funk. Today I set aside my tasks and went to see my friend to go watch a film at the cinema. He needed the company also since he has more issues than me to deal with. We are both different in a way that he doesn't embrace any loneliness, where I embrace my loneliness too much (not attempting in meeting women)

So I was wondering if you could do a video on dealing with loneliness. Why I feel it, how to manage it. Is loneliness really the worst feeling in the world? What do you do if you phone your friends and they are too busy to pick up.

In Beijing I used the Couch surfing app to meet people and that staved off loneliness for the majority of the trip. It was pretty useful and kept me busy. But connections with people were fleeting at times. On my birthday it really hit me and I got super depressed. I was homesick and when I got back I was sick of home.

Anyway, my next task is to reduce my consumption and I feel that could be dealt with by managing my loneliness.

Cheers

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Posted

You got it! 

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Posted

Related to a recent (currently ongoing) Discord discussion: Do we have a "How to help a SO with gaming addiction"?

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