Hello, I'm Daryl

[Karmilja]

Hey all, I'm Daryl, a 22 years old student Applied Mathematics from Amsterdam, 

During my whole life gaming has been a... Nuisance. While it never has "ruined" my life, I've always been strong enough to not let it get in the way of my life goals so far, however, after moving out, things went a different direction. For a while I could contain the balance between gaming and other activities, but living on my own in a big city made me lonely. I do enjoy the night life and go out regularly, though a lot of factors have depleted my reasons to go out.

First of all, when I moved out, I learned to know my best friend. At first we went crazy, we went to clubs every weekend, went on holidays etc. And it really was the best time of my life. But after a few years, she's still the only person I really got here and we've grown a bit distant. Actually I do have a nice, close group of friends from my hometown, but we all live in different cities, so it's not very easy to keep up. Things went downhill; I volunteered at a venue (together with my hometown friends), but the management decided that the events weren't profitable enough (underground metal bands) so they pulled the plug. 

Adding to that, I had a relationship with this guy, while in the meantime being introduced to League of Legends. While I'm usually a shy person, I quickly made a lot of "friends" on there. At that moment, I lost my interest in the colleges and started to completely focus on League of Legends. I got paid per week, so I spent about €10 - €20,_ per week on it for a while (I don't even want to think about how much money I put into it). My boyfriend started to worry about my behaviour, since I did spend 6 - 7 hours on it for some days, though I always replied very irritated. When we broke up, the real problems started. I got drugged and taken somewhere, but I can't recall the exact details. He couldn't deal with it, hence the break-up, but I was left traumatized. That year I failed every class and project, due to my trauma and increasing addiction to League of Legends. Someone advised me to seek psychological help, which resulted in EMDR to cure my PTSD. The traumatic experience had been solved, but my addiction was at its worst state. My regular day looked like: Wake up at 3 pm, play some games, get some food, play till 4 - 5 am. 

Eventually I got tired of it. I was angry with the game and with the "friends" I made on it, frustrated by my personal stagnation and with their lack of "wanting to live a life". But quitting playing League of Legends isn't quitting playing video games. As a child I played Final Fantasy and Yu-Gi-Oh for over hundreds of hours, trying to get every possible achievement there was. I'm a perfectionist and a achiever, so I can work towards far away goals very consistently, which is a dangerous quality for RPG's and strategy games. This still hasn't worn off, so while League of Legends is gone, the "real" problem, gaming in general, isn't. The balance is back a bit more, but I still find myself often playing games way till way too late and evading responsibilities with my gaming behaviour. 

So this is why I'm here. I'm very interested in seeing where I will end up after doing the Respawn method, since I pretty much erased all my other activities next to PC gaming. I don't own a lot of books (next to my math books, but I'm not willing to read them 24/7), don't own a TV etc. I'm about to order The Vampire Chronicles collection to get myself something nice to read, but I will need to find some extra activities next to reading, which will probably be a bit harder since I do have some social anxiety.

Furthermore, I erased all of my games already, but I'm thinking about selling my League of Legends account instead of just quitting. It's probably not completely in line with the first checkpoint (since I have to reinstall it to take screenshots...), but I know I'm doing this purely for financial reasons and not because I want to play the game and afterwards there won't be any going back. I'm curious though to hear your stance about this point!

I'm open-minded towards where the Respawn program will take me, and I hope that together with it, I will be able to graduate.

[Cam Adair]

Hey Daryl! Another member from the Netherlands! Very cool. There are a few other members (Tom, Phoenix and some others) who have had a meetup in the past, so keep an eye out for them as well. Also, I just have to say... I LOVE AMSTERDAM.

Selling your account is ok if that's what you want to do - I'm not opposed to it. Just approach with caution as you take the screenshots that you don't justify just playing one game. 

We're here for you so let us know how we can help. I'm excited for you to get access to Respawn v4 here in the next week or two (I'm just finishing the last touches on it now.)

 

[Karmilja]

Hey Cam, thank you for your reply. It's really amazing to sees someone put so much effort in this.

I actually do have one more question! I'm a nightowl and gaming till late into the night was pretty common for me, so much that I'm having insomniac nights. These nights that I'm unable to find the mental rest to fall into sleep were usually the nights that I was like - fuck it all, my night and coming day are wasted anyway - might as well enjoy a game. Do you have any advice on things to do instead of resorting to gaming? 

[AlexTheGrape]

Hi Daryl, welcome to the community!

If you need some advice, don't be afraid to ask.

All the best for your recovery!

[Cam Adair]

Hey Daryl. One of the mindset shifts for me is about not borrowing from tomorrow. What this means is I try to live each day as its own day, its own 24 hours, and I try to maximize each day instead of say, having a ton of fun one day and then being hungover/too tired to do anything the next day. I try to maximize each day instead.

At night, being off the computer is best (screens keep you awake), so reading, drinking tea, things that calm your system down are good. Exercise is key earlier in the day to help you fall asleep at night. I used to be a nightowl as well but now I'm less of one. 

[Tom]

Hey Daryl, welcome to the forum! And greetings from Den Haag!

Since you are a completionist, how about picking up a real-life skill? Something like playing an instrument, or cooking. You can also use it for socializing (e.g. playing in a band or hosting a dinner party).

Too bad your underground metal events were cut. I would have loved to check them out.

Good luck with your recovery! I'll follow your progress on your journal!

[kortheo]

Hey Daryl! Welcome. Definitely go along with Respawn, it should prove a big help. I wish you all the best. I always tell everyone starting out to commit to 90 days - I haven't even finished my own 90 days yet, but I found it way easier to commit to 90 days than to quit for good. 58 days in I know that I'm not going back.

Best of luck!