I salute you, dear fellow quitters!

[JaniP]

Hi! My name is Jani, 23, and I am from Kuopio, Finland. I am pretty new to this community; been just lurking the forums every now and then and also have been watching Cam's YouTube videos for about two months occasionally. I will share my story, my plan on how to quit gaming, my thoughts and fears about it and whatever writing here actually brings to my mind.

It all started when I was a three-year-old kid. My father was (and is still) an engineer and he had the chance to bring broken computers home from work. Once I watched him installing a game on one of those computers and in a blink of an eye I was there asking to have a shot on one of the games (I think it might have been Keen or something). Since then I haven't been without computer games for more than 2 months at a time.

Until I was about 13 years old, my parents had to regulate my gaming. First we had the rule that I am only allowed to play for one hour a day, a couple of times a week. That kind of strict limitation in the early phase of my life could be one of the reasons why I became a game addict. I was craving for more games and always waiting for the next gaming session as if there was nothing else. I felt that I couldn't test my limits or I couldn't get fed of the gaming for good. When I have talked about this with some of my successful friends, they actually said that they used to play so much that they eventually got fed of it and never played again. Nowadays I can't help but to think: what if the same happened to me? Would I be in this situation now? No one knows that...

So years passed. I started the upper secondary school in my hometown and I was about to turn 13. I was trying to make new friends and of course the circles were divided to two; those who do game and those who do not. So eventually I made some friends from the gaming circles and I felt somewhat accepted. There was one thing though: when I was 6, I was diagnosed with SI-disorder. It's a dysfunction of sensoric integrity - related to autism. After some therapy I was somewhat clear of this disorder but one of the after effects was that my physical and psychological development came late. It ment that when I was in the middle of puberty, let's say 15 years old, to the outside world I might have seemed like a 10 year old. That, of course, affected with my social interaction skills and moreover - my gaming addiction. Ultimately the outcome was that I was heavily bullied in school until I was in the high school.

High school was the point when I started noticing that gaming is taking too big a slice in my life. It had made me emotionally numb, socially awkward and closed as a person. Those were the times when I heard about League of Legends for the first time and started playing it during the beta. In the back of my head I felt that I have been doing gaming for such a long time that maybe I could even reach the pro levels. Eventually I managed to lure my friends to try the game too and we kind of found a team together in which we started to play the game from then on. Nowadays when I think of it, I feel it might have been the biggest mistake I have ever, literally ever made.

Three years passed and I got my degree from the high school with below mediocre grades - but got it nevertheless. I was 18 years old and the whole world was about to open in front of me... Or it would have been about to open IF I knew what I wanted to do! But the only thing that I was craving and keen for was gaming. I wanted to go pro. But in the rough three years of playing LoL for about 8-13 hours on a daily basis, I managed to reach the rank of Gold 3 only, which ment that I was roughly in the top 10-15% of the playerbase. Of course I felt frustrated and envious to the guys I knew who had been playing the game for like 3 months and reached ranks from Platinum 5 to Diamond 5. That was the first time I decided to quit gaming. I managed to stay clear for around 60 days but the cravings hit back too hard. One effective factor was also my friends. ALL of my friends were gamers. I knew that if I wanted to quit for good, I should have left those circles but it would have left me lonely and sad and it didn't feel worth the effort back then. Those two months however, changed me a lot. I started working out in the gym, I was getting more friends and generally I felt more healthy. The side effect of this was that I started to party more so I started smoking and I was also consuming alcohol a lot more than before. Then one day during the summer holidays we had a high school class gathering at my friends summercottage and my best friends turned me to think of playing video games with them again. So the demon was set free again.

This time I made a training schedule for myself. I really wanted to reach the high tiers of the game. Occasionally I felt really bad that I had relapsed. However the more I thought about giving up on my progamer dream, the more I was craving for more challenge and mistakes to learn from in the game. For the next year I spent again 7-15 hours daily to become better - just this time I had a better plan to develop myself in the game. Eventually I managed to reach the infamous tier of Platinum in League so I was set for new challenges. Then there was my year in the army which actually was really interesting. Before going there I set myself a goal to become a soldier one day and I worked so hard (or it felt so) to get in to the staff sergeant training course. I was placed in a special unit because of my good physical stamina. However in that unit the other people too were in a good shape and they were much more confident and much more of an "adult" than me so eventually I wasn't placed in the sergeant training course. I felt devastated. I had to build my motivation for the army from zero again. Those were the first moments when I started to feel depression.

A year passed and I was 20 years old. I managed to get a job from a local market for the summer and in the autumn I would start the university where I was studying computer science for 3 years. Balancing the work and gaming wasn't easy. I still had to keep my job so my parents pressured me to leave gaming for good. First I was angry at them for suggesting me to leave a passion like that but then I realized that it was again time to quit. So I sold my computer and got the laptop that I am using even now to write this post. I lasted for 2 months again and then bought a new gaming PC, which I could afford because of the job that I quit gaming for.  When the university started, I was again playing games for 7-15 hours every day and this time I didn't realize any improvement really. At first i was also doing ok in my studies but the next year and a half showed me that computer science wasn't my thing. So I was about to turn 22 and I wanted to make the decision to move out on my own for the first time. Outcome? I became depressed, I isolated myself from the community, from the school and from my friends. I wasn't able to look after myself (to make food, keep my apartment clean etc.) so things were looking pretty bad. Those were the times I watched Cam's TEDx talk from YouTube and started realizing I really have to do something about this issue. So the next year I spent eating two different medications for depression, feeling self-destructive and playing games at the same time to escape the reality. Escapism was the only thing which kept me sane somehow and for the first time I really felt I was completely addicted and hooked to gaming.

And this is where I am now. I am 23 years old, I am living with my parents now because I am unable to take care of myself (or anyone else, that's why I am single) and life seems empty. Today is Day 1 of my 90-Day Detox. Like all the times before, I quit cold turkey this time too. The cravings are already huge and I feel tense, insecure and worthless. But I know things will look brighter really soon. I set myself a goal already; I want to apply for the medicine degree in the university next spring and I already started studying for that. Also I want to get back my former strenght and better physical stamina by going to the gym again and making new friends outside the gaming circles. I acknowledge that most of my friends are my friends because of gaming and it might leave my lonely for some time but I must cross my comfort-zone and get rid of this addiction. I want to say a huge thank you to everyone here already, since I know that this kind of community will make a difference in quitting. Especially I want to thank Cam himself for making those videos in Youtube and carrying on with his idea of producing this kind of valuable asset for people.

I know that I forgot something but roughly this is the story of my life on what comes to gaming. I hope my experience here is something that someone with the plan to quit finds helpful. Sorry for the awkwardly long post but it helped me a ton to get this out of my chest!

Cheers!

-Jani

 

[Regular Robert]

Welcome to the community! I am a newcomer myself and I am happy to see new people join!

[Cam Adair]

Welcome Jani! 

[Simon E]

Welcome aboard, Jani. Don't apologize for your wall of texts - stick that chin out and be proud of them (I also have a tendency of writing too much lol). It's immensely helpful to put your thoughts on paper, where they can no longer hurt you. I recommend you head over and start a journal right away!

Good luck  

[JaniP]

Thanks for the warm welcome guys! It's my first time ever taking part in a community like this and I really think that this time I can knockout the addiction.

@Robert Arctor

I am happy to see another newcomer wishing me a warm welcome Good luck to you too Robert!

@Simon E

Thanks Simon! Yeah, it's a tendency that I have that I actually can't summarize things... Sometimes it helps me, other times it doesn't, haha!

The journal thing will be a challenge for me. I have tried keeping a similar journal before (not about quitting gaming though) and it didn't quite work out. I stopped like after three days. But this time the circumstances are different so maybe there shall be success now!

Thanks to you too, Cam Waiting for the next video.

[Cam Adair]

Thanks to you too, Cam Waiting for the next video.

TOMORROW!

[Tatu92]

welcome to the group jani! 

[Reno F]

Welcome Jani!

Good luck on your journey! Count on us!