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One year! The truth

8 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Hello, two weeks ago i had my 1 year anniversary of quitting games, i can safely say it is the most difficult thing i have done in my entire life, it is the effort i am most proud of. i am glad i did this. hopefully this will inspire at least one of you.

the first week of stopping is the worst, the withdrawal symptoms are rude to you! not only do you want to game, this disease plays tricks on your mind,telling you that you cannot do it, that gaming isnt that bad and so on, so you relapse. the disease targets your weakest parts, your social anxiety, your virginity, lack of friends, no hobbies, and tell you that there is no hope, so you relapse. 

however there IS hope, you can go outside, you can make friends, you can get a girlfriend, you can get a job, you can do it, you can quit gaming. the first week goes by and you are feeling great, you are high on the "im quitting" drug. then comes the low, you want to play again when the weekend comes, or worse, a vacation. still got no friends or hobbies, you just filled your time doing the "one time" activities that you knew of, but nothing permanent. 

you perservere. a month goes by and you have only had minor urges, nothing dramatic. you are starting to earn your stimulation, you realise that your body is done collecting dust in front of the computer, so you work out. this helps for a couple of days, then comes another high, this time on the "look at me i am working out" drug. then another low. you dont want to work out, and since this was your go-to activity now, you are bored, stuck at home. you dont want to go outside, even though the sun is shining. massive urges approach. the disease targets you weak parts again, still virgin, i knew this wouldn't work, not even getting stronger, fuck this...

another month goes by, and another. you reach 90 days. extatic, you feel the momentum jumping up a couple of notches. whenever you wanna game, you tell yourself "but i did 90 days, cant quit now" so you dont. you have found your activity that you like, whenever you are bored, you do it. however you dont though... sometimes you just want to relax, no training, but no gaming, how does that work out?

six months. not THAT special, you got a girlfriend, no longer a virgin, got friends, getting good at your activity. things are nice. all of this from just six months?

9 months no games and another low hits... loneliness strikes fucking hard. you want to binge on gaming, and you do... to a certain extent you failed, you did play games for a couple of days, but you realised that this isnt what you want so you quit again. am i back to 0? nah. but you have to start the momentum train again, and its tough in the beginning. however this time you know the pitfalls, how you feel after you start relapsing, so you have the tools to avoid it next time.

1 year. 50 hours gaming this year, "its alot better than the 2-3 or 4 thousand from last year". you and your girlfriend break up, isnt that bad, however you spent alot of time with her, now what do you fill it with? not gaming right? but from 10 years of gaming, it is still your default go-to filler. you dont though, you are committed to never play a single game again. you figure it out, more training. will i ever get a new girlfriend? will i have sex again? "i just got lucky with her..." "im not even attractive", "im not good with women". you catch yourself, these are only thoughts, you try getting a girlfriend now, everyone rejects you. feels bad man. however this time, it isnt that bad, it is only a girl. if she doesnt like me, i wouldnt want to be with her anyway. but she was hot and i want sex. well fuck. 

10 days ago. started nofap. gotta fix this issue with relationships and sex and porn and masturbation. previous record is 10 days as a bet. one week on pure motivation. nofap isnt that bad, dont need porn or orgasms to stay alive. loneliness strikes again. still want a girlfriend, not sure its because i want to fill the hole of not having sex or the hole of not having someone to rely on and to cuddle with. cannot get one... you have stuck your neck out for two girls now after the breakup, no luck. "am i even attractive?". you sink into what you think might be a depression, however you are not sure. it wasnt a depression. feel good now.

present:

what i am trying to tell you is that this sircle never stops. in the end of this journey the problem will not even be gaming, you will have moved on to bigger problems. that being said, the urges are always there, they never went away for me at least, you just learn to cope with them better and better. this is not a sunshine story, i went through alot of ups and downs but that's life! i would not trade this for anything else, i like where i am at the moment, i see a good future ahead, without gaming.

love you Cam, i know i say this alot, but man you changed my life. i knew i had to quit gaming, but had no idea how, you showed me the way over the biggest hurdle in my life so far. this (gaming) being such a core issue in my life, i have had to improve every single aspect of it in order to "conquer" the addiction. this made me a much better person, thank you.

Edited by thomas
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Posted

So proud of you man!

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Posted

So proud of you man!

That really warmed my heart <3 It actually became warmer, wierd. maybe that's where the saying comes from then :D 

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Posted

Hey thanks for sharing your story. Good luck on your further journey and keep improving. You achieved something you can be proud of!

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Posted

You are an inspiration to people like me just starting out. Worth celebrating!

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Hey thanks for sharing your story. Good luck on your further journey and keep improving. You achieved something you can be proud of!

Thanks alot, much luck to you as well :) 

You are an inspiration to people like me just starting out. Worth celebrating!

Thank you, i am glad it helped. a thing to note if you are just starting out: a relapse is not worth it, you think that it will make you happy but it wont, you just feel worse, remind yourself of that when you have cravings. been there done that, not fun. and good luck! i believe that if i can do this, anyone can. i was (am, sort off) as addicted as anyone else.

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Posted

Hey Fellow quitters! :) 

I've been having cravings on and off for a while now... i'm on day 97. After the 90 day buzz has worn off, I started to think of things like "Well, that 90 days is over now... maybe I could play again.. " And just before I considered re-installing games "just to see"... I discovered this handy website.

https://www.duolingo.com/

Its a website for learning a second language, registration is really easy and simple, and best of all you get to see your measure of progress and growth. You can jump into it fairly quickly and start learning, right now I decided to learn dutch. So far De Krant is my favourite word to say outloud xD 

Ahh.. its the little things

Oh my!

This is an extremely powerful conclusion you have said there!!

I have been on nofap for about 40 days until you have described  that  the urges to fap got a lot stronger than before!

The thing that I didn't  do was to fill the hole with something productive.

I also find it good that you have filled the post with some of the interior monologue.

That helps me personally to push me out of a down.

 

Keep going!!

 

 

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Posted

Well I must say that your story IS inspiring at least for me!

About the issue with porn/masturbation/sex:

You have to learn to live by yourself first instead of getting horny for first woman that will approach in your life. That's not how it works.

If you want more information on that, PM me

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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