MANCAVE: A conscious brotherhood where you will explore, expand, and elevate. Learn More

Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

Hard Relapse but how to Detox with a potential gamer S.O.!?

6 posts in this topic

Posted

So I did my quantum leap and uninstalled a few weeks or not even two months ago... I know my journal is here somewhere and I have to go write in it and vent and just get my yaya's out for being a failure again and again... But my issue here is, I really dislike gaming. I REALLLY want to quit and i get nauseous and lot of anxiety when i start that login process knowing this isn't want I want to be doing but the thing is, what happens when the person you are dating is a gamer?

Logic says, don't date a gamer!!! which yes, is one avenue of a solution. Other part (probably womanly emotions) says, well it's really me that needs to quit cuz the gaming isn't affecting this person. They got their job, outdoor hobbies, enjoys cooking, etc. 

It's so so hard because after watching a lot of Cam's videos and reading people's struggles and suggestions, I think what hits the hardest is yeah, I AM going to face a lot of flack for it and lose a lot of friends. Hell, i sent this site to a few people and they got really angry and started defending gaming, which wasn't even my intention to attack but ask for their support and clearly now I know who has 'common sense' which isn't so common... hurk hurk....

But yeah, this is a struggle I am having and though I have toned down my gaming, probably log in and force myself not to do anything and log out after about 2 or 3 hours, I know this habit is just negative because these companies are soo good at pulling customers in with gimmicks that i know I'll be wasting more time when I have to get my thesis done and want to actually have real world results from things i do: ie. rock climbing, cinematography, learn how to dj, pick up oil painting again, master my leathercrafts (yes i am a RL leatherworker lol) and etc. etc. etc.

And my biggest guilt of all this is in teetering on this dilemma, I feel I've neglected my own health, family and friends, I've become less sociable, lost too much weight, and developed anxiety and stress from this. Just really lost right now and trying to focus on my academics currently but miserably failing. ^^;

Almost Rock Bottom,

Sylvia

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Hi Sylvia! Remember you can't control how other people react but you have to always do what's best for you. Your friends will be shocked at first but the ones who are your true friends will come around and the ones who are not your true friends will probably move on. My friend Michael Hrostoski talked about this in his "empty elevator" analogy in this video.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Gaming is more addictive for some people than others. 

 As long as you explain to others that it's you who needs to stop gaming, not them, and you need to stop gaming to improve your life and improve on your life, they will hopefully understand. Be grateful for the family members and friends who support you. 

Don't worry about it. Good luck! 

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

As long as you are trying, you may fail but you are not a failure. As Long as you trying will give you results along the way. Even if they aren't exactly what you expected, it is worth it every time. If you are dating a gamer and he likes to do things with you outside of the gaming world it is fine. It is even fine to talk with him about gaming. It gets bad if you get sucked in by temptation or start playing with him. This is the line you can not pass or you will give him the guilt for your gaming and every relationship will be doomed. At least that's what I would do if I had a gaming girlfriend.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I can relate to this in a different way since I don't drink alcohol and believe me where I live it is awfully hard and annoying to always explain and even justify this behaviour.

This decision started in my early teens when I was in a phase where being different than everybody else was of uttermost  importance for me.

 

I got pretty lonely in school since people didn't invite me to parties after they found they couldn't convert me. I stayed sober but also got lonely and that brought me into video gaming. I was a very strange kid during my puberty - where others tried to test their limits i became clingy and stayed at home.

 

Today I have a lot more friends… and they all have no problem with me not drinking. In fact most of them don't drink too. I met most of them through my wife who is from indonesia. I never met a bunch of more friendly funny and open folks in my life before.

 

Now I don't know what you should take from my experience to be honest. I know you don't want to patronize anyone so did I. I never wanted people to stop drinking… but I also wanted to be forced to drink at the same time. Still people got outright defensive and insulted even aggressive to some point.:/

 

Maybe you also should try to look for new friends. Friends who aren't even in that gaming scene at all. Do you go rock climbing on your own? ;)

 

As for s.o.

My wife plays a lot of candy crush when she is bored. It used to bother me but after some time I somehow adapted to it. Maybe it's more easier since I never really was into mobile gaming to begin with? *shrug*

We also talked about this and she absolutely supports me in my decision. She tries to only play when I am asleep and I don't try to tell her to stop. It works pretty well but she is also a very determined person and she doesn't have a gaming problem.

 

Sorry for the confusing messy text, i slept really bad (still in jetlag :P)


 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Realistically, you've gotten to the point where you're quitting after a few hours online and that is a massive improvement. So pat yourself on the back and stopping being so hard on yourself. Your next goal (write this down) is to stop logging in.

Dealing with friends can be a massive problem. There are many different scenarios and I'm lucky to have had friends that were understanding and didn't pressure me to game with them, it sounds like you don't have that luxory. If you're telling me your friends are giving you flack because you made the decision to quit gaming then ditch them. They're not your real friends. If you need to tell them to fuck off then do it. Your future is contingent upon having a supportive group of people and making sure your environment is conducive to quitting gaming, not an enabler. So ditch them if they give you any shit. If it makes you feel better, make them your primary motive to become more successful then them. You've already made a good choice coming here to game quitters.

If you have an S.O he should be understanding of your situation. It would be nice if he stopped gaming, but like you have outlined, he doesn't have a problem with it and you can't stop him from playing.

Also, you have hobbies that you can actually pursue and already understand, so just start getting into those more.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0