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I'm getting a lot of dates, but how do I "seal the deal".

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Posted

Cam if you read this you know I'm on GLL, but due to my inexperience I want methods that are a little less aggressive.

So I sorted out my pics - http://m.imgur.com/9gNezzb

And Im getting a good amount of matches, I have a date later today and 2 on saturday with maybe another on sunday.

However I've only been on 2 dates in my entire life. I would like it to progress like this.

First date - coffee, make sure she's not wierd, good conversation and some light touching.

Second date - something more active fun like a hike/ice skating/beach more hand holding and at the end land a kiss. (Im not good at this).

Third date - my place, dinner, movie, cuddles and see where it goes.

I have little experience and this is just my "imagination" of how it might work. Maybe just skip the second date? What are good (cheap) date ideas that I guess are more fun than coffee/drinks.

 

Thanks guys - if I asked on GLL the response would be "invite her to your place and get her drunk then aggressively hit on her" which is uhhh... I cant do that.

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Posted

I would like it to progress like this.

There's one of your problems.  You might have an idealized idea of how things should go and that idea is not necessarily the one that will get you the results you want.  One of the bigger problems with your plan is that you're building the first kiss up to be a huge event at the end of the 2nd date.  This puts a huge amount of pressure on her and a huge amount of pressure on yourself.  Ideally you want the first kiss to happen somewhere in the middle of the date, not at the end.

Idea for dates - I like the motorbike ride and ice-cream date.  Basically if I'm at the stage where I'm looking for a relationship I'll make sure that I find the date fun.  If you're having fun, she's going to be more likely to have fun.  It comes with the added bonus that you can get a better idea whether she has long term potential.

Other tips - Take up some sort of partner dancing.  Personally I like Salsa, but it doesn't really matter which one you do. Choose whichever one appeals to you the most.  The idea is to get comfortable with touching women in a friendly, non-sexual way.

You're tall and from what I can tell, good-looking, you'll be doing really well with women before you know it.  Just need to get your confidence up, and the only way to do that is by going on dates.  Good luck.

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Posted

True good point. By building it up in my head I give myself a lot of anxiety and pressure as well. I should just accept that I like her she probably likes me and to just let my instincts and what feels right take over a bit.

 

More practice though.

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Posted

Cam if you read this you know I'm on GLL, but due to my inexperience I want methods that are a little less aggressive.

So I sorted out my pics - http://m.imgur.com/9gNezzb

And Im getting a good amount of matches, I have a date later today and 2 on saturday with maybe another on sunday.

While online dating is ok you should also try to aproach girls the old fashioned way. Online dating should be your "second source of dates". 

However I've only been on 2 dates in my entire life. I would like it to progress like this.

First date - coffee, make sure she's not wierd, good conversation and some light touching.

Second date - something more active fun like a hike/ice skating/beach more hand holding and at the end land a kiss. (Im not good at this).

Third date - my place, dinner, movie, cuddles and see where it goes.

I have little experience and this is just my "imagination" of how it might work. Maybe just skip the second date? What are good (cheap) date ideas that I guess are more fun than coffee/drinks.

First you should ask yourself if you are looking for a girlfriend or a friend with benefits.
I truly recommend that you google "Anti dump's Machine"

Your date ideas are fine. There's no need to rush the kiss. (I kissed my current girlfriend on the 4th date)
Just kiss her when the moment feels right.

My personal favorite are public parks, art museums, free local concerts, dancing class (visit the place or call and ask for a free class), going to the beach. Going to a bar.
Anything that you would do on your own or with your friends is a valid date idea. Google free cheap dates.
Challenge her to a chess game or tic-tac-toe. Play hand clapping games. Tickle her.
Be curious about her. Ask her questions, her dreams, what makes her happy.

If you are shy just make her talk with questions about her.

Coffee shops are fine, I prefer those were you can sit on a couch or on the floor.

If you have a car drive her to the date. If you don't have a car ask her to meet up at the date.
Think ahead of time how are you gonna handle paying the date. Paying for both? Dutch?

 

 

Thanks guys - if I asked on GLL the response would be "invite her to your place and get her drunk then aggressively hit on her" which is uhhh... I cant do that.

Invite her to your house is fine but always say why are you going. "Hey lets go listen to music at my place" "Let's go watch a movie" No need for the alcohol trick.
In my experience being honest with the girl you are dating saves heartache to both of you.

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Posted

 

I have little experience and this is just my "imagination" of how it might work. Maybe just skip the second date? What are good (cheap) date ideas that I guess are more fun than coffee/drinks.

 

Thanks guys - if I asked on GLL the response would be "invite her to your place and get her drunk then aggressively hit on her" which is uhhh... I cant do that.

What is GLL? 

I had first hand experience with being in a very similar situation as yours and the most important thing to remember is to

LET IT GO

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk

 

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Posted (edited)

I will start approaching in real life, and uni starts next week. Online dating can be pretty soul crushing, but afte my abusive ex-gf my confidence was extremely low. Knowing there are some girls who want to meet up is a good feeling.

Am I looking for a relationship or casual hookup? Put it this way, I am open to a relationship - it depends on the girl. However I'm not going to say no to a casual hookup either. If the girl likes to drink, go clubbing, has aspirations to get a boob job etc - we will not be knowing each other for long.

If I get into a relationship the girl is going to be modest, kind, compassionate, conservative and supportive!!! I'm sick of bad relationships so I"m setting my standards high.

Edited by play_time_is_over
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Posted

I will start approaching in real life, and uni starts next week. Online dating can be pretty soul crushing, but afte my abusive ex-gf my confidence was extremely low. Knowing there are some girls who want to meet up is a good feeling.

Am I looking for a relationship or casual hookup? Put it this way, I am open to a relationship - it depends on the girl. However I'm not going to say no to a casual hookup either. If the girl likes to drink, go clubbing, has aspirations to get a boob job etc - we will not be knowing each other for long.

If I get into a relationship the girl is going to be modest, kind, compassionate, conservative and supportive!!! I'm sick of bad relationships so I"m setting my standards high.

My bad, i assumed you did not have an exgf since you only had 2 dates. 

i would still recommed http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU

Good luck!

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Posted

I will start approaching in real life, and uni starts next week. Online dating can be pretty soul crushing, but afte my abusive ex-gf my confidence was extremely low. Knowing there are some girls who want to meet up is a good feeling.

Am I looking for a relationship or casual hookup? Put it this way, I am open to a relationship - it depends on the girl. However I'm not going to say no to a casual hookup either. If the girl likes to drink, go clubbing, has aspirations to get a boob job etc - we will not be knowing each other for long.

If I get into a relationship the girl is going to be modest, kind, compassionate, conservative and supportive!!! I'm sick of bad relationships so I"m setting my standards high.

I was part of the pickup culture and I am still friends with guys who does pickup. Some things that you should think about: 

 

1) When looking at pickup websites consider that they have no financial incentive for you to get a girlfriend. If you stay single you may continue to buy their products. 

2) hooking up can develop into an addiction. Some of my pickup friends have a hard time being faithful no matter how perfect their girlfriend is for them. 

3) Some pickup sites such as RSD tries to create a pickup subculture. The more you identify as a pickup artist the more normal people will stay away from you (again, just based on a sample size of my friends who does pickup). 

4) Not to mention struggling with family relationships 

5) Pickup tends to demotivate people from other areas of life. 

6) Despite what they talk about nice guys being cheated on and you got to be an alpha to keep a girlfriend, I know a very good looking guy who used to do pickup, is extremely alpha, works as a promoter for clubs, and teaches promoting. He was cheated on (and for the record his exgf was psycho and imo not very hot). 

7) hooking up with girls may boost your self esteem and make guys around you respect you more, but don't expect it to make you happier. 

8) If you get a girlfriend, how are you going to explain this to your girlfriend, or do you plan to hide it?

 

An alternative is Mark Manson's material or just focusing on other areas in life for now.  

Anyhow, the decision is up to you and I would not judge you if you continue to pursue pickup. 

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Posted

I agree with you and no I am not interested in pickup. GLL is anti-pickup. Essentially it says "take social dynamics, IoI's, maintaining frame" etc and throw it the fuck out the window.

My strategy for getting girls is by being attractive and fun to be around, beyond that there is not much strategy other than overcoming anxiety. I know all pickup stuff is bullshit and if you're attractive getting girls is fairly straightforward and easy.

Yea I cringe at pickup stuff these days...

I would like a gf I just have really high standards for gf  (personality wise). Ive had bad experience with women and the ones ive dated have been narcissistic, self-centered and emotionally distraught. I'm looking for a girl who doesn't do drugs or alchohol and is a high achiever.

Funny thing is I think I found one she just needs to msg me back.

So my heirachy is:

-GF, FwB, Casual Hookup. It will start down the bottom and if the girl fits the criteria she goes up.

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Posted

GLL = Good Looking Loser? Get a Life?

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Posted

As LilLilChen stated, I would also recommend "Models" by Mark Manson. He strongly disagrees with the "pickup" artists and focuses on being vulnerable, taking honest action and not caring to much about thinking of "strategies".

For the rest best of luck with your dates and I hope to read some positive experiences :) .

 

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Posted

For pick-up purposes self-improvement is the way to go. My mentors were Pook, Anti-Dump and Tynan. From what I read about your posts Anti-Dump is my recommendation.

Just pick one mentor which seems genuine and focus on improving yourself.

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+1 for modells on this topic! Best thing I read about that stuff in a long time. And surprisingly entertaining writing style. But I am biased because I really love his freestuff too. Maybe check his article on markmanson.net before you take money in your hand. But I am sure you are fine anyway. Just keep going on dates and you figure stuff out for your self.

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Posted

I don't think there's any good strategy to "seal the deal".  It's not something you can force, and it's something both sides have to want. Relationships are about Timing, Compatibility and Location. If you only have two out of three, it's not going to work out. (Although location can be remedied, it's usually safe to say it's a deal breaker if you don't live near each other especially at the beginning of dating)

These are the following things that could get in the way of sealing the deal, that you literally have no control over:

Timing Are they focusing on jobs/school/life more than dating? Are they emotionally prepared for commitment?  Are you rebound? Are they dating someone else? 

Compatibility Do they think you two are compatible? 

Location Do you live too far for them to want a real relationship?

If none of these issues exist on either end, then it will happen with time and communication. The only strategy to apply to increase your chances of sealing the deal is the strategy of gaining trust and comfort between the two of you (alternatively named not scaring them away).

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Posted

 

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