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Thinking about proposing to girlfriend but worried that I may not have enough groomsmen

19 posts in this topic

Posted

I don't have many friends other than my girlfriend and the ones that I do have, I don't see too often. This is still progress for me because 2 years ago I did not have any friends and only been on 2 dates in my life. 

Bragging about my improvements aside, I'd feel kinda embarrassed if most of my friends turn down an invitation to be a groomsmen and I'd have to ask my girfriend's friends' boyfriends. Best man is another issue. 

I was looking at Cam's youtube videos on friends, and I plan to implement those simple tips to every interaction. Like Cam said, see every interaction as an opportunity for training. 

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Posted

What about family members? Fairly traditional to have a few of them in the wedding party. 

Either way, good time to start building some new friendships. 

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Posted (edited)

Maybe I can ask my cousin? I don't see him often but lives not too far away. 

Edited by LilChenChen

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Posted

Sure you can ask your cousin.This could even be an opportunity to get a closer relationship. Even if you don't get enough people together that is not what matters If you want to marry yuur girl this shoudln'T be the deciding factor. You can find more friends afterwards without a problem. You can't get the time back you weren't married but wished you were.

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Posted

Yeah, I should ask my cousin. It's not a deciding factor lol but something that have been in my mind and a reminder that I'm still kinda lost when it comes to making and maintaining friends. 

You can't get the time back you weren't married but wished you were.

Good point. What are the differences with being married in your experience? 

 

I was thinking maybe I can start playing some basketball with my friends or cousin, I really suck at it though lol. 

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Posted

Me and my wife lived for some years together, before we married so in our daily life it didn't changed to much. But on a more emotional level it changed the way how we felt. Now we are our own little family and we are committed to make this relationship work whatever will happen in the future. There is no way out now if something goes wrong because we commited to be together for the rest of our lives. This means we have to work our issues out and learn to live with the weaknesses of each others and value our strengths more. Scary and beautiful at the same time. Also it means that you have legal rights if something happens to her in an accident and have a say in decisions made for her in that case.

To your problem maintaining friends: I think the biggest part is just being interested in your friends. Ask them about thing which matter for them on a regular basis. Give a call or a text every few days and just ask how stuff is going. If you do this for some weeks you will know more interesting things about them and can ask about their daily problems and maybe even help them a bit.

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Posted

Thanks, I will remember this. 

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Posted (edited)

This might be too late, but FYI, for my friend's wedding he had asked only me and one other guy to be his groomsmen (the other guy was his close cousin too), and no best man. Nothing wrong with a small wedding party, plus for the groomsmen (us) we definitely feel more honored.

Edited by gloriousclover
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Posted

Wow,congratulation.Proposing to girls will make their day bright and happy,do it.????????

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Posted

Hey man. Congrats on your progress so far.

I can definetelly relate to your situation.I was a "gamer" since highschool and I'd say 60% of my friends were gamers too . When I quit I pretty much lost some of my best friends , and some others moved away to study and such, I have many people that I know and chat occasionaly but really really ,really few people that I'd call "friends" , it's not how I want things to be but I'm working on it...that said , I dont have any groundbreaking advice for you ,but I think I know how you feel.

Frankly, I dont think having many groomsmen is such a big issue.It's something that I wouldnt be too worried about, if you get married, it's your day , your life and the way I see it ,I'd be more happy with 1 or 2 groomsmen that are close to me and share my hapiness than a bunch of guys that I am not really that close to.

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Posted

Hi LilChenChen,

Not sure if this post is too late or not but, I would suggest that if you are planning on asking her to marry you, that you not let this issue stand in your way. Being honest with your girlfriend/fiancé regarding the issue is a good way to start off the marriage. If she says yes, (congrats!) then you should talk about this sooner rather than later. This way you can both plan on a similar number for each side of the bridal party. If she has tons of brothers and sisters and your family is smaller, then it can almost work in your advantage in a cute/funny way. I guess the bottom line of what I'm saying is.... if you are asking her to marry you... you are asking her to accept you completely. If she knows that this is a topic that could cause you embarrassment, then she will shift her plans to meet yours. Hope this helps. 

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Posted

i like zaxxon's advice here

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Posted

This might be too late, but FYI, for my friend's wedding he had asked only me and one other guy to be his groomsmen (the other guy was his close cousin too), and no best man. Nothing wrong with a small wedding party, plus for the groomsmen (us) we definitely feel more honored.

Not too late lol. 

I just assumed that the bridesmaid needs to match the number of groomsmen?

 

Anyways it's fine some of my friends and my cousin is doing this. Really grateful for them because it will take a lot of time out of their busy lives. 

 

Hi LilChenChen,

Not sure if this post is too late or not but, I would suggest that if you are planning on asking her to marry you, that you not let this issue stand in your way. Being honest with your girlfriend/fiancé regarding the issue is a good way to start off the marriage. If she says yes, (congrats!) then you should talk about this sooner rather than later. This way you can both plan on a similar number for each side of the bridal party. If she has tons of brothers and sisters and your family is smaller, then it can almost work in your advantage in a cute/funny way. I guess the bottom line of what I'm saying is.... if you are asking her to marry you... you are asking her to accept you completely. If she knows that this is a topic that could cause you embarrassment, then she will shift her plans to meet yours. Hope this helps. 

Thanks! Good point. 

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Posted (edited)

My mom asked my cousin to be my best man. My relationship with my cousin was never good. It takes a few days or weeks to get a reply from him. What do I do? How do I be more resilient ti this situation?

Edited by lilX

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Posted (edited)

Uh. Well being more resilient would be pointing out to your mom that it isn't any of her business, and telling your cousin that you don't want him to be your best man. If he asks "Why?" tell him what you just posted in all honesty. If mom says "But who'll you take then?" tell her that you'd rather have no one as best man and the freedom to choose for yourself, because if you can't make a decision like that on your own, you are not fit for marriage and certainly not fit to raise a kid/keep a family together. If she says "I just want to help" tell her that you gotta learn shit like this sooner or later and that it isn't helping if you are constantly steered around problems by her – because you never get to solve your own shit.

If you choose this route, be prepared to handle the consequences, they will probably limit their support. Don't break off your support wheels if you

a) can't ride a bike
or
b) can't handle the pain of your face grinding the asphalt

If you can't endure pain: Study study study to avoid it. If you can't be smart: Train train train to endure everything. A mix of the two works best.

Edited by destoroyah
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