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Dave's Log


gankylosaurus

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That sinking feeling in your gut.

Those deafening sirens in your head.

That uncontrollable rage you feel.

Your heart beating faster.

 

It's not because you need anti-anxiety drugs, it's because some guy is trying to screw your girlfriend.  Instead of acknowledging this, you're trying to justify why this situation is ok.  It isn't.  And it isn't going to go away by ignoring it.  You know that you're not fine with it, if you were you wouldn't be taking your anger out on inanimate objects.  It's ok to not be fine with your girlfriend hanging out with her "friend with benefits".  No reasonable person would be fine with that.

 

You've got some tough times ahead of you.  Make sure you have a good network of friends and family to help you through.

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It's not because you need anti-anxiety drugs, it's because some guy is trying to screw your girlfriend.  Instead of acknowledging this, you're trying to justify why this situation is ok.  It isn't.  And it isn't going to go away by ignoring it.  You know that you're not fine with it, if you were you wouldn't be taking your anger out on inanimate objects.  It's ok to not be fine with your girlfriend hanging out with her "friend with benefits".  No reasonable person would be fine with that.

With all due respect, you're wrong. I appreciate you looking out for me, but this anxiety thing isn't an isolated incident. I wasn't angry. I've been diagnosed with anxiety and I didn't do anything about it. I want to do what I can to at least see if medication helps. If it doesn't, I'll go back to handling it on my own. The situation was weird, that's all, and he's not trying to screw my girlfriend. And if he is/was, I trust my fiance.

Also, "friends with benefits" refers to a friend you have no-strings-attached sex with. They're just friends now, and she wants me to be friends with him as well.

I'm also not a possessive bang-my-chest going "that my woman!" kind of guy. So, I just really don't appreciate the subtext I'm getting from your comment.

I didn't want to focus on that part of those 2,000-odd words. I have a solution to that, a solution that works for me.

This was just not the best thing to wake up to. Chalk it up as one of the things that made me upset today. What am I gonna do about it? Well, I'm going to submit this reply and get ready for class, because I know my stance and hopefully I've made my opinion clear.

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If you believe I'm wrong just chalk it up as some guy on the internet doesn't know what he's talking about.  Though if I am wrong you would also have to ask yourself why anything I wrote made you upset.

Anyway I'm going to refrain from commenting on your thread.  Wishing you luck with your studies and writing.

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It's upsetting because of the dismissal of my own personal judgment about things pertaining to my own life, as well as a question of the trust I have for my fiance. I'm not mad. Just would rather let resolved situations stay resolved, rather than have people try to drudge up paranoid feelings of mistrust. And I'm still trying to work out the "You've got some tough times ahead of you" comment, like my fiance is actually cheating on me and I'm blind for not seeing it yet. Like this isn't over, like I'm bargaining with my perception of the situation or something. It was, ultimately, a funny miscommunication as well as my fiance's misunderstanding of what she had intended by me spying on her "date." Eventually she realized that she wasn't going to need to be rescued from the situation, so she told me she didn't need me there. It's a non-issue now, and I'm sorry if you feel attacked and that's why you're going to refrain from commenting again. I only meant to clarify, not to antagonize.

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I don't feel attacked, the reason I was going to refrain from commenting is because you've clearly indicated you don't want to hear what I have to say.  If my comments are only going to upset you, rather than provide some clarity, then it's futile and I'd rather not make any.

I have no idea if your fiance is cheating on you.  But I can say with absolute certainty that the main objective of your fiance's former sex-buddy is to continue that sexual relationship.  I think you know this, even if you're reluctant to admit it.  His goals are directly in opposition to your goals.  In my experience, relationships have enough challenges without bringing in people who want to undermine it.  I'm not saying your fiance is cheating or even that she will, but this is an additional pressure on your relationship that wasn't there before.  Nothing good will come from having this guy around.

I'm not going to say that men and women can't be platonic friends.  But your fiance is going on dates with a man who she had a wild, sexual, illicit affair with.  A man that was ok with cheating on his fiance.  If that isn't raising tons of red flags, then nothing I say can help you.  And I may as well not comment if the only thing I achieve is to upset you.

Of course, if you believe that I'm wrong, no need to be upset, just write me off as some asshole on the internet who has no idea what he's talking about.  Good luck.

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