Dave's Log

[gankylosaurus]

Hello, GameQuitters. You may remember that I've had one of these journals before, as Gank's Log. But it's been a long time since that, and this is a whole new attempt. So out with the old!

I think in my previous attempts, I haven't been honest with myself. For instance, I tried to convince myself that I just don't like gaming anymore. That's totally false. What's still true is I don't get the same rush I used to out of it and that there are better ways to use my time.

So my goals this time around are... well, exactly the same. I need to re-prioritize what's important in my life. I need to do at least a 90-day reboot. But it's not just about not gaming - that's an important thing to remember. In fact, it's less about what I'm not doing, and more about what I am doing. I have a list of priorities to follow, ordered by importance:

Primary Activities:

• Write
• Exercise
• Clean

Secondary Activities:

• Read
• Blog/Journal
• Catch up on other blogs/journals
• Play Guitar

Tertiary Activities:

• TV/Movies/YouTube
• Internet Surfing
• Gaming (Presently a banned activity)

...and I'll probably update this list as time goes on. Definitely at a loss for what else qualifies as secondary.

Effectively, the Primary Activities list consists of things that must be done every day. Keeping my apartment clean is an uphill battle and I now have a workout routine that goes back and forth between upper body and running, so that should be able to remain an every day thing.

Secondary activities are things which are fun/entertaining but also productive at the same time.

Everything else is the lazy stuff.

Today I didn't get around to writing (yet) but I'll work on it after I've posted this. The good thing now is I have a pretty good structure/plan for writing.

I don't know if this will be a daily thing. I'm not really sure what to do for daily journals. I've seen some people who basically follow a template so they can get in and get out if they don't have time for much else. Not sure what I'd post, though.

I had a little more on my mind about self-worth and my theories on why I get so drawn back into gaming, but I'll leave this one short. Pretty tired right now and I'd rather just finish my coffee and start writing.

It's good to be back.

Edited April 2, 2016 by gankylosaurus

[Cam Adair]

It's good to be back.

Welcome back dude!

[Falky]

Welcome back dude :D, I'm also a writer, what sort of stuff do you write? In regards to another secondary skill, why not learn a different skill such as a new language.

If I would do a list like yours mine would look something like this...

Primary:

• Exercise
• Meditate
• Write/ShootVideos/Marketing

Secondary:

• Bonsai Stuff
• Gardening
• Learning Spanish
• Cleaning House
• D.I.Y
• Watch Skill based videos e.g TedX, Tim Ferris & Tony Robbins

Tertiary:

• Watching Netflix
• Mindlessly browsing the Internet
• Hang with friends (don't have many lmao)

 

[gankylosaurus]

Hey, @Falky, thanks for stopping by! I'm mostly a sci-fi and fantasy writer. I've finished four novels, and I'm working on the second draft of one of those. Ironically, it takes place in a video game lol. I mean, hey, write what you know, right? I've been working on it for a pretty long time, and this second draft is a complete re-imagining of the original concept.

As for learning another language... I have to be careful which hobbies I pick up. I learned some German a while back on Duolingo, then stopped suddenly. I also took four years of Spanish (most of which I've forgotten by now). The problem with me and hobbies is that I end up doing them like I have to do them, and I try to convince myself that I need them in order to improve myself or something. Like when I tried to learn to draw. I didn't have the give-a-damn necessary to put in the time. It's like, once you've spent years honing a craft (in my case, writing) you don't really care to have to go through that process with something else. Instead, I'd rather keep improving myself in the area where I've already proven myself.

Though I have to say I'm pretty damn good at drawing featureless dolls in action poses now. I'm just bad at adding details, and I never quite figured out what I would have done with that skill in the future. And before you say I could design my own book covers... I'd rather leave that to people with much more advanced techniques.

I suppose, though, another secondary activity for me could be playing guitar. It's something I can already do, and something I don't do enough of anymore. I used to play every day. Now it's something like every few months.

Onto more journally stuff... 

• Exercise: Upper Body Workout
• Cleaning: Dishes
• Writing: About 1,000 words.

I'll try to at least post these three things each day, but I won't be writing in the journal until all three are done. I may have other things to say (as I have yesterday and today) but at least after this first week, I'll probably be pretty brief. A few things related (or related-adjacent) to this challenge have been on my mind and I'd like to air them out over the course of this week or so.

I've decided that I really, really need to disconnect a bit more from the Internet. Last time around, I gave in and continued watching gaming channels on YouTube. Luckily I never got sucked into Twitch streams, except for when a friend is playing.

However, I watch YT gaming channels sometimes still (both gameplay and informative/trivia videos) when I nap, or even when I'm trying to wake up before work. I need to stop this. I already made a "Day 90" list of channels and websites to choose if I'd like to add them back into my life when the time comes. Now I just need to unsubscribe again.

And it's not so much that I think anything gaming-related is bad now. I think I sort of addressed this when I admitted I'll never "hate" gaming. It's just that the idea of not being a gamer, not being part of gaming "culture," not wanting to know and experience everything there is to know and experience about gaming is an alien concept to me. I look at non-gamers that I work with who are younger than me, people without a single game console who maybe occasionally play a casual game on their phones, and I wonder what it must be like. How do they pass the time? Does it make it easier for them to get important things done? Or do they have other vices that distract them from the realities of life?

I may never figure any of these things out about other people, but with diligence, I may end up becoming one of them. Hell, after ninety days I may never look back, who knows?

I should point out that I'll still (as I did in my previous challenge) play games with my fiancee when she requests it. It's really not very often, and it's usually just Mario Party or a similar game. My reasoning is the same as always: It's not anti-social and I don't end up doing it for hours at a time. Plus, we'd just be watching TV or a movie together otherwise. And in fact it's probably more social than TV or movies, since typically we don't talk much during those. It's just another way to spend time together for us.

Also, as a slightly irrelevant aside, I can honestly say I don't regret my decision to go back for the time that I did. I was actually much more discerning about which games I played and a couple of them in particular were absolutely wonderful experiences. So, my almost-halfway reboot has already yielded results, and now it's just time to double down on that.

[AlexTheGrape]

Welcome back to the community! I'm glad you're taking this so seriously and so willing to get through this; just make sure you can maintain this attitude in the long run!

All the best for your recovery man!

[Cam Adair]

Welcome back to the community! I'm glad you're taking this so seriously and so willing to get through this; just make sure you can maintain this attitude in the long run!

All the best for your recovery man!

I fucking love your new avatar. What a badass you are haha. Can't wait to meet you in person someday.

So, my almost-halfway reboot has already yielded results, and now it's just time to double down on that.

Doubling down is a big part of the process. Find what works and do more of it.

[AlexTheGrape]

Welcome back to the community! I'm glad you're taking this so seriously and so willing to get through this; just make sure you can maintain this attitude in the long run!

All the best for your recovery man!

I fucking love your new avatar. What a badass you are haha. Can't wait to meet you in person someday.

I can't wait to meet you in person as well! Meeting you on 'equal terms' (having done great things in my own life) is one of my things I visualise for inspiration 

Which brings me to my advice for @gankylosaurus: Visualisation is a powerful tool for driving you in the long term. Visualising the person I wanted to become (being more social, successful, and positive) was a crucial activity I needed to undertake to inspire myself to continue the game quitting path, especially when times got tough. What do you want your future to look like? There's a good place to start for finding something to visualise.

If YouTube gaming channels trigger you, perhaps it wouldn't be a good idea to still watch them. Watching my brother play video games (equivalent to gaming channels) was a key factor contributing to my relapses, so tread carefully.

Good on you for such big, reflective posts, just make sure it doesn't become a burden to write too much.

[Falky]

Yeah if you are going to learn a new skill, it has to be fun for you.

[gankylosaurus]

Ended up not doing much yesterday. Got most of the breakfast dishes done, but then my fiancee asked me to come with her on a two hour drive to drop her family dog off with her mom. So four hours of my day ended up being driving, and I was beat by the end of it. Plus, she was home all day and while this doesn't affect my running usually, it does tend to affect my writing. So I didn't write. And we also didn't clean up despite her telling me she wanted to help me clean when I told her that I'd planned on getting the whole apartment clean while she was gone.

Not too disappointed all in all. We ended up spending the rest of the day watching movies together, which is never a bad thing in my opinion. I only get annoyed by it when it's every day. I rarely have the TV on when I'm home alone, and I'm not the kind to seek out new shows just to pass the time unlike her. In short, I get more done when I'm alone, but I can't really complain about having quality time.

If YouTube gaming channels trigger you, perhaps it wouldn't be a good idea to still watch them. Watching my brother play video games (equivalent to gaming channels) was a key factor contributing to my relapses, so tread carefully.

Good on you for such big, reflective posts, just make sure it doesn't become a burden to write too much.

I already have those gaming channels unsubbed and my watch history and Watch Later playlist scrubbed so I don't get more recommendations for gaming videos. I still get some, though, and I think I need to go back through my favorites or liked videos. As for the big, reflective posts, like I said before, this is just an airing out of things that have been on my mind related to this program. I'll run out of topics soon enough and the bigger posts will be much more sparse.

Doubling down is a big part of the process. Find what works and do more of it.

Yep. Definitely already learned a lot from my last big go at this, as well as during the interim period where I started gaming again. I think the most important realization was that simply "not gaming" is not enough. You can't just quit a vice and do nothing else about it, hoping that somehow you'll fill that vacuum with something productive without even trying. That way leads to hours of Netflix, YouTube, etc. Which isn't much better.

Instead, this time around I'm taking a much more intentional approach, as you like to say. Specifically, your suggestion here really helped me. This is kind of how I approached things when I went back to college a while back. I had a list of things that had to be done before any fun things got done. It was tough, but I got through it, and I felt so much better about it when I was done and went to play a game or just relax in general.

[gankylosaurus]

Exercise: None
Cleaning: Dishes and cleared the table of laundry and debris
Writing: About 1500 words.

So the weather this year has been shit on my body. As one who hates the cold, I would have rather had it stay cold until it was going to warm up. Here in Ohio we've gone so back and forth that my body just can't keep up with it. I was outside in shorts and a T-shirt on December 10. Then on April 2 it snowed really hard for like two hours. The weather was finally looking like it was going to pick up again, and even when I heard the S words on the news, I was in denial, like nope, it's not going to snow, the weather's good now!

And that's probably why I'm sick again. For like the fourth time this year. To top it all off, our heater is really weird since they "fixed" it. It heats pretty much constantly, so we have to crack the windows to cool it down. This requires us to get up in the middle of the night and close the windows or risk being sick in the morning. That doesn't always work out so well.

Then there's the really inconsistent sleep schedule. I went about a week without adequate sleep, following a week where I felt pretty damn good about the amount of sleep I was getting.

So that's my excuse for not working out and I'm sticking to it. Doesn't help that the forecast isn't promising. Even when the temperature seems good, it's raining. We'll see if I decide to go running tomorrow. If it's not in the cards, I'll probably just do an upper body workout.

Anywho, that table really needed to get cleaned off. I find it impossible to write if my work area isn't clear, and my work area right now is a dining room table. Like I said in my last post, we didn't get any cleaning done Sunday, despite my fiancee's claim that she wanted to help me clean. So the laundry on the table made it over a week without being moved. I worked around it anyway, but after a time it weighs on my mind and I have to do something about it. I folded and stacked it and moved it to the bed where she can decide where it goes. (She'll probably put it on top of the dresser.)

But enough bitching about the woman I love.

Today I discovered a thing called the Write Chain Challenge. Basically, you make a writing goal that you can do every day - and they stress that it should be a goal you can accomplish on even the worst day - and then try to meet that goal every day. As you continue to gather links in your chain, you move up in the ranks. The whole thing seems to work through Twitter, and I don't get Twitter all that well, so hopefully I didn't fuck it up.

The idea is simply to write consistently, even if that means only writing 100 words a day. I set myself a goal of thirty minutes a day, because I know I can do that much at least. Although, this half hour isn't just for writing exclusively. It can be for editing, or plotting, or even just staring at the screen unsure of what to do. As long as I have my butt in my chair for a half hour, doing only writerly stuff (ie. have my Scrivener file open and no other distractions) then that's a win.

So I got my first chain link today. It's a small win, but I know the importance of simply sitting down to write. Sometimes all you need is five minutes to get the wheels turning.

[WorkInProgress]

This chain method is used often. It is the same methodoly like our daily journals. You have a daily task and let consistency work for you. In addition to this it is often mentioned that you should make crosses on a  calender or mark the days were you hit your daily writing goals. Some special colours if you achieved a  subgoal( like a finishing a chapter). This way you can see your progress more visible and gets motivated by it. Feel free to post your streak here. Then you have some accountability(we are watching you!).

[gankylosaurus]

See, @WorkInProgress, I'm not normally a fan of streak counters. In most cases, I think counting consecutive days you do or don't do something adds unneeded pressure. But I think this is more relevant to me when trying to quit something rather than develop a routine. Something you decide to quit forever shouldn't be measured day to day. You should just hold yourself to quitting, and if you relapse, just quit again until you get it right. A streak counter makes it harder to quit whenever that streak is broken. If you get to 35 days in NoFap or something then relapse, your thought isn't "oh, well, I can get back to 35 days easy!" it's "Shit, that's 35 days down the drain, and now I have to do it all over again." I've found that the less time you have on your "streak counter" the easier it is to relapse. Five days is much easier to make up again than 35.

But, I definitely like it in this case, if only because of the spirit of it. It's about creating a positive habit that you can get to easily every day. I don't think it's quite like these daily journals, though, because I'm not super compelled to do this every day. I want to do it every day, but it's not going to be an issue to me if I get too busy or forget to do it someday. Writing, on the other hand, needs to get done. Even, like I said, if it just results in me staring blankly at Scrivener for a half hour. Step number one for getting writing done: Butt In Chair.

I know that may have sounded like I was arguing against you.  I'm not trying to do that, I promise. Just wanted to state my opinion on streak counters for the record, like when I think they're conducive to productivity and when I think they're counter-intuitive. Oh, and you can watch my progress on the Leaderboard if you want. Just Ctrl + F "David" and you'll find me. I don't want to share my full name (or Twitter handle) on this board for Google purposes. Currently I have two links in my chain (though it doesn't seem to update right away).

Visualisation is a powerful tool for driving you in the long term. Visualising the person I wanted to become (being more social, successful, and positive) was a crucial activity I needed to undertake to inspire myself to continue the game quitting path, especially when times got tough. What do you want your future to look like? There's a good place to start for finding something to visualise.

I realized I never addressed this. Partly it's because I haven't thought about it. Like I said in a previous post, I made some pretty good progress with myself in my last earnest attempt here. I'm not worried about being more social because that's not a problem anymore. Positivity is a thing I could work on, but only in the sense that I go through bouts of depression at regular intervals (and this weather isn't helping my mood lately). As for success... Well, that depends on how you measure success, and I feel fairly successful for where I am in my life. And when I'm a published author, then I'll be more successful, no matter how much money I'm making.

I think maybe my trouble with visualizing right now is that I think I have a pretty good path set in front of me. I'm registered to go back to college in the fall; my writing has been going better this year than previous years despite my procrastination, and the time I took off from writing to read more about story craft has shaped how I want my life as a writer to go from now on; and I have a decent job that pays the bills and leaves enough left over to save/spend on fun stuff. For the first time in my life, despite being four years older than my fiancee and having only an Associate's degree next to her Bachelor's degree, I don't feel like I'm behind. I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be. Though I do still kinda want to get out of here, but that's for personal reasons.

Aside from those things, though, I want to be back in shape. I'm bigger than I used to be, and not entirely in a bad way. I was always skinny growing up, but I've "filled out" as they say. I'm working off the beer gut now and my exercise plan should get the rest of me looking pretty good. As soon as I get back on that exercise plan that is...

Speaking of which:

Day 7

Exercise: None
Cleaning: Dishes
Writing: About 1600 words.

You may have noticed a common trend with cleaning: I like keeping the dishes clean. Part of me feels like I'm using this as a cop-out, like I just do dishes and I can cross off cleaning from my to-do list. And partly this is true, but really I'm just trying to establish the habit and prevent dishes from piling up as they so often tend to do. Having too many dishes in the sink (or around the apartment) weighs on my mind almost as much as having the table cluttered with laundry. And once I've totally established this habit, it'll be easier to do other things as well. That's the hope, anyway.

Again, I didn't work out today. Had the early shift and came home and slept for about four hours. Really needed to catch up on the sleep so I have no regrets. Then I had a choice: I could exercise while there was still light out or I could write. Obviously I made my choice. Writing always takes priority. I'm off tomorrow so I'll start back up then. I think this is one of those moments where I think a streak counter can be a good thing. When you work out for so many days in a row, you feel good about it, and you want to keep going. But as soon as you break that chain, it's harder to get back into it. You remember how good it is to just relax and be lazy and forget what you ever liked about exercise.

I'm getting really close to finishing this draft of my novel. I'm just three planned chapters and an epilogue away from wrapping up. I'll probably be able to get that done in just three days, considering the last chapter and epilogue are probably going to be pretty short. I'm not always so certain about that, though, so we'll see. At any rate, I'm just going to stick to my thirty minutes a day (and today I went for over an hour) and I'll finish when I finish.

And by the way, here's the blog that turned me onto the Write Chain Challenge. It was this post, though, that linked me to that, particularly in the section about developing a habit of thinking about your system, and not worrying as much about your goals. I think this is a much better approach to achieving goals. There's a difference between being told you have to build a brick house and being told to just lay one brick a day. Both get the job done.

[WorkInProgress]

Don't worry if you disagree with my thoughts. I like a constructive argument and I get your point. For me some pressure does helpsand the only streak i do is gamequitters where i still going strong, thats why I experienced only the positive things about streakcounting. Good to see the other side of the medal.

It seems like you are on the right way. You prioritize what is important for you and go slowly in the right direction. Better do only the dishes then do nothing. One habbit after another is the right approach in my opinion(worked for me better as planning to much change).

And by the way, here's the blog that turned me onto the Write Chain Challenge. It was this post, though, that linked me to that, particularly in the section about developing a habit of thinking about your system, and not worrying as much about your goals. I think this is a much better approach to achieving goals.

totally agree!

Edited April 7, 2016 by WorkInProgress

[gankylosaurus]

Day 8

Exercise: Upper body
Cleaning: Dishes
Writing: 1600 words

I'm getting really close to the end of this book. And it's making me worry that I'm not going to be able to keep up this #WriteChain thing when I'm done. Partly because I have to decide which to do first: Outline one of two stories I've had planned for a while in Scrivener, or start editing this story right away.

Without even looking back at this story I can already see its issues. I have one friend who read the alpha copy of the first draft of this story and loved it. I don't want to annoy him with a new version of it now, at least not in its present state. I'd rather work on improving it, first, but even the macro-edits on this one seem overwhelming. Then again maybe I'll read through and decide it's better than I thought.

This is the main reason I can't wait to start my next project. One of the stories I have planned has been meticulously outlined with lots of very developed characters. Seriously, I wrote a 20,000 word document just for planning this story. For comparison, this story I'm working on currently is at about 84k, which is the longest story I've written to date and it's not even finished. The second longest was 79k and since then my stories have just gotten shorter.

I expect that the time I took to study craft, as well as the knowledge of ways that worked or didn't work in this story, will help me in planning and writing future novels. The other one I have planned was outlined, but I really want to change the focal character of the novel, because the hero is not really who I thought it would be.

So, lots to think about, which is probably why this journal seems so unfocused and rambly. I'm trying to get my thoughts together still.

[gankylosaurus]

Day 9

Exercise: None
Cleaning: Dishes, of course!
Writing: 2000 words

So I've come to the realization that I'm really hit or miss on working out when I have the early shift. Especially when that shift goes for eight hours and I get off at 1 in the afternoon. I tend to end up sleeping a lot after work before getting around to things. Plus, between the cold and the rain, I couldn't bring myself to run.

But! I'm a day away from finish this draft of my novel now. Wrote up a freaking storm, and tomorrow I plan on writing the last chapter and the epilogue. Sunday I'll probably just work on plotting my next story. I think I've decided on which one I'll do next while I let this current project cool off so I can come back to it with a fresh eye.

I also tried a little experiment today. I tried to see how long I could go without coffee in the morning. I made it until 11 (after having been up since 4) but that was only because when I called adult swim over the speaker, I realized I was slurring my speech a little. It was a business decision. And then that was my only cup of coffee. I later had caffeine again from a MiO Energy water enhancer, but not until after I'd woken up from off and on napping at around 5 or so.

I really want to wean myself off of caffeine. I've become too dependent on it and it doesn't do the same thing for me anymore. In fact, those mornings where I keep refilling my cup, I end up feeling more gross and tired than if I'd just had one cup. I think I'm going to keep this up and only have coffee when I feel like I really need it.

[WorkInProgress]

Made the same realisation. Coffein intake makes you more tired in the long run. it is the short burst and habbit wich let you crave it. Reduced it from five cups a day to on average one cup in the afternoon(sometimes i skip it, sometimes i drink one in the morning). now i feel more stable with my energy level. i evaded cofein for a week before i started again in moderation.

[gankylosaurus]

Day 10

Writing: 1500 words.

So, I didn't work out, and I didn't clean. I was deep in the caffeine dependency, so there have been a lot of naps while I've been cutting back. Plus, there wasn't a pile-up of dishes, so those can wait a day. And I'm off tomorrow, so there's plenty of time.

I finished my manuscript, too. So tomorrow I'll get back to the planning stages for my next one before I come back to edit this project. In the meantime, I'm tired, so I'm cutting this one short.

[gankylosaurus]

Day 11

Got some planning for my next project done and kept up on the dishes. Mostly because I was going to make a big dinner until my fiancee ended up not feeling well. Also, she's home all day today and tomorrow so exercise just isn't likely to happen, unless I go for a run tomorrow. That depends on how much snow is left on the ground. Seriously. Snow. In the second week of April.

It's pretty cool, though, how I've been keeping up on the writing. With this Write Chain challenge, there's been a pressure (in a good way) to get something done. And the fact that it's only a half hour that I have to work makes it easier. Thirty minutes tends to go by pretty quick and then I keep on going. Had to balance that with quality time today, though. Put on my headphones and ended up working for about 45 minutes.

I didn't really do a whole lot of "new" writing, though. I had a lot of notes for this one in my google docs. So I sorted through those and tried to get some kind of organizational structure in Scrivener going. I forgot just how much there is to do planning a new story. Helps that I have to re-tool a story that was already pretty well-planned, but I get pretty distracted when I'm not home alone, so when I am home alone I'll probably work for a couple of hours getting a good plan going.

[Cam Adair]

Great work dude. Keep it up!

[gankylosaurus]

Day 12

Fiancee woke up with a fever, so don't expect much to get done today. I'm using time while she's watching Dance Moms to write this as I already got my daily thirty minutes out of the way. Was going to go for a run as well because the temperature is nice, but the chance of rain all day is 100%. I run with my dog, and my dog doesn't run in the rain. By some mathematical property I'm pretty sure that means I don't run in the rain.

That first day of just transferring everything into Scrivener for this story was a bit daunting, to be honest. I had so much planned for this story and it's been a while since I looked at it, so it's hard to get everything in order. At this point, I'm basically just writing stuff from scratch based on notes I'd already written. But I'm using a different organizational structure this time, namely giving each character arc and plot arc a three-act structure. For more details, I'm borrowing some of Chris Fox's methods. Guy's a pretty good writer to follow if you're a writer, especially for his book 5,000 Words Per Hour and the follow-up Lifelong Writing Habit. (You can get the first for free by signing up for his mailing list on his website.)

The hardest part is going to be redoing the entire outline to reflect the change in the main character. However, around the midpoint that may not be such an issue since it'll probably go back to the original plot where she gets captured, which is where she truly starts to take up the hero mantle.

Also, I want to get a good balance going for this story on the length of the acts. Typically, good stories have a three-act structure of 25%-50%-25% as far as length goes. My last one came out more like 40%-35%-25%. Which is way off.

Each story I write, though, I learn something, and I know where to focus next. And aside from the structural issues, this time around I want to focus more on having a good supporting cast, since I've tended to be kind of sparse on that. In the last one, I added the main character's parents in as an after-thought, but they were necessary to be there, I felt, because the main character was seventeen and lived at home.

Writing's hard, you guys. Rewarding, but hard.

Edited April 11, 2016 by gankylosaurus

[WorkInProgress]

Writing's hard, you guys. Rewarding, but hard.

seems like you are able to handle it though. I always thought writing is jsut something you can do or can't . Never saw the work behind it and it is actually pretty interesting to follow the process.

PS: What dog doesn't run in the rain? The dogs in my family never gave a shit about the weather.

[Cam Adair]

Yo Dave. I have a challenge for you this week. Every time you catch yourself justifying why you can't do something, I want you to come up with a few reasons why you can. Read through your latest post and identify every time you were able to find a reason not to follow through on the things you wanted to do. Now look at all the reasons you found to do them. There's an imbalance there and what you focus on is what you end up pursuing. For example: Your dog may not want to run in the rain, but that's his/her problem, not yours. You can still do it. 

[gankylosaurus]

Writing's hard, you guys. Rewarding, but hard.

seems like you are able to handle it though. I always thought writing is jsut something you can do or can't . Never saw the work behind it and it is actually pretty interesting to follow the process.

PS: What dog doesn't run in the rain? The dogs in my family never gave a shit about the weather.

Heh. Much as I'd like to say I'm some kind of superhero for being able to write, it's really just the result of some diligence and focus. I've been at this for thirteen years, too. So it's a slow learning process. Books like Talent is Overrated probably illustrate this point better than I can, though.

And yeah, my dog's a wimp in the rain. It actually makes it pretty convenient when she wants to go out. She'll do her business as quick as possible just to get back inside. She loves the snow, though.

Yo Dave. I have a challenge for you this week. Every time you catch yourself justifying why you can't do something, I want you to come up with a few reasons why you can. Read through your latest post and identify every time you were able to find a reason not to follow through on the things you wanted to do. Now look at all the reasons you found to do them. There's an imbalance there and what you focus on is what you end up pursuing. For example: Your dog may not want to run in the rain, but that's his/her problem, not yours. You can still do it. 

Yeah, I know I'm kind of back to coming up with piss-poor excuses. I could have gone for the run without my dog, sure. I just didn't want to. I want to today, though, especially since the forecast seems better for today. I also find it awkward working out in front of people who aren't also exercising, so I didn't want to do a workout at home while my fiancee was sick on the couch with a fever.

I've got the 9-to-5 today and she's sick still so she'll be home all day again. I'll be able to run after work and then get get my writing done then deal with the dinner dishes from last night so I can make dinner again. I'll probably be dragged back to the couch for a little more shared misery after that. One of the worst things about this tiny apartment is that aside from the bedroom or bathroom, I can't close a door to get anything done in private. We talked about getting a new apartment, but our lease isn't up until November.

[gankylosaurus]

Day 13

Almost didn't make it. After working 9 to 5, I got home, started dinner, went for a run, finished dinner, had dinner, watched a show with my fiancee, and then got some writing done. Cleaning is not in the cards tonight, because we're going to bed soon, but I took off tomorrow, so lots will get done then.

This is a short post. I'm not going to drag it out any longer.

[gankylosaurus]

(Not-so-)Quick morning update:

Fiancee's still sick. She was planning on driving down to Columbus for an all day event. Obviously that's not happening. I was going to be cleaning the entire time she was gone. Now the TV's going to be on all day with her on the couch. I was also going to write more because I would be less distracted. Now I'm planning on going to the library to do that.

I started reading a book on cleaning of all things, after I'd remembered Cam suggesting it. I told my fiancee that I'm not going to get as much done as I'd planned to do because I don't want to work around her so much. Plus, she feels bad seeing me clean since she's knocked out on the couch and feels useless. She tried cleaning yesterday while she was sick and I don't know if it was the Sudafed or the fever, but she ended up putting the shoes away in the wrong place. Which was weird. Plus, then she got sick and gave up.

She agreed that one day when she's better and we're both off, we'll do a big cleaning and throw stuff away to try to get things organized again. It would be so much easier if I lived alone, but I have to show concern for her things as well, and I don't know what she wants to keep.

I also suggested packing away all but two of each of our dishes to make us do dishes more. The unspoken agreement would be that if you use one, you have to wash that one if you want to reuse it, rather than use the other dish, which would not be yours. She agreed to this as well. And it should keep our dishes at bay (I hope.)

I'll do a full update at the end of the day. I'm dedicated to working on this next novel, so that's going to happen no matter what. I just prefer not to be distracted when I do it.

I feel kind of selfish bitching like this, because I know she's sick and has no control over that. I just wish she didn't want to spend all her shitty time on the couch with me. Like, hey, I'll hang out and comfort you and feed you but I have some shit I'd like to do as well instead of just get stuck on the couch all day. I took today off so I could have a full day of catch-up. Now I'm just stressed out.

Edited April 13, 2016 by gankylosaurus