Daily Journal - Rick

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Posted

All of the thoughts you're having are questions you're asking yourself. The good thing about that is that YOU GET TO GIVE YOURSELF THE ANSWER. This is about building mental toughness and resilience.

Are you quitting?

NO. My determination is stronger than ever. It grows stronger every time I ask myself if I'm quitting. That sort of thing. ;)

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Posted (edited)

All of the thoughts you're having are questions you're asking yourself. The good thing about that is that YOU GET TO GIVE YOURSELF THE ANSWER. This is about building mental toughness and resilience.

Are you quitting?

NO. My determination is stronger than ever. It grows stronger every time I ask myself if I'm quitting. That sort of thing. ;)

I'm so new to stuff like this. thanks for your help

EDIT: your video "how to get out of the funk" helped me actually this morning to take action again. 

Edited by Ironfly
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Posted

Booya. :D

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Posted

i'll update my journal this evening. just wanted to let you guys know that yesterday i had a bad day, today a very nice day. We have snow here! And im in love with snow, so i made a video today (actually my roomies filmed) where i enjoy the white substantion.

https://youtu.be/8GPw3CdQQhk

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Posted

Day 9

It's friday. I'm having a good time. Being busy with chores, groceries and the coming of a visitor. I had to apologize to her because i left our contact die. It was very relaxed, and we had some good talks. 

Nothing more to say about it. I feel good

Day 10

Today i just stopped. 

  • Installed 1 game, played for a few hours
  • Lot of thoughts, can't get anything done.
  • Went to bed very late.

I'm aware that i'm going into that negative spiral. I just hope tomorrow will be better.

Day 11

Woke up with a beautiful view. SNOW! We almost didn't have any, but i felt so happy this morning because of it. 

  • Went from Game-mode, out of my head to "how much and what activities wil i do today in the snow?"
  • Going outside. Having a great time, building a snowman, and sitting on a sleigh that my neighbours rigged up behind one of their 2 ponies! After that i started to build the snowbed from the video, in which i later on jumped at. Love to do stunts like that when i'm happy.

When i went into my room after that, i had stil installed my game. I played it for 3 hours straight. Constantly being reminded by my conscience about the deathtrap i'm about to jump in. Then out of nothing i get that vibe, that i need to quit, and get my shit together. So i dissociate myself in my head from the game, and ask my younger brother to finish the transfer of my steam account to him. I'm now waiting for him on skype. Gonna do 1 worksheet and i'm going to organize my whiteboard! I'm motivated to do that, because i want to show a picture of it and feel good about the whole thing for a bit.

That's all for now. Wish you, reader, a good week.

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Posted

Thanks for sharing Rick. Any idea how you were feeling before you started installing the game again?

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Posted

Thanks for sharing Rick. Any idea how you were feeling before you started installing the game again?

I think i felt mainly nostalgia. the kind of thinking back to your child days for example, no worries or anything you need to get done, just play the whole day. Because i'm more in the present now (atleast i don't numb my feelings with gaming anymore) i'm more tired in the evenings, after dinner and my willpower is surely a muscle i need to train more. Today i had a great day, but i wanna get into bed. I update tomorrow.

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Posted

So freaking tired from myself, and angry. Played 1 game for 3 days now. So fucking angry about why i keep coming back to this waste of time. I'm going to take action this evening again.

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Posted

Hey Rick. If you haven't seen this video on how to deal with gaming nostalgia that's a good place to start. 

Ultimately, there is rarely going to be an urgent need to get things done right away. So it's always going to be easy to justify just playing a game or two or three because there isn't anything else that really needs to get done anyways. But it's not about that. It's about making a conscious choice to do the things that you want to do.

Keep following the steps I outline in Respawn, they work if you work them. :)

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Posted

Hey Rick, stop being so harsh on yourself. I too have been off the radar doing you know what.(I binged) Stefan Molyneux had a very interesting view on addiction. He said that people with addictions are only trying to self medicate for what they lack. And with the whole surge of dopamine we have been experiencing over the course of years I find it a very probable outcome that we keep reaching back for it. Our brains are just wired that way at the moment. However being as it is, it is probably also the reason why we have no interest in other stuff. I read somewhere that the best way to break a habit is to replace it with another one. How is one to do this if they are at a point where nothing else excites them? I recently got rid of my computer and so far fought the urge to install hearthstone on my cellphone. BUT I feel extremely lonely atm, am very tired all the time and am but a mere peasant in this realm(world's a scary place yo!) . This is not standard willpower we are talking here, this is all about raw strategy. Willpower is tightly woven into emotion and as someone with addictive tendancies I do not trust my brain in that regard. I don't know man, would you like to meet up? 

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Posted

Hey Rick, stop being so harsh on yourself. I too have been off the radar doing you know what.(I binged) Stefan Molyneux had a very interesting view on addiction. He said that people with addictions are only trying to self medicate for what they lack. And with the whole surge of dopamine we have been experiencing over the course of years I find it a very probable outcome that we keep reaching back for it. Our brains are just wired that way at the moment. However being as it is, it is probably also the reason why we have no interest in other stuff. I read somewhere that the best way to break a habit is to replace it with another one. How is one to do this if they are at a point where nothing else excites them? I recently got rid of my computer and so far fought the urge to install hearthstone on my cellphone. BUT I feel extremely lonely atm, am very tired all the time and am but a mere peasant in this realm(world's a scary place yo!) . This is not standard willpower we are talking here, this is all about raw strategy. Willpower is tightly woven into emotion and as someone with addictive tendancies I do not trust my brain in that regard. I don't know man, would you like to meet up? 

You're right, and this is where the 90 day period is crucial. The way you get through it is by having other replacement activities and doing them for 30-60 mins each. Being busier and out of the house helps a lot. If you're at home all day and you're bored, you're going to want to game. So don't be at home if you can and fill your time up with other things (school, a part-time job, etc.)

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Posted

Hey Rick, stop being so harsh on yourself. I too have been off the radar doing you know what.(I binged) Stefan Molyneux had a very interesting view on addiction. He said that people with addictions are only trying to self medicate for what they lack. And with the whole surge of dopamine we have been experiencing over the course of years I find it a very probable outcome that we keep reaching back for it. Our brains are just wired that way at the moment. However being as it is, it is probably also the reason why we have no interest in other stuff. I read somewhere that the best way to break a habit is to replace it with another one. How is one to do this if they are at a point where nothing else excites them? I recently got rid of my computer and so far fought the urge to install hearthstone on my cellphone. BUT I feel extremely lonely atm, am very tired all the time and am but a mere peasant in this realm(world's a scary place yo!) . This is not standard willpower we are talking here, this is all about raw strategy. Willpower is tightly woven into emotion and as someone with addictive tendancies I do not trust my brain in that regard. I don't know man, would you like to meet up? 

darn i didnt know you had it this hard to.

Today i'm having a good day, getting out of my room and into the world. my future week is also positive. I put this evening some effort in finishing my whiteboard plan.

But yeah, i feel tired so much throughout the day, bored and aimless.

@Cam Adair, i hear you. I will tomorrow contineu respawn. One thing that is really bothering me tho is that i have to mány plans. I want to write, i want to follow hobbies, i wanna write more, about 10 different things, making an analysis and profound drafts.

@Osei thx for your encouragement. What would a meet-up help however? what effect would it have? am a little bit anxious about such things.

 

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Posted

I'm going to do the non-information input, so i can't reply here anymore, but i will check in to see if you guys answered. I will manually keep my journal going in a notebook, and post that here over 1 week :)

I got this idea from this post http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/05/19/10-overlooked-truths-about-taking-action/ (credits to Alkan who posted this on the forum, post title: Procrastination)

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Posted

If you're tired I would look into your diet, exercise and sleep regimes. If you're bored and aimless you need to be MORE intentional and plan out your days. This is about being PROACTIVE instead of reactive. 

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