albrechtjess

Day 48 Got a reticle into my game today which is cool My friend got me motivated to use what little time I had to get something done on the game. Also had a good talk with my boss. I don't think I'm going to take the testing position because it's not going to make me happier, but me and my boss both agreed I need to find something else and I need to start looking. Tomorrow I plan on waking up, skateboarding and then coming back to get an application or two done before putting some time into my game development. Getting back and double down on the scheduling. - Jess

Day 47 I guess I sort of relapsed today. I had two VR setups for work and spent the morning playing through the Rick and Morty VR experience. I never had the opportunity to really play through it so I took advantage of the opportunity to finish it. I don't know what to do. I also have the opportunity for a game testing position at Microsoft that i'll be interviewing for. It'd at least get me away from my current place of employment but the hours will definitely not make me happy. I have the omegathon coming up in a few weeks which is kind of annoying in some ways but should also be super fun. Games are definitely getting in the way of my goals for getting a different job but I also sort of got in the way of that myself with some of my commitment issues. I'm not really sure what sparked that. Possibly the job back and forth thing of an exciting opportunity that once again didn't work out. At least I have no jobs to hold out for anymore. There's probably no more "cool" jobs to distract me at this moment. Just need to find a boring one that pays the bills and makes me happy enough to follow my dreams on the side. I did at least start making my dream game today so that's something, but I definitely need to double down again on my habits so I can get myself back together. Think I'm gonna watch the doubling down video and maybe some videos on commitment and see what I can come up with. - Jess

Day 46 I'm getting super frustrated, perhaps I need a refresher on my goals but I'm so just frustrated and irritated with everything. I don't want to work my job. I want more time. Just gonna freshen up on what I committed too so maybe I can go back to being motivated and driven - Jess

Day 44 The last two days have been a bit of a mess. Well I didn't get the job I wanted unfortunately and work had been extra tough. Had a good turn around day today for a marketing event but dreading my return to the normal schedule. Super tired ? I've got to figure out a way out to make some better life changes. -Jess

Reading $100 startup, Harry Potter and the goblet of fire, and I want to read ready player one as well.

Day 42 Got my reading done that i wanted to do except for one book but I'll do that tomorrow and try to get my programming done too. I've got a interview in the morning. Excited for it. Wish me luck. - Jess

Day 41 Most of the day wasn't great, I was stuffing my face and being lazy but I did start the day off well with some emails and such. I also got a short skate and swim session in which was great and then topped it off with a nice date which ran super late because of the fun we were having. Just need to track my progress a bit more. Think I want to pick up some books again. I really want to finish books I've started but never finished so I think I might start tracking my reading somehow. Maybe start tracking a lot of things on an excel sheet to visualize and turn them into scalable data. - Jess

Day 40 Today was strange. I played Halo at a tournament with my room mate and a lot of people I knew showed up. It was an awesome experience, I got 5th in the tournament and even got to meet quite a few people that make Halo. It was kind a wild ride of dream interactions and what not. After the tournament however I definitively had strong pulls to play games again at home. I resisted with food and rick and morty which the food was pretty unhealthy. I keep struggling with that. I did buy a lot of healthy food at costco yesterday to hopefully help me out with that so I'll be eating less unhealthy stuff. It's just rough when it's available freely and I'm stressed I tend to get out of control. I think in those moments I need to stop and breath. - Jess

Day 39 Seriously, it's a struggle. Today was pretty easy going. didn't have too many expectations. Took a look at some javascript but didn't quite make it to 30 minutes. Will definitely get to 30 minutes tomorrow. Work went well. I did a good job with breakfast and lunch. Dinner got a little out of hand. I need to find a solution to not eating a lot at parties haha sometimes I Just get bored and eat a lot lol Definitely controlled my eating by just getting a set meal from a fast food place. It was the only thing I at that day so it was all good. I think I recognized I was bored eating and stopped though so I did okay for a bit - Jess

Day 38 Welp got an application done but didn't get around to the 30 minutes of programming. I think I'll start with the programming tomorrow and then look for a job to apply for. Some things that worked was focusing on just getting one job application done and not worrying about others.Some things that didn't work were eating food to escape or feel better. Food does not make me feel better. It simply makes me sick and I need to get over that habit. The phone is also a bit of a distraction. Perhaps putting it away in the future can help with my focus. - Jess

Mostly apply for 1 job a day and program for 30 minutes a day so I can get back on track on not overwhelmed. - Jess

Day 37 Got some ideas to keep on track that took a minute to get to today. Had a wonderful night out with a friend of mine and looking forward to going out more in the future. Good night - Jess

Day 36 Today reminded me of why I want to find a different job. Work was extra frustrating and I need to find something else. I've been struggling to still apply for jobs because I've been holding out for a job I interviewed for. There's no guarantee that I got that job but I really do hope I get it as it'd be something a bit easier than a computer science job and sort of at the same entry level pay. I need to come up with a plan for the next month so I can get the fuck out of there. Goodnight - Jess

Day 34 and 35 I spent all of my first day off more or less chatting with people and trying to get dates. It was really fun and I enjoyed it. I went out on a date tonight and it was fantastic. I really enjoyed it and am looking for more. I could have tried to figure some more things out but I didn't get around to it. I'll have to work on it in the morning Super tired but super happy haha off to bed I go. Definitely had some cravings for Zelda switch today, played some pokemon cards instead with my room mate which was fun Then got some errands and went swimming. Also had a good skateboard trip to the cards hop last night which was great. Very nostalgic as I used to have a card shop down the street from my house and would do the same thing then. - Jess

Day 33 Well today went pretty well. Everything fell into place. Got all my work done at the convention and here I am. I sort of ate a lot but whatever I suppose. I'll work on it tomorrow and tonight by not eating more rice or potato chips haha. Watched Rick and Morty which was fun, was a nice little escape but now it's over and I can't and don't feel like watching anymore. I need to work out some plans again and get back to respawning. - Jess

Day 32 Really tired, I should start doing these earlier or maybe first thing in the morning instead. Struggling to put more effort into them atm because of everything that's been going on. Zzzz night. -Jess

Keep investing in what works. If Respawn was helping, double down. This video talks about that. Yeah that's what I was thinking, I'll keep at it <3 Reorganizing sounds perfect <3

Day 31 Welp a third of the way through. Super tired X( feel like I've been using dating as a bit of a distraction from my work I should probably fix that. zzzzzz... - Jess

Day 30 Today was hard. Wanted to relapse on porn super hard but made it to the bathroom for teeth cleaning and such. I just keep wanting to sleep and escape. I think I need to go back through respawn and keep trying some of that stuff because it worked for the first 3 weeks and I seemed to have fallen out of it. Here we go, will try tomorrow. - Jess

Something that's been on my mind lately has been filling the void of social comparison, competition, and security of a skill that gaming gives us. I used to play a lot of competitive games to make me feel better by succeeding over other people. That brought me a lot of self esteem and security in spending my time correctly. What are some ways or different competitive activities that can fulfill those same needs? Or are some of those needs based in low self-esteem and insecurity thus being unhealthy? or will they fade in time with personal development? It's an odd thing but I keep thinking about it and listening to Cam talk about his competitive drive in ping pong on the Game Quitters podcast grows that question further. What are your thoughts? - Jess

Day 29 Today was interesting. Lots of ups and downs. Need to make some metric improvements and measurements and things should get back to where they were. Long story short I ate too much and did a lot to try to escape from stress. - Jess

Day 28 Things that are working: Alarms and getting up out of bed immediately. Committing to doing my laundry. Putting my phone down can help with starting tasks Playing less games gives me more time. Today was interesting. I got a really good start and there were lots of challenges today but I overcame them all. I met up with a friend and scheduled some activities for future dates and everything should hopefully fall into place. I drove a long distance for a pokemon tcg event and had a blast. It's interesting how tcg's are like video games but they aren't. I feel like they can have negative effects too but I think I can do a good job of regulating them and my spending especially when I can't play them everyday. Tomorrow should be interesting. I'm super tired after today so I'm ready for bed. Goodnight all. - Jess

Sounds like you made some good movement with yourself and your counselor yesterday. Keep it up, you are doing it!

Day 27 I definitely need to find some more variety for my diet so I'm less tempted. I feel like I've just gotten bored with the lunches I've been packing. Things that are working: 1. Go home to eat instead of eating out. 2. Eating what I have instead of buying more Had a wonderful weekend at the ocean. It was magical seeing the stars again after not for a very long time. Had a lot of memories pop up of boy scout camping and reflecting on where our lives have progressed. Had a little bit of fun building some Yu-Gi-Oh card decks with my partner and also helping with some cooking. It was interesting all the video game places I ran into on my journey haha but I didn't really have any desire to invest any time towards them especially with how limited my time was. Work came and went pretty smoothly. Hoping I get a response on the job this week.I definitely want to keep working on my job applications and interviews. Kind of excited for moving forward this week and trying to get to where I want to be. - Jess

Day 25 Thank you everyone for the support <3 Yeah that's a great habit that I'm trying to build these days. I set a nice music for the alarm, and it helped me to get up early. I like the idea of using a song. I'll give that a try. And I'll try the 3 things working exercise out for a week or two Cam 3 things that are working: 1. Focusing on doing good work 2. Not worrying about the time commitment 3. Brushing my teeth without my phone Felt like sharing what's not working too 3 things that are not working: 1. Eating a hamburger after work, I felt like rewarding myself but it ended up not being as satisfying as I had hoped but no worries. 2. My bed keeps sucking me back into it and I need to stop laying in it haha I think making it will help. 3. I think I need a better lunch to appetize me a bit more. Think I'm just bored or something I'm not sure. Perhaps I can construct something different for next week. Today I was a lot more calm and collected at work. I just got in and got to work and focused on doing good work and keeping on top of things and it seemed to work pretty well. I'm super excited for tomorrow and going to the ocean to camp. It should be a good break from things and a good time at the beach and hanging out with my friend. Also had a good brainstorm with my friend for a business idea. Got sucked into twitch a bit to support my cousin and got a little side tracked but no worries is over now and I don't need to go back. I don't need to know the results because their will be more games after that. I found myself browsing Facebook and seeing people I know succeed in the video game industry and it's interesting. For once I wasn't necessarily jealous or envious. In fact I don't really know how I felt. Thinking about it now and it still feels like it's not something I necessarily want. I'd still like to help out but I'm just not sure my place. The podcast today was really good about producing vs consuming. I really like the idea of being an active consumer and applying it to something. Like imagine if each time you played video games you made a video talking about what you learned from that experience. All of a sudden that'd shift into a productive medium in a way and could actually be a good show idea. I'm sure you'd hit some dry spots but it was an interesting idea of shifting your percentage from 90% consumer to 50-60% producer no matter what you're producing. Not sure if I'll get a journal out tomorrow but possibly or the next day for sure. Until next time - Jess