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sjoti

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  1. sjoti

    relapsing

    Pease do not throw the relationship away. He doesn't know what is going on, you do. You can tell him you're trying to better you life by removing toxic parts like video games, and if you explain to him how valuable a positive change is then I'm sure he will understand and respect your decision. He wants to spend time with you, maybe that isn't possible without games, maybe there's a different way. Throwing it away because he asks you to game while you haven't made it clear is jumping the gun.
  2. I stumbled across a letter my father wrote me four years ago. It reminded me of a few things, of which one of the biggest is the amount of progress I've made. The letter was advice from my father when I was at the worst of my worst. I'll start with the context. The context Here I talked about my story without going too much into specifics. I'm going into a specific situation now, which sketches an image in which I was doing badly when I was 18 years old. Between September 2013 until around June 2014 I lived in this city in which my university was located, in a house with a bunch of other students. The year before I wasn't doing too well and I thought that a change of environment was what I needed. It was the opposite. I started smoking much more than I did before, I'd game all day, skip school, lie to keep on gaming, drink at an association similar to a fraternity. I'd keep telling myself that if I skipped school then I'd be able to work hard at home and fix things. I was lying to myself by having totally unrealistic expectations. I couldn't take care of responsibilities, I'd blame everything other than myself. This fucked up relationships, my health, my finances. This went on for over half a year, then I realised that I wasn't able to fix it anymore. I was an absolute mess because I knew I didn't have a grip on life and I had no idea how to get. This turned me into someone who was angry at everything. I'd get pissed at people who tried to give me advice, I had no idea how to handle things. Right before some exams, it all hit me, and I was at my parent's place on a Sunday. They wanted to help me out, I ended up getting very angry, shouting at them, which made me decide that I was going to get on the train and get to my own place. This fallout was followed by an email later at night. The letter The email said "Letter from dad, good luck tomorrow". Attached to it was a pdf, which was a scan of a letter that was a little over two pages long. In this letter, my father explained that he was trying to give advice out of care. He noticed I wasn't doing too well, in a way that was recognisable to him. He explained to me that when he was my age that he and his friends also had their problems, which they fixed in different ways, and they all turned out just fine. With that, he explained to me how he was supportive of my decisions, that I never have to be ashamed to ask for advice. What he also pointed out was the worth of games. Games have no value compared to any learned skill, whether it's knowledge related to the education or a more creative skill. The letter ended with my father explaining he would be there for me whenever. This letter hit me. I was not expecting it, and I can't really remember reading it. It was a reminder of my old behaviour, and that was a reminder of how much I've grown. Over the last 8 months (almost 250 days?!) I've been growing day by day. It's like hair growth. You don't really notice it until you get a haircut and see how much has to be removed to get back to the old situation. This letter was my haircut, without the removal of progress :). There are a few things that this experience pointed out to me. First of all, please, no matter in what situation you are, listen to the advice of people who care about you. Second, don't be afraid to ask for help. Last but definitely not least, you can do it too. I was in a really bad situation back then, it's never too late and even if it takes four long years, it is so so so worth it. Note: I found this when searching for an earlier purchase of some audio cables.
  3. This post, my story, is long overdue. I wanted to post something at 90 days but I glossed over it. I wanted to post something about 6 months but then I was so busy with other things in life that I didn't get the chance, until now. Sorry not sorry for the length I'd like to take a step back first. When I was younger school was easy for me. Well above average grades with not that much effort. Gaming was an integral part of my life, I'd play on my Gameboy all day and later I moved to playing purely on PC. I'd combine playing with paying attention in school and that worked till I was about 16 years old. After that, I had to choose my major and continue in that, but in higher education, I noticed that I had to put in the effort. What the schools would give me was not enough to succeed, so my methods didn't work at all. I didn't notice how bad my behaviour was. I'd game all day, sometimes go to school, notice that I wasn't going to make the cut so to run away I'd game and game and game. Instead of changing things up I just continued because the world of games was all I knew and everything else was boring, not as exciting and just couldn't hold my attention. With competitive games coming up it got even worse. I'd play to be the best, I'd try to join a more competitive scene which sucked up even more time and attention. In the meantime, I slowly started to notice a pattern where I ran away from anything as soon as I had to act like a responsible human being and take action. No matter how small the thing I needed to do was, whenever I had to take action I just felt like there was this sort of barrier that I couldn't get through. This caused me to not action in just about anything. Slowly this started to penetrate my social life as well. I turned to lying after some time to avoid dealing with people. If I was asked if I took care of something I'd say I sent an email but there might have been some issue with my mail client or something similar. It felt like the lies allowed me to continue with the bad behaviour. Play games all day, lie about shit I needed to take care of, repeat. It took me too long to realise it pushes people away. People don't want to deal with someone who points fingers all day. Someone who acts irresponsible and never takes responsibility for their actions. Someone you can't rely on. All traits of a despicable person when I look back. It gets comfortable, never having to deal with anything. And man, practice makes perfect, so constructing lies got easier and easier. This got to the point where I'd photoshop a report card so I could avoid disappointing others and fake success. Gaming allowed all of this, It allowed me to keep this up and avoid thinking about it. Gaming just lets me avoid feeling bad and often a motivation for lying would be having more game time. It was a vicious cycle that just built upon negative things and caused even more negative things. 6-14 hours a day of game time. I took a wrong approach. I was trying to look for the reason behind the barrier and I couldn't find it, so the barrier stuck around. I realised I needed to stop lying and that helped me a tonne. My social life slowly got better, however, I still kept fucking up my education. This should've been the first realisation that I needed to take action instead of just thinking about it. Five years later, a year back from when in writing this, I started talking to others more. I started to listen more. People said to me that my gaming habits were unhealthy, that maybe quitting might be the right thing to do. I tried moderation, failed horribly and I got so so sick of myself and my own behaviour that I decided that a change was long overdue. 20th of June 2016, I'm 21 on this point. I Quit smoking and gaming on that day. I've changed so so much for the better. I'm getting compliments from people around me, setbacks now motivate me. I've learned that life can hit me in the face and I can still continue. I'm no longer a zombie, I am now honest towards others. I must admit, over the last 7 months there have been some difficult times. I've had days where I fell back into the old behaviour of avoiding everything. I've learned that if I can remove two huge addictions in my life on the same day and keep at it for 7 months (and counting) then I can basically eliminate any other bad behaviour and keep the good stuff around. This is one of the major reasons this has been such a huge success for me. Eliminating the bad forces me to deal with myself, which in turn allows me to think and deal with bad sides. Confronting myself and being honest with myself allows me to be a better person. This all turned the second half of 2016 in a year where I deal with being responsible. Being responsible towards both myself and others is now something I take pride in. I no longer point fingers and blame others for my own mistakes. I confront myself with that head-on and I learn from that experience. I've been growing since day 0 and I'm still growing on day 222 and I do not plan on stopping. Part of my growth can be attributed to this community. Thank you, Cam and everyone else, especially everyone in the Discord chat!
  4. i appreciate you saying that, and I'm really glad I can help. Right now I'm taking a break. I'm on a week long skiing vacation which is absolutely amazing and it allows me to just take a step back and evaluate anything. My behaviour/habits, chances, opportunities and possible things that I need to look out for. I'll be back at the beginning of 2017!
  5. I'm there for everyone. I've been helping people on the discord channel day in, day out and I plan on sticking around right there. I would love to inspire, and that's why I'm going to make a longer post in a few weeks. Hopefully it will inspire!
  6. I reached 6 months. At times it went quickly, some other times it was a little more slowly. I'm finally acting like a responsible person, taking care of the stuff I need to do. I'm way more proactive. I moved out. I'm performing at the top of my class at uni. I started creating a drone with a group. I have a much healthier lifestyle. Socially I'm doing better than ever. Need I say more? Maybe. I'll get to that soon . The first week of 2017 is when I'll give this thread a nice update, maybe share a story or two.
  7. I've been sketching with product design in mind, after 3 weeks of sketching every single day Im noticing that I'm able to draw straighter lines! The perspective is getting better and shadows aren't as off as they used to be. Right now I'm focussed on quick sketches, this is something I quickly put together yesterday. I have a lot to learn but it's getting better everyday, and I love progress
  8. 90 days are done. I've realized that I've got a long way to go and that that's totally fine; I also know that on that long road ahead I've got more control on where I end up. Here's what I posted in the other thread. Short, but it conveys the biggest thing I've learned. Day 90: I ended the detox at a festival. Amazing atmosphere, great people and lots and lots of fun. It wasn't planned or anything, but it seems to fit well with how I feel. Now I'm having a bit of a hangover, which is totally fine. Anyways, to get back to the 90 days. There's a lot I've done, I took chances I've never taken before. I've been living a structured life, tried out new things, found out about new passions, started learning new skills. I can list some of these things, however, I'm just going to keep it short because it all comes down to a simple realization which made me improve by a whole lot. I learned that I can control my habits and behavior by taking action. This sounds so incredibly simple, so incredibly logical and rational and yet this is the first time I've ever been conscious of it. I can take care of any addiction. I can improve good habits and destroy bad habits. There's no chance I'm going back to gaming anytime soon. I'm enjoying my current state of being way too much Thank you all for letting me share the stories with you guys, and thank you all for sharing stories with me. I'll be most active on discord as always, and I'll be keeping self-improvement up for longer than these 90 days. 90 Days are enough to make a change, but it's only the basis for something bigger. That's what I'm aiming for.
  9. sjoti

    90 days done!

    Day 90: I ended the detox at a festival. Amazing atmosphere, great people and lots and lots of fun. It wasn't planned or anything, but it seems to fit well with how I feel. Now I'm having a bit of a hangover, which is totally fine. Anyways, to get back to the 90 days. There's a lot I've done, I took chances I've never taken before. I've been living a structured life, tried out new things, found out about new passions, started learning new skills. I can list some of these things, however, I'm just going to keep it short because it all comes down to a simple realization which made me improve by a whole lot. I learned that I can control my habits and behavior by taking action. This sounds so incredibly simple, so incredibly logical and rational and yet this is the first time I've ever been conscious of it. I can take care of any addiction. I can improve good habits and destroy bad habits. There's no chance I'm going back to gaming anytime soon. I'm enjoying my current state of being way too much
  10. Day 87: I visited a museum in Germany today. Had a lot of fun and I took the opportunity to get to know some more people in class. Took care of making my planning 2 weeks long so I have some more oversight and I can work ahead in a structured way. I'm still trying to find ways to be more consistent and get the most out of my time. Productivity and enjoyment are things id like to optimize. I never took the chance to check and see how long i can study effectively and how many breaks I need to take. I never took the chance to figure out how I can remember most of the information I need to study. I never took the chance to see how much I could improve in any skill. I never took the chance to see how fast I can ride a 30km trail. I never took the chance to see if I can learn how to draw. I never took the chance to see if there's mutual interest with a girl. I've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. I'm going to take that chance.
  11. Day 85: The lesson of the day: People around you are crucial to your success. Both positive and negative. People can be of great use when it comes to helping each other. Every single person in this world knows something you do not know. Use that. There's nobody in this world who knows exactly what you know, so there's always something you can share. Use that. Help each other out, combine your strengths and eliminate your weaknesses. To give a more concrete example: At any school or uni, there are enough chances to work together. If not, you can create those moments. I'm way ahead in certain classes whilst others are far ahead in other classes. I use that. I plan moments where we get together. this creates an environment where people can teach and learn. Teaching someone solidifies your knowledge while being of great help to someone else, so it's a true win-win. Letting someone teach you something gives insight and if they are students as well they probably understand the struggles you are dealing with when it comes to understanding certain topics. People can also drag each other down. In these 85 days, I got out of touch with quite a few people. All the people I lost contact with are people I only spend time playing LoL with. They were one of the big reasons I still enjoyed league at times, but they also prevented me from moving to a better place. They were detrimental to my success. These people never meant any harm to me. All they wanted was to have a good time. However, they took away chances of having a great time. To be 100% clear, the only people that I lost contact with in these 85 days are the people that only had one thing in common with me, which was gaming. Since gaming is gone we have nothing in common. That means there is nothing we share, nothing that holds us together. We are now useless to each other, so there is no reason to keep in touch.
  12. Day 81: The day has only just started (7 AM?!). I'm on the train to uni and I currently don't have much else to do since I've already finished all the homework/assignments and I'm still waiting). on some more (which I should receive today). It's all going well. Waking up early, planning my stuff, keeping track of everything. I'm meeting new people at uni, classes are fun and in some classes I'm already way ahead which means that my previous years of education weren't for nothing. Slowly but surely, I'm learning how to sketch. I 'm learning the basics of SolidWorks and I'm getting into maths and physics again. There are some projects which I want to pick up but to be able to do that I'll have to drop some browsing and get my planning to be really well done so I can make time for those. All is well, only 9 days to go till 90. 90% done, who would've thought? Anyways, one thing I know for sure is that I'm going to keep up not gaming for longer than 90 days. Fuck gaming, Hooray to life.
  13. Day 77: I really appreciate the input and support from you guys. Keeps me motivated, gives me another pair of glasses to judge my situation with. Thank you! Having said that, there's a thing that I need to adress. I've missed multiple journals. I've been incredibly busy with university starting today and a lot of time and energy goes into finding what works for me, and how I make this change work. It's going absolutely great, better than I had hoped, however, there's always room for improvement. One of the things I need to improve is how to take care of some things while still making sure I have my free time I can enjoy. It's a bit of experience I need to be able to do that, and time will tell me how I can do it. Still, not a craving, with the occasional thought of gaming or smoking but nothing difficult to deal with at all. Breaking the addictions is going smooth, breaking habits and creating new ones is a bit more like a bumpy road. I'm getting there though, I'm feeling confident about it.
  14. Good luck and great to see that you are working actively to improve! I'd like to give you a small tip, something you can try out yourself. Make your bed in the morning. It's an odd thing that somehow gives a kick-start to a productive day!
  15. Thanks, you too man! Haven't really had the chance to really start yet; I'll change that starting tomorrow Day 73: Whoops, I skipped day 72. The reason for that was me being busy and heading a bit earlier to bed. Anyways, I got my books for next year. I started practicing a bit of calculus again, luckily next year starts with super basic stuff. I need to learn how to sketch, so I'll be doing that every day while recording my progress. Once I notice some decent progression I'll share it with you guys! I've also been working, today I worked for 8 hours and I'll be diving in my books again. Getting familiar with the stuff I need to study is something I can already take care of now without it taking too much effort so I figured why not do that later at night when I'm a bit more tired. I'm seeing more and more that there are so many amazing things to do and that there is so little time. I want to learn how to sketch. I want to build an awesome website, as an example of what I'm capable of when it comes to building a website, with the ultimate purpose of that website serving as my portfolio for anythings else I achieve. I want to be fitter than I've ever been before. I want to play amazing stuff on my piano, maybe create something of my own. I want to know more. Right now the absolute biggest thing holding me back from achieving those things is one simple thing. I want to break a habit of doing nothing. With nothing, I don't mean relaxing. Relaxing is something I need to do. With doing nothing I'm talking about doing things that have no benefit at all, such as browsing reddit before I go to sleep. Watching youtube videos because I don't feel like doing anything. This holds me back, brings me no benefit at all. I don't relax by doing that, I hurt my sleep which is really needed. Starting today, no more browsing reddit in bed. This is the moment I browse reddit the most and where stopping the behavior benefits me the most. Thanks again for reading!
  16. Day 71 and the power of habits: The last few days my reports have been fairly short. They also have just been small descriptions of the days, which is ok but I want to touch on a bit of a deeper subject, the power of habit, and being more conscious about them. The decision to change forced me to be conscious about my habits. If I wasn’t thinking about it properly I would fall back into old habits. With this change occupying my thoughts for the last 70 days I noticed the habits of others around me more than I used to while being reminded of my own. For the first time in a long long time, I have been aware of the way things go on autopilot and the 70 days have shown me that I can change the direction the autopilot is going in. It can happen consciously like it happened with me and a lot of others on this forum and it can happen subconsciously which I can see in people close to me. Some of them are becoming mature, picking up good habits while others seem to be stuck or maybe even spiraling down into bad habits. They steer their autopilot into a place where they might crash, a point from which it can be hard to get up from. I want to learn how to communicate to them that they can change. I will learn it and do it, and if I continue this path myself I am sure that I will at least get better at it. I will try to stay conscious of my actions, and keep this steady pace of improvement up. I'm going to use gaming as a starting point for the improved me. There's much to learn and much to gain, and there is no end to it. By adapting to new situations, habits that are either growing or disappearing I can see myself getting over great obstacles and accomplishing awesome things. I plan on touching on these types of topics more often, probably expanding them. Thanks again for reading!
  17. Day 70: Days are going by fast now. I have to make sure I keep everything going. I'm keeping myself in check by using google keep, which is a great tool due to its simplicity and the ability to use it on my PC and phone. I'm still picking up small projects, I just took apart a computer screen so now it's vertical, tomorrow I should also have a little stand to put it in, all I have to do is wait for some glue to dry up. Also went for another 30km trip on my mountain bike, the weather was nice! I ordered books, installed Solidworks and downloaded a good tutorial to prepare myself for next week when school starts. This is quite unlike me, and I like the change. Anyways. Tomorrow I'll be working again, setting up a plan with what I'm going to do the rest of the week so that'll determine what the rest of the week is going to look like for the most part.
  18. Day 69: First time posting in the morning. Yesterday was a nice day. Caught up with everyone who was away for holidays, helped around the house and took care of some small stuff. Looks like the house is full again. Shared some stuff on the forums, read a little bit and tried to fix my mountain bike. I apparently partially broke my rear brake so I took it apart to see if I could fix it. Sadly it looks like that isn't a possibility, however, I did get the chance to look at the inside of it and now I managed to learn quite a bit from that. Tomorrow I'll be visiting the shop and see if I can get some replacements. I'll be working again starting tomorrow, don't really feel like it yet but eh, I could use the money and the experience. Just a week to go before I can start studying again. Depending on how much I need to work I'll decide if I can make a video and share some thoughts with you guys! Throughout the whole day, I didn't have a single struggle with gaming. It's smooth sailing! That was it for day 69. I'll be posting again tonight! Thanks again for reading!
  19. Next to my planning method I have some more methods that I can use whenever I need some structure in life. Sometimes a lot of tasks need to be done, sometimes it feels like there's just too much to do and it just keeps your brain spinning without actually clearing anything up. Whenever that happens I draw up a simple grid. This grid divides your tasks into 4 categories, where every task is either important or not important and urgent or not urgent. Dwight D. Eisenhower said: "I have two kinds of problems: the urgent and the important. The urgent are not important, and the important are never urgent.". How do we define important? Important tasks are tasks that make us achieve or get us closer to achieving our goals, whether they are personal or professional. And how do we define urgent? Urgent tasks are tasks that have direct consequences if you do them or not do them. Now let's combine those two. 1. Important and urgent: Your highest priority. In this area are the tasks that can only get here because of two reasons. The first reason being procrastination, the second reason being that it is an activity you could not have foreseen. You can eliminate the first reason by planning ahead. Also known as critical tasks. This can, for example, be a deadline for a project, or an opportunity for you career that pops up out of nowhere because someone quit. 2. Important and not urgent: In this area are the tasks with a chance to do them ahead of time. Maybe you want to learn how to program to improve yourself and give yourself a chance of a better future. This can be an example of a long-term goal focussed on personal gains. Professional can be the focus on a career. 3. Not important but urgent: In this area, you can usually find things that are caused by others. Goals where other people need you, where you do not gain anything towards your goals. Preventing these tasks usually requires you to say no to people, which is a whole topic on its own. 4. Not important and not urgent: The last area. This area is where gaming comes in. These are the activities you can spend time on that do not give you anything in return. List your activities, the things you want to take care of. Think what you want to reach and categorize things based on whether they aid you in reaching those goals. Let this be a guideline on what you are going to do or how you are going to fill in your planning. If you take care of your activities well enough then it should be possible to get rid of anything in the first area completely, with the exception of unforeseen tasks.
  20. There is an app called forest that is great for your productivity. Here you can find it for your device: http://www.forestapp.cc/ Starting with the best thing about it: it works on iOS, Android, windows phone, chrome and firefox. When you start it you start planting a tree. The tree grows over the time that you set it (recommended time is 25 minutes I believe). Every time you open a website like reddit or facebook (you can very easily add more) you get an overlay like so: Which forces you to give up if you really want to do something else than being active. When the 25 minutes are over the tree gets planted in your forest. You can later check that forest and see visually if you did well or did not do well.
  21. First of all, you're welcome Second, I'm going to steal something from you. I'll be taking the idea of sharing a routine or at least share information in a similar fashion. To get to the third and last point, I really liked what you wrote down, especially at the end. You've matured mentally this summer, and the actions from this point on are going to be the result of that. I wish you good luck. Go and be a king!
  22. Thanks and will do! On to... Day 68: I decided to take it easy today. Just chill and relax, parents are getting back tonight from a 3.5-week vacation. Today was a reminder that taking care of things early makes the rest of the day just a lot better. I waited too long with being active, which in the end didn't really matter but throughout the day just made me feel guilty. Lesson learned I guess. Next to that lesson I need to keep in mind that there are other activities to do than looking at a screen. So yea, not much to say for today. Tomorrow I'm going to plan for next week again. I'm also going to be a bit more active tomorrow, today I had my day off, my time to relax. With that in mind, I plan on sharing some extra planning methods tomorrow on this forum. Thanks again for reading!
  23. Day 67: Today's experience: Socializing can sure be exhausting. Again, limited time available for a report today. It's late, I'm tired and I just want to get this over with, to be honest. Friends came over from 3 pm till 1 am. Got out of bed later than planned so I was working like crazy to get different stuff done before 3pm. Managed to get it done just in time so I had about 30 minutes of relaxing. After that, 10 hours of managing them, chatting, being there. It's something I enjoy it but at the same time it just takes a ton of effort for me, it just made me realize that I really enjoy my alone time. No struggles with my old addictions whatsoever. I just have a lot of cleaning to do tomorrow.
  24. Day 66: it has been incredibly hot today. Still tried out mountainbiking, despite the heat and my injury. No regrets. 28km further, I went slow for the first 10 to get a feeling for it and I went crazy with the next 18km. Had some friends over, watched a lecture and relaxed for a bit. The injury is not as bad as I thought, which means I can still folloe my passion. Fucking love it. Time to get some new personall records. Expect a better journal tomorrow, there's limited/poorly timed available time today
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