Just finished a big week at uni. Studied until 2am and got up at 7:30am next day. Pretty sure I got a high distinction for my exam and definitely got a high distinction for my presentation. They are giving out 4 awards this year and my goal is to try win one of them. My confidence has been rising with my performance at uni and ever since I started taking anti-depressants life has been a lot more enjoyable.
One thing that bums me out is my friend is really attractive and it bums me out to see how easy he has it. Girls give him "the look" all the time and legit eye fuck him. Just.. every girl we meet seems to want him.
Ohwell, Ill just get super rich and ill be alone but at least I will be rich.
This weekend I got really down but I think it was a good thing, to work through thise emotions a bit.
I've been slacking off on setting up dates. However I've been making great progress at uni. I did a semi approach on a girl at uni today, dipping my toes in.
I remebered something I learnt from my dojo today. Hinokshin or the pratise of helping others. If you only try to help yourself you will be miserable, if you help others while expecting nothingin return your life will be joyful. Thats how you make friends, thats how people like you - by giving value.
Gave a friend at uni a pretty good business plan for his sports clothing comoany he just launched. (Free fitness plan to beef up followers + Branding identity stuff) so hopefully it helps.
I'm just at this weird stage where I have no idea wtf I want to do. I'm extremely unfufilled. When I dumped my gf 3 months ago I said to myself "In 3 months I wont regret this decision". Well it's 3 months later and I still fucking regret it. I'm almost considering trying to win her back. I feel like our relationship would be a lot better now that I'm in shape, and not playing games. They say the best way to get over a girl is get a new one. Well I did and I'm still not over her? It wasn't perfect with her, but I was a lot happier than I am now. Eh, I'm going to see if it's at all possible.
day 116. Bad Day, very tempted to relapse. Been feeling a bit down, miss my ex-gf. Miss being in a relationship. Haven't been to the gym in like 5 days, and haven't been to Aikido either - probably has something to do with it. I'll go to the gym today, even though it will be by myself. I guess lazy Saturday mornings is kind of like that, everyone is relaxing or with their partner and I'm alone here coding. Trying to code at least, going very slowly. Would be great to switch off for a bit and just play a game. I realise what makes me happy isn't getting this or that, its making progress. Progress makes me happy, but when you make progress and kind of realise what you're working towards you don't want - its disheartening. I guess I've been trying hard to get fit and get girls and now that I'm achieving my goals I realise I already had what I wanted, but at the same time I didn't. It's strange. I guess my dreams break down into 2 scenarios: Dream 1) I have a fun job in a creative field and an awesome gf. Dream 2) Rich, successful, attractive, life is my bitch. I remember the day I decided to dump my gf. She was sitting on my bed watching TV and I was playing GrimDawn on my computer. Back then it made me sick to my stomach, but now I think it wouldn't be so bad, at least for a day...
Absolutely Cam. She did end up texting me back, we're meeting tomorrow. While Im happy with the outcome I realise it could drop at any second.
We should only worry about what is in our control. In the case of women we can always work on our appearance or talk to new/more girls, but we cant control hoe the interaction with any one girl will go.
I'd say good luck! I've succesfully completed 90 day detox and a lot of our goals are very similar.
I will just add 2 things that might help you. 1) Remember that games ARE REALLY fun. They're design to be, life isn't. Sometimes you have shit days, you can't be 110% productive every single day. On those shit days (and you will know when they come) my advice is to relapse on some your strict goals (I'm guilty of binge watching youtube every now and then, or going and grabbing some KFC) but dont relapse on your gaming, because your other goals fell through. 2) No Games is your number 1 goal! If you fail your others, dont let it get you down and quit this one. I'd say in order of most important to least important your goals are as follows: - quit games - do better at school - lift 3x a week - meditate 20mins a day - read 1 hr a day - limit youtube to only music videos or inspirational music Pulling games out of our life means, for a while, we are pulling away our escape and our "fun". If you make your life so hard and devoid of relaxation it will be difficult to maintain. Just stick to the most important rule "NO GAMES" and you'll figure the rest out yourself.
I texted that girl and haven't had a response back in 4 hours. I know I'm being like an insecure little school girl right now but I guess confidence takes a while to build up, especially because 2 girls didn't want to see me again and that is somehow more concerning to me. Even though she came over and she asked me to call her back 2x I feel like she doesn't like me, has found someone else, or just has gotten bored. It's really weird. Only time will tell, either. 1) she texts me back excited to meet up and dispels my insecurities. 2) my insecurities are confirmed to which I feel like shit for a day or two but then toughen up and learn to live in a harsher world. So far everything has been 2). Which is good because I was too emotionally soft and life is generally one disappointment after another the majority of the time. So one needs to go through the phases of disappointment until they're mentally built up enough to not be concerned with the little things. It's also important to keep going on new dates and meeting new girls in case it falls through. The good news is my friend from uni called me today and it sounded like he missed me over the weekend haha (no homo). Thats good for me because I really feel like he has more to offer me than I have to offer him and I worry sometimes I'm not on "his level" enough to have a good friendship. Having a strong friendship or 2 is really important for me right now, even more important than a relationship.
What I've noticed over the last few weeks of my no-gaming adventure is that loniliness truly rots the soul and it's extremely difficult to "build" oneself when you're alone / lonely all the time. It's like growing a plant, we clear the weeds and trim the branches that hurt the plant while nurturing it and guiding it forward, but being lonely is as if the plant is rotting from the inside.
feeling like I'm doing well, plugging along nicely. Im going to hang out with that girl again on Thursday. It's wierd i enjoyed the hugging / intimacy more than the sex. I really am a relationship kind of guy. She's not big into texting so it feels wierd not talking to someone you been with. Its hard to know if she even likes me. Just down helping my parents move, lots of hard work and early mornings. Will make some good money.
Also Im quitting porn again (day 4) now that I can get real intimacy I see no need for it.
Fuck I'm so pissed off. My luck with girls lately has been TERRIBLE. I'm getting very impatient, lots of time wasters and polite rejections. I MUST GET BETTER LOOKING. Recovering from a cold right now doesn't help things. It's just such a slow process that requires patience. Something is holding me back from going full HAM, like I need to transcend into a new realm of existence. I need to really put myself out there and stop trying to find the easy way, to soft way, the comfortable way. The only way to be good with girls is to willing to get REJECTED. The only way to get good with making products is to be willing TO WORK 12 HOURS STRAIGHT. The only way to get a good physique is to be willing to EAT FOOD YOU DON'T WANT TO. To just go to the extreme, jump in the deep end, immerse yourself, work so hard at changing who you are you have an identity crisis. Live without reservations and no regrets. Do what you want like consequences don't exist. Stop playing it safe and just go for it. Stop waiting and start doing it. I'm gonna go crazy. Staying away from videos games is really important right now though. Why do games feel so alluring right now? because they can save me from this struggle. They can liberate me from these emotions, this anger, this frustration. That's exactly why I need to stay away from them. I feel myself hardening up, I'm giving less of a fuck with each passing day.
Agreed enjoying the process is a large part of it for sure. I'm feeling a little hesitant this week - possibly something to do with having a cold. I have opportunities to meet up with girls but I am not diving into them. It's always easier to sit at home and do nothing isn't it? No excuses though, I've given myself an easy day today to recover. I will sleep in tomorrow to really knock it out of my system then I'm back to it. 103 days game free!! Gotta keep working for that 180day transformation story I want to be able to say after quitting games I got into shape, got girl(s) and got high distinctions at uni.
Yea I guess I just want consitency. Last night was actually really good to be honest. I enjoyed hanging out with that girl, there was a bit of intimacy which I haven't felt in a long long time. I won't get good at dating until I go on 10+ I rekon. I've been on 8 first coffee dates and only 1 second date. However already my 1st dates have gotten a lot better. So it's just practise I guess. My goal for 2016 is to go on 40x first dates, 8x 2nd dates. Currently 8 and 1. If I keep up this pace I should get there.