So, a LOT of things have happened! This is going to be a very long post. My apologies for that.
So, from October on, a sequence of events happened. I'll tell them as they happen.
October was alright. I was doing a bit more than I had been. Then November came and well... Things got worse from there. My family was in constant strife so I was stressed and turned to my good buddy video games to help me lose myself. Then December came... All hell broke loose. My brother was drunk all the time and my mom was angry all the time and I didn't know what to do. Then in January, the inevitable happened. All out war. My brother kept acting like he wanted t hit my mom so I got mad at him and sorta did some things I'm not proud of and he ended up breaking through a door with his skateboard and nicking me in the back of the head with it. I know he was just paying me back for what I did. I just couldn't see the up side to anything so in my room I stayed. Well, February rolls around and I'm getting sicker and sicker. Depression has hold of me now. My friend in Oregon offers me a place to stay for as long as I'll need it. My family may not be physically abusive *That was the first time he hit me and I think it was an accident. It also didn't hurt.* but they're definitely toxic people and they are starting to affect me. So, I decided it's time to leave. I haven't left yet due to family pressure and other responsibilities, but I plan to as soon as I can. So, last month, My doctor discovered my life-long issues with my stomach were caused by Chronic Cholecystitis. I had my gallbladder removed and now I feel about 10 thousand times better. After my wounds healed I started doing a little more but i still didn't want to be near my family due to the stress they cause, so I stayed in my room gaming mostly. But, 5 days ago I began a 15 minute daily exercise and I'm really starting to motivate myself. I am afraid of failing, but I have to do it. I found a goal. Something to work towards. Quitting gaming for me was just to prevent wasting my life. But this? This is for another huge reason. My entire life I've had wanderlust. I wanted to see what was outside of this city, now, outside this state. I saw a sequence of videos last week that answered my question of *what do I want to do with my life* for me. It started out as looking for a funny spider cat video... I ended up finding a guy's video I hadn't seen in years. So, I went and checked out his new videos, which then sent me to his older videos where... he moved to Alaska from Cali. His videos were all over Alaska. From videos with giant mountains to videos with beautiful clear lakes. I envied him so much, but he also inspired me so much. I'm watching one of his videos a day, because it helps fuel the fire. It's not that i want to live in Alaska, the where isn't important. The important thing is that I get out of Oklahoma and see more than I've seen. So, I started exercising. A 35 year old girl with disc degeneration and no physical fitness can't hike a mile. I aim to change how I am into a new me. Same old me with a new attitude and ability. I don't know if I'll fail or succeed, but I have to try. I would rather die now than stay in this boring familiar place. I want to see it all. Now, I know it won't be easy. I'm probably much poorer than most people since I can't seem to find a job here and have no choice but to exist on the measly amount I get for disability. I figure, someone in a small town may hire me. Maybe they won't be so judging and discriminating. Anyway, sorry for the long post. A lot has happened. Things MUST change from here on out or I don't think I'll be ok.
Hey guys. We haven't moved yet, things kinda got put on the back burner due to money problems, but a lot has changed here. I kinda gave up on quitting gaming for a month. I was really depressed about my lack of focus and motivation that I just pretty much threw all my hard work out the window. There is good news though, I finally got some medicine to help treat my ADHD. I've been taking it only 3 days and I've already cleaned half my house and even painted a bit. I also find that I have no interest in being on the computer at the moment. I am trying my best. I think being able to focus will motivate me a lot. So... I'm starting over. Today is day 1.
Today is going fine. I'm exhausted from pushing myself on yardwork, but I feel better about myself and what i do with my time because of it. Like they say, "No pain no gain." Heh. Things are finally looking up in life in other ways too. We finally got new tires and yesterday we finally bought proper groceries for the first time in months. We've been pretty much starving due to lack of money. Ever since I was stolen from in January we've had to play catch-up and its been hard. I am literally broke for the rest of the month but at least our bills are all taken care of and we have new tires and food! Yay!!! As for not gaming, still going fine. I spent a total of 1 hour gaming yesterday on my handheld. We were in a waiting room for a while yesterday so I played during that time, and a few minutes when relaxing after working outside. As for PC gaming, I don't want to play any of them anymore. At this point in time I can't see myself going back to them. I know, my feelings have changed drastically in the past month. From nearly giving up and then suddenly having no desire for it. I think the stress of no food and no transportation was the cause. Depression has been my downfall for years when it comes to gaming. One day a week or two ago I started thinking about my long-term goals and decided I should really go do the things I need to do to prepare myself for my life-changing move. We most likely won't have good internet out there and I'm actually pretty happy about that. Our whole plan is to be self-sustaining. Not just for the love of it and because we enjoy it, but because we're sinking here in the city. If we live out there we can survive without any assistance. I have reasons for this. #!: I'm a prepper. You never know when we could have another disaster, natural disaster or stock market crash happen and won't be able to get to a store to get food #2: I'm disabled as I said. Disability could run out of money before I die and people in the country are likely to hire you if you work hard, no matter your disability. Even if they don't we'll have our land to live on and by then I will know how to hunt hopefully. #4: I want to live the rest of my life as happily as I can. My life has been hard and its time I took it back and live my dreams to the extent of my ability. Anyway, that's pretty much it. Oh, and we are probably moving to Kansas.
Congrats on 10 days! I get what you mean about *wanting to keep gaming around as a balance* and that *it could offer things you can't find anywhere else.* Those were two of my biggest struggles. Once I realized I could learn the things I found intriguing in video games, I started to see their cons more than their pros. And I love bike riding. Its fun but it gets you and active which is perfect. Keep that up for sure! Congratulations on going to University! I'm sure you'll learn a ton and meet some great people there. I use habitica too. I don't use the gaming aspect either. I mostly just use it for the chore lists and social reminders. Stay focused and think of the good things about the changes you're making and you'll do great. I wish you the best of luck and know we're all cheering you on. Hugs and congrats ~Sashi.
Thanks for your post. Yes, I have always had a strong love of vegetables and having our own garden my entire life has just been a way of life for my family and I. yes, I like almond milk well enough. LOVE chocolate almond milk. Not a fan of soy or coconut though. May try a few other types when I get the chance. And Indeed. Not interested at all. I think I Just needed that last little shove of motivation to spark my love of gardening all over again. I will try to get a picture of our blackberries and our blackberry Jelly we made.
SO MUCH NEWSSSS!!! I'm back on the bandwagon! Check out my facebook post! You all know I've been barely playing any video games at all. The only one I've been playing is on my handheld 3DS and its a rarity. I've also decided to cut computer usage down. Not only that, but something else is going to change. My diet. It isn't that I don't eat healthy, because I do most of the time. Its that I'm tired of meat. So very tired of it. It makes me feel horrible when I eat it. Its heavy and makes me feel sluggish and even causes me nausea at times. It has been that way for my whole life. I also don't really like meat anyhow. If anything I like the occasional sausage, bacon and burger. But even those are becoming less and less. I find myself desperately craving vegetables when we have none. So, I'm going to try eating a non-meat diet. Heh, don't worry, I'm not going to preach about it. One of the reasons I kept from it so long is that vegetarians and vegans have a bad rep for being pushy about what they eat and I do not want to be associated with pushy people. The reasons for me going nearly vegan are pretty simple. 1: Don't like meat much anyway. 2: I'm lactose intolerant so I can't do dairy anyhow. 3: I feel like I will feel better if I'm eating food I know is good for me. 4: I do think the treatment of animals that are kept in tiny pens for our food needs to stop. Its not fair to the animal. However, this is just another plus in not eating meat. It is not my main focus, however it is a big factor for me as I do love animals. 5: I simply love veggies. ^-^ I figured my texture issues with food might be an issue too. I can't stomach squishy foods. I think the reason is meat fat. I despise the stuff. I think me being served meat growing up and ending up with fat in my mouth always grossed me out. I hope I can get past it for the veggies. Even if I can't I can always juice them or blend them. I mean, I have an awesome manual juicer that'd do the job. Another Idea I had is starting a vlog about all this cool stuff I'm doing lately for fun. I also plan to get outside more and try to practice my skills in the garden and maybe even learn some carpentry or something. Why? Because I hate the city and I at times want so badly to leave it and head for the middle of nowhere. This lack of camping is only making me miss the outdoors more. I read a story about some folks who started a homestead and while that sounds amazing, I know with my limitations I'll have to settle for a small town and a garden. That's fine, as long as I have my own space and my neighbors aren't literally a yard away. ANYWAY! Sorry for talking so long! I'm just getting very motivated now. Peace out. <3 So yes, I'm completely uninterested in games now. We plan to move to a bit of land and grow veggies/herbs and raise rabbits, goats and chickens. So, in other words, I want to learn how to live with my own two hands. "Self reliance and Self Sufficiency" I also want to learn carpentry and mechanical skills so I can do repairs on my own for minor things. So I've decided to focus on skillsets I need to do the things I intend. I would really like to have a homestead, but that's not logical for someone with my vision. Off the Grid living has been a love of mine since my childhood days and I didn't even know what "off the grid" was. I've always loved being in the great outdoors and fantisized about never leaving our campsite, living there permanently. But, with life comes compromise.
Just wanted to update you since It's been a little bit now. Many things going on here.
Day.. i have no idea. I've fallen off the band wagon so to speak. BUT, I've still been doing things and going places and doing other things. I'm still improving my life but its been hard to kick gaming all together. I quit gaming because I never get anything else done and I spend WAY too much time on it and never go anywhere with friends. I also didn't exercise enough. I still didn't get much done when I wasn't playing, my ADHD makes it hard to focus and being diagnosed means I can get therapy now. I still want to quit, and I am to the point again where I think I can. Our pool will be open soon and I'm not going to want to be inside. I think being stuck inside makes me want to game more. if I had a way to go places I'd be camping already. But buses don't go to lakes and nobody I know wants to go. So yea, While I may slip up now and then, know that I am still working hard on improving my life and I will get there, sometimes its just hard. Thanks for being my motivation you guys. <3 Note: One last thing. I'm not craving games anymore. No more dreams, no need to play, When I do its from pure boredom or the need to create something. *my tablet is currently not working*
Triggers below. Alright. So I have a problem. There is one particular game I will be sad to quit again. The rest I don't give a flying care about. But this one has been a creative outlet for me for years. Minecraft. I seriously only care about that game. I can create whole cities, towns, ancient civilizations, etc. Its a huge creative outlet for me. I will never be able to find something like that outside of a game. I do have other things I can do, but I suppose getting into them has been difficult. I got "Weird Shadows over Innsmouth" by HP Lovecraft for my birthday and I want to read it but I just feel so overly creative. I DID get a coloring book for my birthday. Its a VERY detailed one that is going to take a long time to fill out. I dunno what is wrong with me. I want to quit but at the same time I feel rather hopeless and don't know what to do. I love my outings with my friends, but those are only once a week. My thyroid has been bad as well so I've been sleeping a lot and been unable to do much. The inability to get up and go fuels my need for things to do which brings me back to one or two games every time. Today I am going to try to read. Also, I am making slow progression on my house. My kitchen looks much better already. Anyway, to sum up this post, I don't really know how to get out of this rut I'm in. My motivation is gone.