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Hitaru

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About Hitaru

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    Old Timer
  • Birthday 09/09/1994

Hitaru's Activity

  1. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    @hycniejsy Yeah you're totally right, I will probably be really excited about it in the beginning and then it will become a dull affair, and it will be up to me to stay focused and get the best of whatever is thrown at me; not just in the Army but in life in general as well. But wherever there's advancement, there's good in life to be harnessed.
    Emotionally, I'm restless. Things are going ok, but not enough. There's way more I should be doing, even if my upcoming exam is under control. Specially now that my upcoming exam is under control. Rationally, I recognize that I can't go from zero to hero, but I dunno man, it's the same as always, this half-assedness. Not enough to fail, not enough to succeed. I've been mindless browsing and PMOing a lot, and I mean a lot. I even neglected my SO for the first second time. Not this path man, uh-huh. I must say however, that I use the term fail much more liberally as the term succeed, so the balance is positive. Like 40-60% or so.
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  2. Hitaru added a post in a topic About Lifehack Bootcamp...   

    Had a call with Demir today and I'm going for it. Will I be disappointed? Only one way to find out. Overall I think it's a great improvement being able to cast aside my prejudice and try things anyway, but also keeping my wits and be as well informed as I can. So I'll take the course and let you guys know about it.
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  3. Hitaru added a post in a topic About Lifehack Bootcamp...   

    You are right and your perspective is sound and down to earth. You know I like to speak my mind and I find this place a great safe space to do it (both things I had to grow used to, according to my first journal entries ) but sometimes (many more I'm willing to admit) I'm quick to jump to judgements and step in the border of disrespect for other's work if I don't like what I see for whatever reason. I wrote them an email and I'll inform myself better, then come back here to tell you about it. Might solve someone else's doubts as well!
    About the Squad, is that still alive? Awesome! Though I'd like to see it as a more long term accountability, and thus being able to pay it from my own pocket. I might have an idea or two about how that could be done... 
    [BTW, I'm really interested in that future workshop you mention, if there was a place for me I'm looking forward to it]
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  4. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    @Cam Adair It turns out you were mostly right, I've been doing my homework and not only discovered the english exam is actually much more manageable than I first thought, I ALSO put myself in the path to crush it. Yes! Army Exams? Well that's another story. But I'm also doing my homework towards motivating myself, learning about the different Corps so I can make a smart decision and some good ol' myth-busting.
    Some folks from inside complain about the Army being actually boring, while at the same time complaining about the relaxed postings being almost impossible to reach due to demand. So far no one complains about night beatings with soap bars wrapped in towels, but they might be just fine with it.
    So there's no fixed opinion, but this fact: If I want action, and by action I mean crushing my bones under mostly dull, constant drills, then sure, go for an average score. If I want to chill, and by chill I mean lots of hours standing around for the next two years, I must pour my grey matter into that exam. I'll try to go for the best score to give me some edge in my options (higher the score, more postings available) and probably choose an option in between. 
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  5. Hitaru added a topic in Everything Else   

    About Lifehack Bootcamp...
    I saw the video (this video) and it was awesome. Then I was directed to the website and... oh, man.
    Oh, man. The website. It was awful. Those promotional videos. That obnoxious, patronizing voice. The deal was honestly great but is it an online workshop designed for high-level thinkers and CEO wannabes (and even already stablished CEOs, as they themselves advertise) well suited for a community of ex-gamers mostly comprised of teenagers and mid-twenties with barely a single coin of income and a huge array of interests? You know I was about to click with a resounding "Fuck YES" all ready inside my chest when they casually throw this warning about please not apply if you are a labor worker (which I found delightfully classist btw) or some kind of low level scum because you're basically going to be surrounded by CEOs (again) for accountability partners and buddies and it's gonna be the greatest shit ever. And "Shit" indeed I thought, "That's certainly not for me after all". But I'm still having some doubts, so I'd like some kind of second opinion. Anyone else knows what am I talking about?
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  6. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    Alright. 
    I have my near future basically sorted out. Ophthalmological exam turned out well. What happens next?
    I have 15 days to prepare English exams, around two months for the driving license and 4 months in total (September is the deadline) to get fit and prepare for the Army Entrance exam. There are several options in how to do this with several cities involved and a huge economical investment. And there's also the issue of my suddenly disappeared friend-landlord. I'm basically screwed because I threw a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. But it should be fine, right?
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  7. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    Third day without mindless browsing and things are going... pretty badly to be honest. On the inside I mean. The death anxiety, the cramps and the nightmares have returned, and I took an ugly ride down the PMO road. I don't want to worry anyone of my close c I don't want to worry my SO, since my mother is a brick when it comes to understanding anything emotionally and the issue is it's way too intimate to discuss it with the majority of my friends. I'm suffering but suffering has almost always been a good signal.
    I have the impression I'm missing something huge, but I can't put my finger on it.
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  8. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    Despite not being able to do anything else (healthy steady routine and that), I was able to keep a steady flow of job applications, I paid my fees for the english exam and I solved by myself the appointment with the... erm. Eye doctor. (Don't remember the name right now xD). Which was a source of big conflict with my mother. My new tactic with PMO is working and I'm feeling like shit as expected, which is making me do things now and then, which was also expected. Good enough, things considered.
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  9. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    After a painful relapse in PMO and some drama in the other journal, I had a conversation about my struggles with my SO (my current struggles, he already knew about my videogame detox) and surprise! He has a similar issue, since he's also a very anxious person and needs his ways to escape. I now feel even more connected to him. Even the way I kiss him has changed. Is this love, guys...?
    I'm determined to stand up again no matter how many times I fall.
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  10. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    @Cam Adair Thanks Chief. It's great to be back.
     
    Of course it happened. I woke up with all that weight holding me back. But now I identified it. It was excuses.
    "What are the excuses that keep me from jumping out of bed?" - Well, I discovered at least 3: "What am I going to do for breakfast", "I need to shower" and "I don't have clothes ready". So part of my morning routine will be to have these 3 things ready every morning, which means some of them will need to be ready the night before. That, is preparation, and when chance meets preparation, success happens. I'm happy to report that today's morning cravings were avoided by sheer willpower, and that I'm ready to start this wonderful day. 
    - I took a shower and I wanted to listen to something while I was at it, so I settled for a Stellaris gameplay. I immediately thought it wasn't that good an idea (and slightly triggering) so I took the chance to switch for a Charisma on Command video about handshakes, which was godsend (my handshakes have always been awful)
    - Applied for my first freelancing jobs. This is so seriously not going to work, my self-esteem is at sea-deep levels. On Monday 8 I can aply for Cambridge CAE C1 exam, note to myself. My confidence in my english skills suddenly dropped hard. I guess I need a break now, but how?
    - I fucked up. -
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  11. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    OFFICIAL BACK HOME ANNOUNCEMENT
     
    Guys, there's so much I need to do. Besides sorting out loads of photos, update social networks and connect with friends, I need to start my freelancing scheme, settle the moving out business with my friend (either positively or negatively) and reorganize my priorities towards being a part-time but constant working GQ translator and student for the Army entrance exams. I'm determined to take this seriously. I'm truly sorry I won't be talking about my travels in detail anytime soon, with so many pressing issues at my still-short reaching hands. But know this; I'm back, I'm motivated, and this shit is going to work! 
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  12. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    I must have become sick or fatigued in some way, since today it doesn't seem I'll be able to do much. Thankfully the big bulk of the project is done but it's frustrating to get sick everywhere I go. It's also true I have my emotional struggles in the backstage that leave me exhausted, such as my NoFap fight. Today a week for the first time. Details in the other journal.
    I love this place. And at the same time I can't wait to return and try to pour the good vibes into something productive. Especially after visiting the refugee camps. My social commitment has been set in stone. I like the double feeling of wanting to stay and wanting to leave. Makes me feel alive. 
    On top of that, I've been super social. Last night I was sit on a table, around people of several countries, sometimes leading the conversation, sometimes listening, sometimes making well-timed jokes. And I thought to myself "This is it. This. I made it to THE TABLE." Normally, it was the corner for me. The side wall, or the stairs. More recently, I would sometimes enter the center, try to get involved, somewhat succeed, get tired (I work as an introvert after all) and put some distance, job acceptably done. But never the table. The table was for that kind of people. The pretty girls. The cool stoners. The chads, in r9k jargon. The skilled, charismatic socialites. I made it to the table, make me knight! 
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  13. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   


    Officially happening. More pics soon.
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  14. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    Quick update: I'm in Greece! We arrived yesterday after some 40 hours of traveling. My mates are fun and the foreigners look interesting... if I can keep up with the names  Today we're supposed to begin the real stuff. Looking forward to it. 
    I'll be probably writing in my NoFap journal more since I'm currently battling that and there will be far more emotional shifts than news these days (besides "we did this and that" and I'll tell you about that in detail later). Link is in my signature, but you know that already  If you just want the gist, it's being Hell but I have good chances of reaching a week and that fills me with good energy, the very few times I forget about how hellish it is. But being in control feels awesome.
    I sincerely hope you have a great week, I'll try my best on my part!
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  15. Hitaru added a post in a topic [KO] Tom's journal   

    @Cam Adair I am really happy to see this is not spam  (we're truly reaching the world!)
    Also, the first @Tom set the bar high, I wonder where your journey will lead you? Looking forward to it! (sorry for using Eng btw, I just had to say it) 
    See you!
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