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thb23

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About thb23

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  1. thb23 added a topic in Main Room   

    My Problem with School
    Here is a synopsis of my frustration:
    During my first two semesters of college, during which I was addicted to gaming, I nearly aced all my classes. I think this had to do with two incentives, which were, a) Getting a good GPA and b) gaming, since gaming was pretty much my life and only social circle. However, nowadays I struggle to find any motivation and my grades have suffered. I think this happened because the gaming incentive, which existed for years, suddenly went away. Since gaming took away my social circle and freed up a bunch of time (it was the only activity I focused on besides studying), I felt empty.
    Long story short, I failed one course each of the last two semesters, in addition to one last summer. It's simply frustrating to think that I was doing better in school while gaming. BS!!
    I was properly addicted. Before college, I'd played 6+ hours a day, often through the night if I had nothing "important" to do the next morning. I toned it down in college for the sake of sleep and homework, but still played at least 2 hours a day, in order to avoid the emotional chaos that I knew would accompany quitting. It was difficult to pry myself away from the keyboard, and I would think about games all day.
    I quit cold turkey in January. I've been thinking about games less, but the motivation still isn't here.
    I know that finding new activities and exercise is a must, which are both things I've been working at, but isn't it just paradoxical that I did better in school when I was addicted?
    Edit: I can't get over the fact that I've failed courses... which is a bad thing, right? I feel crappy because my selection of transfer schools (I really want to transfer to a better school) decreases as my GPA tumbles.
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  2. thb23 added a post in a topic thb023's Journal   

    Back atcha. Thanks for keeping me in check. Truthfully, I haven't read or run at all, but I did shoot baskets by myself tonight.
    Wednesday, May 31, 2017
    Made some progress planning my degree path. It's not "official" yet but it's pretty exciting.
    Same old stuff really, just listening to music and studying but mostly procrastinating. Trying to do a little bit of Respawn and watch one Cam video per day, to keep me on my toes .
    Song
    Bonus Artist
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  3. thb23 added a post in a topic Giblet's Journal   

    Have fun in Vegas!
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  4. thb23 added a post in a topic Signor Nessuno's journal   

    Awesome! The smallest things can make you feel like you're making progress. Unsubscribing to things did that for me
    Remember to sit with any urges that may come over you to start consuming content. Do something else or have a quick think and let it pass...
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  5. thb23 added a post in a topic 90 days of something better   

    Stay focused and make others happy!
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  6. thb23 added a post in a topic thb023's Journal   

    I'm well. Hope you are too!
    Sunday, May 28, 2017
    I honestly don't remember which day I quit playing games, but I know it was around Dec or Jan. If we assume Jan 1 then it's been 146 days.
    Today's accomplishments: 
    - Decided on a major (huge decision, eh) and started drafting a plan for my next few years of coursework. Hoping to meet with counselors and do some more research this week.
    - Made some study progress.
    - Visited my grandmother.
    - Walked half a mile or so (not a lot, I know).
    Near-Future Goals:
    - Finish reading a novel that a professor lent me last year. Gotta return it this fall.
    - Run some more.
    - Find somewhere to play pickup basketball? I suck, but it'll be fun.
    Hobbies I want to take up:
    - EDM production. Downloaded free trial of Ableton but I'm waiting to activate it until I get some more schoolwork done.

    Song of the Day
     
    Peace.
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  7. thb23 added a post in a topic Giblet's Journal   

    Nice job so far!
    Good luck on the plane. I love plane rides I would suggest reading a book or doing a crossword (something hands-on) if you get bored. I'm getting on a plane pretty soon too but I'm trying to cut down on screen time, so I'll try not to watch movies. 14 hours is cruel though, good luck.
    Pro tip: Ask for extra blankets/pillows after takeoff.
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  8. thb23 added a topic in Daily Journals   

    thb023's Journal
    thb023's Journal: 19 years old.
    Monday, 5/22/2017 - Day 1
    It's late, and I'm tired, so I don't know how I'm going to pull off this journal entry. Am I even doing this right? I'm working out how to schedule my schoolwork and organize better for next semester, and so tomorrow I"ll google "college organization tips." I've written down my schedule for tomorrow morning; I'm hoping to get into a groove of scheduling my time instead of heading into my days blind. Started writing a to do list today, which is something I never do.
    Exercise: 1 mile walk (didn't meet goal).
    I'm grateful for:
    - My family.
    - This community.
    - My school.
    - My friends who stuck by me.
     
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  9. thb23 added a topic in Start Here + Introductions   

    Hey there.
     
    Hey, here is a quick story about my addiction:
    Through elementary school, I would play handhelds with my friends; they were the main way of connecting and socializing with them.
    For middle school, I transferred to a very demanding school and was separated from those friends. Looking back, I would have chosen to stay with them. At this point, I had my own laptop and I was introduced to PC gaming. I would play to escape the pressure of school, but I wanted my parents to think I was being responsible with my schoolwork. I would play at night while my parents were asleep, and otherwise, I would make sure the screen faced away from them while I gamed. Gaming messed up my routine, but back then, I had no intention of fixing it. I couldn't pry myself from the social aspect of it, and I quickly formed a social circle in-game that was in fact bigger and more emotionally satisfying than my real-life friendships.
    Eventually, my school gave up on me and I dropped out. I deemed myself a failure, and kept on playing video games, since that was my only source of pleasure. All this time I knew deep down that life would be better if I stopped, but I kept telling myself that life with video games could work.
    No job, no school. This lasted for a year, until I finally enrolled in college. I put a ton of effort into my first year, but equally into video games. It was during the end of the first year that I was enlightened to the fact that my life sucks, and decided to take action. Depression hit me hard. The next semester was a growing period though, I got my first part-time job and started to rebuild my thinking around school. I played a lot less but I relapsed many, many times. Sometimes for weeks. Sometimes popping into mumble servers with the excuse that I needed to talk to friends. Or binging on gaming content for weeks at a time. I convinced myself that it was okay because it's technically not "gaming."
    Here is what is puzzling to me, though: During my first two semesters (while I was playing video games), I was doing okay in school. After I made an effort to stop playing, my grades took a huge tumble because I had abandoned whatever stability that gaming provided me. Weird, but the main thing is that I stopped playing.
    It's been a month since my last "content consumption" relapse, and almost 6 months since I last gamed. I have routine now. I read before bed and walk in the morning. Thoughts about gaming pop into my head from time to time, though. I have far-reaching goals, but I am happier than I ever was. Fortunately my parents are very supportive of my growth.
    I want to applaud everyone who have posted here so far. I've never really told anyone about my gaming addiction, until now. Not even my parents or my psychiatrist. My parents "knew," but they kind of just observed from afar and waited it out, and I simply didn't have the guts to admit that I was addicted.
    I'm looking forward to how Respawn and this community can help me. I think I need it. Thanks Cam!
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