Moe Smith's Activity
Moe Smith added a topic in Daily JournalsMoe's Fantasy Writer JournalHey everyone,
So my name's Moe, I live in Utah, USA. Here's my introduction if you care to read it.
I've got a couple ideas that I've seen and thought up that I want to include in my journal, but honestly I haven't designed them yet. I'll finish it up in a day or two most likely. But for today I'll free-write.
I've been gaming for so long, I've only got a couple of memories from before gaming was in my life. Today is my first day off gaming in this program, and I feel pretty good honestly. I'm a bit tired, like I can feel my body lacking its normal high. I have no doubt that playing a game of League of Legends would perk my energy right up and make me feel better, but I know it's a lie that I don't want to indulge.
I had a pretty good day: I spent most of my time being productive. I filled out some much needed paperwork for Financial Aid at school. I studied the resources on Game Quitters for a couple of hours. I took a walk for about 40 mins and picked up my daughter from school. Then we went to her play practice, and I watched her dance and sing for a couple of hours. Then, we came home, made a bit of dinner, and she stayed at home with her grandma. My wife and I then went to a theatre and watched Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2 (Which was AWESOME!).
I've been doing pretty well for my first day with not thinking about gaming. But as my wife and I arrived home after the movie, she said she might have to drive her mom home. I immediately thought of how I could squeeze a game or two in before she got home and before we went to bed. This just proved to me how much I need to get over this affliction. I deleted all my games yesterday, so I don't have access to them right now, but it scared me that I have that reaction still.
So overall, pretty decent day. I'm new to this, so I'm sure I'll have more painful moments, but today it's a long, tiring, great day. I'm actually hoping tomorrow will be about the same. I don't think it would feel real otherwise.
Day 1: Complete
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Moe Smith added a topic in Start Here + IntroductionsHi! I'm Moe, and I'm humbly starting over.Hey everyone,
Today is day 1 for me without video games. It's not my first attempt at quitting, but I believe it will be the one that sticks permanently. It is also day 1 of the 90 day detox for me.
I met Cam at a talk he gave about two years ago in Utah. At the time I wasn't ready to really give up my gaming addiction, nor was I ready to accept help. I've always kind of had a bit of a Superman complex, where I think I can do everything and anything. So I thought, egotistically, I could figure out how to conquer my addiction on my own. I've been holding onto that notion for about the last 12-14 years.
Yesterday, I splurged on gaming and didn't fulfill any of the obligations that I had set up for the day. About an before my wife and daughter got home for the day, I knew I needed to get started on dinner and that I had done nothing for the entire day. I got pissed off at myself for about the 1000th time for having a day like this, and I uninstalled all my games. I even scoured every file in my computer that was even remotely related to gaming, and deleted it. Since I had done most of the before, I knew it wasn't enough and that it wouldn't stick. Therefore, removing games from a PC when they could just be reinstalled was essentially meaningless.
At this point, I remembered that I met Cam and heard a bit of his story and what he does. I remembered he had formed an organization called Game Quitters and I thought it might be time to suck it up and get some help from a person who specializes in this exact subject. Thus, I'm here today.
Throughout my life, gaming has taken away job opportunities, robbed me of my money, prevented me from working diligently on my passions, kept me from finishing my book that I'm writing, caused breakups with past relationships, caused serious fights with my wife, encouraged me to neglect my precious wonderful daughter when she wants to play with her daddy, caused me stress and depression, made me absolutely loathe who I was, screwed with my vision, blocked my motivation throughout my life, lulled me into a non-athletic body when I truly enjoy sports, and most frustratingly of all made my bachelors degree take 11 years long when I'm smart enough to pass all my classes with an A.
I'm so ready to be done.
After half my life, I am FINALLY willing to admit that I'm not Superman. That I don't have the tools I need to conquer this ailment of mine. So I'm attempting to be humble and admit my faults here. I am a video game addict, I have been since my family first got a gaming system in our house, and my brother tortured me with the rights to play it or not. I'm ready to be done with this plague on my life, and more than anything I want to be the real me. I feel like my soul is covered it sticky tar and I want to scrape it off to reveal the real me.
If you've made it through that massive wall of text, I both applaud you and thank you. Today I'm admitting that I'm weak. Tomorrow I hope I'll be a little stronger. And eventually I hope to be the true version of myself that I haven't been since I was an uncorrupted kid. I'm hoping everyone in this community can help me. So thank you in advance.
Best to all of you,
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