Level Up: Game Free Day 75 (New Record!)
I'm supposed to be doing homework right now, but I didn't feel quite ready for it, so I figured this was as healthy a distraction as I could do
I've got one week left of this hell schedule in school. I'll be passing all of my classes with flying colors, but I might not end up with a 4.0 like I wanted to (perfect grades in the American system). However, I will be just shy of a perfect run, and I'll definitely end up on the President's List for my school. I'm not sure if other places have that, but the President's List is better than the Dean's List! So school has been exhausting, stressful, hard on my family, and has prevented me from doing anything remotely artistic in the last 4 weeks, but I'm almost done!
Also, this set of classes has been going very well for me regarding a business that I'm establishing. I've gotten two different teachers to allow me to use my class time to build up my business. I'll hopefully get a chance to present that business to the higher ups in my University tomorrow or on Tuesday, and I'll be competing in a school wide project contest on Friday. I'm not sure if anyone's ever presented a startup business in that contest, so it should be rather fun.
My next set of classes should be MUCH better. Instead of 11 hours, I'll have between 4-6 hours of classes after I test out of a basic math credit I don't have yet. Hallelujah! With that kind of a schedule, I can actually get a part time job in the morning, I can write my book, I can work on art projects, and I can unpack the house. It should be great.
I've had an unexpected reaction to my detox on gaming lately. I haven't broken my streak, and I know I won't before I'm done with my 90. It might be because of the high amounts of stress in my life with the 11 sucky schoolness, but I've been craving games more as I go on, not less. However, I'm at a point where I can converse with myself about my cravings and work through them instead of just giving into them and behaving like an addicted robot.
The more I think about it, the more I think I'm going to re-introduce gaming into my life when my detox is done. However, I've grown very fond of being productive and having a good and accomplished life. Therefore, gaming doesn't get to be a major point in my life, it gets to be a sometimes entertainment and relaxation venue. It gets to be a planned and timed event with friends who want to hang out without the need to travel. I used to do some League of Legends with a group of older guys on Saturday mornings before our wives and kids woke up for the day. I want to do that once again.
This detox process has taught my a few things. I know how to prioritize things and do the most important ones first. I know how to take pleasure in learning again, which is something I haven't felt since I was a child. I know how to look at a challenge and feel excited about tackling it, instead of retracting into the shadows and hope it goes away. I know how to long for moments where I can use my free time to be productive on a project that I want to do, instead of defaulting any free time to screen-based entertainment. I know how to take pleasure in board games with my wife, daughter, friends, and family. I know how to be happy with myself, and to have confidence in who I am and what I can accomplish. I know how to be happy.
With all of that said, not having games in my life has been an incredible journey and process. I've learned more about myself in these last 75 days than any other point in my life. I also know, however, that I am strong enough to handle anything that comes into my life. I know how to control myself. And I know that I classify myself as a binging addict, not a gaming addict. My former gaming addiction was just because my binging took the form of games for many years. I have a side of myself that is really good at being obsessive over one thing at a time. Currently it's school. After school, it will likely be running my business. I've learned that when I control my bingeness and direct it into a productive direction then the rest of the things in my life can be used in a touch-and-go/need be basis. Having a drink every once in a while, masturbating, watching a show, eating ice cream, and gaming won't be a problem for me anymore. When I allow myself to do those things (except gaming... haven't done that yet), I enjoy them for the intended purpose and the tendency to repeat them into addiction no longer penetrates my defenses. It's like I have a "That was nice, now let's move on," relationship with them now.
I'm excited to complete my journey and re-introduce games back into my life in a healthy way. As a computer scientist, it's a part of my culture that I'll never be able to escape, so I might as well create a strong and healthy relationship with gaming. Also, as a storyteller and story lover, I can't ignore that there are some games that have an AMAZING amount of story potential that I won't find anywhere else. To this day, some of my favorite stories have come from games, and it wouldn't have been the same if I just read the plot.
At this point, I might be rambling, but that's where I'm at, and it's where I intend to go. My wife's supporting my decision, and so is one of my school representatives who's been going through this whole thing with me. And I didn't even have to convince either of them of my plan, I just told them what I was thinking and why I was thinking it, and they both agreed that creating a healthy relationship was better for me than staying cold turkey forever.
Anyways, I need to get to my homework now, and anything else I try to say will be tangential most likely. Hopefully I can make a new post in a few days when my school is done. Thanks for everything to those that read this. I know I haven't been super active lately (stupid school), but I still appreciate the support I get from everyone on here. Peace out! Bring it on homework! RAHHH!!