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  1. Today
  2. I think it all depends on this: Do you want to feel better and do better? Do you think you have an issue or is your life good just like it is?
  3. It's interesting that you actually had the opposite problem most people I have. I've never done it before I go to bed but I can imagine it impacting my sleep quite dramatically. I'd highly recommend meditating in the morning, especially before work. It gives you a great sense of clarity and focus, which really helps me to be productive and get into the right mindset to start the day. I was in the same boat, and I think I tried to do too much when I started meditating, which made me get frustrated when I couldn't meditate for a long time and became impatient. Should definitely be a part of your future daily routine, even if you just do it for 5 minutes. Did you notice any benefits from it? And do you think you'll try it again in the future?
  4. Day 5 - 14th June # of days free from: Gaming - 7 Reddit - 7 Twitch - 2 Still no urges. Spent more time with my family which helped. (The ideal schedule for me is 10:30 pm - 6 am) The time I woke up: 8:30am The time I went to bed the night before: 11:30pm Almost first thing in the morning my mum and I went to go and help my cousin move into their new flat. The whole family was helping, doing trips back and forth in the car while a few of us stayed at the flat to unload and take things up 4 flights of stairs. Was a great start to the day, and only took a couple of hours, but it felt good to be active and helpful. I was fasting from roughly 8pm the day before to 1:30pm in the afternoon, so it was a great activity to work up an appetite. I also bought a load of clothes for my holiday to Turkey next week. However, I really don't like supporting "fast" industries such as fashion, especially when I'm able to buy a t-shirt for 1 freaking pound. £1!!! How is that even possible, it baffles me. Regardless, I definitely didn't feel happy about buying it but I was desperate for clothes, that's what I get for living in a country that sees about 2 days of sunshine every year. The rest of the day I did a bit of work and watched some films with my parents. We watched The Dark Knight and Shutter Island, both of which I'd seen before, I just wanted to see my mum's reaction to the films. She loves movies with twists. Tomorrow it's father's day, and I think my dad and I will be playing golf which I'm really looking forward to. Peace.
  5. Days 33-45: I survived what remains the MOST for spring term and again no gaming for me... at around halfway to 90 days, I am done with school so I can have a nice aloha for the rest of the afternoon since finals in the first half is okay and the other half feels rushed. I felt pampered for hours being in the park outside. Fun! 🍍🍍🍍🍍 We played "relay" games after late lunch and heard the testimonies of three people before they get baptized. One of them used to be a game addict, the other had pain in the back while having the rough period of life, and another used to be angry. Now they had decided to believe on the Lord Jesus through the vows of saying "I do." We laid the hands on them in prayer and they go into the lake while the kids aren't being aware of what is happening without knowing what kinds of wrongdoing they will bear if the "buried sins" affect the young swimmers in the distance (it might be a few at a time, but I am not too sure). I don't want them to have a bad influence, but I hope they'll follow my example of discernment between right and wrong. After the baptism ceremony, I waited to see if I can have arrangements for a way back. My dad picked me up and I took the bus home. What a long day... Day 46: I am done with The Remnant! I am all caught up for now and had spent time with family. It is a nice, relaxing day to be at home all day. No outing. Wah-wah... I am doing my research for my personal retreat now since it is an impossible mountain I could overcome. Unexpectedly, I saw my sister play Pokemon X and Y on her laptop. It is so painful to watch, I keep having flashbacks to the days of Pokemon Black and White back in early high school (c. 2010-12) while bingereading the entire Percy Jackson OG series (2005-09). I reminiscence all the nostalgia from seven years ago as a 16-year old bookworm while The Broke and the Bookish (I've encountered it a year later) was still running at the time. Now it came to pass that I was graduating from college in six days, this will be three times longer than I did during the day before and the day of my high school graduation in 2014 (see, that is respectively June 12 and 13).
  6. Day 76. Habits completed counter: 54 I am feeling that the momentum, of positive action, is starting to push me forward on its own, and not so much willpower is needed as before. And the feeling of accomplishment is even greater. It feels great to embody, at least partially, your own ideal. That was interesting. Right now, after writing that I realized how sneaky this addicted personality is, lol. This diary is very useful to catch rouge thoughts before they poison the rest of the mind 🙂 I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.
  7. Because I did found them to be harmless as a child. With experience, it usually takes time to become more addictively quicker than you used to, so you get sucked into your own comfort zone. Then what happens? You get more and more isolated from family and friends. All the sudden, you are like a lone wolf who is up from 5pm to 7am. You are wasting your time just being lazy, so you think what am I gonna do with my life right now. You'll end up being more naturally responsible for the real world in the end. Over the same need of addiction as a child, it is really nothing in general but TV and Hollywood movies is something we - the 2000s kids - all grew up watching before streaming services and social media. Besides gaming, I go web surfing and I still do websurf as an adult. Remember #somuchinfosolittletime.
  8. Yes, I tried meditating for health class back in 11th grade and playing instruments don't count due to noise. Reading counts as a part of the meditation, so does journaling. The trial lasted for 21 days due to one person from TedEd Talks.
  9. Day One I have been delaying fully starting this program, playing "Detroit: Become Human" and wasting a ridiculous amount of hours and causing my sleep schedule to become that of a drunkard. Today I got the book printed out and read the first chapter and have completed the worksheets and will continue this process throughout next week. Once the book is concluded, I intend on doing the 90 day detox and getting my life back on the track that it ought to be on. I am worried and scared of failure and relapse, but hopeful for the future and the fulfillment that it may very well bring.
  10. indyc

    Hi

    Thanks everyone for your replies (I wasn't expecting there to be any, so this is a pleasant surprise)! I hope to succeed in this and I will do my best. I want to live a better life than my sims (or at the very least as productive). All the advice is appreciated. Thank You 🙂
  11. Yeah, if you feel like moderating, you can try it. But i've heard repeatedly it doesn't work and didn't work for me. I managed to go two weeks before slipping back into it. I've tried systems where I reward myself with it (Pomodoro), restricted myself to 'friends only' and 'weekends only'. Try it yourself and you'll at least learn more about yourself. Everyone's journey is different. Getting back into quitting is the hardest step imo. That probs applies to most addictions. A half hearted attempt at quitting anything doesn't work either. One relapse for me will set me into it for a few weeks. Some people relapse and can't stop for a few months. There's no advice here about moderating. The best thing you can do is give it all you got and go cold turkey. Nobody knows if they'll go back to gaming, but 'taking a break' for 90 days helps you understand and learn more about it. Some people do go back to gaming in a healthy way too (That definition is individual based). If there was moderation, everyone would do it. Those that did go back in a healthy way, spent time away from it first to develop new, better habits. Edit: Grammar/Spelling
  12. Welcome fellow game quitter!
  13. Hello, I've been playing games on an abnormal level since age 6, I have ADHD and Asperger's syndrome. I've had ongoing problems with games, especially in high school. Had a really bad experience at school and retreated back to playing games and just dropped out. I disconnected from all my friends and family. At age 21 I'm still having issues with self-control to do with games and screen time, I never sleep well at night. I've gone through periods where I have completely given up games but I am struggling to keep consistent with it. I currently at this time don't have friends that I can hang out with. Honestly, I find people boring, that needs to change. Thanks Doshiewa.
  14. Day 48 (48 day streak) 100% gaming and gaming-content free. I'm starting to get really surprised I haven't relapsed. I'm so grateful right now for the freedom that I'm starting to experience. My parents are in town today, I wasn't sure if I was going out after they went to bed, but it sounds like the want to meet for an early breakfast before they leave, so I'm going to stay in. Today was actually a really enjoyable day with my parents. A dual Mother's/Father's day, and they both really liked their gifts. Went for a small walk and played some cards in between restaurants. We haven't fought. I'm content. I started reading The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Dr. Nathaniel Branden per @fawn_xoxo's recommendations, and I've been enjoying it so far. I haven't gotten too far into it but I've never really considered my own self-esteem before besides the fact that it has usually been pretty low. I definitely never considered the ramifications of self-esteem leading to self-fulfilling prophecies, nor did I consider self-esteem as a measure of self-competency, the ability to assert one's needs, and the ability to feel like a loveable person. I honestly just thought of self-esteem as how one thought about themselves. Consequently, I had a few moments today where I noticed the thoughts in my head and how they related to the low self-esteem I have. I've been trying to act as someone with high-self esteem in these moments, and uh, I'm acting quite a bit differently. I'm going to keep trying this for a bit and see what happens, especially as I keep reading the book Buenas noches.
  15. Day 9 | Focus: 85% | Pomodoros: 23 + CGAA Woke up with bad allergy, but because my rommate was going out to study, I also left the house with him. Procrastinated a bit in the office at start, but after the first few hours, I got into such sick flow that I could not stop myself from producing. It's now 4am in the night and I'm leaving the office, still excited and barely even tired lol. My sponsor gave me homework to write out my thoughts about step 1, maybe I'll do it tomorrow cause I REALLY need to go to bed ASAP.
  16. Yesterday
  17. Day 83 15.06.19 Gratitude journal Today I am grateful for refreshed like always after an exam. Today I am grateful for the great weather I could enjoy in full strides today. One amazing thing that happened/I did today 1) did sleep really bad and short before the exam but now I have so many action plans against such short time problems that I knew exactly what I had to do 2) had a crazy gym session we went there for a short training in the evening and just did not stop it felt so great to pulverise your own training records^^ Workout/run 2,5h in gym (it was humid, it was hardcore and nobody wanted to stop training ^^) more than 24k steps Meditation 23min in the morning Visualisation and daily affirmation a bit of visualisation today and affirmation to fight against the sleepiness in the morning Reading (4+hours of studying for the next exam today) the day was packed the time for spanish will be tomorrow , studied for between around 3 hours before the exam and prepared a bit afterwards for the next one my wake-up time between 5 and 6 o'clock (the humidity and heat results in my personal sleeping horror so far this year) Weekly Goal(s) start waking up at 6:30am again, study at between 5 and 8hours per day, have at least 2 perfect days in a row, get my weight under 80kg, write a great exam! Monthly Goal to study at least 4 hours a day (or as average over the weeks), be more grateful for everything in life, find the joy of living in the moment, think hard about my values and what kind of person I want to be, find ways to avoid falling back to old habits in times of boredom 3 Month Goal getting my degree or getting it nearly done so that at least at the end of July I have it in my hands, having a really productive life, living my life so that I am proud of it What went well today: (NF:0/NW:0/NS:4) studied a bit before the exam, wrote my exam rewarded myself with a great lunch and a great beer afterwards did a lot of miscelaneous small tasks I had no time so far this week and had a crazy gym sessions (I think I had a completely different mindset namely giving my fullest with every excersice there today and it felt fantastic) What I could have done to make my day better maybe I could have started already with studying for the next exam and doing a bit spanish and Tai-chi I promised myself yesterday but today I just enjoyed the day and was satisfied with myself^^ What I will do differently tomorrow/What I have planned for tomorrow: sleep till my body says it is enough, try to meditate for 30min, do some spanish and tai-chi, go to the gym again, start studying for the next exam a few hours to get a feeling what to learn Weekly summary, thoughts and improvements for the future -----
  18. I was telling myself that I was gonna stop, that it was over and that it was getting in the way of what matters most. yesterday i played everquest for 12 hours I would tell myself the exact same things ive been telling myself for years. I just cant enact it. And i accomplish JUST enough to feel that i can skate by and that it doesnt really matter if i waste all my time. Sad.
  19. An update of some sort? I think I went back to gaming a day after my previous post, and I've been playing PoE nearly every day since then. Can't say I didn't enjoy it. Nearly every day, because once or twice a week I have a day where I feel so down that I don't want to get off my bed, take care of myself, my appetite goes down... Then I don't even log in. But other than that, in my free time I either play or browse shit on my phone. Still not hanging out with anyone or going anywhere on my own. The smell of a summer evening is awesome, wow. Why am I writing? I... feel lost. Have been feeling lost. No interest in exploring new things, meeting people has been a chore lately... What's left for me to do? Once I finish highschool, what will I do with myself? Probably not play for a living. But nothing else interests me. Would I quit now? No, my motivation is not here. Really, nothing I ever do will matter in the end. For some people that means freedom, for me only more misery. I mean, it's not the end yet, but this doesn't make me feel better. Is feeling good the only goal for me? And I don't even achieve that. I don't remember how it feels to be fulfilled. Another stupid thing that was bothering me when I was posting is my ratio of reputation to posts. It's around 1:4, which I was finding low. Yea, another dick size contest, whoever has the most reputation wins, I must have better rep. But I found it hard to post on other people's journals, because I couldn't relate to them much, and I'm not good at giving support. Does that make me a less worthy member, since I'm not supporting others well enough? Am I too selfish to deserve help? Summer vacation is about to start, so for me it's yet again two months of isolation. I take it. I'm not even motivated to make some money in that time. I've been thinking about visiting a psychiatrist/psychologist, but only on "those" days, because the next day I'm usually better and I forget everything. Or when I feel down for a few days in a row, I try to endure/I don't have enough motivation to seek some help. Random people from internet who say "Whoever is reading this, I hope you have a nice day" or "I care for you, even though I don't know you" don't cut it for me. I don't believe them. My self esteem is still in the dumpster, my cognitive abilities are definitely lowered. So yea, that's my update/cry for help. I don't know how much longer I can stand being in this state.
  20. I do, 29 years old. I play professionally but still have been in the grasp of gaming addiction for the entirety of my life. I resolve to quit constantly, get angry at it potentially holding me back etc. A lot of times, out of guilt, i would forcfily combine games and practice, like only playing games that required little interaction so i could practice the whole time. Everquest, Rimworld etc. This isnt an effective method tho and leads to unhappiness. I have spent nights playing for NATIONAL acts, some havve millions of followers. I would go home and fucking play everquest till 5 am. It makes no sense. Heres my most recent production https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=grand+visions+featuring+kehinde&view=detail&mid=853F515E74E92FF5D0A7853F515E74E92FF5D0A7&FORM=VIRE and https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=i+wont+let+you+down+daniel+cronson&view=detail&mid=ACC4EE68A509FBA51710ACC4EE68A509FBA51710&FORM=VIRE I just want to have the life i see all these other artists on instagram getting. They travel, get endorsed, get to tour, get to make real memories on the road. And im at home going "fuck it, no one will ever care abt my music,im gonna level my SK and forget the world" its hard man. I still dont believe the world will give me a shot even tho im good. They just dont care. Being an artist stop being novel forever ago, unless youre some hollywood created machination like eilish or grande or whatever with PREFABRICATED bullshit song titles that hook into todays youth like "wish you were gay" and all this other awful shit, grandes song etc all about how "next" and "i want it i got it" culture... makes me SICK. No one gives a FUCK about my original music. All they wanna see if fucking american idol and the voice and theyre all obsessed with hollywood and being famous, its the worst. I hate vapidity, i hate the industry that this BEAUTIFUL instrument is tied to inextricably. And i am FORCED to take part in this charade,this fame game. This numbers game. Followers, likes, shares, verification. it makes me want to kill myself. Watch that video, am I not good, am i not at least worthy to travel and play music and continue honing my skills? i have been denied every time for verification. I Know i could hit the road tomorrow and do such a great job, be a great touring artist. but the world WONT give me reciprocation. I get barely anything back. I scratch a living out doing street performing and playing in unknown restaurants and bars. No one cars and no one ever will it seems, regardless of my mastery or skill. may as well just give the fuck up and play EQ , tis been years of this struggle. I identify 100% that I game because i want to escape this reality. The reality where i've been DENIED by the keyholders, The platform owners. The people that with a stroke of a key, and a stupid little blue verrify badge, can choose to either send you on a life long career of fulfillment, or deny you and you flounder in obscurity forever. Its like a big brother saying "kid, youre not good enough, youre not ready" when i KNOW that i am. I wouldnt be able to go out on the street and walk away with a PILE of cash and business cards if i wasnt good. Kills me man. Fuck everything. Edit: sorry if this comes off really angry but its just the truth and I cant lie abt it. I hate so much of it. its why i crumple in on myself and just play video games. its so aggravating releasing something GOOD, like legitimately good. and just getting NOTHING back. Whats the point? all the views, all the comments/reactiosn w/e, i had to promote and pay for ALL of that basically. if i had posted with no promo ($$$) it would have been crickets. no one cares, why would they. No one cares. Not even me anymore. And thats the real tragedy
  21. ketias

    Attempt #2

    Damit!!! i hate myself at times...... I was so sure i learned from my previous mistake. 3 weeks i made it with few urges..... searched for something work related on google.....fell over another news post..... a link.....ended up on a twitch stream for Elder scrolls online.... closed it down and got some dinner. next morning i had played 9 hours of the damn game.... right back where i started. GRRRRRR...... and now its been daily for 2 weeks. Why must i fail every time i'm close to a month, its like a i lag the energy to start doing something else for to long and end up dropping back to gaming again.
  22. Day 10 and 11 So day 10 started very good, i was outside a lot and rode my bicycle for 1 hour and walked a around a lake and in the woods for 3 hours. But then when i came home i started to "work" on my computer, researching for a new browser and finding Tor Browser, changing passwords on a lot of different sites i use, making sure every password was different and long, changing my email address to a new one and registered my new email to a lot of sites i use/have used. And i deleted my psn account or i changed my name,address,psn name etc. to something like: sfdsepoakef, since i apparently could not delete it. (I could maybe call them but i do not want to do that.. i it so hard to let us delete our account ouerself if we want, or have a email to contact/online chat....) All this may sound okey, i secured myself more online and got rid of a another game related account. But i think i came home around 22:00 and "worked" on my computer all night from 23:00 to 09:00, that's 10 hours.... what?...was it really that long... it was at least 8 hours.. Anyway i remember thinking around 5 in the night that i should just stay ut the whole next day and getting to bed the next night, well i did not do that and went to bed after i was finished with my computer and woke up around 15:30 on day 11. ( If you are curious to know, i am currently sick from work and that's why "it did not matter when i went to bed" ) I was feeling shitty all day and my memory is kind of hazy from that day, i watched a movie and the usual stuff, eating, taking a shower ect. and went to bed early. Day 12 So i think the last two days have something to do with my 90 day detox, first it was the way i wanted exercising and being outside more and then the complete opposite with hours on the computer and inside all day the next day. So what do i take away from this? what am i telling myself? i am more vulnerable than i think i was, video games took up more of my thinking than i thought, and since i "could not" play, read about or watch videos about games i found another outlet. I had more urges today to search for video game news and i was very close but i wrote this diary entry instead. If i watch video game news/ videos and dont control myself, i get carried away and consume more than i want and that leeds to even more desire to buy new games. but other than that i am back where i was before day 10, i went outside on a small bicycle trip and read a little bit in the Existentialist philosophy book i borrowed from the library. Having a little difficulty finding a replacement to video games at the moment and am a little more tiered than when i started the 90 day detox ( i got more tiered around day 7 i think ) i have been thinking about some activities to do like: exercising in the gym, walking/riding my bicycle, learning kendama, learning an instrument, reading more. But what about when i don't want to do that and when i am at home bored, i have cut down my youtube use and am contemplating to stop using it completely with one exception, only watch video on youtube to learn a specific topic that i can use practically like learning kendama tricks or learning to play new notes on guitar ect. I did leave Netflix and HBO and go over to Mubi, because the former have to much content ( same with Youtube ) and i find myself going into those services to watch just because i am bored and want to do something, anything. I think that restrictions can be an extremely healthy and good thing for everybody and i think if i manage to restrict my movie/ tv-series consumption to Mubi, the movies i own on blu-ray, the cinema and the library then i am hoping that it will pressure me to be more active and not sit in front of a screen to much. Same goes for Video games, if i can stick to my goal (after the 90 days detox) that i can only play 3 video games in a year, i am still a little lenient on the number, maybe its more realistic to set a hard stop at maybe 8 games? NO...okey i will set my hard stop number at 5 games a year. Anyway if i stick to my restriction then i know that that is all i can play and there is nothing more, and i am hoping that i will change my mindset before i start to play again from thinking/feeling that i "have to play something all the time" to playing a game on and off for a month and taking a break for 4 months not thinking about video games and doing other stuff, and then maybe looking for a game to play on one day and if i do not find something that i want to play then forget about games and continuing to do other stuff for several more months. The key here is that i want to still play video games but make it an occasional activity that i do a few times a year and while i don't play i want to not be caught up in thinking about games every day.
  23. I can guarantee you that if you're struggling, moderating is not going to work. If you haven't tried it, you can try it just to see how pointless it is. I've been seriously fighting my addiction for 1.5 years. The longest I've gone without gaming was about 2 months, so I can very much relate. For me, there is no "giving up". Not in some honorable, poetic Rocky Balboa sense. But in the sense that, there literally is no other option. I will either be clean and mentally strong OR a miserable low self-esteem useless clump of DNA material. It's either fight or die, thus I keep fighting. That being said, you must recognize what is working and what is not working. I knew I had to really bring out big guns because I cannot trust my brain at any point, no matter how good I might feel. So I'm going to CGAA meetings EVERY day, I gave up my comfort zone of hiding by getting a roommate and many other things. It's about how serious are and what you're willing to do to quit.
  24. Vera

    Moving on

    My mood is fluctuating a lot. I seem to feel better for a couple of days and then it goes downhill. I haven't recognized a pattern yet, I tend to blame lack of sleep and general loneliness, but I've been alone for such a long time I got used to it. Better go to sleep and get myself busy, do something useful.
  25. I will check into Jordan Peterson, see if he teaches anything interesting. You are on the right track with your thinking, but it is missing a few things. Law was given to help reveal that there is a problem with the human race. At the same time, the law doesn't save you, but it just let you know something evil is brewing in the heart. "What then shall we say? That the law is sin? By no means! Yet if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, “You shall not covet.” -Romans 7:7 ESV "being responsible and sacrificing present for the future and thus having a good life" An all powerful eternal God who lives outside of our universe, yet the universe and everything in it is sustained by this God to exist. He would be the owner of our known world and universe. It would be his Kingdom, his property, like a country using power to project sovereignty, He is sovereign over all he owns. As Mom would say "as long as you are under my roof, you live by my rules". Humanity is a broken and fallen creation so we can't keep the rules even if we want to. At some point this eternal God, being a just judge will bring all evil into judgement, and that is what we want to be spared from. Not just a prison sentence that we lose a few years. We have an eternal spirit that will be punished for that time frame, eternity. Scriptures call it the second death. Thankfully the owner and lord of the world we live in prepared a way to help spare some of us from this coming judgement, the coming second death. He manifest and sent his son into the world to fulfill what the human race has been unable to fulfill. His son died as a substitute for those who would believe. To take our death penalty on himself, and gives us reconciliation with the eternal God who owns this world and it's future. Live out the rest of your life in communion and being loved by God. Those who believe become adopted sons or daughters into his eternal family. I hope that gives clarity of the Christian view of things.
  26. IMPORTANT AND URGENT: NONE - just "return work and party" for ASL, 1 more vocal lesson, and a chamber concert (all happening on Monday) IMPORTANT BUT NOT URGENT: 100 Days of Thanks (95% complete), The Science of the Christian Life (65% complete and will update today after taking notes from SATM (Summer at the Movies) Part 1), Project Exodus (1/8 complete), and my 52-week Bible reading plan (will continue by tomorrow starting with week 37) URGENT BUT NOT IMPORTANT: my 5.5-year old blog NEITHER IMPORTANT NOR URGENT: Time Bomb: an old-school fanfic from 2013-14 (will work more on chapter 21 after the detox period sometime during the gap year) Bookish Update Time: The Remnant by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins (Left Behind, #13 in chronological order) (What chapter am I on now? Chapter 20 - in just 40 pages, I need a break after I am finished with this volume, so I can catch up with Saga starting today.)
  27. There's no easy way. We want everything fast as possible with little price. All motivation and other bullshit summarized in one sentence: Do. Or do not. Less reading about topic of interest. More trying to build experience. Easy things but hard to master.
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