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What's the biggest issues you're struggling with right now?


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Hey everyone!

I'm looking for some ways that I can better serve this community, and I thought what greater way than to find out what you're struggling with right now and seeing if I can help.

If it's more personal you can send me a DM, and feel free to contribute to other comments in the discussion!

 

Looking forward to hearing from you all.

 

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I don't know if or how you can help with this, but nobody else has replied, so...

I really, really do not like my supervisor. In fact, I have a trauma response to him because he reminds of my dad, who physically and emotionally abused me, my sisters, and my mom. I have asked for a new supervisor and was just given additional subsidiary supervisors, but he is still my supervisor "on paper;" i.e., still the person I ultimately report to.

I can provide some details about the things I don't like about him if that would help. I have given him feedback about the things that bother me and nothing has changed. So I'm just not sure what to do besides lean on the subsidiary supervisors, which has been helping.

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One of the things I am struggling with right now is having more time in this pandemic staying at home which is creating a low of spare time for me. I just cannot use my spare time wisely and keep wanting to play video games.

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14 hours ago, codepants said:

I don't know if or how you can help with this, but nobody else has replied, so...

I really, really do not like my supervisor. In fact, I have a trauma response to him because he reminds of my dad, who physically and emotionally abused me, my sisters, and my mom. I have asked for a new supervisor and was just given additional subsidiary supervisors, but he is still my supervisor "on paper;" i.e., still the person I ultimately report to.

I can provide some details about the things I don't like about him if that would help. I have given him feedback about the things that bother me and nothing has changed. So I'm just not sure what to do besides lean on the subsidiary supervisors, which has been helping.

Not sure there's a lot I can help with this, I'm sorry. Is there no one you can talk to about changing it? Or even figuring out what the next steps would be to getting it sorted out?

 

13 hours ago, Hai said:

One of the things I am struggling with right now is having more time in this pandemic staying at home which is creating a low of spare time for me. I just cannot use my spare time wisely and keep wanting to play video games.

This has been tricky for a lot of people, and depending on the severity of the lockdown it can be tough. I'd recommend reading my reply to royal panda below about values, and then trying to structure your time accordingly. Get creative, and be imaginative with what you have availability. It's difficult but try to think about how a kid would react. They wouldn't get bored, there's so much opportunity everywhere you look.

It's the perfect time to start new hobbies and learn new skills, and developing the discipline can be hard I know, but for me the thought of getting through this pandemic and regretting all the free time I had is too much and gets me moving again.

I used to tell myself that I couldn't do X or Y because I didn't have enough time. And then, when I did have enough time I still didn't do them. Funny how that works 😅 I eventually got over this, although not until I devoted myself to learning a skill that I could turn into something (in my case digital marketing), but it's interesting how the human mind works.

Also, about the cravings. Did you suffer from them even when you weren't stuck at home? If so, it might be worth reflecting and really evaluating why you have this problem.

 

12 hours ago, royal panda said:

One thing I'm struggling with is using my phone. Like i can set up my day and follow through with it, but once i finish my list i resort to my phone, and just waste time I'm not sure what to add to my schedule to have less time to use it.

What does setting up your day look like? Is there a way to expand the list further and schedule activities throughout the entire day? And then, you could also set up failsafe options. For example, your list might end at 4pm, and then say "if I'm bored and want to look at my phone I'm going to do X" where X might be go for a walk, call a friend, pick up a book or something else.

Another way to look at it. Is being on your phone something you want to avoid? If so, think about what kind of person you want to be in the future. If this person isn't always looking at their phone, what are they doing instead? Learning about history? Reading novels? Coding? Learning to cook?

Whenever I get into a place like that I remind myself of these things and try to re-align myself with my core values. If you need help doing this to begin with send me a DM and I'll happily guide you through it 😄

 

11 hours ago, dasvira said:

Internet surfing for sure.

Anything in particular that brings this on? Is it a lack of activities and hobbies, no motivation to do anything else, giving in to distractions and losing hours into thin air?

Try to work backwards from the moment you go on the internet and surf. What triggers that first action?

the habit loop

Image from an article I wrote for Game Quitters last year on How to Stop Wasting Time on Reddit  (Yes I drew it myself, and what?)

You need to interrupt the loop just before the trigger. If you can stop the trigger before it happens, and then force yourself to take productive and meaningful distraction, with enough practice you'll eventually find yourself acting on the urge less and less.

The other thing to do is ensure you have a sense of purpose, and aren't just floating through each day in limbo. Not enough space here to talk about it, but I like I said to royal panda, DM me if that's something you're interested in.

 

6 hours ago, Kombat749 said:

Dreams stuck on gaming

 

Dreams are always interesting. I don't have a single craving to play games, no desire, urges, anything. Yet I still have the occasional dream. They're natural, and generally nothing to worry about because they'll likely get better over time.

That being said, it's important to do a few things:

  1. Do what you can to avoid anything gaming related - music, Twitch, subreddits, social media, videos etc.
  2. Don't give in to distractions - you need to stay discipline and avoid anything that might be classed as instant gratification
  3. Keep going - eventually dreams will lessen over time. If you're new to quitting or struggled on and off it's going to take more time than someone that has been quitting for 5 years.
  4. Understand that gaming gives you no benefits - just because you're dreaming about them doesn't mean they're good. It's your brains way of trying to get you to go back because it wants nothing more than to feast on that huge slab of dopamine. Use this as an opportunity to remind yourself that gaming is behind you, and despite these dreams you're not going to give in and go back to the life before.

 

 

Thanks so much for the comments!

I've done my best to answer these in the limited time I have, but I'll see if I can record some YouTube videos about them in more detail. If you have any more feel free to let me know, and if there's anything else you need help with send me a DM. I love helping people figure out their mission, gain clarity, and start making improvements to level up their life.

Take care & stay strong.

 

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Deciding whether or not I should quit cold turkey or allow a limit. On the one hand, the game allows me to stay connected to some of my classmates during a time when I can't normally see them. I actually wasn't playing games all that much before the pandemic, but these unique circumstances changed that, and I'm trying to reverse it. On the other hand, I've noticed many of my goals suffering because I had just been allowing myself to play whenever I felt like I needed a stress reliever, a reward after working hard, etc. (you can see how that can eventually equate to unmoderated hours of play)

 

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Thank You Man! It does take a lot of time to read these posts and even longer to reply. But it seems you are dedicated to helping us. Your tips, though they may be obvious or non obvious, they are like a push, keeping us the battle a little longer.
I truly cannot thank you enough man!

@James Good

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On 11/23/2020 at 9:16 PM, FDRx7 said:

Deciding whether or not I should quit cold turkey or allow a limit. On the one hand, the game allows me to stay connected to some of my classmates during a time when I can't normally see them. I actually wasn't playing games all that much before the pandemic, but these unique circumstances changed that, and I'm trying to reverse it. On the other hand, I've noticed many of my goals suffering because I had just been allowing myself to play whenever I felt like I needed a stress reliever, a reward after working hard, etc. (you can see how that can eventually equate to unmoderated hours of play)

 

I used to tell myself that I wanted to moderate my gaming use. It wasn't until 5 or 6 years into my journey that I realized it was impossible for me to become who I wanted to be if I was still gaming.

To get to this point you have to evaluate a few things:

  • are you addicted?
  • what benefits you're getting from gaming, if any
  • where do you want to be in 3 years and is gaming a part of that?
  • how much of a negative impact gaming is having on your life right now?

I'd also recommend watching the video I posted recently about moderating, it might help clarify a few things:

 

 

11 hours ago, Kombat749 said:

Thank You Man! It does take a lot of time to read these posts and even longer to reply. But it seems you are dedicated to helping us. Your tips, though they may be obvious or non obvious, they are like a push, keeping us the battle a little longer.
I truly cannot thank you enough man!

@James Good

Thank you! Messages like this really mean a lot to me, I appreciate it so much.

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7 hours ago, James Good said:

I used to tell myself that I wanted to moderate my gaming use. It wasn't until 5 or 6 years into my journey that I realized it was impossible for me to become who I wanted to be if I was still gaming.

To get to this point you have to evaluate a few things:

  • are you addicted?
  • what benefits you're getting from gaming, if any
  • where do you want to be in 3 years and is gaming a part of that?
  • how much of a negative impact gaming is having on your life right now?

I'd also recommend watching the video I posted recently about moderating, it might help clarify a few things:

 

Thank you very much for this. I think this helped clarify things. Even if I find I'm not a true addict, I think asking the question of, "Does this benefit me and my long term goals?" is really important. I would say currently it is not and is only acting as an escape, which is why I want to stop doing it. I actually fired up a game today and then instantly thought how pointless my achievements in it would be if I continued and shut the game off. Very interesting moment

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14 hours ago, FDRx7 said:

Thank you very much for this. I think this helped clarify things. Even if I find I'm not a true addict, I think asking the question of, "Does this benefit me and my long term goals?" is really important. I would say currently it is not and is only acting as an escape, which is why I want to stop doing it. I actually fired up a game today and then instantly thought how pointless my achievements in it would be if I continued and shut the game off. Very interesting moment

That's huge! Congrats 😄 What caused you to open the game in the first place?

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6 hours ago, James Good said:

That's huge! Congrats 😄 What caused you to open the game in the first place?

Haha well it's kind of dangerous, but I felt like it wasn't adding anything to my life and I wanted to open the game and see if I still felt the same way. I know that's flirting with danger there, but I was right. I just ran around for a few minutes and then thought, "Why?" and I closed it. I feel like I needed the confirmation in some way. I still feel the urge sometimes to play when my mind is bored or I feel I need a break but, I have other activities planned for those times and I also know that when I open it, it won't actually fulfill the need I have to rest.

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On 11/22/2020 at 5:49 PM, codepants said:

I don't know if or how you can help with this, but nobody else has replied, so...

I really, really do not like my supervisor. In fact, I have a trauma response to him because he reminds of my dad, who physically and emotionally abused me, my sisters, and my mom. I have asked for a new supervisor and was just given additional subsidiary supervisors, but he is still my supervisor "on paper;" i.e., still the person I ultimately report to.

I can provide some details about the things I don't like about him if that would help. I have given him feedback about the things that bother me and nothing has changed. So I'm just not sure what to do besides lean on the subsidiary supervisors, which has been helping.

I've had a situation like this before. First, you did the right thing in recognizing that they're similar to your father and rationalizing your emotions. Second, you did the right thing communicating issues to them and asking for new supervisors. 

Now, if I were in your situation I would continue to collect evidence of his behavior not changing whether it's emails or just tasks on specific projects, etc. Then I would eventually go to human resources or upper management to discuss the issue. 

But...

Before you do this, how detrimental is his behavior to your work situation? Is it an every day instance of him ruining your life? Is he ruining your work experience completely? Are you comfortable at your job? Do you dread your job? Does this emotion play into you wanting to stay up later at night and play video games and avoid work the next day? Are you becoming depressed because of this? Are you able to find a new job one day or are you in a career field where jobs are currently scarce and you need this desperately because not many other positions are available?

Think about this before doing it. If you have a toxic workplace you could face some potential conflict from complaining. If not, I would complain. I would also think about how you talked to him and others before about his actions. Did you do it the right way? I wouldn't post it online here to avoid losing anonymity, but I just want you to consider that. My video game addiction grew severe once I hated my old job and I just didn't want to go anymore. So if this is becoming an issue you need to change it. There are millions of jobs in the world. One isn't worth suffering over.

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@BooksandTrees thank you.

Those are all good questions. There are two parts to it -- one, the regular meetings. I meet with him once a month 1-on-1 and twice a month with a group. So that's not so bad. Two -- when I need something (ex. to know how to do something). I have learned to get most of those needs met elsewhere, like talking to my manager, peripheral supervisors, etc. I don't dread my job, unless I need to talk to him. Which maybe averages once or twice a week including the scheduled meetings? So, it's bearable. On the days I am scheduled to see him I usually have nightmares the night before, and after seeing him I'm usually pretty depressed for a day or two. It's not causing me to want to play video games. Usually I just lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling for 3 hours after meeting with him.

Jobs aren't exactly scarce in my field but it's not like I can job-hop, it takes a while to build up a client base. Once I get licensed (~1.5 years of experience from now) it'll be a lot easier; until then, I can only work somewhere willing to take on a trainee (maybe only 10% of available jobs).

There is a fence and I'm still on the "bear it out" side. I appreciate all your questions, though. There sure is a lot to think about.

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