My wife is addicted to Fallout 76

[GamingWidower]

My wife is completely preoccupied with Fallout 76 and the new "friends" she's meeting there. When she's not online, she's restless, bored, and as soon as the headset goes on and she's in the game, she comes alive. She'll stay on for hours with no idea how much time went by. Saturday she was on for almost 8 hours with a break for dinner and some TV. Tonight she started at 7 pm and it's now 10, and she'll probably go till midnight. She tells me that Fallout 76 is her hobby, and I should get a hobby so I have something to do while she's online. This is a bizarre thing to hear from your wife. The attitude is really kind of like "I have something to do now that's way more interesting than this (reality), so I'm going to switch over to that now, ok? And get a hobby or something to do while I'm gaming." I'm just about done.

[creationlist]

I think this would fit better into a relation ship thingy like this:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/ (Read the rules before posting there!)

To give you a better advice, i would need more information like:
* How is your relationship going, did you have arguments over it, or do you have arguments a lot lately?
* Did you do activities together recently, if yes what activities?
* Do still you love her much? Like are you currently better arround your friends that arround her?
* How long have you been together?
* Does she have a full time job?
* Do you have money problems?
* How does she behave if you see friends?
* Do you have children?
* Do you still spend bed-time together? (To name it family friendly <3).
* Did she start lying to you?

From the information you given:
It looks like she misses romantic activities. If you know here long enough you should know what she is interrested in, other than gaming.
Maybe you need to work to long times? Try to talk to your boss about it (I do not know your working circumstance so take that with a grain of salt).
She definately lacks attention. Talk about here what she is doing in that game, share your interrest. If she blocks you walk away, do not stress here. Try to get to her with different activities.
Cook some awesome meal for example.
If that does not work talk to her about how she is feeling. Talk to her about activities you can do allone.
Also it helps with rationalizing, showing her the activitiy has no point at all, other for her own amusement.

The people she met online can me douchebags/casanovas/assholes becouse they are anonym. Maybe she seeks that fire in your relationship again.
Not everyone of them, becouse there is always the nice guy. So try find/spy out whom of the people she met, she likes the most or what jokes she laughed the most.
That depends, on weather she games becouse of the game, or becouse of the people (take that with a grain of salt if she was lying to you once).
For normal, if there is a girl present in a voice chat, the next three jokes are about se*.
I am not saying you have to offend her, but try to let hang out the "man" side of yours a little more.

It is important that you do not overdo it (And if you trigger her, do not say sorry! just do not do it again for a while and think about how you can reach out to her again!).
Careful the last tip with overdoing can kill your relation fastly, but you know where your staying in your relation at least.

Good luck!

Edited October 25, 2020 by creationlist

[OliviaM]

Maybe, you should try sharing your wife`s hobby. Try to communicate with her, wondering more about this game. Try to play together. Getting more common in games, you will be able to spend more time out of it.

[GamingWidower]

I don't want to spend my time in simulations, rather real life activities, so playing with her is not an option.

[alvayuso]

On 11/17/2020 at 2:41 PM, OliviaM said:

Maybe, you should try sharing your wife`s hobby. Try to communicate with her, wondering more about this game. Try to play together. Getting more common in games, you will be able to spend more time out of it.

I find this kinda weird... If your husband was into crystal meth and he spent a lot of time getting high by himself, would you start taking it to try to communicate with him? No right? I know it is not the same, but that would solve nothing.

In my opinion @GamingWidower, you should try to show her how this 'hobby' is in reality eating her entire life. I am not gonna enter on how you are doing with the relationship (romanticism, etc), I am gonna assume you are trying to have an interesting and sane relationship. Maybe having a deep conversation she can realize how much time she is dedicating to something that does not actually exist. If the situations goes even further you may have to go with your wife to couple therapy, those things help a lot to make your partner know what you really feeling, because sometimes when you live with someone for too much time you end up not taking too serious what they say. Planning activities to do together would be something helpful too, better if they are done outside.

Good luck pal.

Edited December 30, 2020 by alvayuso

[Bird By Bird]

@GamingWidower You have 2 options:

1. Enabling
2. Not Enabling

If you choose to 'not enable' then you can be honest to your wife about her unhealthy behavior and your disaproval of it while also understanding that she is an adult and can make her own choices. You can choose to be patient or impatient. Change is sometimes fast and sometimes slow.

You can read the case studies section of game quitters and see if you can find other spouse stories for more ideas.

https://gamequitters.com/blog/case-studies/

[codepants]

On 10/18/2020 at 9:04 PM, GamingWidower said:

My wife is completely preoccupied with Fallout 76 and the new "friends" she's meeting there. When she's not online, she's restless, bored, and as soon as the headset goes on and she's in the game, she comes alive. She'll stay on for hours with no idea how much time went by. Saturday she was on for almost 8 hours with a break for dinner and some TV. Tonight she started at 7 pm and it's now 10, and she'll probably go till midnight. She tells me that Fallout 76 is her hobby, and I should get a hobby so I have something to do while she's online. This is a bizarre thing to hear from your wife. The attitude is really kind of like "I have something to do now that's way more interesting than this (reality), so I'm going to switch over to that now, ok? And get a hobby or something to do while I'm gaming." I'm just about done.

Woof. Some of the advice in this thread is... strange.

I'm sorry you're having that experience. It sounds frustrating and hard and I can imagine feeling helpless, alone, and maybe a little lost. Nobody should have to go through that -- seeing someone you love get sucked in and watching it eat up their life. And standing on the sidelines and missing them, and wondering if it's you, and not knowing how to help.

You certainly have a right to share with your wife how you feel. You're probably worried about her. And your statement, "I'm just about done," makes me think of being frustrated, which I mentioned earlier. It sounds like this is really affecting you. You deserve to have a partner that doesn't think they "have to do something now that's way more interesting than this (reality)..." meaning... you? How dismissive.

I would hope that if you shared with her how you're feeling, she would listen. It sounds like she is avoiding something, and you don't give us much information about what that might be. Maybe you don't have much information. Maybe she doesn't. I would guess that unless the two of you can draw out whatever that thing is -- could be your marriage, something at work for her, an underlying depression, maybe a trauma history -- the gaming will continue. She may even get mad at you. Which is an awful thing to experience. It could be that seeing a therapist would be helpful.

At the end of the day, we can't change other people. What we can do is share with them how we feel, and create space for them to share how they feel. You can suggest she see a therapist, and you can offer to go with her. I hope she listens, because it's clear that you are coming from a place of caring. And I hope that it doesn't come to you being "done," by which I think you mean leaving her. But that might be what you have to do, if your needs continue to not be met. Nobody deserves to feel the way you feel.

Keep us posted.