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Hey everyone.

I am two years clean! Kind of. Or, well, that is what I told myself until a few minutes ago. 

I have to admit that I have been microrelapsing. I downloaded steam and looked at my old profile once not long ago. I watched videogame content online. I opened the xbox at work and just browsed stuff. 

But today is where I grew truly concerned. I downloaded League of Legends as the only thing I have not blocked using Cold Turkey Blocker. I never expected myself to do this because even during my addiction DOTA2 was my greatest vice. It started with me seeing if my nintendo DS (yes, a 15 year old handheld) worked. And it did. I launched pokemon fire red and quickly shut it off afterwards. Then I downloaded lol. The game thrust me into a training round. I was shocked, as I even got rid of my mouse (I use a trackpad). I clicked once to find out how I can move around, and the moment I saw the character 'champion' move, I came back to my senses. My 'two years sober on paper' senses. I quit, I uninstalled, and I blocked league as well. 

Now, I am back for help and surveillance. I hope I will get to help some of you while receiving help myself. I refuse to consider my two year streak lost. It means too much, and it gives me a lot of strength. But I do consider the streak damaged, and only by fixing my habits and improving my life once more can I repair it. 

Thanks. 

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Hey there @AbjurationWizard, good on you for stopping yourself in your tracks! As far as I'm concerned you're still quit. Just had a moment of weakness is all.

That's the f'd up thing about addiction. You can not do it for years but it'll always be with you. I think that kind of defines addiction. You can not do that thing for ages, forget about it even, then it just pops back up to remind you.

I'm very glad you stopped yourself. Smart move coming back to check in too.

Take care and keep it up!

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So, I have been trying to get myself to do things. My issue is that I often lose sight of things, which has led me to become a person I no longer like, with a downward slope. It's not that I lose sight of things actually, more that I don't force myself to do the things I need to, rather than I want. Basically I still have a child's mentality when it comes to work. Embarrassing to admit, but true nonetheless. Now I try to correct that by remembering the person I have started showing to be, and using that thought of 'him' as a warning tale to get myself to do the work. Today, it seemed to be a good start. By far not perfect, but I already did more than before. 

Hope you all have a lovely day! 

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Yeah stay off games. It's a better life. I feel like I have to struggle with my own weakness every day. My old gaming laptop is in the office room next to where I sit and watch tv/write/live. I have to resist the urge to go play games again. Even after 9 months game free it's still a struggle. But I go through it each day and some days are better than others. It's all I can do to keep off the games. I know it's better for me to be off them so I keep staying away. I quit a lot of things as you can see in my signature. Maybe try to find something to do other than games and don't be hard on yourself for micro relapsing. Just keep trying to quit.

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